


Everything Comes Back to You

by JamieJam93



Category: One Direction
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Leukemia, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, SPOILER ALERT: happy ending I PROMISE, Sickfic, Ziam is end game :)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2018-12-07 22:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 98,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11633139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamieJam93/pseuds/JamieJam93
Summary: When Zayn was twelve, his mother forced him on a 'play date' with eleven-year-old Liam. Though it started as a charitable act-Liam was battling leukemia and had lost most of his friends due to the illness-the two became close quickly. Eventually, Liam went into remission and was free to start at a regular school with Zayn.That was when it all changed.Sophia is beautiful, smart and popular, and Liam finds himself falling for her almost right away. When the two start dating, Zayn is happy for him, even when Liam fades away from him and the pair become virtual strangers, because somewhere along the way, Zayn had fallen in love with him, and being in love means caring for the other person's happiness more than your own.Of course, just when the two are rekindling their friendship during their last year of secondary school-and Zayn finally feels like he's at a place in his life where he can potentially move on and fall in love with someone else-Liam gets sick again, and everything about the past comes knocking into Zayn like a ton of bricks.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't sure whether I wanted to post this or not, due to the tragedies in the fandom. However, I wrote most of this while I was battling a form of leukemia myself last year/part of this year, and after not writing or being very active in the fandom for a couple months, I really wanted to write again. For some reason, I really wanted to finish this. It helped me through a lot, so I decided to go ahead and post it with no disrespect to anyone. I'm not trying to glamorize cancer. It's an awful disease and I know not everyone is lucky enough to beat it. But for anyone who is interested in reading this, it does have a happy ending. Hopefully no one is mad that I spoiled that, but I don't feel right leaving that up in the air at this time, and I think a lot of us need a happy ending right now. 
> 
> Soooooo anyway...If you have decided to give this fic a try, thank you! There will be quite a few flash backs through the series, noted by *** <\--- that symbol at the beginning and end, and written in italics. I'm sure there is more to say, but I can always get to that later.
> 
> Also, thanks to Niall for the fic title :)

“You’re staring again.”

  
“Yes, I know, Louis. How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t care?”

  
“It’s creepy,” Louis stated, which is something that he had told Zayn many times before.

  
“Still don’t care,” Zayn said, causing his friend to sigh.

  
Honestly, Zayn didn’t know what the problem was. He and Liam Payne had been friends not too long ago; best friends, actually. Zayn had had a crush on him for years (and ‘crush’ was putting it mildly.) It wasn’t like Liam was just some gorgeous guy that knew nothing of Zayn’s existence and would get a restraining order if he knew how often the man stared at him shirtless in the locker room.

  
Liam took his time with changing. He would always be talking to someone or other as he undressed and then dressed again; his loud, posh voice echoing off the walls, though not quite as loudly as his boisterous laugh. Eventually, he would take his shirt and pants off, leaving him in only his boxers until he pulled his sweats up, snapping them once before tying them, and then putting his t-shirt on, his muscles flexing what should have been illegally, as he did so.

  
Okay, maybe most people would have found the attention Zayn paid to this man’s movements a bit odd, but Liam had caught him staring on at least two occasions, and he hadn’t minded. In fact, he had smiled and waved before walking out, his hips shaking more than they normally did while he walked, and Zayn was almost convinced that his whole locker room routine was for him personally.

  
He could wish, at least.

  
“Oh, Zayn,” Louis sighed yet again as Liam exited the locker room and Zayn’s eyes followed. “You’re breaking my heart, mate.”

  
“How am I doing that?” Zayn asked, turning his full attention to Louis now that Liam was, sadly, out of sight.

  
“You’re caught up on this guy who abandoned you so that he could have a popular girlfriend and new, popular friends. It’s sad.”

  
“He didn’t abandon me…or us. The girl that he’d been practically in love with for a year was interested in him, so of course he started dating her, and when you date someone, you typically start hanging with their friends. Harry only came around when you two became a thing.”

  
“Yes, but Harry was new and had no other friends in this school. We still go out with his mates from his old school. Harry didn’t start pretending that they don’t exist.”

  
“Liam doesn’t pretend that we don’t exist,” Zayn said, which was true. While he never sat with them at lunch anymore, and he hadn’t called or texted in so long that Zayn didn’t even know if he had the same phone number or not, his former best mate still said hello during the couple of classes they had together, and he waved when he passed all of them in the hallway; even Harry, who hadn’t come around until after Liam had gotten with his girlfriend.  
Louis, who had finally decided to change into his gym uniform, now that the bell was thirty seconds away from ringing, gave Zayn a look as he stepped out of his trousers.

  
“All I’m saying is, the moment Sophia said hi to Liam, we lost him.”

  
“Whatever,” Zayn said, knowing it was pointless to argue with Louis. For some reason, he’d taken Liam’s newfound popularity harder than the rest of them, despite the fact that the two had only known each other a few months prior. Zayn hadn’t thought they’d been particularly close either, and so the only reason he could come up with that would explain Louis’s attitude towards the other man was that he was jealous. Of course, he knew better than to make that suggestion. Louis would never admit even if he was, and he would probably hold a grudge against Zayn after such an accusation as well. Louis, his boyfriend Harry and their other mate, Niall, were the only friends that Zayn had anymore, and he didn’t want to risk his relationship with any of them.  
Zayn continued, “It’s not like I’m ‘hung up’ on Liam anyway. I simply like looking at pretty men.”

  
“I’m pretty and a man,” Louis pointed out, smiling over his shoulder and fluttering his eyelashes. Zayn laughed and shoved his arm lightly.  
“If I watched you change, Harry would literally kill me.”

  
Louis’s boyfriend probably wouldn’t actually, literally kill him, but he would definitely not be happy, and Zayn wouldn’t put it past him to put super glue in his seat or something. Harry Styles was one of the sweetest people that Zayn had ever met, but he was very possessive of Louis, which was okay, because Louis thrived off of his jealousy.

  
At Zayn’s words, Louis simply laughed, knowing it was true, or at least close to the truth.

 

Zayn was tortured with the misfortune of having his last class of the day with Sophia, Liam’s girlfriend. It wasn’t that he hated the girl, because he didn’t. She was nice, even if a bit full of herself, and she seemed to make Liam happy, so Zayn couldn’t dislike her; he just also couldn’t stop from staring at her every now and then, when there was nothing else to do, and wishing that he could trade places with her just for a day so that he could see what it would be like to be Liam’s boyfriend. Or girlfriend. Or whatever.

  
The only thing that saved Zayn from despising his last class, English, which he typically would love, was the fact that Niall was in his class as well, and he sat next to Zayn.

  
“Right on time, as always,” Niall commented with a half smile as Zayn took his seat, having arrived in the classroom just as the last bell began to ring.

  
“You know my previous class is on the other side of campus, and I refuse to be that guy that runs to class.”

  
Niall laughed, shaking his head and then turning to the front as their instructor stood from his seat and began to go over the lesson plan for the day.  
Zayn’s English instructor was a nice, easy-going man, and because of that (or maybe because he not-so-subtly longed to be considered a friend instead of merely a professor), he didn’t believe in bogging down his students with more work than they could do in a period. In fact, most students were done with their work only halfway through class, and Mr. Addams didn’t care if they chatted, moved seats or even had a paper ball fight once all their work was turned in.

  
Each year, during second term, Zayn’s school held a fundraiser for various causes. The current year just so happened to be leukemia research, and Sophia had volunteered to be in charge of the event, because of course she had, Zayn thought. He wasn’t bitter by it, because it honestly was fitting, and if anyone could convince people to give money even when they didn’t want to, it was her.

  
Once everyone had finished their coursework for the day, Mr. Addams gave Sophia permission to go around the classroom and collect from people, and Zayn tried to ignore her as she flitted around the room gracefully, explaining the cause with a small smile on her face (not wanting to smile too big, due to the nature of the fundraiser) and flipping her hair right as she asked for a donation.

  
“Get ready,” Niall warned after a few minutes, though Zayn hadn’t needed the warning. He could see, from the corner of his eye, Liam’s girlfriend approaching them with her money jar in hand.

  
“Hello!” she greeted, giving a small wave with her free hand as that familiar smile settled on her face.

  
“Hi,” Zayn said, while Niall replied with,

  
“What’s up?”

  
“Well,” Sophia began, “our wonderful school is raising money this month for leukemia research. As I’m sure you know, leukemia is a form of cancer that is very scary for the simple fact that there are so many different types, some more deadly than others, but all of them very horrible for those affected, as well as those who love them. Scientists are doing their very best to discover more on this disease and to come up with a cure, but without the proper funding, it is nearly impossible. If you could please donate something; anything-”

  
Cue the hair flip, Zayn thought to himself a split second before Sophia tossed her hair over her shoulder.

  
“-It would be so much appreciated. In fact…”

  
Sophia lowered her voice then, causing both Niall and Zayn to move forward subconsciously in order to hear her.

  
“…My boyfriend, Liam, was diagnosed with a type of leukemia when he was only eleven-”

  
Sophia had more to say on the topic, Zayn was sure, and looking back on it, he wished he would have let her continue so that he could hear her whole spiel, but in that moment, he couldn’t help but to be a little annoyed by the fact that the girl had clearly forgotten about his history with her boyfriend.  
“Yes,” Zayn interrupted. His voice was kind and he held a smile on his face, but he’d interrupted, nonetheless. “I know he did.”

  
Sophia frowned, studying Zayn’s face for a couple of moments before a lightbulb went off in her head and she laughed, flipping her hair back in front of her shoulder.

  
“Oh! Right,” she said. “Sorry. I got so caught up in my speech that I didn’t really pay attention…Anyway, hi! How are you, um…um...”

  
Realizing that she didn’t know Zayn’s name, a look of panic went across Sophia’s face. Zayn laughed, deciding not to give her a hard time for it, but not to tell her his name either.

  
“I’ve been fine,” he told her. “You?”

  
“Good, good! Um…So…Would you like to donate?”

  
Reaching into his pocket, Zayn pulled out a few notes and put them into her jar, not only because it was a good cause, but because Zayn liked to think that, if the worst thing happened and Liam did relapse, then his little bit of spare money could help find a cure. It was a selfish hope, but he knew too well how it had felt before, when Liam was sick and he couldn’t do anything to help him.

  
“Thank you!” Sophia said, looking relieved that her blunders hadn’t deterred Zayn from donating. She glanced to Niall then, who put in some of his own money, and then she told the both of them to have a nice rest of the day, and went off to the next group.

  
“I bet Liam will be so happy when he finds out that she’s using his past to get donations,” Niall remarked sarcastically, but too quiet for the girl to hear.  
“I’m sure Sophia can get away with anything,” Zayn replied. Niall nodded, and then shook his head.

  
“Sad,” he said. Zayn shrugged.

  
“Liam seems perfectly content with it,” he reasoned, wondering why everyone found Liam and Sophia’s relationship a worse thing than he did when he was the one in love with the other boy.

  
“Do you honestly think she’d stick around if Liam’s cancer did come back?” Niall asked, lowering his voice even more and keeping his eyes on Sophia to make sure she didn’t hear him as he spoke.

  
“I don’t want to think about that, either way,” Zayn told him, and the conversation was left at that.

  
                                                                                                           ***  
_“Now, Zayn, remember, Liam is very sick-”_

  
_“I know, mum, and I don’t know why you’re making me hang out with a sick kid. I don’t want to get sick.”_

  
_Zayn’s mother, Trisha, sighed as she looked, in what felt like disdain, at her son, digging in her purse blindly for her car keys while she did._

  
_“If you paid a bit of attention to what I said to you the other day, when I first told you that I wanted you to meet Liam, you would know that he’s not contagious.”_

  
_It would be useless for Zayn to try to defend himself and tell her that he did pay attention because, in all honesty, he hadn’t really been listening to her at all. For whatever reason, his mother always tried to have a conversation with him while he was playing video games, and she especially loved walking in during a part that he couldn’t pause. He’d thought, at the time, that the woman had simply been being nice to her co-worker when she told her that she would take Zayn over to spend time with her sick son because why would she ever subject Zayn to an illness that was so bad that the other boy could barely leave the house?_

  
_Apparently, the answer was because Zayn wouldn’t develop the illness at all, but Zayn wasn’t completely convinced that his mother had told him exactly what the boy he’d yet to meet was sick with in the first place (though she probably had.)_

  
_“What’s he got, then?” Zayn questioned, for some reason more afraid now than he had been before._

  
_“Cancer; a form of leukemia,” Trisha explained, her voice going lower as if the boy-Liam, Zayn kept having to remind himself-could hear her. All the while, she found her keys, but held them in her hand, not moving from her spot._

  
_“Oh,” Zayn said, his heart skipping a couple of beats. Being twelve, Zayn wasn’t a cancer expert. All he knew was that people typically had to take chemotherapy for it, which made them sick and lose their hair, and that it was, in a lot of cases, deadly._

  
_Naturally, being twelve, Zayn didn’t have much of a filter and so he asked,_

  
_“Is he going to die?”_

  
_“I don’t think so. I don’t know. I hope not,” Trisha said, and for a moment, Zayn thought he saw his mother’s eyes well up with unshed emotion, but in the next instant, her eyes were clear. “No one is sure about anything right now. All we know is that, currently, he’s very sick. He has to be homeschooled and, because of that, he’s lost a majority of his friends, so, please, Zayn be nice to him.”_

  
_“I will, mum!” Zayn said, angry that she would even think she had to say that._

  
_“Don’t mention anything about the way he looks or what he’s dressed in.”_

  
_“I won’t! I’m not stupid!”_

  
_“I know, dear, I just feel better telling you. We don’t have to stay long, but please try to have fun?”_

  
_“Okay. Can we just go?”_

 

_“Trisha; hello!” a bright eyed, bubbly woman exclaimed as she opened the front door for her guests. She and Zayn’s mother hugged before the stranger turned to Zayn and, somehow, smiled even wider. She had a nice smile, though; warm. Zayn thought she was probably Liam’s mother and felt a bit of sadness for her, knowing that she probably couldn’t truly be as happy as she appeared when her son was so sick._

_“This is Zayn?” the woman asked, shaking the boy’s hand._

  
_“Yes,” Trisha answered for him, smiling at her son. “Zayn, this is Karen, Liam’s mum. How is Liam feeling today, Karen?”_

  
_“He’d doing pretty well today,” Karen answered. “He just woke up not too long ago, but he’s eaten something and says he feels fine. I think he’s excited to meet you, Zayn!”_

  
_“Me too,” Zayn said, smiling a bit and wondering why he felt nervous. It wasn’t likely that Liam would keel over while he was there…_  
_But, still, it was possible._

  
_“He’s right this way,” Liam’s mother said, stepping back to allow her guests to fully enter the house before leading them past the entryway and around a corner to the family room, where there was a boy sitting on the couch, sipping on some purple beverage through a straw. The boy had his socked feet up on the couch, to his side, and Zayn thought for a moment how he would be murdered if he dared put his feet on the couch. Of course, if Zayn was seriously ill, it would probably be another story; and Liam was, very noticeably, ill._

  
_Though it was nearly summer, and the house they were in wasn’t particularly cold, Liam was wearing a baggy hoodie and sweatpants. A beanie adorned the top of his head, probably hiding the fact that he was bald, but also, most importantly, keeping him warm. Liam was pale, his brown eyes so tired that they almost looked to be faded in color, but the boy did a double take from the TV to the newcomers as soon as they entered, and then he sat up straighter, putting his feet down and smiling. He had his mother’s smile._

  
_“Liam, this is my lovely co-worker, Trisha, and her son, Zayn.”_

  
_“Hi,” Liam said, putting his drink down onto a coaster on the end table and then pulling a package out from his hoodie pocket. When he opened the package, Zayn saw that inside was a medical mask, which Liam quickly put on his face._

  
_“Hi,” Zayn said, a moment too late, but Liam didn’t seem to mind. The way his eyes were slightly squinted made Zayn think that he was still smiling._

_“Would you like some juice or anything, Zayn?” Karen asked kindly._

  
_“No, thank you,” Zayn said._

  
_“Alright,” Karen replied. “We’ll leave you boys alone. Liam, do you need anything?”_

  
_“No, I’m good,” Liam assured his mother._

  
_“Have fun,” Trisha said, patting Zayn once on the back before following Karen to a different room. Zayn watched her go for a moment and then turned back to Liam, who was staring at him._

  
_“You can come sit,” he offered, patting the spot on the couch next to him. “I’m not contagious.”_

  
_“I know,” Zayn said, walking forwards and sitting on the couch, his hands folded in his lap. A few beats passed where the two near-strangers simply stared at each other, and then Liam cleared his throat._

  
_“So, what do you want to do?” he asked. “We can watch television or a film, or play video games or board games or…Well, that’s basically it because I can’t go outside. Sorry.”_

  
_“You don’t have to be sorry,” Zayn assured the other. “What films do you have?”_

  
_Typically, Zayn would have chosen video games, but Zayn wasn’t too good at socializing and thought watching a movie would be a good way to break the ice._

  
_After Liam listed off some movies, the two decided to watch **Green Lantern** , which was one of Zayn’s all-time favorite movies._

  
_Of course, the film choice sparked a conversation about superheroes; which ones they liked and which ones they found dumb. Zayn was surprised, but happy to find that they had virtually the same taste, and he began to relax, sinking into the couch almost like he was at his own home._

  
_Even though Zayn and Liam were watching one of Zayn’s favorite films, Zayn found it hard to keep his eyes off of Liam. He knew staring wasn’t polite, and thought it would be exceptionally rude under the circumstances, but he wasn’t simply staring because of how sick Liam looked. Zayn tried to imagine what he would look like if he was healthy-if his skin was a bit tanner, his lips a little redder and his eyes a richer brown. Zayn thought he would probably be cute._

  
_He kind of thought he was cute anyway._

  
_With only twenty or so minutes left to go of the movie, Liam’s eyes started growing heavy, and the boy would jolt every now and then to wake himself up. Finally, once he’d drifted off for what Zayn estimated to be near three minutes, Liam groaned, smacking himself in the face and knocking his medical mask askew._

  
_“Sorry,” he apologized to Zayn as he decided to take off his mask completely. “You’re probably so bored. I don’t know why our mums would insist on doing this to you.”_

  
_“What do you mean?” Zayn asked. “I’m having fun.”_

  
_Liam looked down the bridge of his nose at Zayn, gazing at him in a way that hinted that he didn’t believe him for a moment, even though Zayn had been telling the truth._

  
_“Honest,” Zayn promised. “Do you think it would be cool if I came back over tomorrow?”_

  
_At first, Liam’s eyes widened in surprise, but once he studied Zayn’s face and determined that he wasn’t playing a joke on him, he smiled, and Zayn thought that, even if he had been bored, which he hadn’t been at all, it would be worth spending more time Liam just to add a little bit of happiness to his life._  
                                                                                                         ***  
Zayn couldn’t decide if the fates loved him or hated him, but his locker was placed in the same line as Liam’s; Zayn at the beginning and Liam at the end. At the end of the day, Zayn got to his first, but Liam was never too far behind, and he would say a quick ‘hey’ to Zayn as he passed him to get to his locker. Zayn would smile and return the greeting, but then that would be that. Zayn would finish before Liam, lock up and chicken out on saying goodbye, always walking away dejectedly and wishing that Liam was coming home with him.

  
That day was a bit different. Zayn had stopped in the hallway to help a girl who had dropped her books, and the girl kept him talking for a bit after that. (Niall said that she was hitting on him, but Zayn wasn’t so sure. Didn’t everyone know he was gay by now?) Either way, he didn’t mind, but that resulted in him getting to his locker a couple minutes later than normal. Liam was already at his, pulling out a book and staring it down, probably trying to decide if he needed it that night, but when he heard Zayn approaching, he looked up and smiled, throwing the book into his backpack, whether he needed it or not.  
“There you are,” Liam said, giving his former best mate a smile.

  
“Here I am,” Zayn said, and then almost outwardly cringed. Luckily, he thought the cringe came out instead in the form of a small, if strange, grin. Liam didn’t say anything else, just smiled yet again before looking back into his locker.

  
Zayn rolled his eyes at himself and opened his own.

  
It was hard, but Zayn managed not to look up as he heard Liam close his locker door. He would at least wait to stare when Liam was past him, walking down the hallway.

  
“See you tomorrow,” Liam said as he went by Zayn, shocking him, and then surprising him even more when he gave his shoulder a small clap.

  
“Oh, um, yeah, see you,” Zayn said, his face burning.

  
“Have a good night,” Liam said, letting his hand fall from Zayn’s shoulder before using it to readjust his back pack.

  
“You too,” Zayn said. Liam gave one last smile before venturing off; heading home or, probably, to Sophia’s.

“Why are you smiling like a manic clown?” Louis questioned Zayn, frowning, when his friend met him and the other two members of their ‘group’ in the parking lot by Louis’s car.

  
“It’s because Liam touched him,” Harry stated, a proud smile on his face, though whether he was more proud of Zayn for getting touched by the man of his dreams, or himself for knowing about it, Zayn wasn’t sure. “I saw it.”

  
“Oooh, where’d he touch you, Zaynie? It must have been somewhere real nice.”

  
“Shut it,” Zayn said, rolling his eyes, though his smile had yet to melt from his face. “He touched my shoulder, briefly, and told me to have a good night.”

  
“Eh, he let his hand lay there for a few seconds too long to be considered ‘briefly,’” Harry stated.

  
“Shut it,” Zayn said again, pulling on Louis’s car door handle, but finding it locked. Louis, Harry and Niall all laughed, Louis giving Harry a kiss before unlocking the car.

  
The teasing didn’t stop once they were all in, though, nor when Louis started to drive. It continued for a while down the road, but Zayn didn’t really mind. It really wasn’t hard to make him happy, at least when Liam was involved.


	2. Chapter 2

When Liam wasn’t at lunch the next day, Zayn couldn’t help but to be worried, no matter how motherly that made him seem. The other boy had been at school earlier in the day-Zayn had a morning class with him-and even then, Zayn had sensed that something was off. Liam had the seat next to Zayn in that class (he’d chosen it by his own free will) and he always smiled at Zayn as he took his seat, telling him good morning and then asking how he was. That day, Liam had been slumped over in his own chair, his cheek resting on his fist and his eyes closed.

  
Zayn didn’t typically make the first move to talk to Liam anymore, but that day, it almost came naturally for him to check on the other student.   
“Hey, everything good?” he asked, sitting in his chair but leaning forward to get closer to Liam, whose eyes flew open, a startled look on his face, before he sat up, rubbed his eyes and smiled.

  
“Yeah, everything’s good,” Liam assured him. “Just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. What’s up? How are you?”

  
Zayn had told Liam that he was fine before prodding for information on why Liam hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep the previous night and if he was sure everything was okay. Liam didn’t have much information for him-he just hadn’t been able to fall asleep last night, but he was fine-and Zayn tried to be okay with that answer, but he still couldn’t help but to worry.

  
Now that he had appeared to have gone home early, he was admittedly freaking out just a bit.

  
“Maybe he got detention,” Louis suggested, his tone bored, and Zayn didn’t expect anyone else to be as worried about the situation as he was, but a little more emotion from the guy would have been nice, he thought.

  
“Can you honestly see Liam getting detention?” Niall asked, a look on his face like the thought amused him. Apparently, he wasn’t too upset over any of this either.

  
“I don’t know,” Louis said, shrugging his shoulders once and popping a piece of sandwich into his mouth, continuing to speak even as he chewed. “We don’t really know Liam anymore.”

  
“He’s still the same person,” Zayn said, rolling his eyes. None of his three friends gave him a reply.

“See?” Louis said once Zayn entered the locker room at the beginning of physical education class. “You worried for nothing, as usual.”

  
Zayn looked to where Louis had nodded as he slipped off his jeans, and a wave of relief washed over him when he saw Liam leaning against his locker, his arms crossed, but a smile on his face as he talked to one of his mates. The other boy was already changed, which was quite unfortunate, but in the moment, Zayn didn’t care.

  
“Maybe he and Sophia got in a fight or something,” Louis suggested. “That would explain why he couldn’t sleep last night, and of course, if they had a fight, he wouldn’t want to go sit by her at lunch.”

  
“Them getting in a fight wouldn’t be a good thing,” Zayn said, narrowing his eyes at Louis for a moment before he slipped off his shirt, covering his torso the best he could until he could get his gym shirt onto himself.

  
“It wouldn’t?” Louis asked, one eyebrow quirked up, like he was shocked by the answer. As Zayn tended to do around Louis, he rolled his eyes.   
“No, it wouldn’t,” he said. “Liam is happy with her.”

  
“Yeah, I guess…But he could be happy with you too, and then you would also be happy, and everything would be perfect!”

  
“Right,” Zayn said sarcastically and then, more seriously, “He wouldn’t be happy with me.”

  
                                                                                                              ***  
_“…Oh, and Natalie Portman is gorgeous, of course, but I think Emma Watson would be my top pick for celebrity crush. What about you?”_

  
_“Hmm,” Zayn hummed, pretending to think. From his bean bag chair, Liam sat up straighter, a smile on his face as he waited in anticipation for Zayn’s answer. Meanwhile, Zayn’s heart was pounding. Should he pick a name from the long list of ‘hot’ female celebrities that Liam had listed, or should he tell the truth; that he didn’t like girls?_

  
_Being only about twelve-and-a-half, Zayn had never told anybody that he thought-no, that he knew-he was gay because he’d heard adults say many times before that his age group was just too young to know what their sexual orientation was (unless they were ‘straight,’ it seemed.) Zayn wasn’t ashamed of being gay, even though it scared him. His parents were nice people, but he didn’t know how they would react to their only son liking boys. As for the other kids at school, Zayn had a feeling of how they would treat him, and it wasn’t favorably. Sometimes, he wished he liked girls, but after purposely staring at countless amounts of boobs, he still found himself far more interested in boys’ bums._

  
_Liam and Zayn had been hanging out for three months. Zayn spent every weekend with the other boy, unless he was too sick, and usually, he visited once or twice during the week as well. Multiple times, Liam had told Zayn that he had to have been bored by now, as there were only so many films they could watch and games they could play, but Zayn never grew bored. In fact, he dreaded when he had to leave, or when he couldn’t go over at all. He was sure Liam didn’t believe him when he told him that, but he hoped that one day, he would._

  
_“You don’t have to pick just one,” Liam said when Zayn had been quiet for a few moments too long. “I know it’s hard to choose.”_

  
_The boy giggled and Zayn smiled, though only briefly._

  
_Nervously, Zayn cleared his throat, preparing to tell Liam the words he’d never said out loud before. He’d never lied to someone about himself, so he wasn’t about to start now._

  
_“I, um…I actually don’t like girls; not like that, at least,” Zayn said. Liam’s eyebrows pulled together, a confused frown on his face, and Zayn began studying his fingernails as he explained further._

  
_“I like boys.”_

  
_“Oh!” Liam breathed, realization dawning on his face. For a brief moment, Zayn thought he saw disgust written there as well, though in the next instant, he was smiling, so maybe (hopefully) Zayn had just imagined it._

  
_“Well, that’s okay! What celebrity guys do you think are hot then?”_  
                                                                                                        ***

  
Since they sat next to each other, Zayn and Liam were partnered together the next day for a geography project. Something so simple shouldn’t have made Zayn so happy, but his joy must have been evident on his face, because as he scooted his desk closer to Liam’s, the other boy tilted his head and smiled.

  
“You look rather cheery today,” he commented.

  
“I got a lot of sleep last night,” Zayn lied, and then asked, “How did you sleep?”

  
“A lot better,” Liam answered.

  
“Good,” Zayn said. “Okay, so, what country do you want to do?”

  
The project was a simple one; one that should have been done in a single class session, but Zayn and Liam ended up talking too much to get anything done besides writing their names at the top of their papers.

  
Liam asked how Zayn’s family was doing, and Zayn asked the same in return. The two discussed other classes they had and what they were planning on doing after graduation in a few months. Zayn explained that he wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do next, so he would probably work a small job for a year or so while he figured it out. Liam told Zayn that he wanted to study business, though he wasn’t quite sure what he would do with it yet. Both told the other that they had plenty of time to think about it.

  
After their conversations of family and future plans had ceased, Liam asked Zayn if he had watched some new zombie show that had just premiered the previous month, and Zayn told him that he had. Naturally, they had to talk about everything that had to do with that show, along with almost every other show they had recently seen.

  
Zayn almost felt bad that he’d spent the entire class talking instead of doing his work, and if it had been anyone besides Liam that he’d been having a conversation with, he would have, but he was fully ready to accept a zero when the bell rang, signaling that it was time to move on to his next class.   
Though their instructor had looked down the bridge of his nose at the teenagers and made a comment about how ‘an awful lot of talking had been going on for no work to be done,’ he told the students that if they were finished by tomorrow, then they could still have full credit.

  
“I can do the project tonight,” Zayn told Liam as the two exited the classroom, both holding wide grins on their faces.

  
“By yourself?” Liam asked, his grin faltering a bit.

  
“Yeah,” Zayn said. “It’s fine. I don’t mind.”

  
Liam shook his head, adjusting his backpack as he did so.

  
“You don’t have to do it,” Liam said. “Actually, I was going to ask if you wanted to come over tonight and we can work on it then.”

  
“Oh,” Zayn said, surprised at the invitation even though it was really just Liam being a good person and not letting Zayn do the work for both of them.

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

  
“Cool,” Liam said, his full grin returning. “Do you drive now, or do you still carpool with Louis?”

  
“I still carpool,” Zayn said. “I’m too lazy to take driving classes.”

 

“That’s okay,” Liam said with a small laugh. “Do you just want to ride with me tonight then?”

  
“Yeah,” Zayn said, his voice sounding much too eager, even to himself. He took a moment to calm down. “That will work,” he added. Somehow, Liam’s smile grew.

  
“Alright. See you then. Well, I’ll see you in P.E., actually.”

  
“Yeah, okay. Sounds good.”

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” Harry apologized at lunch, slipping into his seat five minutes later than normal. “I totally forgot about my History homework last night and had to sweet talk the professor to get an extension.

  
“Did it work?” Louis asked.

  
“Yeah,” Harry said, opening his water bottle and taking a long swig.

  
“That’s my boy,” Louis said, giving the other student a kiss on the cheek.

  
“You did miss Zayn’s great news, though,” Niall told their friend.

  
“What?!” he asked, perking up and looking at Zayn, his eyes full of anticipation.

  
“It’s not great news,” Zayn told him, glaring at Niall.

  
“What’s going on?” Harry prodded.

  
“Zayn and Liam are partners for a project, so Zayn gets to go over to Liam’s house tonight to finish it!” Louis explained.

  
“That _is_ great news!” Harry said, a too-wide smile stretching across his face.

  
“Literally all we’re going to do is finish our project,” Zayn said, angry at himself because he could feel his cheeks burning.

  
“Oh, did we mention that it was an in-class project, but Zayn and Liam talked too much to finish it?” Louis continued.

  
“That’s awesome!” Harry said. “I sense good things on your horizon, Zayn.”

  
“You lot are so weird,” Zayn commented, staring at the pieces of bread from his burger bun that he’d torn apart and scattered all over his tray.

  
“Use protection,” Harry said, and Zayn threw a piece of the bun at him.

“Hey, are you still coming over?” Liam asked Zayn at the end of the day, somehow finishing at his locker before the other boy, and leaning sideways against the lockers beside of Zayn.

  
“Yeah, if that’s okay,” Zayn said, shooting a quick smile to the other and suddenly finding it hard to remember exactly which materials he needed to take home that night.

  
“Of course,” Liam said.

  
“I’m almost done,” Zayn told him, deciding to dump all of his books into his bag, just in case.

  
“Oh, wow. Heavy homework night?” Liam asked.

  
“I have a lot of tests coming up, so, just in case I get the motivation to study, I figured I should bring everything.”

“Oh,” Liam said with a small laugh. “Okay, well, I’ll try not to make our project last longer than it has to, then.”

  
“I probably won’t study tonight anyway,” Zayn told him quickly. He closed his locker door and Liam locked it for him.

  
“In that case, I’ll keep you all night,” Liam teased, and even though he didn’t mean it in a romantic or sexual way, Zayn felt himself growing hotter. Subtly (or at least he hoped so), he took a breath.

  
“You got your dad’s car,” Zayn commented after Liam led him to where he was parked.

  
“Yeah,” he said. “My parents want me to wait until after graduation to start working, but I wanted to get a job so I could have a car after I started driving. My dad claimed that he’d been thinking of getting a new car anyway-he calls it his mid-life crisis car-and so he passed this one down to me.”  
“You’re so spoiled,” Zayn teased, even though it was also the truth. He didn’t blame Liam’s parents for spoiling him, though. There had been a time where they had been nearly one hundred percent sure that they were going to lose him, and with the possibility of a relapse high, it made sense that they would coddle him while they could.

  
“I know it,” Liam assured Zayn, so there was that, at least.

 

 

“Mum, Zayn’s here!” Liam called throughout his house once they arrived.

  
“Who?” Karen called back from far away, though Zayn could hear her footsteps rapidly getting closer to the top of the stairs.

  
“Zayn,” Liam repeated unnecessarily when she was looking down at them.

  
“Oh, Zayn, Zayn!” she said, hurrying downstairs and hugging Zayn, just like she always had after he and Liam had spent enough time together.  
“What other Zayn do you know?” Liam asked, looking between the two, amused.

  
“None,” she said. “That’s why I was confused. Hello, Zayn! How are you doing?”

  
“I’m fine,” Zayn replied. “How are you?”

  
“We’re all doing great.”

  
“Zayn and I have to finish a project,” Liam explained.

  
“Will you be staying for dinner?” Karen asked their guest, but her son answered before he could.

  
“Yeah, it will probably take a bit of time.”

  
Zayn didn’t know how that would be possible when they technically should have finished the work during their class period, but he wasn’t going to bring that up.

  
“Great!” Karen said. “I was going to make chicken fajitas, but if you want something else, just name it and I’ll cook it right up!”

  
“Oh, those sound good, thanks,” Zayn assured the woman, who gave her typical bright smile.

  
“Alright. I’ll start on those soon, but do you two want anything to snack on in the mean time?”

  
Liam wasn’t hungry, and so Zayn said that he wasn’t either, and then the two went to Liam’s bedroom to begin their school work. Zayn was surprised to see that, besides a few posters being added or changed, it looked virtually the same.

  
The huge, stuffed toy snake that Zayn had won for Liam after he’d gone into remission and had been allowed to go to the arcade was still in the corner.

  
“Okay, so, did we actually decide on a country?” Liam asked as he sat down on his floor. Zayn joined him.

  
“I don’t think so,” Zayn said, and the two began brainstorming.

  
Karen popped in once to check on them; making sure they didn’t need snacks or drinks yet, and once they heard her descending back downstairs, Liam rolled his eyes, though he was smiling at the same time.

  
“Clearly, she hasn’t changed,” he said to Zayn.

  
“I’m glad,” Zayn told him.

  
The project took the boys just over a half an hour to complete, and since dinner wasn’t even close to being ready and Liam had already said that Zayn was staying over, the two decided to play video games while they waited. As usual, Zayn won most rounds and Liam claimed to hate him, but the way he high-fived him each time proved that to be false.

  
Ruth, Liam’s one older sister who still lived at home, stared at Zayn when he first sat down to dinner, but she smiled when he looked at her, so Zayn didn’t take offense. It probably was strange, he thought, that he hadn’t been around for two years and was now suddenly at their dinner table, eating their food.

  
Since Zayn had lied about not being hungry after school, he was starving by dinner time and finished his fajita in record time. Karen insisted on giving him a second one, and while he declined at first, Zayn eventually accepted because, first off, he was still hungry, but also, if he ate another one, he would get a few more minutes with Liam.

  
Liam, on the other hand, was barely touching his food; something that everyone at the table noticed and commented on, but Liam assured him that he was fine, and just not that hungry that day. Something about that made Zayn uneasy, but he decided to keep faith that Liam was telling the truth and that he was okay.

  
After dinner, Liam said he would get Zayn home in case he wanted to get some studying done. Zayn knew he wouldn’t even crack open another book, but he didn’t tell Liam that, not wanting him to think he was simply aiming for him him to invite him to stay a little longer (even though he longed to.)

  
“Sorry that you did most of the work,” Liam commented once the two neared Zayn’s place.

  
“I didn’t,” Zayn said. “I think it was pretty equal.”

“If you say so,” Liam said. “Hey, do you think anyone would mind if I came into your flat and said hi to everyone real quick?”

  
“Of course they wouldn’t,” Zayn said, not sure why his heart picked up speed at that question.

  
Zayn’s parents and siblings seemed just as shocked to see Liam as Liam’s mom had been to see Zayn. Safaa, Zayn’s youngest sister, didn’t appear to even remember who Liam was at first and mouthed, ‘boyfriend?’ to Zayn behind Liam’s back. Zayn shook his head no, not telling her that he wished it were true.

  
“Does this mean you two are friends again?” Zayn’s mother asked as she sneakily watched Liam drive away.

  
“No, mum,” Zayn said, rolling his eyes to hopefully avoid showing the hurt those words made him feel. “We were partnered together for a school project. That’s it.”

  
The disappointment on the woman’s face mocked the disappointment Zayn felt.

 

 

For some reason, Zayn and Liam’s geography teacher seemed shocked that the two finished their work outside of school, and Liam held out his hand for a high-five after Zayn sat down from turning it in. Zayn couldn’t help but to wish he’d laced their fingers together and kissed the back of his hand afterward, like he’d seen him do too many times with Sophia when they'd all had physical education class together the previous year.

 

 

“Hey, Zayn, do you have to rush out?” Liam called from his locker at the end of the school day the next day-Friday-as Zayn closed his locker and reset the combination.

  
“No, they’ll wait for me. What’s up?” Zayn asked, taking a few steps closer to Liam.

  
“If they don’t wait for you, I’ll take you home,” Liam assured the other with a smile. Then, he said, “Um, I was actually just wondering if you still listen to Green Day?”

  
“Yeah, of course,” Zayn said, for some reason growing nervous as Liam closed his own locker and began heading towards him. “Why?”

  
“My mate, Andy; his dad works for the radio and he got him a couple of free tickets to their show tomorrow, but he and his girlfriend already have another show to go to. Sophia doesn’t really like them, so I was wondering if you would want to come with me?”

  
Zayn stared at Liam for a few awkward moments, thinking he must have misheard or be hallucinating or something. Just in case, he asked Liam to repeat himself and, with a laugh, he did.

  
“Sophia wouldn’t even want to go if it’s free?” Zayn asked, because he thought he would go see just about anyone if he didn’t have to pay.

  
“Nah. I told her I was going to ask you and she said that was a good idea.”

  
“Are you sure there wasn’t secret bitterness behind it?”

  
“No,” Liam said with another laugh. “Sophia isn’t like that. Look, you don’t have to go. I just thought you might want to.”

  
“I do,” Zayn assured him quickly. “I just feel like there has to be someone else you would rather take.”

“No,” Liam said, a small frown forming on his face. “There’s not.”

  
“Really?”

  
“Really,” Liam told him, sounding a bit offended. “You’re the first person that came to mind when he gave me the tickets.”

  
“Oh,” Zayn said, and waited another awkward moment before saying, “Yeah, that, um, that would be cool.”

  
“Cool!” Liam said, his frown turning back to a smile instantly. “It’s about a forty-five minute drive to the arena, so how about I pick you up around five, just to be safe? I’m sure traffic will be crazy too.”

  
“Five works,” Zayn said.

  
“Awesome. See you then. Oh, just in case something happens, do you have the same phone number?”

  
“Yeah.”

“Okay. Me too.”

  
Zayn smiled, and Liam’s grin grew.

  
“See you tomorrow then, Zayn! Let me know if the others left you so I can come back and pick you up.”

  
“Okay,” Zayn said with a laugh. “I will.”

  
The two walked together until they had to part ways, each giving a small wave before they did. Zayn knew that Louis and them wouldn’t have left him, but he found himself almost wishing they would, and they would probably wish the same thing when, inevitably, all he talked about in the car was the concert he was going to with Liam the very next day.   
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

_“I can’t believe you haven’t heard their new album until just now! It’s been out for, like, three weeks.”_

_“I know, but my parents and sisters don’t listen to Green Day. They all have kind of lame taste in music, and I usually just listen to whatever they want to.”_

_“You’re a good guy, Liam.”_

_It was a Saturday, which meant that Zayn was at Liam’s house, like he had been almost every Saturday for the past seven months. Liam had been too sick to hang out the previous weekend, and so Zayn had gotten to his place early that day. He hadn’t even waited for his mom to get ready and take him; just woke up, showered and headed out, using his allowance for a taxi and texting his mom on the way so that she wouldn’t be too mad._

_Karen was shocked to see Zayn about two hours before she’d been expecting him, but she was nice, of course, and acted like his company would be the highlight of her day, as she always did. However, Liam had still been asleep, so Zayn joined the mom on the couch and watched the previous days’ episode of her favorite soap opera with her until they heard Liam call down the stairs a few minutes later._

_“Mum?” his voice, loud but frail, rang down, and in an instant, Karen was on her feet._

_“Can I see what he needs?” Zayn asked, even though she had already made it halfway across the room. Karen paused, looking at Zayn skeptically, so the teenager put the best smile he had on his face._

_“Okay,” Karen said, still sounding unsure._

_“Cool, thanks!” Zayn said, hopping to his feet and hurrying away. He skipped every other step going up the stairs and felt the wide grin he was wearing as he pushed open Liam’s door and stepped into his room. The teenager was on his stomach with his arms around his pillow, but he turned when he heard someone enter, and he looked confused at first when he saw that it wasn’t his mother._

_“Hey!” Zayn greeted cheerfully._

_“Good morning,” Liam replied. “I didn’t expect you to be here already.”_

_“I haven’t been here long,” Zayn said. “Your mum wants to know if you needed something.”_

_“Um, yeah.”_

_Liam looked down for a moment, seeming to be a bit embarrassed, before he rolled onto his back and sighed. He stared at the ceiling as he answered._

_“I was going to ask her for some juice.”_

_“Okay!” Zayn said, and had already begun to turn when Liam spoke again._

_“I would, like, get it myself, but I’m a bit, like…dizzy, a little bit, so…”_

_“Are you alright?” Zayn asked, frowning both from Liam’s physical and emotional distress._

_“Yeah, I’m good.”_

_“Okay,” Zayn said, not completely believing him. “I’ll go get you some juice. Is there a certain flavor you want?”_

_“Apple, I guess.”_

_“Okay. Be right back.”_

_Zayn hurried down the stairs, where Karen was waiting at the bottom._

_“Liam needs juice,” Zayn told her. “He said he’s dizzy.”_

_“He didn’t eat much yesterday,” Karen explained, rationally enough, but her mouth formed a tight line, showing that she wasn’t at all comforted by the logic of the situation._

_“I’ll get him some juice if you want to go check on him,” Zayn offered, and Karen’s mouth twitched upwards for just an instant before she rubbed Zayn’s head as if he were an eight-year-old instead of an almost-thirteen-year-old. Zayn didn’t mind._

_“You’re such a wonderful boy,” Karen told him before beginning up the stairs. Zayn smiled to himself while walking briskly to the kitchen, and even a little bit as he poured Liam some apple juice._

_Karen was coming back down the stairs as Zayn was getting ready to head up again._

_“Is he okay?” the boy asked, and Karen managed another ever-so-tiny smile._

_“I think so,” she said. “Let me know if either of you need anything.”_

_“I will, Karen! Don’t worry!”_

_Zayn walked as quickly as he could without spilling the juice and found Liam sitting up in his bed, leaning against a pillow that was propped up on his headboard._

_“Here you go!” Zayn said, handing the glass over to his friend._

_“Thank you,” Liam said, drinking about half the cup in record time. He didn’t set the glass down when he was done, keeping it close to his mouth in case he decided to take another drink._

_“Do you want me to get you food?” Zayn asked. “Your mum said you didn’t eat much yesterday.”_

_“She told you that?” Liam asked, sounding even more distressed by the situation._

_“Yeah…,” Zayn replied, not seeing the problem. “I’m your friend. I can know these things, can’t I?”_

_“Yeah, I guess. I just like to pretend I’m normal when I’m with you.”_

_“You are normal,” Zayn said. “Normal people get sick.”_

_“Not like this.”_

_Zayn shrugged, inviting himself to kick off his shoes and climb up on the other’s bed. Liam didn’t protest as he sat next to him._

_“Normal is over-rated.”_

_“That’s what abnormal people tell themselves so that they feel better,” Liam argued lightly, but he had almost laughed, at least._

_“Maybe, but it’s also true,” Zayn told him._

_“If you say so.”_

_“I say so.”_

_After taking another sip of his juice, Liam leaned over so that his head was rested on Zayn’s shoulder. Zayn never quite believed that Liam was comfortable in that position, but he seemed to like to lie like that anyway._

_“What do you want to do today?” Liam asked after a few moments of silence had passed between the two. He didn’t move his head._

_Typically, Zayn would tell him that it didn’t matter what they did, and Liam would say the same; the two going back and forth until Liam suggested something that Zayn inevitably agreed with. That day, Zayn actually had a plan._

_“Have you heard Green Day’s new album?” he asked. Zayn’s mother had gotten it for him the day it came out and Zayn had listened to little else ever since._

_“No, I haven’t,” Liam said._

_“Do you want to?” Zayn asked._

_“Yeah.”_

_Zayn got off the bed just long enough to hook his iPod up to Liam’s system and start the album, and then he got right back up onto it. Instead of laying his head on Zayn's shoulder again, Liam set his cup on his nightstand and laid back on his pillow, but turned his body sideways, facing Zayn so that he knew he was still enjoying, or at least accepting, his company._

_Barely a word was said throughout the entirety of the album, besides Liam’s brief comments at the end of each song. It wasn’t until the last song was over, and Liam had told him that he loved it, that Zayn expressed his shock over him not hearing the album until that point._

_“If I wasn’t sick, I would take you to one of their shows,” Liam told his friend. “I heard they’re going to be around here this summer.”_

_“I thought you could go places as long as you had your mask and gloves?” Zayn asked._

_“Yeah, but I’m not going to a concert like that!” Liam said, sounding horrified at the thought. “I look ridiculous.”_

_“No, you don’t,” Zayn disagreed, “but fine. We’ll just go when you’re better then.”_

_“If I get better,” Liam reminded him._

_“You will.”_

_“You don’t know that.”_

_“Yes, I do.”_

_“How?” Liam asked, laughing humorlessly._

_“I can’t tell you, but I do,” Zayn said. If he told Liam that he’d wished for him to get better with every bit of spare change he had while visiting the wishing fountain downtown, then his wish wouldn’t come true._

_“Well,” Liam said after only a brief pause, “at least someone believes in me.”_

_“Everyone believes in you, Li,” Zayn said, the other boy’s words causing nearly an overwhelming sadness unlike anything he had felt in his almost-thirteen years._

_“No, they don’t,” Liam said, and took a moment before going on, as his voice had cracked. After taking a deep breath, he said, “I hear my parents crying all the time, and my sisters too, sometimes. They think I’m going to die.”_

_“If that’s true, then they’re wrong,” Zayn said, his voice a lot more confident than he felt in that moment._

_“Hey, where are you going?” Liam asked, looking upset as Zayn got off the bed. Zayn managed to offer a small smile._

_“Just to the bathroom,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“Promise.”_

_On his way to the bathroom, Zayn pulled his earphones out from the pocket of his pants. Becoming friends with Liam had made him much more aware of germs and how easily diseases could be spread, and so, after washing his hands, he wiped down the earphones with rubbing alcohol that the Paynes kept in their bathroom and then hurried back to Liam’s room. The floor lamp had yet to be turned on, but some sunlight was pouring through the half open blinds, so Zayn closed them and allowed the small lava lamp on Liam’s desk to be their only source of light._

_“What are you doing?” Liam asked._

_“Take this,” Zayn said instead of answering, offering one of his ear buds to Liam after taking his iPod from Liam’s stereo. The boy gave him a strange look but did as he was asked._

_“Put it in your ear,” Zayn added with a smile when Liam simply held the object while continuing to stare at him._

_“Don’t smile at me like that,” Liam scoffed. “I know what I’m supposed to do with it, I’m just unsure of why I should.”_

_“Grumpy!” Zayn said, though he wasn’t upset by the attitude he’d been given._

_“Sorry,” Liam said, a sheepish grin on his face._

_“It’s alright,” Zayn assured him, “but you do need to eat something.”_

_“Soon,” Liam said. Zayn didn’t argue._

_After Liam had his left earbud in, Zayn laid down and put the right one in his own ear._

_“Close your eyes,” he asked of Liam, who gave him another odd look, but obeyed. Quickly, Zayn found his playlist of live songs and shuffled it._

_“There,” he said. “Now we’re at a concert. A music festival, actually.”_

_“Oh, are we?” Liam asked, and since Zayn had yet to close his own eyes, he saw the corners of the other’s mouth twitch upwards._

_“Yep,” Zayn replied simply._

_“If you say so,” Liam said with a slight laugh._

_“I say so."_

***

_Hey, I know this is kind of last minute, so feel free to say no, but do you want to grab something to eat before we head to the show?_

Liam sent the text only a little more than an hour before he was set to pick Zayn up, and Zayn had already eaten, but agreeing to getting food with Liam probably meant that he would have to pick him up a little earlier which, obviously, equaled more time together, so Zayn decided that he could eat again.

_Sure, sounds good =]_ , he replied.

_Cool. I’ll head out in about ten minutes, so see you soon!_

_See you._

By some miracle, even though he now had to be ready about sixty minutes earlier than he’d originally thought, Zayn finished his hair with enough time to sit by the window and wait for Liam. It wasn’t that he was that anxious or excited, it was just that Doniya and Waliyha, two of Zayn's sisters, were also waiting for Liam, smirking at Zayn in a humiliating and infuriating way.

“So, remember to use protection,” Doniya commented after Zayn’s sisters had been staring at him for well over a minute with no response from the guy.

“Yeah, because I’m sure with all the pretty men and women that are there, I would be the one they want to take to the tour bus.”

“I wasn’t talking about you and a band member,” the woman said. “I meant you and Liam.”

“Oh my god,” Zayn said, refusing to look over at her and see the proud expression that he knew had to be on her face. Waliyha busted out laughing.

“I’m just saying,” Doniya continued. “We don’t know where his girlfriend had been before him.”

“You need psychological help,” Zayn told her, but then Liam arrived; his knight in shining armor.

“Tell mum I left, please and thank you,” he asked of the girls as he rose to his feet and headed to the door.

“Have fun!” Doniya called, and he expected a perverted remark afterward, but when he didn’t receive one, he gave a slight wave and exited the house just as Liam was getting out of his car.

“Oh, hey,” he said. “I was going to come up.”

“That’s okay. I’m ready,” Zayn told him, getting into the passenger side. Liam climbed back in the driver’s.

“What do you want to eat?” he asked.

The pair decided on a nearby pizza parlor because it was quick, cheap and filling. Well, it would have been filling if Liam had eaten more than one piece, and typically Zayn would have been tempted to say something, but as it was, he could only eat about one and a half.

During their meal, Zayn was quite pleased to find that, again, they were able to keep up a conversation, and it never once got awkward. They filled each other in on what their siblings and parents had been up to before conversing on new video games. Liam, it turned out, didn’t have much time to play video games anymore, but since Zayn had no life, he knew pretty much everything about all of the good ones, and Liam listened with interest as he explained the basis and missions of them. Zayn almost offered to let him go over and play sometime. He didn’t.

“If you have your music with you, you can plug it in,” Liam offered to Zayn in the car. “All I have is the new pop stuff that Soph likes, and some of it is okay, but it gets boring after a while. Your taste in music has always been great.”

“Thanks, but I don’t actually have it with me,” Zayn said. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay,” Liam said. “Drake or Usher, then?”

“Usher.”

Zayn wasn’t the biggest Usher fan, but some of his songs were good, and, of course, they were all made better by the fact that Liam was singing and dancing in his seat to every single song. Though his face would soon be hurting, Zayn couldn’t stop himself from smiling and watching him. A couple of times, Liam asked Zayn if he was being tortured yet, but Zayn assured him that he wasn’t at all.

“Oooh, you have to sing to this one!” Liam said, turning up the volume on his radio as ‘DJ Got Us Falling in Love’ came on.

“I don’t know it,” Zayn claimed.

“Lies!” Liam yelled, though only because he couldn’t hear himself well over the bass. “Everyone knows this song!”

“I don’t sing in front of people,” Zayn said, which is something Liam already knew.

“Come on,” Liam said. “It’s just me.”

Saving Zayn from coming up with another excuse, Liam began singing again, leaving the choice completely up to the other man. Zayn resisted for another few lines, but it was the chorus that got to him.

“Yes!” Liam exclaimed excitedly when Zayn began singing, softly, but still somewhat audibly. Zayn smiled, but didn’t miss a note, and Liam continued belting out the words as well.

Zayn never thought he would actually begin to get emotional over an Usher song, let alone that one, before that moment.

Though Zayn was excited about the show they were about to see, it seemed that they arrived at the venue too soon because he’d been having a genuinely great time in the car with Liam. After ‘DJ Got Us Falling in Love’ had ended, Liam had changed the artist to Bruno Mars, and, well, it was impossible not to sing along to ‘Uptown Funk’ or ‘Just the Way You Are,’ wasn’t it?

“Oh, we have to take a picture,” Liam said once the pair had found their seats and settled in.

“Of what?” Zayn asked and then, “Oh, the stage?”

“No, silly,” Liam said, a grin spreading across his face. “Of us!”

“Oh,” Zayn said, not wanting to think about the last time he and Liam had been in the same picture. He thought it was his fifteenth birthday; over two years ago. “Okay.”

Liam took the picture with his phone. Both he and Zayn were smiling, their heads tilted towards the other, and as soon as it was snapped and Zayn approved, Liam began uploading it to his Facebook.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Zayn asked.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Liam returned, clearly confused by the question.

“Nothing. Never mind,” Zayn said, not wanting to remind Liam that it would probably be bad for his reputation to upload a picture with someone from the school who was far from the 'popular' crowd.

Liam continued to frown at him.

“What?” Zayn asked.

“Do you not want me to upload it?”

“No, it’s fine,” Zayn said.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, Liam,” Zayn assured him with a small laugh, not sure why Liam was so concerned. “I just look funny in the picture, but it’s fine. You can upload it.”

“I don’t think you look funny,” Liam said, “but we can take another one if you want.”

“No, it’s really okay. Sorry I said anything.”

Liam sighed, making sure it was extra dramatic.

“Oh, Zayn,” he sighed.

“Oh, what?” Zayn asked teasingly. With a smile, Liam said,

“You’re amazing, just the way you are.”

Zayn knew that Liam was just goofing around by quoting one of the songs they’d been singing in the car, but he couldn’t help but to turn a little bit red.  
Almost as soon as Liam uploaded the picture, Sophia liked it, and for the briefest of moments, Zayn wondered if it would be possible for the three of them to ever be friends before realizing that it wasn't. It was nothing against Sophia personally; it would simply be too awkward for Zayn to face the woman on a continual basis when her boyfriend was the subject of many of his fantasies.

  
Though Zayn had only been to two concerts before the one he and Liam were at, that one quickly won the prize for best show he’d ever been to. Not only was the band great, but the atmosphere was great…the opening acts were great…the light shows were great…Liam was great…

“That was amazing!” Liam exclaimed, almost breathlessly, as he and Zayn finally got out of the packed venue. Neither had really been in a hurry anyhow.

“It really was,” Zayn agreed. “Thanks for taking me!”

“You’re welcome. I’m really glad you came.”

Zayn smiled. _Me too_ , he thought.

Liam was still out of breath when the two reached their car, which was a bit odd to Zayn. Sure, they’d had to go up a bunch of stairs and squeeze their way through tons of bodies-Zayn pretended to not internally freak out when Liam grabbed his hand so that they wouldn’t get separated on the way-but Liam was in much better shape than Zayn was, and the venture hadn’t even winded him. Perhaps it was just the combination of physical activity and excitement. Liam had always been quite excitable.

“I’m actually hungry,” Liam said, starting up his car but not yet moving.

“Well, yeah,” Zayn said. “You only ate one piece of pizza.”

“You didn’t eat much more,” Liam pointed out.

“Yeah, and I’m a bit hungry too.”

“How do milkshakes sound?”

“Amazing.”

Using the GPS on his phone, Liam found a gas station that served milkshakes, and the two made a trip. Since Liam had scored the concert tickets for them, and because he was driving, Zayn had paid for the pizza, but Liam insisted on getting the milkshakes. Zayn told him not to worry about it; that they could each buy their own, but Liam purchased two while Zayn went to the bathroom, one being Zayn’s absolute favorite, which was something the other guy very well knew.

Liam didn’t start driving right away once they got back in his car. He sucked on his milkshake, having to work for it due to the thickness, and Zayn really did try not stare at the attractive way his cheeks hollowed. It wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t very successful. He was a teenage boy, with raging hormones and all that.

He didn’t grab Liam’s face and kiss him, so it was a successful night, he thought.

“Wow, who knew sucking could be such a workout,” Liam commented after a bit, putting his drink in the cup holder next to him, and then looked confused as to why Zayn began laughing so hard that he snorted a time or two.

“What?” he asked, smiling even though he clearly didn’t get the joke.

“I-I,” Zayn stammered, trying to make his words clear around his laughter and tears, “I c-can confirm from experience that suck-sucking is q-quite a workout.”

“Oh my god,” Liam said, making a triangle with his hands over his nose and mouth; embarrassed. “That did sound quite bad, didn’t it?”

“Depends on who you ask, I guess,” Zayn said with a wink. Slight giggles continued to shake him and his eyes were still a bit wet, but he was starting to be able to compose himself.

Liam uncovered his face, smiling even through his embarrassment.

“Don’t tell Dominic I said that,” he asked of Zayn, who raised an eyebrow.

“Who?”

“Dominic…,” Liam said slowly. “Your boyfriend, I thought.”

“Oh.”

Zayn hadn’t actually forgotten about the guy he’d dated for the first four months of the school year, but it had been over two months since they’d stopped seeing each other, so in the context, the other kid would have never would have come to mind.

“We’re not together anymore,” Zayn told Liam.

“Oh,” Liam said, sobering quickly. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Zayn assured him with a smile. “It wasn’t anything dramatic. We just decided that we didn’t like each other that much anymore.”

“You can do better,” Liam said. Zayn laughed.

“You don’t even know him.”

“No, but if he was dumb enough to just up and decide that he didn’t like you, you can definitely do better.”

“You’re sweet,” Zayn said, turning to face the window until he could get his smile under control.

Liam backed out of his parking spot after one more sip of his milkshake and headed home.

The music was coming from Liam’s stereo on the drive back, but quieter than it had been on the way there. Liam had given up trying to sing after one song, when his voice became tired and hoarse, and every time he tried to say something to Zayn, he would yawn.

“Are you good?” Zayn asked, swearing he saw Liam’s eyes start to droop when they were about twenty minutes away from Zayn’s place. “You can pull over, you know. It’s fine.”

“No, I’m good,” Liam claimed. “Just talk to me.”

“About what?”

“Anything.”

“Um…wanna play Twenty Questions? I’ll pick something and you ask questions until you figure it out or hit your limit, and then vice versa.”

“Yeah, let’s do that,” Liam decided, so they did.

“Do you need to stay over?” Zayn asked once Liam pulled into his driveway and put his car into park, letting another big yawn overtake him. “I know my parents won’t care.”

“No, that’s okay, thanks,” Liam said with a sleepy smile. “I’ll be fine. I don’t live that far away.”

“If you’re sure,” Zayn said, popping the door open enough to cause the interior light to turn on, but not enough for him to feel the cold from outside. “Text me when you get to your place.”

“I will.”

“And thanks again.”

“It was my pleasure.”

“I’ll see you soon?”

“Of course.”

Zayn gave a small smile, which Liam returned, and then he left the car. Liam waited in the driveway while he unlocked his house door, and Zayn turned to wave before entering.

“How was it?” Doniya asked from right inside the door. Zayn should have known that she’d be there, but he’d been looking at the ground and so he jumped at the sound of her voice.

“It was fun,” he told her, even though that was an understatement.

“Good,” she said. “I saw the picture Liam posted of you two.”

“Yeah?”

“You really would make a cute couple.”

“Shut up.”

“Hey!” Doniya whisper-yelled to her brother as he went up the steps. “Wait, I need more details on the show!”

“Later,” Zayn said. “I’m tired.”

It wasn’t a lie, though it was an excuse, because he didn’t want to rehash the night with someone who couldn’t appreciate it like he had.

Once in his room, Zayn locked the door and changed into a sweatshirt and track pants, and then laid in bed on his stomach. He kept his light on, not wanting to fall asleep until Liam texted him, but he was half out of it anyway when he heard his phone ding.

_Made it home =]_ , Liam had said.

_I’m glad_ , Zayn replied. _Good night!_

Zayn didn’t really expect to get a reply to that, and it took a few minutes before he did. He was already drooling when his phone went off again.

_Good night =]_

Smiling to himself, Zayn decided to give the picture of him and Liam one last look before he went to sleep, even though his vision was blurry. Then, he figured he should save it in case Liam decided to delete it. Next, Zayn felt the need to set the picture as his lock screen, making a mental note to change it before school on Monday. 


	4. Chapter 4

Zayn wanted to text Liam ‘good morning’ when he woke up, but he didn’t. Friends didn’t typically send each other ‘good morning’ texts.

A bit later, he thought he could text him and thank him for the previous night again, but he didn’t want to risk being annoying and making sure that Liam never invited him to anything ever again. So Zayn wracked his brain, trying to come up with something that he could say to Liam, before he realized that if Liam wanted to text him, then he could. It wasn’t like Liam would have the same struggles as Zayn did; trying not to say too much or not enough. Liam wouldn’t care, and words would come easier to him because of it. Though it was clear now that Liam still thought of Zayn as almost a friend, he wouldn’t be devastated if Zayn didn’t reply or, probably, never spoke to him again. If so, he would have sent Zayn a message by now.

When afternoon rolled around, Zayn almost thought that he was wrong; that Liam did want to talk to him because, finally, he received a text from the other guy, reading,

_Post-concert blues suck =[_

_Yeah, they do,_ Zayn agreed after three minutes of trying and failing to come up with a better response.

Liam didn’t text him anymore after that.

_Malik, are you alive?_

Zayn received the message from Louis about an hour after he’d gotten the text from Liam, as he was going through the pictures he’d taken the previous night, but mainly just staring at his lock screen. At the top of the message were Harry and Niall’s names, showing that Louis had started a group chat.

_Yeah, I’m alive,_ Zayn replied.

_Good,_ Louis typed. _We were afraid you got over-excited being that close to Liam for so long and had a heart attack._

_Shut up_ , Zayn said.

_Did you even pay attention to the show at all?_   Niall asked next.

_Yes, I did._

_Amazing._

Zayn rolled his eyes.

_Did anything happen between you two? =]_ , Louis questioned.

_No, of course not_ , Zayn told him.

_Don’t get discouraged_ , Niall said at the same time that Louis told him,

_Next time, I’m sure._

_He has a girlfriend_ , Zayn reminded them all, and then, because he desperately wanted them to drop the subject, _We’re just friends again. I don’t even really like him like that anymore._

_HA!_ , Louis replied while Niall sent the emoji that was laughing so hard it was crying.

  
_Was the band good?_ Harry asked; the first thing he’d put into the conversation.

_Bless you, Harry_ , Zayn thought, and nearly typed out, but instead, he settled on,

_They were amazing. I’ll have to show you some videos tomorrow._

_Awesome! Can’t wait_ , Harry said, and, thankfully, all talk about Liam was dropped.

Zayn almost didn’t remember to change the picture on his lock screen before school the next day. If Louis hadn’t texted him to say that he was running late picking them all up, he would have, but this would be the one time that Zayn was thankful for Louis’s lack of punctuality. Briefly, he thought about asking Liam for a ride to school, but decided against it. He would just be late. He didn’t have class with Liam until second period anyway.  
For some reason, Zayn was fidgety, as if he were nervous, before entering his second class. He knew he had no reason to be nervous. As he’d told the others, he and Liam were friends, if that, as they had been for years.

Perhaps Zayn should take the advice he’d given his sister that weekend and seek psychological help.

When he saw Liam, Zayn’s nerves gave away to worry for the other guy because he still looked as tired as he had when the two had parted Saturday night. There were light purple bruises under his glazed over eyes, and he had his cheek rested on one hand. He sat up a bit straighter when Zayn took the seat next to him, but the grin looked like it took most of the energy that he’d had.

“Are you alright?” Zayn asked, feeling as if he didn’t have to explain why he would ask that question.

“Yeah,” Liam said, and added, “Post-concert blues, still.”

Zayn didn’t believe that, but he knew better than to let Liam know.

“I guess we’ll have to go to another one soon, then,” he said, and Liam managed another small grin.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Actually, I just found out that Coldplay is going to be in London in June. It's still, like, five months away, but...wanna go?”

“Yes,” Zayn answered right away.

“It’s on a Friday,” Liam continued. "We'll probably-hopefully-be working by then, but we can go that night whenever we get off, and then maybe get a hotel and stay the night in London.”

Zayn and Liam; going to a concert and staying in a hotel far away from home, by themselves? Zayn didn’t even have to think about that one.

“That would be fun,” he said, mostly hiding his growing excitement.

“Cool,” Liam said, and yawned before adding, “I’ll look into tickets tonight and text you about it.”

The bell rang, signaling that class was about to start, so Zayn gave Liam a smile and turned his body towards the front of the room. His geography instructor wasn’t nearly as laid back as his English instructor was.

Since Zayn wasn’t completely convinced that Liam would follow through with the Coldplay concert, and because he didn’t want to somehow jinx it if he was going to, he didn’t say anything to his friends, even though it was hard.

That afternoon, Zayn had only been home for about thirty minutes when his phone went off. It was just the generic tone, meaning that whoever was calling didn’t have an assigned ringtone. Zayn was tempted to just let it ring, as anyone important in his phone had their own personal alert song, but he glanced down at his screen anyway, and then did a double take when he saw Liam’s name shining up at him. Before the Green Day concert, Zayn had given Liam a text tone-‘Last Night on Earth’ by the same band-but he hadn’t set one for if he called him, figuring that would never happen.

“Hello?” Zayn answered at the last possible second. It took Liam a minute to say anything back, and Zayn almost thought he’d already gone to hang up, but then he heard an unsure,

“Zayn?”

“Yeah, hey,” Zayn said, and cleared his throat. Liam gave a slight laugh.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

Zayn regretted asking ‘why’ as soon as he’d done so, sure he didn’t want to know the answer. Luckily, Liam only said,

“No reason. I figured calling you would be easier than texting. I have the ticket site pulled up, if you really do want to go.”

“Yeah, I do. How much are tickets?”

Liam told him, but Zayn didn’t hear because he didn’t really listen; not actually caring how much the tickets were. He realized then that he hadn’t even said anything to his parents yet, but he wasn’t too worried. They were usually okay with anything, as long as Liam was involved. If he had to, Zayn would do a few extra things around the house for more money.

“So, are those seats good?”

“Oh, uh, sorry. Yeah,” Zayn answered, even though he hadn’t been aware that Liam had been talking about seats at all. He figured that talk was mixed in somewhere with the ticket prices. “Anything works.”

“Are you sure you’re good?” Liam asked then. “You seem distracted.”

“I’m not. Everything’s good,” Zayn assured him. “What about you? Do you have any more energy than before?”

“Not really,” Liam admitted. “I’ll probably take a nap after this. I’m old.”

“You’re not old,” Zayn said. “Maybe you’re growing.”

“You sound like my mum.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“It was, I guess.

“Are you buying the tickets?”

"Yep. Putting the card information in now. You can pay me back whenever.”

“Alright. I should have the money by next week.”

“No problem. Later, I’ll look up hotels around the London area; nothing too expensive, of course. Do you have any special requests?”

“No,” Zayn said. “I’m not spoiled like someone else.”

“Who, me?” Liam joked.

“Yeah, but you deserve it,” Zayn told him. Liam gave a slight laugh.

“Sure,” he said, and then noticeably pulled the phone away from his ear to have a mild coughing fit. “Sorry,” he said when he came back.

“So you’re not old or growing,” Zayn concluded. “You’re just sick.”

“Am not.”

“Uh-huh. Okay, Mr. Sniffles.”

“I did not sniffle.”

“You totally did.”

“I refuse to be sick,” Liam said, and then coughed.

“Aww,” Zayn cooed.

“Hush it.”

Zayn only gave a small laugh, and then Liam spoke again.

“There. The tickets are bought, so you better have been serious.”

“Well...on second thought…”

Zayn trailed off, smiling as he heard Liam suck in a breath.

“I will assassinate you,” Liam warned, his voice monotone, which caused Zayn to let out another laugh; that one quite embarrassing.

“Of course I was serious,” Zayn told him.

“Good,” Liam said before coughing yet again. Even though Zayn didn’t want to get off the phone with him yet, he knew that Liam was tired, so he said,

“Go get some sleep, mate.”

“Yeah,” Liam agreed, yawning at the perfect time. “I’ll look at hotels later and let you know what I find, okay?”

“Sounds good.”

“Talk to you later, Zaynie.”

Pathetic as it was, Zayn’s heart palpitated a bit at the old nickname that only Liam was allowed to use, though Louis still tried sometimes. Coming from any else’s mouth, it sounded childish and wrong, but it was quite endearing when Liam said it.

“Later,” Zayn ended pathetically. There was a moment of silence before Liam said a quick, ‘bye,’ and hanged up the phone, cutting off a cough. Even though he was worried, Zayn found himself smiling. A cold was okay. Liam could have a cold and still be perfectly fine.

Zayn went through his alert tones, trying to find one for if Liam ever called him again, and at first he set it to ‘Fix You,’ by Coldplay, but that had been the song Zayn had secretly dedicated to Liam when he had been seriously sick, even though he knew that wasn't what the song was about, and so now it tended to make the teenager uncomfortable.

Next, he almost set it to ‘Why Don’t You Love Me’ by Hot Chelle Rae, but should Liam ever call while Louis or Niall were around, Zayn would never hear the end of it, so, instead, he changed it to ‘Unkiss Me’ by Maroon 5, another song he had secretly dedicated to Liam after certain events which Zayn would never tell anyone about.

 

“Zayn!” Liam called as soon as the guy walked into their second period class the next day. Liam looked like he had more energy that day, though his voice was thick, his nose red and his eyes were glassy, proving that he did, in fact, have a cold.

Offering a smile, Zayn sat in his seat.

“Hey, Li.”

“Sorry I didn’t get back to you last night,” Liam apologized. “I slept until eleven and then was still kind of out of it, so I haven’t looked at hotels yet, but I promise I will tonight.”

“That’s fine,” Zayn assured him. “There’s still time.”

Liam smiled and then changed the subject, asking Zayn if he’d seen the trailer for the newest superhero movie yet. It had only been released the previous night and Zayn hadn’t yet seen it, so Liam promised to find him at lunch and show him on his phone.

Zayn didn’t believe that Liam would stick to his word. It wasn’t like he was an untrustworthy person, but Zayn was sure he would forget about his silly promise the moment he was around his other friends.

He should have known that Liam always was good at exceeding others’ expectations of him.

“Red alert."

“What?” Harry asked his boyfriend, almost comically with bread in his mouth and his eyebrows pulled together enough to form one big brow.

“Red alert,” Louis repeated. “Zayn, sit down.”

“I am sitting down, but why-”

“Hey, mind if we sit for a minute?”

Zayn’s head whipped around so fast that his neck cracked. It was true dedication to appear calm, cool and collected around Liam that allowed Zayn to refrain from wincing.

“Hey, yeah, of course.”

Liam and Sophia both smiled, and then Liam took a seat by Zayn while Sophia sat next to Harry.

“Hello,” Harry greeted.

“Hi!” Sophia said with a polite smile. “I’m Sophia.”

“Harry. I like your jacket.”

“Thank you.”

“I just came to show Zayn the new _Justice League_ trailer,” Liam said. “Have you lot seen it?”

Niall had seen it, but Harry and Louis hadn’t, and so Sophia did her best to block Liam’s phone with her body while Liam played the trailer, turning on the captions since it was hard to hear in the noisy cafeteria.

“It looks cool,” Zayn said, and he supposed it had, but it had been a little hard to concentrate on the video when Liam’s knee was pressed against Zayn’s under the table. It was completely unfair that Liam most likely didn’t even notice the contact while it had Zayn sweating a little bit.

“You’re all coming to see it with us when it comes out then, right?” Liam asked, looking around at the group, still smiling.

“Uh…sure,” Niall answered, giving Zayn a look that he couldn’t quite read. He was sure that he didn’t want to anyway.

“Awesome. Can’t wait,” Liam said, and then disappointed Zayn by standing and putting his phone back in his pocket. Sophia rose to her feet as well.

“Anyway, I’ll see you all later, yeah?” Liam asked.

“Yeah…,” Niall said in the same tone he’d used before. If Liam noticed the reluctance, he didn’t let on.

“See you in P.E. Zayn; Louis.”

“Bye,” Zayn said while Louis gave a slight nod. Then, Niall, Harry, Louis and Zayn watched the two walk away, hand-in-hand.

“What the hell, Harry?!” Louis asked once the couple was barely visible anymore.

“What?” Harry asked.

“You told her that you like her jacket?!”

“Well, I do. It’s quite nice.”

“So? You don’t compliment the enemy!”

“She’s not our enemy,” Zayn said. “Seriously, Lou, what do you have against them?”

“Yeah. Did you have a thing for Liam?” Niall asked, and though it sounded like he was teasing, his face showed a bit of seriousness too.

“No way,” Louis said.

“You sure?” Harry asked. “Cuz I can work out more.”

“You’re perfect, babe,” Louis said, leaning over to rest his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. The way Harry that smiled, one would have thought Louis had just given him a key to the world.

“Liam and I are going to a Coldplay concert together in June,” Zayn blurted, and Louis sat right back up as three pairs of eyes focused on him.   
“That’s cool,” Harry said when no one else spoke. Zayn should have left it at that, but he couldn’t.

“We’re staying the night there in a hotel.”

“Just the two of you?” Louis asked. Zayn nodded.

“Oh, Zaynie,” Louis sighed, and Zayn cringed, as he always did when anyone but Liam used that nickname. “You’re only breaking your own heart at this point, mate.”

 

_I lie to my heart ‘cause I thought you felt it…You can’t light a fire if the candle’s melted…No you don’t have to love me if you don’t wanna…Don’t act like I mean noth-_

“Hello?” Zayn answered his phone after fumbling clumsily in his pocket for it. His cheeks burned as both his mother and his older sister stared him down.

“Bet that’s Liam,” Doniya said.

“Shut up,” Zayn muttered.

“Sorry?” the guy on the other line asked.

“Not you. Sorry, Li.”

Shit.

“Called it!” Doniya yelled. Zayn quickly rose to his feet and headed for the stairs.

“What’s going on? Does Zayn like Liam?!” Zayn’s mother asked in her version of a whisper, which was clearly not a whisper at all, as Zayn could hear her from the bottom step whilst she was in the kitchen.

“Mum, where have you been?” Doniya asked. Zayn ran up the stairs.

“Okay,” he sighed once he was in his bedroom with the door shut. “I’m in my room now. Sorry about that.”

“Are you busy?” Liam asked.

“No. I was just helping my mum and Doniya make dinner, but they’ve got it. What’s up?”

“I’ve been looking up hotels,” Liam said. Smiling, Zayn laid down on his bed, pushing Louis’s earlier words from his mind as he listened to Liam list off the pros and cons of different places he’d researched for their trip.

 

“Hi, Zayn!” Sophia said to the other teenager as she entered their last class the next day.

“Hey,” Zayn said, belatedly, because he’d been too busy noting the fact that she had finally learned his name to realize that he should probably say something back to her. Niall leaned over to say, quietly,

“You’re becoming one of them.”

“No, I’m not. Don’t be dumb.”

“Soon you’re going to ditch us too.”

Niall let out a fake sniffle and wiped a non-existent tear from his eye. Zayn rolled his own.

“If you keep acting like that, then maybe.”

With a laugh, Niall straightened up, ready to let the topic drop. Still, Zayn couldn’t help but to ask,

“Why does it always have to be us against them anyway?”

“It’s not, really,” Niall said, and lowered his voice again when he continued, keeping an eye on Sophia to make sure she didn’t turn. “It’s just that I find it kind of shitty that Liam just up and left you for other friends after all you’d been there for him through.”

“I was there because I wanted to be,” Zayn told him.

“Still,” Niall said. “We love you, Z, and we remember how hurt you were when Liam stopped coming around. I guess we’re all just kind of pissed that he didn’t seem to care.”

“He didn’t think it would hurt me.”

“He should have known.”

Zayn shrugged, now ready to drop the topic.

“It’s not like he owes me anything,” he said, and was thankful that the instructor decided to start the class at that moment.

  
                                                                                                           ***  
_“I promise I’ll try not to throw up.”_

_“Okay, but it’s okay if you do.”_

_“You didn’t have to come over today. The day after chemo is the worst.”_

_“I wanted to come over,” Zayn assured Liam. It was Zayn’s last week of summer break, and, as his mom had told him multiple times, he could be doing anything; going to the park, working all day on his comics, hanging out with his cousins or sleeping, but none of that sounded appealing to Zayn. He wanted to spend the whole week with Liam, if his health allowed. Zayn swore he’d seen Liam blush when he told him that._

_“You’re the best,” Liam sighed, laying down sideways on his bed with his head in Zayn’s lap. Zayn smiled down at him, though Liam couldn’t tell since both boys were wearing masks._

_“I wish I could go to your treatments with you sometimes,” Zayn said._

_“No, you don’t,” Liam said. “It’s awful.”_

_“Maybe I could make it a little less awful.”_

_Liam smiled, or at least Zayn thought he did, and reached up to touch Zayn’s chin gently. Zayn’s thirteen-year-old heart nearly gave out._

_“You probably could,” Liam finally allowed._

_“What do you do while you’re there?” Zayn asked, and then said, “Sorry. You probably don’t want to talk about it.”_

_“It’s okay,” Liam said. “Usually I play the Nintendo DS. Sometimes I do those seek-and-finds, but they make me dizzy. Rarely, I read. Occasionally I manage to sleep. It’s quite the party.”_

_“It sounds like it,” Zayn said. “Maybe it’s best I can’t go. I don’t know if I could handle that much excitement.”_

_Liam gave a small laugh, and then a cough, his eyes drooping for an instant before he forced them wide open._

_“Should we take a nap?” Zayn asked._

_“That’s boring. I’m not boring.”_

_“You’re not, but we’re both tired.”_

_“You’re tired?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_Zayn wasn’t really, but Liam needed to sleep, and that was more important than entertaining Zayn. Zayn hadn’t gone over to be entertained. He’d simply wanted to spend time with Liam, even if he was asleep._

_“Okay, we can take a short nap,” Liam said, rolling off of Zayn and scooting up to his pillow. Zayn laid on the one next to him._

_“Your mum has to wash all your sheets every time I’m over, doesn’t she?”_

_“Yeah, but she doesn’t mind. I promise.”_

_Liam took off his mask and threw it in the trash can next to his bed. Zayn knew there were plenty more, but decided to keep his own on. He wasn’t sick, as far as he knew, but if he gave Liam a disease-again-he would feel awful._

_“Have a nice nap, Liam,” Zayn said._

_“You too,” Liam said, his voice already half asleep. In less than a minute, his breathing became softer; more even._

_Zayn honestly didn’t mind laying there while Liam slept, but, eventually, he did start to drift off._

_It seemed like only moments later he was brought back to reality by Liam coughing beside of him. Opening his eyes, Zayn saw that the other boy was still asleep, but his face had paled and his body shook as he coughed. Scared, Zayn almost called for Karen, but he didn’t. He could handle this. He was very mature for his age; both boys’ moms had told him so._

_In his sleep, Liam then started gagging, and Zayn hurried to sit him up, simultaneously grabbing the bucket that was sitting by his bed. Liam jumped, his eyes opening wide, and Zayn got him and the bucket in position at just the right time._

_“Sh, it’s okay,” Zayn told the sick boy quietly as he rubbed his back. He wasn’t quite sure why people said that, because it clearly wasn’t alright, but his mom always said the same thing to him whenever he was getting sick and, for some reason, it made him feel better, so he would do the same for Liam and hope it helped him too, however much._

_“Sorry,” Liam choked as soon as he’d finished and caught his breath._

_“You don’t have to apologize,” Zayn told him, continuing to rub his back after setting the bucket on the ground and grabbing Liam a tissue from the nightstand. Soon, he would empty the bucket, but he wanted to make sure Liam really was somewhat okay first._

_Typically, Zayn was a squeamish person, but when it came to Liam, he found that there wasn’t much he couldn’t face._

_“That’s gross. I’m sorry,” Liam apologized again anyway. Zayn hoped that his eyes were only moist from being sick and not because he was upset._

_“Can I tell you an embarrassing secret?” Zayn asked._

_“Okay,” Liam agreed, one side of his mouth quirking up a little bit. **Good.**_

_“One time, I had to do a presentation in front of the whole class and I was really nervous, so I ended up puking everywhere, and I mean everywhere, because I was attempting to get out of the room and hide my face forever while it was happening.”_

_Liam gave a soft laugh, touching Zayn’s hand briefly._

_“I always hated class presentations,” he said. “That’s one good part of being homeschooled.”_

_Zayn almost told Liam that he was jealous. He’d always dreamt of being homeschooled and not having to deal with other kids who seemed intent on seeing him fail in every single way, but he didn’t. There was nothing to be jealous of. Yes, Liam got to be homeschooled, but he was sick. For all anyone knew, he may be dying (even though Zayn still refused to believe that.) Zayn would rather deal with mean kids than have to face what Liam was going through any day._

_“I’m going to clean up…that,” Liam said, getting off his bed and grabbing the bucket._

_“I can get it,” Zayn offered. Liam gave him a look as if he were crazy. Zayn wasn’t offended, but he wished that Liam could see how much he truly wanted to help him in any way he could. He wished Liam could see that he deeply cared about him, more than any other friend should. Zayn didn’t want to think of the word ‘love,’ because he’d always been told that he was too young to know what love was, but Zayn still hadn’t found a better word to describe what he felt for Liam._

_He supposed he would keep that a secret for now, just like his sexuality was, for most people, and hope that one day, the truth would come out; but only if Liam shared his feelings._

  
                                                                                                           ***  
“Sophia knows Zayn’s name now.”

“Oh, wow. Moving up in the world.”

Zayn rolled his eyes at both Niall and Louis, but didn’t say anything. What Niall had said to him earlier made sense, he guessed, but Zayn figured that if he wasn’t holding grudges, then they shouldn’t either. He even appreciated that they cared about him so much, but he would always think they took it too far.

After all, it wasn’t like the girl was dating the love of _their_ lives.


	5. Chapter 5

Even though their lockers were right down the hall from each other, Zayn and Liam didn’t typically run into each other in the mornings. Liam got there before Zayn, both so that he could spend some time with Sophia before school, and also because, well, Louis was Zayn’s chauffer.

That was why Zayn was caught unprepared when he went to his locker Thursday morning and saw Liam still at his own. He wasn’t looking inside his locker; simply leaning against the door and messing around on his phone. If he were Louis, Zayn would start theorizing that Liam and Sophia got in a fight, but he wasn’t Louis, and so he rationalized that the girl probably wasn’t at school that day.

Forcing himself to stop staring at the other guy, Zayn quickly put in the combination to his locker and opened it, though he suddenly couldn’t remember what books he would need before he was able to come back to his locker at lunch.

“Oh, hey, Zayn!”

Glancing to his side, Zayn saw Liam slip his phone into his pocket and begin walking over to him. Zayn flashed a quick smile before looking back into his locker and grabbing what he was almost positive were the right books and shoving them in his backpack.

“Hey, Liam!” he called back, and he was proud that he sounded mostly non-chalant.

“Hi,” Liam said again, leaning sideways against the locker next to Zayn’s. “So…um…I have a question.”

“Yes?” Zayn asked, getting nervous by Liam’s noticeable reluctance.

“Yeah. Um…okay, I’m not trying to be weird or anything, and feel free to tell me to bug off, but I promised Soph I’d say something to you…so…uh…Well, she has a brother, right?”

“Okay…”

Zayn closed his locker door and leaned his own body against it, facing Liam, who seemed to only grow more nervous now that he had Zayn’s undivided attention.

“Yeah. Um, well, her brother is gay and Sophia thought it would be fun if the four of us went on a double date. Like I said, feel free to tell me to bug off.”

“Sophia would really want to set her brother up with me?” Zayn asked, one eyebrow quirking up on its own accord. Liam frowned.

“Well, yeah? Why wouldn’t she?”

“Do you want me to answer that?”

Liam shook his head, though Zayn wasn’t entirely convinced that he knew he’d done it. He said,

“You’re attractive, smart, nice and creative. Her brother really likes the artsy type anyway, but you’re a good one, Zaynie, and I guess she thinks he needs that.”

Liam shrugged.

“I just promised her I would ask.”

“I find it quite endearing that you and Sophia talk about me when I’m not around,” Zayn teased, and Liam smiled, seeming a little less nervous now that Zayn didn’t appear to be upset with him.

“Her brother’s a good guy, too,” he promised. “I wouldn’t hook you up with a douche, don’t worry.”

“When were you guys thinking?” Zayn asked, causing Liam’s eyes to brighten up as he straightened his posture.

“She was hoping for tomorrow, but whenever, really.”

“Tomorrow is fine,” Zayn said, wondering what he was getting himself into. There was a chance he would like Sophia’s brother, he guessed, but he knew he'd only agreed because he wanted weekend plans with Liam, even if it meant others were involved.

“Really?! Great!” Liam said. “We were thinking of going to dinner and then maybe a movie.”

“Yeah, that works,” Zayn agreed, reminding himself that he should probably smile. “If it’s a disaster, do you promise not to hate me?”

“I could never hate you,” Liam assured him. “Alright, so, Cole or I will pick you up tomorrow. I’ll let you know the time soon.”

After a pause, Liam thought to add,

“Cole is her brother.”

“I gathered that,” Zayn teased. Liam smiled.

“Right. Awesome. I’ll let her know. See you in geography!”

“Bye, Li.”

 

“This is, by far, the worst idea you’ve ever had in my entire time knowing you, and probably in your entire life as well.”

“Technically, it was Liam and Sophia’s idea,” Zayn told Louis, who didn’t look amused at the correction.

“It was your idea to go along with it,” he said.

“Yeah, Z,” Niall said, looking at his friend with a concerned expression on his face. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t date while you still like Liam, because you should definitely date someone and get over Liam, but the way to do that is not by dating his girlfriend’s brother.”

“It’s fine, guys,” Zayn said. “It’s not like I’d be using the guy to see Liam.”

That was halfway the truth, at least.

“I do want to see where it goes. Maybe I’m just caught up on Liam because he’s the best prospect around-”

“As much as we tease you otherwise, he’s not actually a prospect,” Louis interrupted. Zayn ignored him.

“-and if I find someone I like just as much or more, I’ll get over him and be happy.”

“Are you not happy?” Harry, who had been silent through the entire debate, asked, his brows pulled together in worry for his friend as well.

“It’s not that I’m not happy,” Zayn amended quickly, “but I mean happy with someone.”

Harry nodded while Louis and Niall shook their heads.

“Hey, you never know,” Harry said, talking more to his boyfriend and Niall than to Zayn. “Maybe it’s fate. Maybe it’s not. Maybe he’ll just be someone Zayn can have fun with or maybe they’ll hate each other, but he deserves to go out there and see.”

“Thank you,” Zayn said, realizing how much more he was appreciating Harry by the day. He was no longer Louis’s slightly possessive boyfriend; he was Zayn’s friend too.

“I still think it’s an awful idea,” Louis said after there were a few moments of silence amongst all four boys, “but good luck anyway, and let us know how it goes.”

“I will,” Zayn promised.

 

“Do you think Liam has lost weight?”

“I don’t pay enough attention to Liam’s body to make an informed opinion.”

“Just look, Lou, please.”

Sighing, Louis finished pulling his sweats up in the locker room and looked to where Liam was standing, shirtless.

“It just looks like he’s been slacking on the weights a little bit,” Louis said. “I’m sure he’s fine.”

“He’s barely eaten every time I’ve been around him, though,” Zayn told him, still staring at Liam, as he did every day in P.E., but for different reasons this time.

“So, what, you think he has an eating disorder or something?”

“No, that’s not what I meant.”

“What, then?”

Zayn didn’t answer, not wanting to say the words out loud, but Louis understood anyway.

“I’m sure he would have told you if he was sick,” Louis said, “and I’m sure he would know because, especially given his history, I know his parents would have taken him to the doctor if something was off. Don’t stress about it. I’m sure he’ll bulk back up in the spring. He’s probably just had winter blues and all that.”

“Sure,” Zayn said, not actually agreeing, but wanting to.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Louis said again.

  
                                                                                                            ***

  
_“You don’t want to eat anything?” Zayn asked, incredulous. He’d been at Liam’s house since before he woke up that morning and had already eaten twice. Liam had yet to even take a single bite of food._

_“Mm-mm,” Liam hummed, wrinkling his nose in slight disgust at the grilled cheese sandwich that Karen had made Zayn._

_“Don’t feel good?” Zayn guessed._

_“I’m not going to puke, so don’t worry.”_

_“Puke is the last thing I’m worried about,” Zayn said, and then asked, “Do you want me to eat this somewhere else?”_

_“No, it’s fine,” Liam said, laying his head in Zayn’s lap._

_“I really wish I could make you feel better,” Zayn said honestly._

_“You do,” Liam said, and he seemed to mean his words as well._

  
                                                                                                                     ***

  
Cole’s car was way nicer than any other nineteen-year-old’s car should be. It wasn’t perfect. There were a few chipped pieces of red paint and it made a loud noise whenever shifting gears, but it clearly hadn’t been cheap, even if bought used, and Zayn could tell that Cole felt cool driving it. He couldn’t blame him. If driving didn’t give him such bad anxiety, he probably would have felt cool driving it too, even though he was the farthest thing from it.

Liam had come up to the door to get Zayn, and Zayn pretended for just a moment that he was picking him up for their own date, but that fantasy didn’t last long because Cole smirked from the driver’s seat as soon as he saw Zayn, and Liam climbed into the backseat with Sophia, sitting in the middle just to be closer to her. She took his hand, lacing their fingers tightly together and resting them on Liam’s lap.

“Hey,” Cole said as Zayn got into the passenger side of the front seat, at Liam’s instruction. “I’m Cole.”

“Hi, I’m Zayn,” Zayn said, giving the other a slight smile, which Cole returned.

“Nice to meet ya,” he said, offering a hand, which Zayn shook.

“You too,” he assured him.

Cole was cute, as Zayn figured he would be, considering Sophia was gorgeous. They looked a lot alike, actually, and acted very similar too. Cole was nice, even if a bit cocky (like his sister), and he even batted his eyes the same way Sophia did to Liam while he talked, whenever Zayn would say something. Zayn had always figured Sophia did that on purpose, which he wasn’t judging her for because it was quite cute, but it became clear then that she and her brother were both natural flirts. Zayn envied both of them.

“Oh, Cole, I don’t think you told Zayn what you do for a living yet,” Liam commented, setting down his second slice of pizza after only taking one bite from it. Zayn wanted to tell himself he was only uninterested in the food because the two had just eaten pizza less than a week ago, but he knew that wasn’t true. When Liam had felt alright, he, Zayn, Louis and Niall had gotten pizza nearly every weekend.

“Haven’t I?” Cole asked, using a napkin to wipe his mouth before looking at Zayn with a smile, which Zayn returned, hoping he seemed interested. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, it was just that he was too focused on Liam; why he wasn’t eating and why he looked so worn out again. Sure, he still had a cold, but it was in its final stages by that point.

“Well,” Cole began, “I work for a large advertising company. They’re paying for my schooling and everything, and once I get out next year, I may be promoted to their even larger branch in London.”

“Wow,” Zayn said, impressed, but probably not as much as Cole was expecting him to be. He hid that well, though.

“Yeah,” Cole agreed. “Of course, accepting the London position would depend on what commitments I have at home at the time…or what commitments are willing to relocate with me.”

“Whoa, slow down!” Sophia said, looking embarrassed for her brother, who simply winked at Zayn. Zayn gave a small laugh before taking a sip of his water, finding it best not to comment, and not really sure what he would say anyway.

“What about you, Zayn?” Cole asked next. “What are your plans after secondary school?”

“This sounds bad, but I’m not really sure,” Zayn said. “I’ll get a job, definitely, but as far as more schooling goes, I don’t know. I want to do something with art, but I’m sure I’d be stuck being an instructor or something.”

“You’re an artist?” Cole asked. “That’s hot.”

Zayn laughed, shaking his head once.

“I draw, but I’m hardly an artist.”

“What about your comic books?” Liam spoke. “Do you still do those?”

“Not really,” Zayn answered honestly.

“Aw, really? They were so amazing.”

While Zayn took another drink to hopefully fight off a blush, Liam continued,

“Back when I was sick, Zayn had all these comic books he created himself, and he even made me my own character. They were pretty much the only things that could really make me laugh through all that.”

“Aw!” Sophia exclaimed, grabbing her boyfriend’s face and turning his head to give him a kiss. Apparently, she didn’t care if she caught a cold or not.

Zayn smiled, but looked down to his plate.

“Comics are cool,” Cole added, and then grabbed another slice of pizza.

“Are you still not hungry?” Sophia asked Liam then, her voice quiet, but not so much so that the rest of the table couldn’t hear.

“I was hungry when we got out of school, so I ate a snack, which I guess I shouldn’t have done,” Liam told her, also keeping his voice low.

“You’re okay?” the girl asked, using the back of her hand to check the heat on the back of Liam’s neck before then trying to go for his forehead, but, with a laugh, Liam leaned away.

“I’m fine, babe,” he said, taking her hand in his and lowering them down to the seat.

“Promise?” she asked.

“Promise,” he said, giving her a smile before locking their lips together. This time, it was more than a peck on the lips, and after a few seconds had gone on and they were still going at it, Cole cleared his throat.

“Well, that’s nauseating,” he said. “Hey, Zayn, wanna go to the game room?”

“Okay,” Zayn agreed, suddenly desperate to get away.

“We’ll be back,” Cole told the lovebirds. Sophia gave a thumbs up, her lips not leaving Liam’s, and then touched her boyfriend’s chin, giggling as he kissed the corner of her mouth.

“I’ll race you,” Cole said once in the arcade room, heading straight for the car game.

“Alright,” Zayn said with a small laugh, situating himself on the machine next to the other.

Zayn ended up beating Cole, who groaned and acted bothered by it, though, when they stood up, he gave Zayn’s butt a light slap.

“Congratulations,” he said with a wink. Zayn smiled, not upset by his congratulatory present, but he was starting to doubt how much Cole was interested in a serious relationship.

His suspicion that Cole was only really in this for one thing was more or less confirmed as their time in the arcade room went on. Zayn won all but one of the games, and while he was quite skilled on video games, he thought his streak had more to do with the fact that Cole would rather spend his time touching Zayn’s waist, butt, or shoulders than concentrating on the actual activity.

In Cole’s defense, he did ask Zayn if it was alright or if he was moving too fast, and Zayn told him that it was perfectly fine. He may not be a natural flirt himself, but he knew how to accept others’ advances.

About twenty minutes after they entered the game room, Liam and Sophia decided to join.

“Aw, Soph, you should win me the little owl with the big green eyes,” Liam said, nodding to the claw machine. Sophia let go of Liam’s hand to pretend to crack her knuckles.

“I’ll win you that owl, baby,” she said, and then began digging in her purse for some change.

It took Sophia, Zayn and Cole all to have three turns trying to get the stuffed animal, but, finally, Zayn won it on his final try. The group cheered, and Zayn knew he shouldn’t feel so good about winning a dumb little toy for Liam, but he did.

“Aw, you’re giving him to me?!” Liam asked, fake emotion in his voice, but a real smile on his face when Zayn handed him the owl.

“Just take good care of him for me,” Zayn said.

“I will,” Liam promised, “and I shall name him…Gunther.”

“Hi, Gunther!” Sophia cooed, petting the fake owl on the head. Liam giggled at her and then kissed her, and Zayn’s joy faded just a bit.

 

Liam and Sophia both had to go to the bathroom before the movie started, leaving Zayn and Cole sitting together. Cole was doing his best to make sure their knees were touching.

“Before the film starts, I just have to tell you that I’ve had a really good time tonight,” Cole said. Zayn wasn’t sure why he was speaking so softly when the previews hadn’t even started.

“I have, too,” Zayn told him, and, over all, he had.

“Are you doing anything tomorrow?” Cole asked.

“I don’t think so,” Zayn said.

“I’ll have the house to myself around five if you want to come over.”

“Okay,” Zayn agreed, and Cole smiled.

“Can’t wait,” he said, and put his arm around Zayn’s shoulders for just a couple of minutes, until they saw Liam returning.

“Sorry, got lost,” he said as he took his seat on Zayn’s other side.

“Where’s my sister?” Cole asked.

“She went to the concession stand,” Liam answered.

“She’s hungry again already?! That girl, I swear…”

“I think she only went for a drink,” Liam said, but smiled in a way that showed he knew what Cole meant.

Sophia returned just as the lights were being dimmed for the previews to start and handed Liam the drink she’d bought with a, “Here, babe,” and a kiss on the cheek. Liam thanked her, took a sip and then put the cup in the holder before putting his head on her shoulder.

Zayn quickly turned the sigh that escaped his throat into a violent cough, causing Liam to sit up and look at him.

“Uh-oh, are you getting sick now?” he asked.

“No,” Zayn assured him with a smile. Liam returned it and then rested his head against his girlfriend again.

The entire movie, Zayn had to shift his body back towards Cole, as it seemed to gravitate naturally to Liam.

 

“Thanks for picking me up and everything,” Zayn told Cole after the guy had parked in his driveway that night.

“My pleasure,” Cole assured him. “See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Zayn agreed.

“Oh, you will?!” Liam asked, sitting up straighter in the backseat. Cole and Zayn simply laughed.

“How’d it go?” Doniya asked when Zayn entered the house. She at least hadn’t been sitting there, waiting for him that time, but instead was in front of the television with the rest of the family, watching a film or show.

“Good,” Zayn replied simply, starting to head up the stairs.

“We don’t get details?” Zayn’s dad asked, making him pause.

‘Coming out’ was one of the scariest things that Zayn had ever done. His parents were good people; never outwardly judgmental on anyone, but they were reserved in a lot of ways, and Zayn feared that being gay as the only son wouldn’t have been highly accepted.

It had been a shock for his parents at first when he told them (not so much his sisters, oddly.) His mother cried and his father had had to walk away from the table, but only hours later, they had both come into his room, apologized, hugged him and told him that they loved him just as he was and there was nothing wrong with being himself.

Still, they didn’t ask very often about Zayn’s love life. They’d been nice to Dominic, but if Zayn didn’t offer information, they didn’t press for it.

“You want details?” Zayn asked, going back down a couple steps and staring at them.

“Yes,” his father said. “Was he cute?”

Zayn and his sisters all laughed, most out of shock but, for Zayn, almost from relief.

“Yeah, he was cute,” he said, feeling lighter than he knew it was possible to feel.

“Was he nice?” his mom asked.

“Yeah,” Zayn said. “I mean, he clearly likes himself, but he was nice.”

“It’s okay to like yourself,” Doniya pointed out. Zayn nodded his agreement.

“Are you seeing him again?” Waliyha asked.

“Yeah, tomorrow,” Zayn said.

“Oh!” Trisha said, surprised, but smiling. “What are you two doing?”

Zayn paused, having to quickly come up with an answer in his mind because he was sure, no matter how accepting his parents were proving to be of his sexuality, that they still didn’t want to hear that he was going over to some guy’s house that he’d just met to, probably, partake in something sexual.

“He and Sophia are going to introduce Liam and me to this show. I forget what it’s called, but I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

“Sounds fun,” Zayn’s dad said, and then, “This film just started if you want to join us.”

“No, thanks,” Zayn said. “I’m really tired. Maybe on Sunday we can watch something?”

His family agreed and all exchanged good nights before Zayn finished making his way upstairs. Once in his bedroom, he got into an old box in his closet that he hadn’t touched in a while. If his life were a movie, he would have blown the dust off the top before opening it to reveal the comic books he’d once worked so hard on.

Zayn found the one he was looking for quickly because, while he kept most of his works in chronological order, the book he wrote about Liam-for Liam-was always left on the very top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I PROMISE that Ziam is end game XD


	6. Chapter 6

Zayn woke up with a text from an unknown number and hoped it was a good sign when he found himself smiling at the first line.

 _Hey, it’s Cole_ , the message read. _Got your number from Liam. What’s up?_

 _Hey_ , Zayn typed quickly, hoping that Cole wouldn’t be upset by the fact that it had taken him nearly an hour to reply. _Just woke up._

It took only a couple frightening minutes for Cole to text him back.

 _Good morning, then =]_ , he said, and Zayn’s smile grew.

 _Good morning_ , he said back.

 _Have you changed your mind about hanging out today yet?_ Cole asked next.

 _No_ , Zayn assured him. _Have you?_

_Definitely not =] We may have to change plans a bit though._

_Oh?_

_Since my parents are out of town, Sophia wants to throw a party. We can either stay for the party or I can take you somewhere else. Anywhere you want._

_We can stay for the party,_ Zayn replied without even a moment’s hesitation. It wasn’t that he was a big partier. He hadn’t ever actually been to a real teenage party, but he wasn’t sure he was quite ready for a one-on-one date with Cole just yet.

Besides, if Sophia was throwing the party, then Liam would probably be there.

 _Aces_ , Cole replied. _It’s starting at eight. See you then?_

_Yeah, see you =]_

Zayn needed other information, such as Cole’s address, but he decided that he would text him again closer to time to head over for that.  
In the end, that was unnecessary, because Liam sent Zayn a text just a while later asking if he was really coming to Sophia’s party. When Zayn said that he was, Liam expressed his joy, (well, he put the emoji that was smiling really big) and then told him he could give him a ride if he wanted. Zayn wanted that very much. He told Liam, sure.

Liam and Zayn arrived at the siblings’ flat a little early to help put the final touches on various preparations. Naturally, Sophia and Liam kissed as soon as Liam was inside, but Zayn was distracted by Cole pulling him into a tight side-hug and sneakily slapping his bum before pulling away.

“Do you want a drink?” he said in Zayn’s ear, and Zayn agreed, because that’s what he was supposed to do at a party, right?

When Cole asked Zayn what he wanted, Zayn told him to surprise him, so he and Cole sipped on a punch-vodka mix while Sophia and Liam chose waters.

“I didn’t know you were a drinker,” Liam said to Zayn, a smile on his face that didn’t quite meet his eyes. Zayn shrugged.

“Sometimes,” he told him. He’d been drunk once before, so it counted, he guessed.

“Don’t let Liam fool you,” Cole said to Zayn, slinging an arm around his neck. Zayn knew he hadn’t drank enough to feel a single thing yet. Maybe he was just through with caring what the others thought. “One time, Liam got so drunk here that he fell down the steps trying to be Captain Underpants.”

Zayn laughed and Liam smiled; a real one then.

“Please tell me he had his underpants on the outside of his trousers,” Zayn said.

“No,” Liam answered.

“Yes,” Sophia corrected with a giggle as she massaged the back of Liam’s neck lovingly. Zayn took another drink before choking out a laugh.

 “That’s great,” he finally said.

“There are pictures,” Sophia added. “Remind me to show you sometime.”

“I definitely will.”

“You’re so mean to me,” Liam told his girlfriend, but was smiling to show that he didn’t actually feel that way.

“Oh, I know it,” she replied. “How do you put up with me?”

“You’re a good kisser,” Liam said.

“Hm,” the girl hummed before putting his statement to the test.

“Seriously?” Cole asked. “Do you need another drink, Zayn?”

Zayn told him that he did, even though he was only a little over halfway done with his first.

 

Sophia and Cole’s house wasn’t huge, but the siblings had managed to rearrange the furniture (even if that meant taking some pieces outside or to their bedrooms) so that all thirty or so people who had been invited could fit comfortably inside. Parties were something they were used to throwing, Zayn had a feeling.

Zayn had been nervous while guests were arriving (though it was somewhat numbed by the two drinks he’d had) because he wasn’t sure how Liam, Sophia and Cole’s friends would react to him, but, to his surprise, everyone was nice and at least pretended to be interested as Liam dragged him around, introducing him. Zayn was much gigglier than he should have been while that happened, and only a fraction of that had to do with the alcohol. He could really get used to being on Liam’s arm, even though he wasn’t technically on his arm…or even touching him. Small details didn’t matter at the moment.

Too soon, Zayn had met everybody at the party and Cole swooped in to take him away from Liam. Zayn wanted to complain, but Cole took him to get another drink, so Zayn decided that was almost a fair trade.

Two drinks later, his vision was fuzzy, his legs were starting to turn numb and Zayn was having the time of his life.

“Hi, Liam!”

“Whoa, hey,” Liam gasped, grabbing Zayn’s arm to support the boy as he jumped onto his back. “Having fun?”

“Yes,” Zayn said his chin resting on Liam’s shoulder as the other teen turned his neck to look at him. His hand was still over Zayn’s wrist.

“Good,” Liam said. “May I suggest taking it easy on the alcohol though?”

“You can suggest it but I may not listen,” Zayn told him, and Liam’s body vibrated with his laugh.

“I’m going to reposition you, hold on.”

Zayn let Liam move him like a rag doll (which, if he was being honest, he let him do while he was completely sober in all of his fantasies anyway) and before he knew it, both he and Liam were seated on the couch, Liam’s arm around Zayn’s shoulder as Zayn’s cheek was pressed into his bicep. He sighed in content.

“You good?” Liam asked, his short fingernails running up and down Zayn’s shoulder mindlessly. Zayn could almost fall asleep.

“’M good,” he promised.

“Alright,” Liam said.

“You and Sophia are really cute,” Zayn told Liam, because they were, and it almost didn’t pain him to say it four drinks into the night.

“Thank you,” Liam said. “How’s Cole…and where’s Cole?”

“He’s in the bathroom,” Zayn said. “And he’s good.”

“Good?”

“Good.”

“I’d like more clarification on that when you’re sober.”

“Okay.”

Honestly, Zayn was on the same page.

“I’m glad you’re back in my life,” Zayn decided to tell Liam.

“I was never not in your life…,” Liam said, and Zayn would almost say he sounded hurt, but he was too intoxicated to make those kinds of judgments.

“Oh,” he simply said instead. “Okay.”

Quickly, Zayn changed the subject.

“Where’s Sophia?”

“She went upstairs for a bit with some of the girls. I don’t know what they’re doing. I find it best not to ask.”

“Probably a good idea.”

Zayn could have stayed like that all night; cuddled close to Liam and feeling sleepy, but happy while watching the other party goers dance and laugh like they were in slow motion, and hearing them try to talk over the blaring music that sounded a lot farther away than it was. He knew he couldn’t, of course, but he’d still been hoping for a few more minutes when Cole made his way back into the room, spotted him and walked over.

“Hey, gorgeous,” he greeted Zayn, holding out his hand. “Want to dance?”

“Oh, no, no, no,” Zayn said. “I don’t dance.”

“Me neither,” Cole said with a laugh. “It was the best line I had. Want to go get another drink?”

“Okay,” Zayn agreed, taking Cole’s hand and letting him pull him to his feet. In the process, Liam’s arm slid off him, his hand falling to the cushion where Zayn had been seated.

“Zayn?” Liam began.

“Yeah?” Zayn asked, turning back halfway to look at him. Again, if he were in a better place to make a judgement, he would swear that Liam’s eyes locked in on his and Cole’s intertwined hands for a few moments while he wore a blank expression on his face. If that was what really happened, though, it didn’t last long, and then Liam looked up to Zayn’s face, offering a smile.

“Have fun.”

Zayn returned the smile briefly before allowing Cole to take him away.

“Want to try something new this time?” Cole asked Zayn once in the kitchen.

“Like what?” Zayn asked, knowing it was a bad idea to mix alcohol, but he was long past the point of caring.

“Fireball shot?”

“Okay,” Zayn agreed, nervous, because he wasn’t one hundred percent sure what that was and also because he’d never taken a shot before.

“You’re an up-for-anything kind of guy, huh?” Cole asked, winking. Zayn smiled.

“Mostly,” he said.

“Mostly,” Cole repeated. “I can work with that.”

Ever the gentleman, Cole poured Zayn’s shot first and handed it to him while getting his own. Also being a gentleman, Zayn waited for him to finish so that they could take their shots together.

Immediately, there was a loud buzzing that went from Zayn’s ears to right inside his skull. The shot seemed to burn his insides-sticking true to its name, Zayn supposed-and after gagging, he was honestly surprised to find that he had managed to not throw up.

“You alright?” Cole asked with a slight laugh.

“Yeah,” Zayn said, hiccupping. “I’ve never had fireball before. Sorry.”

“Never?”

“Nope.”

“Fuck,” Cole said, setting both his and Zayn’s cups down on the counter and then pulling the boy in by the waist. “You’re so hot, you know that?”

“Uh…I guess.”

“You are,” Cole assured him, leaning down to suck a bruise on to Zayn’s neck before locking their lips together.

Also, apparently, like Sophia, Cole was a really good kisser.

“Want to take a break from the party?” Cole asked against Zayn’s neck after leaving his lips to return to the bruise he knew already had to be there.

“Yeah,” Zayn agreed. Cole took that opportunity to cop a feel of Zayn’s bottom before taking his hand and leading him upstairs.

Unlike in the movies, where everyone cheered as the couple went up for some fun of their own, nobody noticed them going.

“Fuck,” Cole sighed after turning the knob to what Zayn figured was his bedroom and finding it locked. “Okay…It’s alright. Come here.”

Their hands still laced together, Cole led Zayn to a different room; a pink-and-black decorated room with one of those Japanese lights hanging from the middle of the ceiling.

“Is this Sophia’s room?” Zayn asked.

“Doesn’t matter,” Cole said, lightly pushing him onto the bed and climbing on top. Zayn allowed him to kiss wherever his lips desired as he looked around. The various pictures on the walls and the desk in the corner verified that it was, in fact, Sophia’s bedroom, and Zayn swallowed against the sick feeling that was suddenly forming. He didn’t know how he felt having sex in his love’s girlfriend’s room, especially with pictures of Liam and Sophia, happy and smiling, watching them.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” Cole asked. “Is it the alcohol?”

“No!” Zayn cried defensively, tearing his eyes away from one particularly intimate picture of Liam kissing Sophia’s neck underneath a sunset to look at the other guy’s face. “Can we, just, like…go to your parents’ room or something?”

“You want to…”

Cole cut himself off, shaking his head.

“Okay, yeah,” he agreed, not bothering to button his trousers as he jumped off the bed and helped Zayn down as well.

The rational part of Zayn’s mind that was still somewhat hanging on knew that having sex in your lovers’ parents’ room was just as bad, if not worse, than in their sibling’s room, but Zayn felt less disturbed being laid down onto that bed than he had Sophia’s, and he almost managed to forget those pictures he’d seen as he closed his eyes and focused on feeling Cole’s hands on his skin and lips on his face.

“Shit,” Cole breathed against Zayn’s bare chest after unbuckling the other teen’s belt. “I forget that all my stuff is in my room.”

“Oh,” Zayn said, not as disappointed as he should have been, given that he'd been at least a little bit excited.

“Don’t worry,” Cole assured him. “I’ll still make you feel good.”

Cole began kissing from Zayn’s neck downward, and Zayn’s jeans were removed, his boxers a second away from being pulled down, when something that sounded like a door being opened made them both jump and look.

“Oh my god!” Sophia cried, covering her eyes as she turned to bury her face in Liam’s chest.

It had been a door opening that Zayn had heard, then.

“You didn’t lock the door?” Zayn asked Cole.

“You didn’t either!” Cole defended himself, jumping off the bed and pulling his own pants back on as Liam simply stared with…what emotion was that? It wasn’t quite disgust, but it wasn’t happy in the least.

“Hey,” Zayn said weakly, grabbing one of Cole’s parents’ larger pillows and laying it across his body.

“Mum and dad’s room?! Seriously?!” Sophia asked, her face still covered by Liam’s body. Liam, however, wasn’t touching her back.

“Well, someone was in my room!” Cole said. “You should be grateful! I wanted to go to your room, but he said no.”

“My room?! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“Are you okay?” Liam asked, and it took Zayn a moment to realize that he was talking to him.

“Oh, um, yeah. Of course,” Zayn said, watching as Liam stepped around Sophia to walk closer to him.

“What are you two doing in here anyway?” Cole asked. “Probably the same thing as us, yeah?”

“No,” Sophia said, glaring at her brother, now that he was fully dressed again. “Mum and dad have the Tylenol in their bathroom, and Liam’s got a bit of a fever.”

“You’re sick?” Zayn asked, sitting up, his head spinning, but his eyes focused on Liam the best he could manage. He was no longer at all excited.

“I’m fine,” Liam said, picking Zayn’s clothes up from off the ground and tossing them to him. Moving the pillow, Zayn awkwardly slithered into his pants while still sitting on the bed.

“You’re doing my chores for two weeks or I tell mum and dad,” Sophia blackmailed her brother, her tone already lighter. Apparently, she had begun to find amusement in the situation.

That made one of them, at least.

“Yeah, yeah,” Cole muttered.

“You know what, Soph?” Liam said. “I’ll just get some medicine at home. I should probably just go to bed anyway.”

“You can lay down in my bed,” Sophia said before asking her brother, “Swear you didn’t do anything in my bed?!”

“I swear, okay?!”

“That’s alright,” Liam said. “Thanks, but I don’t think I can sleep with this music anyway.”

“Okay, babe,” Sophia said, sounding reluctant. “You’re sure you don’t want to take anything before you go?”

“I’m sure.”

Liam looked to Zayn, who was still sitting on the bed awkwardly, humming lightly to himself. He silenced at the other’s gaze.

“Do you need a ride home?”

“What? No,” Cole interrupted. “Zayn, stay, baby. My room should be free in a minute.”

“Ugh,” Sophia spat.

“I should probably go,” Zayn said, clumsily getting out of bed. Liam had to steady him so that he didn’t fall and crack something on the nightstand.

“Thanks, Soph,” Cole said moodily, storming from the room. Zayn noticed Liam roll his eyes.

“Come on,” he said to Zayn, keeping his hands on the other’s shoulders, as Sophia led them downstairs and out the door to the front patio.

“Feel better, baby,” Sophia said to her boyfriend, standing on her tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek.

“I’ll be fine,” Liam told her.

“I hope so,” she said. “Text me when you’re home. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Zayn knew he didn’t gag because of their words, but it came with perfect timing. Luckily, neither of them noticed.

“Bye, Zayn,” Sophia said as Liam began leading Zayn down to his car.

“Bye,” Zayn returned. “Sorry about almost having sex in your parents’ bed.”

Sophia gave a small laugh. Liam’s lips formed a tight line.

“Wait, Li,” Zayn said, popping open his passenger side door as Liam began to back out of the driveway. In return, Liam slammed on the breaks, sending Zayn’s stomach lurching dangerously.

“What?” Liam asked. “What are you doing?”

“I can’t go,” Zayn told him.

“What? Why not?”

“I can’t go home.”

“Why? What’s wrong? Are you about to be sick?”

“No. Well, probably, soon, but no. I just…I told my parents that I was staying with you tonight since I figured I would be crashing here, and if I go home like this, they’ll be really mad.”

“Well,” Liam said after thinking for a moment, “I guess you’re coming to my place then.”

“But I’m drunk,” Zayn said, “and you’re sick.”

“It’s fine, Z,” Liam assured him. “Please close the door.”

Zayn obeyed and Liam put his car back into park just long enough to buckle Zayn’s seat belt for him before driving away.

“Liam?” Zayn asked a few minutes into the car ride, when Liam hadn’t said a single word.

“Yeah?”

“What’s wrong?”

Liam sighed, taking one hand off the wheel to mess with his hair.

“I’m really sorry, Zaynie,” he said.

“For what?” Zayn asked, genuinely confused.

“I didn’t think Cole was like that,” Liam said. “I thought he wanted a relationship, not only…that.”

“It’s okay,” Zayn told him. “It was consex…consensual.”

“Well, I sure as shit hope so!”

“I didn’t mean what’s wrong like that anyway,” Zayn said after a brief pause.

“What?”

“I meant what’s wrong as in, like, why you’re sick.”

“I don’t know,” Liam said. “Just this stubborn cold, I guess.”

“How was high…no…how high was your fever?”

“Don’t worry about it, Z,” Liam said. “I’m taking care of you tonight, alright?”

“No, that’s weird.”

“No, it’s not.”

“I’m fine,” Zayn said, and then hic-burped. Liam gave a small laugh, shooting Zayn a quick, unreadable glance.

“We’re about three minutes away from my place, so if you could wait until then to throw up, it would be appreciated greatly.”

“Yes, sir.”

 

“Okay,” Liam said once his house was in sight. “Only Roo is here. Nicola moved out and my parents are out of town.”

“Did they go on vacation with Sophia’s family?” Zayn asked, nauseated by the thought. Liam huffed out a laugh.

“No,” he said.

 

“Aw, really?!” Ruth asked, sounding disappointed, when the door opened and in stepped Liam. “I thought I was getting the place to myself tonight!”

“Sorry, but not really,” Liam said, and then steadied Zayn as he stumbled in.

“Whoa,” the woman breathed. “Hey, there, Zayn. Rough night?”

“Sophia walked in on me almost having sex with her brother in their parents’ room, but other than that, it was a really fun night.”

Gaping slightly, Ruth looked to Liam before letting out a loud laugh and then slapping her hand over her mouth.

“Sorry,” she apologized. “That is…quite unfortunate, Zayn. I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Thank you.”

“Night, Roo,” Liam said, taking Zayn’s hand, as he had at the concert, and heading towards the stairs.

“Night, baby brother,” Ruth said. “Night, Zayn!”

“Good night!”

 

“Liam, I don’t want to throw up!”

“You’ll feel a lot better if you do,” Liam told Zayn gently. Upon first reaching Liam’s room, Zayn thought he was going to forgo being sick and pass out, but as he crashed down on Liam’s bed, his head spun and his stomach clenched and unclenched painfully until Liam raised him up and Zayn realized he’d been gagging. Now, Zayn had yet to actually be sick, but he had been knelt in front of the toilet for a good five or more minutes with Liam sitting on the tub next to him, rubbing his back.

Liam’s touch almost made this whole thing worth it but, as it was, Zayn was swearing to himself to never drink again.

“But I don’t want to!” Zayn insisted stubbornly.

“You won’t have a hangover in the morning if you get it over with now,” Liam told him.

“Really?” Zayn asked.

“Really,” Liam said. “You might have a bit of a headache, but overall, you’ll be perfectly fine.”

Zayn whimpered.

“I’m sorry I’m a disaster!”

As he sniffled, Liam actually had the audacity to laugh at him. If he wasn’t the love of Zayn’s life, he would have been mad at him.

“You’re really going to apologize for being sick this once when I was sick for almost the whole first two years that we knew each other? How many times did you stay with me while I was puking my guts out?”

“That’s different,” Zayn insisted. “I did this to myself.”

“We’ve all been there,” Liam told him. “Come on, mate. Stop fighting it and you can go to bed.”

Zayn didn’t want to ‘stop fighting it,’ but the emotional side effects of alcohol were starting to belatedly kick in. His breath grew shallow as he tried to keep his nose from running, which didn’t do great things for his stomach, naturally, and soon, his sickness overtook him after a loud, disgusting, humiliating burp.

“Good one. Ten out of ten,” Liam complimented, standing up so that he could better rub Zayn’s back. Under different circumstances, Zayn would have laughed and shoved Liam playfully, but all he could do then was puke and sniffle and let his eyes water (but he was not, under any definition, crying.)

“Done?” Liam asked a torturous time later. It probably really hadn’t been that long, but it felt it to Zayn.

“Yeah,” Zayn said, flushing the toilet and stumbling around Liam to wash his mouth out in the sink.

“Feel better?” Liam asked. Zayn nodded as he swished the water around.

“Good,” Liam said.

“Don’t tell Sophia or Cole about this,” Zayn asked of him as he turned the tap off.

“Why would I do that?” Liam asked.

“Because I’m gross,” Zayn said, his eyes starting to water a little again. Liam found it in himself to laugh at Zayn once more, but it was okay, because then he pulled Zayn into a hug, rubbing circles against his back gently with his knuckles.

“It will be our secret,” he promised.

Liam helped Zayn back to bed and then went downstairs to get him some Gatorade and crackers. Zayn was nearly asleep by the time he got back, but Liam insisted he sit up and consume a little bit of the food and juice.

“Hey,” Zayn commented, chewing on his straw as he twirled his socked feet around in circles.

“Hey, what?” Liam asked, sipping on his own drink.

“Why are my shoes off?”

“I took them off for you before we went to the bathroom,” Liam said.

“Oh,” Zayn said. “I don’t remember.”

“Hm.”

Liam put his drink onto his nightstand and stood.

“Do you want something more comfortable to sleep in?” he asked. “You can borrow something of mine.”

“I don’t have the energy to get undressed,” Zayn said. The room was already spinning dangerously again, though he wasn’t too concerned since his stomach was still happy.

“I can help,” Liam offered, and Zayn barely resisted making a dirty remark. Honestly, Liam just made it too easy sometimes.

“Hold on, I’ve got it,” he said, setting down his own cup and somehow managing to slip out of his t-shirt and pants.

“Do you want something else to wear?” Liam offered.

“I’m warm enough,” Zayn told him, “unless I’m making you uncomfortable.”

“Why would I be uncomfortable?” Liam asked, heading back to the bed. Zayn only then noticed that he’d changed into a large t-shirt and pajama bottoms himself.

Taking Liam’s question as a rhetorical one, Zayn didn’t reply and instead laid his head on one of his pillows. Liam flicked off his light and then crawled next to Zayn, facing him, even if they couldn’t really see each other in the dark.

“Want to trade me places in case you have to go to the bathroom?” Liam asked.

“I’m good,” Zayn assured him.

“Okay,” Liam said.

“Thanks for taking care of my hot mess self,” Zayn told him.

“I like taking care of you,” Liam claimed.

“What was your temperature?” Zayn asked.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Zayn sighed.

“Fine,” he sighed, “but I’ll worry in the morning.”

“We’ll discuss that when the time comes.”

“Good night, Li-Li.”

“Night, Zaynie.”

Starting to feel a little chill, Zayn scooted only an inch closer to Liam, who draped his arm lightly over Zayn’s body. It meant nothing to the other boy, Zayn knew, but he fell asleep that night pretending that it did mean something.  
                                                                                                             ***

  
_“Ow, ow, ow. No, no, no! Come back here, Scruffy! Ow.”_

_Zayn was pulled from his sleep by another’s voice, and it took a moment for him to remember where he was, but when he looked beside him to see Liam thrashing around in his sleep, sweating like he’d run a marathon, he remembered. He’d been spending the night at Liam’s, which was something that he wasn’t usually allowed to do, but, for some reason, both sets of parents had made an exception that night. Zayn and Liam had been so excited. They ordered pizza for dinner (Liam actually ate two whole pieces), played board games with Ruth and Nicola for a bit and then played video games, just the two of them, until they fell asleep sometime after midnight while watching a movie._

_The movie had long since ended; the main menu playing its song softly and the light from the television reflecting Liam enough for Zayn to realize that something wasn’t right. He was always pale, but never this pale._

_“Liam?” Zayn called lightly, shaking the other’s arm. Liam jerked away, but didn’t wake, a loud groan escaping from his throat._

_“Come back!”_

_“Liam, wake up!” Zayn said, louder that time as he sat up and shook Liam a bit rougher. The other teen didn’t show any signs of opening his eyes, continuing to groan and cry in his unconscious state. Feeling his forehead, Zayn was shocked at how hot he was; his skin so heated that Zayn flinched back._

_“Li?” he tried one more time, but when nothing changed, Zayn jumped out of bed and hurried down the hall to Karen and Geoff’s room._

_“Zayn?” Karen asked sleepily, opening the door while tying her dressing gown, just about twenty seconds after Zayn had knocked. “What is it, sweetie?”_

_“Something’s wrong with Liam,” Zayn said, and didn’t waste time trying to explain. Instead, he turned on his heel and hurried back towards his friend’s room, leaving the mother to follow him. Geoff wasn’t too far behind._

_“Ow, ow, ow…,” Liam was saying again when they entered, and Karen hurried around Zayn to sit on the bed, putting a gentle hand on her son’s shoulder._

_“Liam?” she prodded. “Wake up, sweetie. Tell me what hurts.”_

_“Ow, ow, ow…”_

_“Liam, what hurts?”_

_“Come back!”_

_“I’m right here.”_

_“Where’d Scruffy go?”_

_“Scruffy died two years ago, darling…”_

_“Are we going to the circus?”_

_“No. Liam, wake up.”_

_“Ouch! Ow, ow!”_

_Karen sighed, resting her hand across Liam’s forehead. Like Zayn, she withdrew it quickly, sucking in a breath as she did so._

_“Geoff, he’s burning up,” she said._

_“Well, yes, he’s clearly delirious,” Geoff commented._

_“Get me the thermometer, please,” Karen requested, and Geoff went off. While he was on his mission, Karen continued trying to rouse her son, who eventually did open his eyes at the same time he arched his back and let out a loud, pained screech._

_“Sh, sh,” Karen pleaded, rubbing his arm. “It’s going to be okay, Liam.”_

_“It hurts! I hurt!” Liam cried. Zayn was crying along with him, only silently._

_“What hurts, dear?” Karen asked, her voice gentle, yet cracking._

_“Everything!” Liam exclaimed. “Make it stop! Make it stop!”_

_“Geoff!”_

_“I’m right here,” Geoff answered his wife, hurrying to hand her the thermometer. Karen held Liam’s head still while he waved his arms and kicked his legs, so that the thermometer could get an accurate reading._

_“It’s over a hundred and five,” Karen said, rising to her feet and clutching the front of her neck in fear. “We have to get an ambulance here.”_

_“Wait, what’s going on?”_

_Nicola and Ruth had arrived, standing in the doorway and looking scared out of their minds._

_“Your brother is sick,” Geoff explained._

_“Well, duh,” Ruth said, but then added, “How sick?”_

_“Very sick. We’re getting an ambulance to take him to the hospital.”_

_“No!” Nicola protested._

_“Nic, we have to,” her father said patiently. From his bed, Liam let out another scream, and Karen cried right along with him._

_“Come on, kids,” Geoff said, ushering out Zayn and the girls. He took them all the way outside, probably so they wouldn’t have to hear Liam scream anymore, though Zayn thought that was almost worse; the cries of pain still echoing in his ears._

_He rationalized that, at this moment, Liam’s cries were probably better than silence._

_Ruth cried, curling up on herself on the front porch swing while Nicola held a sobbing Zayn. Zayn felt dumb, crying when even Liam’s oldest sister wasn’t, but he couldn’t stop himself._

_After getting off the phone with emergency, Geoff called Zayn’s mom to explain what was going on and ask if she could come get him, which she, of course, agreed to. Selfishly, Zayn hoped she arrived before the ambulance, which she did, though the sound of sirens could be heard fast approaching as Trisha parked across the street._  
_Not bothering to go inside and get his stuff, or to say bye and thank Liam’s family, or to even look both ways before he crossed the road, Zayn ran to his mother’s car and jumped in, gasping and sobbing like he’d just escaped some great danger._

_“Baby, I’m so sorry,” the woman began, beginning to play with the back of Zayn’s hair, but he shook her off._

_“Please, mum, just go,” he asked. “I don’t want to see them put him in the ambulance…please.”_

_Without another word, Trisha shifted gears, put her hands back on the wheel, and drove off. Neither made a sound, besides the occasional sniffle from Zayn, until they were parked in the garage at their house._

_“I’m so sorry, sweetie,” the mother said again, and the sound that finally escaped Zayn’s throat barely sounded human. Throwing his seat belt off, he launched himself at her in an awkward, crammed, car hug, but she held on to him tightly, running her hand up and down his back and placing soft kisses on the top of his head. Typically, that would embarrass Zayn, but he was far past the point of caring anymore. He needed someone. He needed Liam, but since that was impossible at the moment, he would take as much comfort as he could from his mother._

_“Is he going to be okay?” Zayn finally asked, pulling away and wiping his sore eyes. Trisha gave him a look of sympathy._

_“Let’s just wait and see what the doctors say before jumping to conclusions of any kind,” she said._

_“So, no,” Zayn said, “he’s not.”_

_“Zayn!” the woman called after her son as he jumped out of the car and bolted inside, ignoring both her and his father, who was sitting inside and had tried to get his attention. Surely, Zayn’s dad could have caught up with him if he really wanted to, and Zayn was glad that he didn’t. While, a moment ago, he’d desperately needed comforting, he now realized that any form of relief he found from the terror and pain would only be false. He needed to be alone with his sorrow, and that was exactly what it was; sorrow._

_For a few minutes, Zayn’s mother tried to get him to allow access to his room, but, finally, she gave up and assured Zayn through the door that if he needed her anytime throughout the night, he could wake her. Later, Zayn would tell her how much he appreciated her, but at the time, all he could think about was his pain and, more importantly, Liam’s. He hoped he was out of pain, but only with the help of medication and not because of something much worse and more permanent. Zayn wondered if not knowing was the hardest part, but quickly decided that it wasn’t when he thought about the worst possible scenario and sent himself into another slew of tears that lasted over two hours._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's kind of weird to end with a flashback, but it felt right at the time :p


	7. Chapter 7

Somehow, Zayn woke before Liam the next morning. He was glad that Liam had been right; he barely felt the effects from the previous days’ drinking at all due to spilling out his guts during the night. He was a little dizzy, most likely from dehydration, and his head ached if he moved it too fast, but after a good meal and a couple Tylenol pills, he was sure he would be perfectly fine.

“Good morning!” Ruth greeted when Zayn went down to the kitchen, carrying his mostly emptied Gatorade cup.

“’Morning,” Zayn returned with a small smile, hoping she hadn’t heard him in the bathroom last night, but sure that she had.

“How are you feeling this morning?” the girl asked, but she didn’t sound teasing or judgmental at all; merely concerned.

“I’m fine,” Zayn assured her.

“That’s good,” she said. “I almost have breakfast done and I made plenty for you and Liam too. Omelets.”

“You’re the best,” Zayn told her, smiling again. She returned it.

“I know,” she said. “Is Liam still asleep?”

“Yeah,” Zayn answered, and then, suddenly remembering, said, “Did he tell you he was sick last night?”

“No,” Ruth said, her grin turning quickly to a frown. “Sick, how?”

“He had a fever,” Zayn told her. “He wouldn’t tell me how high it was, but that was why we left Sophia’s in the first place.”

“He didn’t tell me,” Ruth said with a sigh.

“Hey, Ruth…is he alright?”

“If you’re talking about me, I’m fine.”

Both Zayn and Ruth jumped as Liam entered the kitchen, neither having heard him descend the steps.

“Still have a fever?” Ruth asked, accusingly. Zayn almost felt guilty; as if he’d betrayed Liam, but he knew that was silly.

“I don’t know,” Liam answered. “Haven’t checked.”

Looking to Zayn, Liam asked,

“How do you feel?”

“Good,” Zayn assured him.

“Good.”

“Breakfast?” Ruth asked, checking the omelet that was on the stove and apparently concluding that it was done, since she turned off the appliance.

“Yeah,” both boys agreed. Zayn wondered if Liam had only done so for show.

Naturally, after eating, Ruth made Liam take his temperature. The thermometer read just over 101. Zayn wished he knew if he had raised or lowered.

“I’ll call my mum and see if she can get me,” Zayn told Liam, who frowned.

“It’s okay,” he said. “I can take you home when you’re ready.”

After a brief, hesitant pause, he asked, “Are you ready now?”

“As much as I would love to stay, I really need a shower and to brush my teeth,” Zayn said, thinking it really said something about how gross he felt that he was ready to leave Liam prematurely.

“Oh, yeah,” Liam said. “That makes sense.”

“If you want,” Zayn began, growing nervous of rejection, “You can always get ready and stay at my place for a little bit. You can try out one of the new video games I told you about if you want.”

Liam’s face lit up, the corners of his mouth twitching upward.

“Yeah?” he asked, almost disbelievingly. Zayn couldn’t help but to smile.

“Yeah,” he said.

“What if I get you sick?”

“I guess I’ll have to make you come over and take care of me then.”

Grinning, Liam nodded once.

“I can do that,” he decided. “Just let me shower real quick.”

“And take some medicine,” Zayn added.

“And take some medicine,” Liam said, giving in.

 

“Hey, sweetie, did you have fu-Oh, hi, Liam!”

“Hi, Trisha,” Liam said, waving and then accepting a hug from the woman.

“It’s good to see you,” Trisha said.

“It’s good to see you too,” Liam returned.

“Liam’s gonna stay over for a little bit, mum, okay?” Zayn asked. The woman was already smiling, but at Zayn’s question, the grin only grew.

“Of course,” she said. “Stay as long as you like, Liam.”

“Thank you,” Liam said while Zayn rolled his eyes.

“Come on,” he said, motioning for Liam to follow him upstairs. Liam did.

“You repainted,” Liam commented almost as soon as he stepped foot in the bedroom.

“Yeah,” Zayn said.

“Is green not your favorite color anymore?” Liam asked, still looking around at the grayish-silver walls.

“It is,” Zayn told him. “I was just bored and thought this color was cool.”

“It is,” Liam agreed.

“The games are over there,” Zayn said next, pointing to the cd rack in his corner. “Pick whatever you want to play.”

“Do you have any suggestions?” Liam asked.

“The newest Dark Souls is pretty good,” Zayn said. “So is last year’s Dead Rising and, of course, Batman.”

“Batman?” Liam asked, his posture straightening. If he’d been a dog, his ears probably would have perked up. Zayn smiled.

“You haven’t even played that one yet?” he asked, though he’d figured as much. “You’re losing your fan boy card, Liam.”

“I know, I know,” Liam said, quickly locating the desired game and pulling it from its place on the rack. “Hold on,” he said then. “This isn’t a two player, is it?”

“No,” Zayn said, “but it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

Though he’d been honest, Liam shook his head, putting the game back where he’d found it as quickly as he’d taken it.

“No,” he said. “I want to play something you can play too.”

“I really don’t mind watching you play,” Zayn assured him again. “I can laugh when you fail because I already know how to beat the game.”

Liam smiled at the tease, but shook his head.

“Nope,” he said. “How about Dead Rising?”

Zayn told him that was fine, and so Liam took the disc from its resting spot and inserted it into Zayn’s game system while Zayn got the controllers ready. They left the game up on the main menu while Zayn took a quick shower and brushed his teeth, but he returned to Liam in record time, almost like he expected Liam to get bored and leave if he took too long, which he kind of did.

Liam was still there after Zayn finished freshening up, though, and he stayed at Zayn’s for over three hours, and only twice did they leave the television; once to use the bathroom and once to accept the lunch that Trisha made for them. It was only when Liam began to yawn every other minute and his eyelids started to droop even as he was playing the game did he say he should go. Zayn wanted to tell him that he could take a nap in his bed, but he wasn’t going to push his luck. Liam had stayed two hours longer than he’d expected, and Zayn didn’t even care that it was only because of the game.

“Oh, hey, hold on,” Zayn said, stopping in his tracks at his bedroom door while walking Liam out. Hurrying over to his game rack, he found the Batman case and held it up.

“Do you want to borrow this?” he asked. Liam’s eyes lit up.

“You don’t care?” he replied, sounding like he couldn’t believe his luck.

“Nah,” Zayn told him. “I beat it a while ago and haven’t touched it since. Keep it as long as you want.”

“Thanks!” Liam said, taking the game from Zayn and smiling like Christmas had come early.

“No problem,” Zayn assured him. That became doubly true when Liam gave him a hug.

“Thanks for last night,” Zayn said to Liam once outside on the front porch step. It was an especially cold day and Zayn wrapped his arms around himself, bouncing up and down in a fruitless attempt to keep himself warm.

“Of course,” Liam assured him, somehow not seeming very chilled. Zayn wondered if his fever had risen, or if his body was trying to sweat it out.

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow, if you’re feeling better,” Zayn said.

“Yeah, I’m sure I’ll be there,” Liam said, and then frowned, realization dawning on him. “Actually, I won’t,” he said. “I’m going to the doctor for some tests tomorrow.”

“What?” Zayn asked, though the way his brows creased in worry showed that he’d heard exactly what Liam had said. The other boy offered a smile.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “It’s just a standard procedure. I have to get tested twice a year to make sure the cancer didn’t come back.”

Still sensing Zayn’s worry, he added,

“But, if it’s negative this time, I only have to go once next year!”

“It’s just standard testing?” Zayn verified. Liam nodded.

“Just standard testing,” he assured him, or at least tried to. Something inside of Zayn was still unsettled.

“Okay,” he said anyway, because it wasn’t fair of him to lay his worries on Liam. “Well, I’ll see you Tuesday then.”

“Yeah,” Liam agreed. “I’m sure after the doctor tomorrow, I’ll go home and play this game all day, so I’ll let you know how I like it, which, I’m sure I’ll love it.”

“I hope so,” Zayn said, doing his best to smile.

“Go inside before you get sick,” Liam said. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Bye, Li. Let me know when you’re home.”

“I will.”

“Did Liam leave already?” Trisha asked, coming down the stairs as Zayn re-entered the house after watching Liam drive away.

“Yeah,” Zayn said. “He wasn’t feeling great.”

“Oh, poor thing,” Trisha said. “I thought he felt warm when I hugged him, but I wasn’t going to be too motherly and say anything.”

Zayn gave her a slight smile and then went around her to get up the stairs and back to his room, suddenly not feeling great himself, though he knew his was all emotional.

 

In second period the next day, Zayn couldn’t help but to stare at Liam’s desk, his foot shaking underneath his own with worry. He kept repeating the phrase standard testing over and over in his head, though it was doing little to comfort him.

Maybe he was over-reacting, he tried to tell himself during English when Sophia walked in, talking and laughing with her friend like she hadn’t a care in the world. Zayn didn’t hold it against her. In fact, he envied her ability to not worry over things that maybe wouldn’t even happen, like Liam’s tests coming back positive.

“Hey, Zayn,” the girl said, pausing by his desk while fishing in her purse for something.

“Hey,” Zayn returned, smiling to the best of his ability. Sophia wasn’t looking at him anyway; too concentrated on trying to find whatever it was she was searching for.   
“Here we go,” she finally sighed, withdrawing a folded piece of paper from her bag and then smiling at Zayn again. “Cole wanted me to give you this,” she said. “I’ve no idea what it says, so if it’s something undesirable, I apologize.”

“I won’t hold it against you,” Zayn promised, taking the paper from her. “Thank you.”

“Sure!”

She went to her seat, leaving Zayn facing Niall, who had one eyebrow nearly touching his hairline.

“Did something happen with her brother?” he asked. Zayn shook his head, not ready to rehash the night of the party with his friends yet. He unfolded the note, looking around to make sure no one was reading over his shoulder before focusing on the words written inside.

_Zayn,_

_I’m really sorry about Saturday night. I was acting like a dick. Alcohol does that to me sometimes, which isn’t an excuse, but I really am sorry. Honestly, I like you a lot. You’re so gorgeous and amazing in every way, and I understand if I messed things up, but I really would love a second chance. If you want to try things again, meet me at Winter Days Ice Skate Park at six tonight. I hope to see you there, but I won’t blame you if I don’t._

_-Cole_

Zayn was unsure why the other guy didn’t text him this instead of having his sister deliver a hand-written message, but he was more concerned with what the guy could have possibly thought he’d done wrong. He and Zayn had both been drunk and willing to mess around. Zayn didn’t feel taken advantage of, and was actually wondering if he should feel insulted that both Liam and Cole seemed to think of him as fragile, or at least someone who couldn’t make their own decisions and was easily taken advantage of.

“Your life is getting so complicated,” Niall sighed. Zayn didn’t reply; simply folded Cole’s note back up the way he’d had it and stuck it in a binder.

 

Zayn debated whether or not he should meet Cole that night. It wasn’t that he was mad at him or that he didn’t like him, because he did. Or, in the least, he didn’t not like the guy. Still, Zayn knew their relationship, or whatever it was to be called, wouldn’t go very far, so he was unsure on whether it would be better to play along for the time being or let it be over.

There was also the fact that Zayn didn’t ice skate.

Cole was, over all, a nice guy, though, and Zayn did have some attraction to him. He knew that if he didn’t show up at that skate park, then he would always wonder what would have happened, and, clearly, Zayn didn’t do well not knowing things.

 

“You came!” Cole exclaimed excitedly from the inside of the park, which was really just a 'fancy' ice skating rink.

“Yeah,” Zayn said, giving the other boy a sideways smile. His half-grin didn’t falter the other’s.

“I brought these for you,” Cole said, bringing his hand out from behind his back and handing Zayn a bouquet of flowers. Zayn almost laughed at the attempt at romance, but, luckily, he was able to refrain.

“Thank you,” he said, awkwardly taking them. Still, Cole wasn’t deterred.

“Are you ready to ice skate?” he asked.

“I’ve never done this before,” Zayn admitted, nervous.

“It’s alright,” Cole assured him. “It’s not that hard. I’ll teach you.”

Zayn wasn’t comforted, but he found himself agreeing anyway. Cole rented a locker for the two of them, as well as paying for the ice skates they would use, and held Zayn’s hand on the way to the rink. Immediately upon stepping onto the ice, Zayn almost lost his footing, but the other boy steadied him.

“Take it slow,” he instructed gently. “I’ve got you.”

Not that Zayn had been on many dates, but this was easily the cheesiest he’d ever experienced and, like everything with Cole, he wasn’t really sure how he felt about it. He wanted to love it and to be endeared by the way Cole smiled at him while watching him slowly get better and better, because he knew that, if it had been Liam in the other man’s place, then he would have been, but, while Zayn was having fun, he couldn’t help but to start wondering when it was going to end. He felt terrible about it, but that was the way it was.

“You did so great, babe,” Cole complimented when the two decided to wrap it up over an hour later. Zayn’s legs were sore, though he wasn’t going to admit it to the other.

“Thanks,” Zayn said, continuing to hold Cole’s hand until they were back at their locker.

“Did you drive here?” Cole asked as the two slipped on their regular shoes.

“No,” Zayn said. “I took a cab.”

“I’ll drive you home,” Cole decided immediately. Zayn nodded.

“Okay,” he said. “Thanks.”

To Zayn’s surprise, Cole continued to hold Zayn’s hand while taking their skates back to the rental desk and turning in their locker combination. For some reason, it made Zayn feel uneasy. Hand holding felt so intimate; serious.

Zayn would later wonder if it was sad that he was far more comfortable with the way Cole started touching his upper thigh while he was driving, or the way he drove to some secluded forest-type space, or how he pulled on Zayn’s hair while shoving his tongue in his mouth, or the way he pulled Zayn into the backseat and undressed him after a few minutes of foreplay, than he had been while the guy was holding his hand. He would also quickly decide that he didn’t care.

 

“Zayn’s back!” Waliyha announced to the entire house once Cole had finally dropped Zayn off.

“Thanks for that,” Zayn told her sarcastically, because he wasn’t much in the mood to be asked a million questions how the night went when his entire body ached.

“How did it go?” Trisha questioned, stepping into view from the kitchen while wiping her hand on a towel. “Lovely flowers, by the way.”

“Oh, yeah. It went fine,” Zayn said. “Great.”

“Good,” the woman said, giving her son a proud smile. “Any details you would like to share?”

“Not really,” Zayn admitted.

“Okay,” she said. “If you change your mind…”

The woman turned, and Zayn was about to make a beeline for the stairs when she did a three-sixty to face him again.

“Oh, Zayn, has Liam gotten ahold of you?” she asked.

“Um…,” Zayn said, nerves that had been somewhat numbed by the night picking up again as he checked his phone for a missed call or text. “No.”

“Oh,” she said. “I was only asking because he stopped by earlier. Said he was just on his way home and wanted to ask you a question about school.”

“Okay,” Zayn said. “I’m going to go try to call him real quick. Thanks.”

Trisha nodded, but Zayn barely saw it as he turned and ran up the stairs, finding Liam’s contact information as he went.

“Hello?” Liam answered on the third ring.

“Hey,” Zayn said, throwing his bouquet down onto his desk. Soon, he would find a vase and put them in water, but he had more pressing matters first. “You came by?”

“Yeah,” Liam told him. “It was nothing important. I took Soph to dinner and decided to stop by and ask how geography was without me.”

“Boring, of course,” Zayn answered, and though it had been the truth, Liam laughed.

“I feel so honored,” he said.

“You should,” Zayn told him, and then changed the subject. “How did your tests go?”

“They were okay. I won’t get the results until Friday, but the tests didn’t last long and then I got to go home and play Batman for three hours.”

“How do you like it?”

“I love it! It’s even better than I expected!”

“Good,” Zayn said, catching himself smiling. “I’m glad.”

“At the rate I’m going, I’ll have your game back to you in no time.”

“That’s cool, but still no hurry,” Zayn assured him. “Finish the game and then play it again for all I care.”

“You’re the best, Zaynie.”

“I know,” Zayn claimed, though he clearly wasn’t better than Sophia, but whatever. Maybe, just maybe, he was second best, at least.

“You went out with Cole then?” Liam asked.

“Yeah,” Zayn said. “We went ice skating. I’m awful at it.”

“I’m sure you weren’t that bad.”

“I don’t know. I’m sure I looked like a baby deer.”

“Baby deer are cute.”

“Thanks…”

“You’re welcome. Cole behaved then?”

“Um…”

“What did he do?!”

Even though Liam was completely serious in his questioning, Zayn couldn’t help but to laugh. He was known as the over-reactive one, not Liam, so he wasn’t sure what had been up with him. Besides, he and Sophia had been the ones to get Zayn and Cole together.

“Relax, Li,” Zayn said. “He didn’t do anything I wasn’t okay with.”

Liam was quiet for a good while. Zayn was about ready to prompt him to make his presence known when he gave a simple,

“Alright. Let me know if I ever need to kick his arse, though. I don’t care if he’s my girlfriend’s brother; I’ll do it.”

“Yes, sir,” Zayn said after another chuckle.

 

Zayn wasn’t smug about the fact that Liam had gotten Sophia sick, causing her absence the next day, but he couldn’t feel too bad for her when her illness led to Liam sitting with him and the rest of the group at lunch the next day.

Louis and Niall stared at Liam as if he were a stranger that had sat himself down and began talking about everything under the sun, but, fortunately, Liam seemed oblivious. Zayn and Harry kept polite conversation with him, and, to Zayn, it was almost as if nothing had ever changed. If it wasn’t for the fact that Zayn’s heart hurt a little, reminding him just how much he missed being this close to the other guy all of the time, it would have been exactly the same as it used to be.

 

Liam didn’t go to school on Friday. When he missed the morning, Zayn figured he was simply at the doctor getting his results and would come in later.   
By the time P.E. arrived and Liam was still missing, Zayn began to worry, but he rationalized with himself that Karen had let him miss all Monday, so maybe she was simply allowing him to skip that day as well.

Liam could at least do Zayn the favor of texting him and letting him know that everything was okay, but perhaps he was waiting until after school. While annoying, Zayn supposed that was understandable. He wanted to ask Sophia if she’d heard anything, but he didn’t. Since she seemed happy, Zayn pretended that Liam had told her that everything was perfectly okay; that he was still in remission and would continue to be for the rest of his long life.

By the time five o’ clock in the evening rolled around, Zayn was becoming angry. He knew that he wasn’t the most important person in Liam’s life and that he wouldn’t be the first one he wanted to tell either good or bad news, but he’d still promised to inform Zayn of his test results. He was usually so good at keeping promises, but maybe Louis was right; maybe Liam was changing.

Saturday passed and then Sunday with still no word from Liam. Zayn could have texted him and demanded to know what was going on, but at that point, he was much too angry.

Later, Zayn would wonder if, deep down, he knew, and if his anger was a defense mechanism for the fear and pain that were to come.

Even Louis and Niall seemed concerned when Liam didn’t show up at school on Monday, but Zayn told them that he didn’t want to talk about the other guy. He’d avoided looking at his empty seat in geography and refused to even glance towards his locker in P.E.

When Zayn entered his last class, his eyes immediately went to Sophia, probably because he’d been telling himself not to look at her, and then his heart dropped to his stomach.

Sitting wordlessly beside Niall, Zayn glanced over at his friend long enough to see that he was also staring at Liam’s crying girlfriend, worry etched deep in his face.  
“It’s going to be okay, Soph,” one of the girl’s many friends told her, rubbing her shoulder in an attempt to comfort. Sophia sniffled.

“I don’t get him,” the girl said. “I know he’s scared, but so am I! What does he think ignoring me is going to do? I can only be there for him if he lets me.”

Swallowing, already fighting off tears of his own, Zayn looked again to Niall, who he swore had paled.

“Oh no,” Niall breathed, mainly to himself, but then he locked eyes with Zayn. The two stared at each other for a while, trying to find something to say, or waiting for the other to say that it probably wasn’t what it sounded like, but when neither came up with anything, they turned towards the front of the room.

Needless to say, Zayn didn’t hear a word his English instructor said that day.

 

_It’s back, isn’t it?_

There were probably a million better ways Zayn could have worded his question, but Liam had made him wait long enough. He wanted to get right to the point.   
Still, he found himself unprepared when Liam texted back a simple,

_Yes._

Though Zayn knew it was physically impossible, it truly felt as if his heart went cold. His breathing became shallow and his hands began to shake a little as he tried to decide if he wanted to start crying, get sick or throw the phone across the room and scream at the top of his lungs.

In the end, he settled on crying, as that seemed the safest option.

Zayn lost track of time, but he didn't think it was much longer when his mother called him downstairs for dinner. When minutes passed and he didn't join, she called again, and when he still said nothing, she came up the stairs and listened at his door, probably trying to decide if he was asleep. Zayn tried to hold his breath and not make a noise, but he had lost too much control of his emotions by then and soon, Trisha was twisting on his door handle and knocking on the door.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?!" she asked, sounding panicked. "Open the door, please! What is it?"

Zayn could have told her that he didn't want to talk about it or that he needed time alone and she would have done what she always did when he was upset; assure him that she was there if he needed her and go on her way. Yet, just as he had done several times when he was a twelve and thirteen-year-old boy, Zayn found that, just for a moment, he needed false comforting, just to get a brief break from a bit of the fear and pain.

When he flung open his door, Trisha's face dropped. She didn't even know what was wrong yet, and still, she looked terrified. Zayn didn't want to know what his face looked like, he decided.

"Liam's sick," he told her, his voice shaky and deep, but, somehow, his mother still understood him and she took him into her arms, just like she used to do. Zayn's throat made an awful cry and he sniffled against his will, but he couldn't even be ashamed because Liam was sick. "He's really sick," he added, though Trisha had probably gathered as much.

It had to have been at least twenty-five minutes that Zayn and his mother sat on the bed, Zayn crying and the woman trying her best not to. Finally, Zayn's tears stopped. He knew that they would come back soon. Most likely, he was entering a state of shock, but, physcially and mentally exhausted, he assured his mother that he would be fine now; that he wasn't hungry but she could go eat. After verifying multiple times that he was sure, Trisha went downstairs. Sighing, his eyes burning, Zayn found the phone that had gotten buried in the sheets during his slight breakdown and replied to Liam.

_I know this doesn't help at all, but, seriously, let me know if you need anything. I'm here for you._

None to Zayn's surprise, Liam never replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know; you are all absolutely shocked ;) Also, I know there isn't a flashback this time, but I think there are two in the next chapter to try and make up for it!


	8. Chapter 8

To Zayn’s relief, Liam had returned to school on Tuesday. Though Liam was clearly and understandably upset, barely smiling at Zayn as he entered and being noticeably distracted all throughout class, Zayn was pleased to find that his friend still looked fairly healthy, and at least he was out of the house.

Zayn knew it wouldn’t last. Once Liam started chemo, he would lose more weight, his hair would fall out and his skin would turn that ashy color it had been for the first two years Zayn had known him, before he finally got to go outside and get a tan. Soon, his immune system would be too low for him to leave the house, but for the time being, Zayn decided to allow himself small comforts.

After geography, Zayn stalled while collecting his things to go to his next class, and Liam went slower than normal too. Finally, after Zayn had come to the conclusion that the other boy wasn’t going to talk to him, he straightened his posture, slinging his bag over one shoulder, and that was when Liam spoke up.

“Hey, um, so…,” he began. Zayn turned to look at him, waiting patiently, but nervously. After taking a deep sigh, Liam continued. “I just wanted to let you know that Friday is my last day. They’re starting my chemo next Tuesday.”

“Wow,” Zayn said. “That’s quick.”

“Yeah,” Liam said, not offering any assurance that the speed with which they wanted to get things started didn’t have anything to do with the seriousness of his test results, like Zayn had been hoping.

“Well,” Zayn told him. “I meant what I said last night. If you need anything, I’m here.”

“I know you are,” Liam said, “and thanks. Sorry I didn’t reply, and that I didn’t text you last Friday when I promised I would. It’s just been…weird, I guess. I don’t know.”

“I understand,” Zayn assured the other, wondering how he could have ever been mad at him. He was sad and scared, of course, but he hadn’t been the one who’d had to physically suffer from Liam’s illness before. Since it hadn’t been too long ago, Zayn was sure the memories were still seared into his brain. He couldn’t imagine the terror and anger Liam was feeling.

 

 

Sophia switched her friend seats in English class so that she was right in front of Zayn. At first, she didn’t say anything more than a quick hello, but once their free time rolled around, she turned herself so that she was sitting backwards, facing Zayn, and took a noticeable breath. Her eyes were cloudy.

“Are you okay?” Zayn asked her, not even thinking about the question before it came out of his mouth. Instead of answering, Sophia asked,

“What should I expect, with Liam being sick?”

“Um…,” Zayn hummed, speaking slowly and trying to pick his words carefully. “Well, I didn’t meet him until he was pretty sick last time, so I don’t know how fast things will change, but there will probably be some days when he’s so sick that all he can do is sleep, but there will also be days where it’s almost like nothing is wrong. He gets upset when he senses other peoples’ worry, so, I know it will be hard, but try to show him you care without letting your full fear show. He gets mad at himself, too, when he can’t do much, and you can’t really talk him out of that, so just like, be patient with him.”

Sophia nodded and Zayn shifted uncomfortably.

“Sorry I’m not much help,” the boy added.

“No, no. That’s great…thanks. I’m going to go to the loo. Thank you, though. Really.”

Before Zayn could even assure her that it was no problem, the girl was off. Niall watched her go, staring at her with sympathy; not the disdain that he usually looked at her with. Still, when he turned back to Zayn, the first thing he said was,

“How long do you think it will be before she bolts?”

“Stop,” Zayn said quietly, as if she could hear them. “Maybe she won’t.”

Niall gave Zayn a look like he was being stupidly hopeful. Zayn knew that look. His dad had given it to him many times when he’d tried to prepare Zayn for the worst to happen to Liam and Zayn insisted that he was going to get better. He’d been right then and, for Liam’s sake, he hoped he was right this time as well.

“If she loves him, she won’t leave,” Zayn spoke again, trying to convince them both.

“She’s not you, Z,” Niall said, and Zayn wasn’t quite sure what he meant by that, but he was sure that he probably didn’t want to.

  
                                                                                                                                  ***

  
_“Don’t you have better things to do on the weekend than hang out with a cancer patient?”_

_Liam had asked the same question in many different forms more times than Zayn could count, and Zayn always gave him the same answer._

_“No.”_

_“That’s sad,” Liam scoffed, rubbing his tired, reddish-yellow eyes._

_“There are other things I could be doing,” Zayn told the boy, “but none of them are better than hanging out with you.”_

_In his moment of self-pity, Liam tried really hard not to smile, but, finally, he couldn’t help it anymore._

_“Stop!” he whined through his grin, hitting Zayn lightly in the face with his pillow._

_“Stop what?” Zayn asked, smiling as well and not at all put out by Liam’s moodiness. Zayn was quite a moody person himself sometimes and he didn’t have nearly as much of an excuse for it as Liam did._

_“Making me smile,” Liam told him._

_“Why?” Zayn asked. “You’re hotter when you smile.”_

_“You’re so weird,” Liam said, though Zayn’s words had only made him grin wider._

_“I know,” Zayn assured him. “It’s how I put up with you.”_

  
                                                                                                                        ***

  
When Zayn heard a knock on his bedroom door that evening, he did his very best to not let the sound fully wake him, figuring it was his mother or one of his sisters coming to tell him that dinner was ready. Zayn hadn’t slept well the previous night, what with worrying about Liam and all, and so he needed sleep a lot more than he needed food at the moment.

After a couple seconds, the knocking sound faded and Zayn was almost successfully asleep again when it picked back up.

“‘M asleep!” Zayn grumbled. There was a pause and then a voice, much deeper than his mother and sisters', but not deep enough to be his father’s said,

“Oh, sorry.”

In an instant, Zayn had jumped out of bed (and nearly fallen on his face) and he ran over to his door, flinging it open to see Liam walking slowly back towards the stairs.

“Hold on!” he called after the boy, who turned. “I thought you were my mum or someone.”

“No,” Liam said, the corner of his mouth twitching up ever so slightly. It looked forced. “Sorry I woke you.”

“It’s okay,” Zayn said, his words nearly slurred from how quickly he was talking; trying to get Liam to stop heading towards the staircase. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. Never mind.”

“Liam,” Zayn sighed after the other had set one foot on the first step.

“Hm?” Liam hummed, looking towards him blankly.

“Stop being sulky.”

Finally, a true smile cracked Liam’s face.

“I’m not being sulky,” he insisted.

“You are, a little bit,” Zayn told him. “Come on, what’s up? Did you need something?”

“No,” Liam said. “I just don’t want to be home right now and I didn’t know where else to go.”

For a moment, Zayn thought about suggesting that he go to his girlfriend’s house, but quickly thought the better of it.

“I’m glad you came here then,” Zayn said, “even if you did interrupt my beauty sleep.”

“Like you need that,” Liam said with a roll of his eyes.

“Why, Liam, I am flattered.”

“I do what I can.”

“Want to come into my room?”

“Oh, Zayn, now I am flattered,” Liam said, “but I must tell you that I am in a committed relationship at the moment.”

“That’s a shame,” Zayn sighed, enjoying that he could finally say it out loud and that it would be taken as the joke it wasn’t. “I promise to be good. We can, like, play video games or do whatever typical lads do with each other.”

“Hm…alright,” Liam agreed after pretending to think. Finally, he got off of the step and followed Zayn into his bedroom.

“So what’s going on? Why don’t you want to be at home?” Zayn asked, sitting on his bed after switching on his floor lamp and patting the space next to him. Liam laid down on his back, his hands behind his head while he looked at the wall behind Zayn as he spoke to him.

“They’re already treating me differently,” Liam said. “They’re using their soft voices, like I’m twelve again or something, and every other thing out of their mouth is how I’m feeling or if I’m okay or if I need to talk.”

“I don’t think they’re trying to,” Zayn told him. “They’re just worried about you.”

“I know, but I hate it.”

“I know you do.”

After letting out a sigh, Liam rubbed his face. When he lowered his hands down to his side, he focused his gaze on Zayn.

“I don’t know if I can do this again.”

“You can,” Zayn said. “I’m not saying it will be easy or pleasant, but you’ve got this Liam, and so many people are here for you.”

“I know.”

Liam sighed again, and then managed another small smile.

“Sorry; being sulky again.”

“You have a good excuse.”

“Mm-mm,” Liam hummed. “This doesn’t excuse anything.”

“Well, I forgive you.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Liam sat up, looking around Zayn’s room as he hummed. The sound was cut short as his eyes landed on something on his desk. Zayn followed his gaze, and if he’d done so correctly, then Liam was staring at the flowers sitting in a vase.

“I didn’t think you were a flower guy,” Liam said after a moment, confirming Zayn’s suspicions. He didn’t sound patronizing over it; more so hesitantly curious.

“I’m not,” Zayn told him, “but Cole gave them to me and they’re still living things, so I didn’t want to just throw them in the garbage or something.”

“Oh,” Liam said. “So…how about introducing me to another video game?”

 

 

The week went too fast. Even though Zayn didn’t talk to Liam all that much at school, he wasn’t ready for him to leave. That would make everything more real. Not that Zayn was in denial. He knew it was real, but he wasn’t ready to feel the emptiness that came with Liam not sitting next to him in geography class, or stripping in the locker room. He wasn’t ready to not know how he was doing every day.

“Is this the last time I’m going to see you, then?” Zayn asked Liam as the teen stopped by his locker after school that Friday to say goodbye.

“The doctors are hopeful,” Liam told him. “They think I’ll beat it eventually.”

“Oh my god! I mean, that’s great, but that is so not what I meant. I just meant because you’re going to be homeschooled and everything, not…”

Zayn shook his head, unable to say the words.

“Oh,” Liam said. “Well, yeah, I’ll still be around if you want me to be.”

“Of course I do, you doof,” Zayn said, his voice much weaker than he’d been wanting it to be. Liam pulled him into a hug and Zayn clung to him tightly, not caring that they were in school or that the contact was making it that much harder for him to fight off tears.

Understandably, Liam was spending that entire weekend with Sophia, and Cole invited Zayn over too, but Zayn told him that he wasn’t feeling well. He didn’t trust his emotions enough to be able to fake happy around anyone, and though he’d gotten used to seeing Liam with Sophia, he just couldn’t handle it on top of everything else at the moment.

Liam did text Zayn after he’d told Cole he was sick to say that he hoped he hadn’t been the one to make Zayn sick with his recent cold, and if he needed anything to let him know. Zayn could fake needing things to spend time with Liam and Liam alone, but he wasn’t a completely awful person, so he simply thanked him and told him that he would be fine.

 

 

Zayn couldn’t concentrate on Tuesday. Liam’s empty seat in geography hadn’t been easy to face the day before either, but it was worse then. Zayn wondered if he’d started his chemotherapy treatment yet, if he was done, how sick he was feeling…

During lunch, Zayn received a text from Liam, reading,

_Done with chemo. I didn’t even puke! =]_

Laughing out loud, Zayn replied,

_See? You’ve got this! Happy for you x =]_

Liam didn’t reply after that, but that was okay. Zayn had a bit more of a perk to his step the rest of the day.

 

 

When Zayn went to Cole’s that night, he hadn’t expected Liam to be there. He should be home sleeping and recovering, but after Sophia answered the door for him, Zayn stepped in the house to see Liam sitting on the couch, looking sleepy; his feet curled under him and his cheek resting on his hand, but his friend still managed to give him a smile.

“Oh, hey, Li,” Zayn said, not sure if he had managed a smile back or not. “I didn’t expect you to be here.”

“Yeah, I’m actually feeling pretty good right now,” Liam told him.

“Good,” Zayn said, even though he still thought Liam should be resting at home, but what did he know?

“Oh, hey, Zayn; I didn’t hear the door,” Cole called from the top of the stairs.

“I just got here,” Zayn assured him.

“Are you two going to chill with us?” Sophia asked her brother.

“Nah,” Cole said. “We need alone time.”

“Gross,” Sophia commented. Cole smiled and then motioned Zayn up the stairs. After giving a quick wave to the other two, Zayn followed Cole to his bedroom.

As soon as the two were inside and Cole had closed and locked the door, the older boy pushed Zayn gently against it and kissed him.

“I missed you,” he said.

“I missed you too,” Zayn returned, even though it was kind of a lie. He didn’t feel bad, though, because he knew the only thing Cole had missed about him was his body.

“How are you feeling?” the other was at least polite enough to ask, and it took Zayn a moment to remember that he’d feigned illness during the weekend.

“A lot better,” he replied.

“Yeah?” Cole asked, massaging Zayn’s hip while placing kisses on his neck.

“Yeah,” Zayn said, sliding his hands up the other’s shirt, and that was that.

 

 

Cole may have just been interested in one thing from Zayn, but he did a good job of pretending it wasn’t so. After they’d finished, Cole cuddled him for a while and then gave him soft kisses as the two watched, or pretended to watch, some dumb television show that Cole had turned on for background noise. Still, he didn’t really argue when Zayn announced that he should be going.

“Already?” he’d asked, giving Zayn one last kiss on the lips, but when Zayn told him that he had a lot of homework to do, Cole gave a defeated sigh.

“Alright,” he said. “I guess I’ll let you go.”

After getting dressed, Cole walked Zayn downstairs. It was only Sophia on the couch then, and Zayn was about to casually ask if Liam had gone home already when a violent cough came from the bathroom. Sophia’s leg started bouncing nervously and she bit her lip upon making eye contact with Zayn and, probably, seeing her worry reflected on his face.

“Do you think he’s alright?” Zayn asked.

“I don’t know,” Sophia said. “One second he was asleep and the next he was tripping over me to get to the bathroom.”

Zayn nodded, glancing towards the closed bathroom door as worse sounds than coughing could be heard.

“How much does he need me right now?” Sophia asked. “I want to be there for him, I just…I don’t handle vomit well.”

“I’ve got it,” Zayn said, trying not to hold anything against the girl. If it was anyone else getting sick in that bathroom, Zayn wouldn’t be able to tolerate it either.

“Thank you,” Sophia said softly. With a nod, Zayn made his way to the bathroom door and gave it a quick knock.

“Hey, Liam; it’s me,” he said through the wood. “I’m coming in.”

Liam didn’t answer, and Zayn didn’t know if he could, but he allowed himself to enter anyway. The other teenager gave him a quick glance before another round of sickness overtook him. As if it were second nature, Zayn started rubbing his back.

“That is an admirable amount of puke,” Zayn complimented after Liam was given a moment to breathe. Somehow, he managed to huff out a laugh.

“That was disgusting,” he gasped, not brave enough to stand up yet.

“Really?” Zayn asked. “I assumed it would taste delicious; quite like chicken noodle soup and…something very, very chocolatey. I think the chocolate might have been where you went wrong, mate.”

“Yeah, I’m never eating chocolate cake again, thank you, Inspector Vomit.”

“Any time.”

Deciding that he was okay for the time being, Liam gave another small laugh as he rose to his feet, used toilet paper to wipe his mouth and then flushed the toilet.

“You’re so weird,” he told Zayn, going around him to get to the sink.

“I know,” Zayn assured him. “It’s how I put up with you.”

Liam washed his hands and rinsed his mouth out and then smiled at Zayn. Of course Liam would manage to smile at a time like this.

“Sorry about that,” he apologized, and Zayn rolled his eyes.

“You should be,” he told the other sarcastically.

“Rude,” Liam said.

“You’re the one who apologized.”

“Only out of formality. You were supposed to tell me that there’s nothing to worry about and I still look pretty even while spewing my guts out.”

“I’m not a liar,” Zayn said. Liam smiled, slugging his friend in the arm playfully.

“Really, though; thank you.”

“I suppose it’s alright,” Zayn told him with a sigh, “and, infuriatingly, you do still look pretty while spewing your guts out.”

“Aw!" Liam said, putting a hand over his heart. You’re such a charmer!”

Both boys giggled and then, realizing that Sophia and perhaps Cole were waiting for them in the other room (and potentially hearing their entire conversation) they left the bathroom.

“Baby!” Sophia cried, rising to her feet and running over immediately. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Liam said, drawing circles in Sophia’s skin with his thumb when she took his hand. The girl bounced up on her tiptoes to place a kiss on her boyfriend's cheek, and he gave her a smile that Zayn could only dream he would ever be the recipient of, once she pulled away. Sophia attempted to return it, but it looked pained.

"I guess you want to go now then, yeah?" she asked.

"Yeah, I need to go," Liam agreed. Zayn, of course, held silent on his opinion that Liam never should have come over in the first place.

"Are you good to drive?" Sophia asked.

"Yeah, I'm alright," Liam assured her, but she gave him a disbelieving look.

"I can drive you if you're not sure, and Cole and I can drop your car off later."

"I'll be fine."

Zayn wanted to believe that Liam was telling the truth, but experience had taught him that the guy didn't always ask for help when he should, so he was a bit worried about him driving alone as well.

"I was heading out," he spoke up, talking to both of them. "I can go along with him and make sure he gets home alright."

"That would be great," Sophia said, drowning out Liam's insistence that he would be alright. Liam sighed, but gave Zayn a smile.

"Come on, then," he said. With a nod, Zayn said a quick goodbye to Cole, and followed Liam out.

"I can drive if you need me to," Zayn offered as the two walked to Liam's car, and after Sophia had shut the door behind them. "I can't promise we'll make it to your place alive, but I'm willing to try."

"That's okay," Liam said with a laugh. "You getting us killed kind of defeats the purpose of making sure I get home alright, doesn't it?"

"I probably won't kill us."

"I'm fine, Zayn. Really."

 

 

When Karen found out the reason behind Liam getting home so early, Zayn caught her fighting off tears as she pulled her son in for a hug. Though Zayn understood that she felt sad, scared and hopeless-he did, at least-he could also see the reason Liam needed to get away sometimes. No one needed the constant reminder that there was something wrong with them, and Zayn was sure that Liam felt just as hopeless about not being able to make anyone feel better, as they did with him.

Though Zayn had been planning on calling his mom to come get him, Karen insisted on driving him home. Liam rolled his eyes when she made sure to tell him that his dad was there, should he need anything, but he thanked her, despite clearly wanting to make a snarky remark instead.

Zayn thought he had his emotions together until he got home and his mother asked him if he'd had a good time.

"Why is this happening to him again, mum?" Zayn asked, hugging her first as tears immediately began to fall from his eyes. Trisha was quick to put her arms around him as well.

"Liam?" she verified.

"Yeah."

"I don't know, sweetie. I hate it, too."

  
                                                                                                             ***

_"It's about time you called me," Liam said as a means of greeting over the phone. "It's only an hour and a half past our talk time."_

_"Sorry," Zayn told him, meaning it. "We went to dinner and it took forever to get our food, and then my family wanted to do some sightseeing. I just managed to sneak away."_

_"Where are you?" Liam asked. "What are you looking at?"_

_"I'm on a bench next to this lake. I'm watching people in little rowboats hold hands, kiss and somehow not be freaked out that they could fall overboard and die at any moment."_

_Liam laughed._

_"Sounds romantic."_

_"It is, I suppose," Zayn said. "Kind of like a movie."_

_Zayn's family had arrived in France for a family holiday three days ago. Zayn hadn't wanted to go. He thought fourteen was well old enough to stay home alone for six days, especially when he would probably have been at Liam's for a majority of that time, but his parents would have none of it. Zayn didn't know why. He couldn't have been much fun to be around, with him worrying about Liam and constantly sulking that he couldn't see him._

_"Sounds nice," Liam commented._

_"I guess," Zayn said._

_"When are you coming home again?" Liam asked. "Thursday?"_

_"Yep. Thursday."_

_"And you're coming over right away, right?"_

_"Of course."_

_"Good. I have something to tell you."_

_Liam's voice didn't hold any kind of promise, good or bad, but Zayn still felt his heart drop down to his stomach._

_"Just tell me now," he said._

_"No," Liam replied. "I want to tell you in person."_

_"Liam, please," Zayn said, his heart beat rising. He felt the familiar, painful lump in his throat._

_"Don't worry, Zayn," Liam said, his tone light. "You'll be home soon enough."_

_"Is it worse?" Zayn asked, lowering his voice for reasons he couldn't comprehend himself._

_"No. We'll talk Thursday."_

_"Liam!" Zayn cried, his leg bouncing up and down so fast that the person on the opposite side of the bench gave him a reproachful look. He didn't care. "Please tell me! I'm going to be stressed for the rest of holiday now!"_

_"It's nothing bad."_

_"I can't believe you now! What if you're just saying that so that I don't worry, and then you'll break my heart when I get home?"_

_"Holy moly," Liam laughed. "Calm down, crazy. Fine, I'll tell you now, but it's going to be anti-climactic."_

_"I don't care."_

_"Okay."_

_Liam took a breath and then asked,_

_"Are you sitting down?"_

_"Yes, Liam! What is it?!"_

_Again, Liam laughed. If he wasn't Zayn's best friend, Zayn would think he was a terrible person. As it was, Zayn was already labeling him a sadist._

_"I'm in remission."_

_"Remission?"_

_Zayn knew what remission meant, but it didn't make sense in this particular instance. Just before Zayn left for vacation, Liam had been sleeping more than ever. Zayn had been honestly afraid that he would go back from France and be whisked off to his best friend's funeral. There had still been a little hope present that Liam would make a full recovery, but it was minimal and, if it did happen, Zayn didn't expect it to be for a long, long time._

_"Yes. Remission," Liam said. "My cancer is gone."_

_"Gone? Like...gone, gone?"_

_"Well, it could always come back, but...yeah, basically."_

_"Holy shit."_

_That had been the first time Zayn had cursed, besides when he was trying to impress his older cousins, but, honestly, he couldn't think of a better ocassion._

_"Told you it wasn't bad."_

_"You were right," Zayn said with a choked laugh. He was crying, but he couldn't remember a time he'd ever felt happier. "That's so great, Liam."_

_"I still wanted to tell you in person."_

_"You can tell me again, in person," Zayn told the other, knowing he would never get tired of hearing it._

 

 

_When Zayn found his mother in a nearby shop a few minutes later, he launched himself at her, holding onto her like a lifeline while his tears continued to pour. Typically, Zayn would rather gouge out his own eyeballs than be seen crying in public, but this moment deserved all of his tears._

_"Oh, no, baby, what happened?" Trisha asked, setting down the item she'd been holding and immediately beginning to do the comforting backrub that she was so good at._

_"It's good news, mum," Zayn said. "Liam is in remission."_

_Then, right there, in the middle of a tiny antique shop, Zayn's mother broke down in tears like Zayn had never seen before._

 

 

_"Zayn!" Liam exclaimed excitedly as he opened the front door for his friend. Realistically, Zayn knew that Liam didn't look healthier yet. His body had gone through a lot very recently and it would take a while for him to recover, his mother had warned him, but something about Liam was different. His eyes, still faded in color, held a light that Zayn had never seen before, and his posture had changed too. He was standing straighter; more confidently, even. Maybe Liam finally felt as strong as he truly was._

_"Hey, I missed you!" Zayn said, pulling Liam into a hug despite the fact that he hadn't even stepped inside yet._

_"I missed you too," Liam replied, putting his arms around Zayn as well and then taking his hand and pulling him into the house. "Come upstairs. I have something to tell you."_   
_Beaming, Zayn followed Liam to his bedroom, his body almost buzzing from how excited he was._

_"Sit down," Liam asked, nodding towards his bed. Zayn did. Liam took a breath, trying to be serious, but he broke into giggles the moment he looked into Zayn's eyes._   
_Zayn's smile threatened to split his face._

_"What is it, Li?" he prodded. Liam took another couple moments to compose himself before clearing his throat and saying,_

_"Well...I'm in remission."_

_After a pause, he added,_

_"My cancer is gone."_

_He had barely finished his sentence before Zayn threw himself at him, knocking them both down onto the nearby bean bag chair. For a minute, the two laid there, Liam's arms around Zayn's middle while Zayn kept his face buried into Liam's chest, shaking from the amount of sheer joy and relief he felt._

_"You're going to be okay," Zayn finally said, leaning back and letting Liam see the smile on his face and the glint of unshed tears in his eyes._

_"I'm going to be okay," Liam agreed, nodding once. Zayn laughed...and then laughed some more...and then some more._

_"Are you having a mental breakdown?" Liam asked, amused._

_"Maybe," Zayn said, "but, hey, I told you it wouldn't be anti-climactic to tell me in person. Say it again."_

_"I'm in remission?"_

_"Is that a question?"_

_With a smile, Liam shook his head._

_"I'm in remission," he stated. "I'm in remission."_

_"You're in remission," Zayn sighed, and then laid back down against Liam. If Zayn could have bottled up the feeling he had right then-squished in the small chair with Liam while the other guy held him; giggling every now and then as they reminded themselves that Liam was well on his way to recovery, he would have._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended with a flashback again. Sorry!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any mistakes. I helped myself to a nice, relaxing bottle of Friday wine with dinner before I realized that it's Thursday. Sooo...I am proof-reading to the best of my ability (which isn't good even when I haven't had a bottle of wine, so I am very, very sorry.)
> 
> (To my credit, it was a big bottle!)

"Oh, you did come."

"I told you I would. When have I ever broken a promise to you?"

"Never, but that was before you had a boyfriend."

Zayn raised an eyebrow, wondering if he sensed bitterness in Liam's voice. He quickly realized that was impossible, as Liam wouldn't care about his love life one way or the other, and he laughed, mainly at himself.

"Cole isn't my boyfriend," he said. "Now are you going to leave me out here in the cold, or can I come in?"

"I'm going to leave you in the cold," Liam replied, shutting the front door in Zayn's face. Before the teen even had time to be shocked, the other opened the door again, an ornery smile on his face.

"Rude," Zayn commented, shoving past Liam and allowing himself to enter the house, sans permission.

"What do you think you're doing?" Liam asked, swinging the door shut and then grabbing Zayn's arm lightly. He spun him around, trying to look angry around his grin, and fake punched him in the stomach; his touch no harsher than a tap. 

"I'm coming in to hang out with your mum," Zayn replied. "I hope you didn't think I was actually here for you."

"My mum is cooler than me," Liam admitted, nodding, "but still; I will not stand for this! Leave at once!"

Like a mother telling her child to go to their room, Liam put one fist on his hip and pointed defiantly to the front door. Zayn only smiled.

"Make me," he said.

"Alright," Liam said, drawing out the 'i' in the word. "You asked for it."

Zayn gasped-maybe even screamed a little-as Liam lunged at him and picked him up, throwing the smaller teenager over his shoulder. Clinging to the back of Liam's shirt for dear life, Zayn watched the floor bounce as Liam took him to the couch, where he threw him down gently before getting on top of him; one leg on either side of Zayn.

It was amazing how many of Zayn's sexual fantasies that Liam had almost succeeded in fulfilling without trying to do anything of the sort.

"What are you going to do to me now?" Zayn asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Now," Liam spoke slowly and gravely, "I am going to tickle you to death."

"Please don't," Zayn asked, feigning fear.

"I must," Liam said in the same somber tone, and then he procceeded to attempt to murder Zayn through torturous tickles.

It was a good thing that Zayn hated being tickled, though, because if not, Liam's weight on top of him, paired with the way Zayn's hips kept bucking up of their own accord, creating quite a bit of friction between himself and Liam, would have been bad...and good...but mostly bad.

"Mercy! Mercy!" Zayn finally yelled as his head began to ache and the room began to spin. 

"What was that?" Liam asked, moving his touch from Zayn's hip to his stomach. Zayn screamed.

"Mercy! I swear I'll go, master! Just, please stop!"

Giggling, clearly quite proud of himself, Liam refrained from tickling Zayn anymore. Unforunately, he also climbed off of him, choosing to sit on the couch by his friend's feet rather than continue straddling him.

Zayn took a moment to catch his breath and then sat up, quickly fixing his hair before standing.

"Wait, where are you going?" Liam asked after Zayn had taken a couple steps. 

"I promised I would leave," Zayn reminded him.

"Oh, no you don't," Liam said, wrapping his arms around Zayn's waist and pulling him down onto his lap. "Since you already chose not to see your not-boyfriend on this cold and miserable Saturday, I'm claiming you."

"You're claiming me, huh?" Zayn asked, grinning as Liam rested his chin on his shoulder.

"Yep," he said.

"Fine," Zayn said, faking a sigh. "Whatever you wish."

"Want to go to my room?" Liam asked. "My mum and dad both went to the store, but I'm sure they won't leave me alone for long."

"Okay," Zayn agreed. "We can go to your room until your mum gets home and then I'll come down here and hang with her instead."

"Ha-ha."

Once in Liam's room, the teenager booted up one of his gaming systems, like it was second nature to do so whenever Zayn was over. It had been, at one time, and Zayn was okay with that becoming habit again.

"I know you said you and Cole aren't boyfriends," Liam said, handing Zayn one of the controllers before settling himself onto his bed. Zayn joined him. "So what are you?"

"Um...," Zayn hummed, trying to think of another term besides 'fuck buddies.' "We're just having fun together."

"Fun," Liam repeated.

"Fun."

The term could have been innocent, but Liam seemed to know that it wasn't.

"You know that wasn't my plan for you two," he said.

"I know," Zayn told him, "but it's fine. Honestly. I don't know if I want a serious boyfriend right now anyway."

"Really? Why not?"

The game that Liam had chosen to play was done with its opening sequence, waiting for Liam to either choose to start a new game or open a saved file, but Liam was paying it no attention; staring at Zayn.

"I don't know," Zayn said with a shrug. "I should probably focus on, like, graduation and getting a job and stuff."

"Yeah," Liam said after a moment's hesitation, "but that stuff is stressful and a boyfriend could be there for you through it."

"Nah, I'd just scare him away," Zayn commented light-heartedly. "You know how I get when I'm stressed."

"A good boyfriend wouldn't care," Liam pointed out. Zayn patted the other's leg. 

"I'm fine, Liam. Really. Not everyone needs a significant other to be happy."

He hadn't meant it as a smack towards Liam, but the other looked down after the words were out of his mouth.

"Yeah," he said quietly.

"Hey," Zayn said, tapping Liam's foot with his own. "What's wrong? You know, other than the obvious."

"Hm? Oh. Just the obvious," Liam replied, looking up again and forcing a smile. "Are you ready to get your arse kicked in this game?"

"Alright, but while we're talking about significant others and such, may I ask why you chose to text me early this morning that you were lonely when you have a lovely girlfriend not too far away?"

"I was sick all night," Liam answered, refusing to look at Zayn again; focusing on the television instead as he mindlessly scrolled through the gaming options. "I'm pretty sure it was just from treatment, but she didn't want to take chances. She might come over tomorrow."

"I'm sorry, Liam," Zayn said. "She'll get used to everything soon."

"It's fine," Liam said. "Now, enough stalling! I'm going to kick your arse whether we start this game now or in five minutes."

Like old times, Liam and Zayn decided to watch a film once they tired of the video game and, try as he might to stay awake, Liam dozed off a little more than halfway through. Still, Zayn easily remembered why he'd chosen to spend every Saturday like this, knowing that he would feel lucky to do it again.

"Three times, in one day, baby? Damn. You've got something on your mind?"

"No," Zayn said, sitting up and picking his pants from off the ground. He would never tell Cole, of course, that he'd been imagining the previous day with Liam; how he had looked staring down at Zayn after throwing him on the couch and then how he felt when his weight had been on top of Zayn. 

"Well, I'm not complaining," Cole said.

"Obviously," Zayn commented with a snarky smile. Cole returned it, smacking Zayn's bare bottom a mere second before the other had his pants pulled up.

"Are you hungry?" Cole asked, standing from the bed and beginning to get dressed himself.

"I am, actually," Zayn replied. 

"Me too. Let's go to the kitchen and I'll make us some lunch."

Zayn agreed, following Cole downstairs, but nearly speeding past him when he heard his favorite voice in the world speaking the closer he got to the kitchen.

"Oh, hey, Liam," Cole greeted his sister's boyfriend nonchalantly, while Zayn likely had a creepily wide smile on his face.

"Hey, Cole," Liam said, smiling, but his eyes were focused on Zayn. "I didn't know you were here."

"I live here," Cole answered, confused, as he'd distractedly assumed that Liam had been talking to him. "Is the chemo messing with your brain?"

"He was talking to Zayn, idiot," Sophia spat, glaring at her brother from where she sat at the table, across from Liam. Their hands were laced together in the middle. 

"Oh," Cole said, and then smirked at Zayn. "Guess we need to be louder next time."

"You are so disgusting," Sophia said, throwing a crisp that was on her plate at her brother. Liam, who, unsurprsingly, was not eating, grimaced.

"Grilled cheese, Zaynie?" Cole asked. Zayn grimaced then as well, but only internally.

"Sure. Thanks."

"Take a seat, Zayn," Sophia commented, patting the chair in the middle of her and Liam with her free hand.

"If you can," Cole added.

"Will you stop?!" Sophia asked. "I'm trying to eat!"

Zayn took a seat, refusing to look towards Liam's burning stare. 

"Oh, Zayn, I've been meaning to ask you," Sophia began, smiling at their guest as if she hadn't just been disgusted by his sex life with her brother, "are you doing anything next weekend?"

"Um...I don't know...," Zayn said, glancing to Liam finally, who suddenly looked just as curious as he felt.

"Well," Sophia continued, "if you're not doing anything, then how would you like to go to London? My best friend's dad has a penthouse out there and he'll be gone on business for a few days, so a bunch of us are going there to party and, you know, just get away for a bit."

"You're going?" Zayn asked Liam, not surprised, but leery.

"That's the plan," Liam said, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm feeling better every day and I don't have another treatment until after the trip, so I should be fine."

"Cole, I guess you can come too," Sophia added as an afterthought.

"I'm in," the oldest boy said right away. "Please come with us, Zaynie!"

"I'm not sure Sophia's best friend will want me there," he said.

"She won't care," Sophia assured him. "The more the merrier and all that."

Zayn looked from Sophia to Liam, who did his best puppy pout and mouthed the word 'please' so that only Zayn could see.

"Okay," Zayn said. Sophia let go of Liam's hand to clap her own hands together.

"Yay!" she squealed. "It's going to be so much fun!"

It wouldn't be as much fun as the London trip he and Liam had planned alone, but Zayn didn't tell the girl that as he agreed with her. 

"You're going to London with them?!" Louis asked, sounding nothing short of betrayed, when Zayn told him of his weekend plans that Wednesday. "But we were going to do something!"

"We were?" Zayn asked at the same time that Harry gave his boyfriend a weird look and said,

"We didn't have anything planned."

Zayn sighed.

"Louis," he said, "Cole will be there too. I'll be with him. Liam will be with Sophia. I know that."

After a pause, he thought to add, 

"And you lot are still my best friends."

"I'll take you to London if you want to go to London," Harry told his boyfriend quietly.

"It's not-I don't..."

Trailing off, Louis sighed.

"Whatever. Have fun, Zayn."

The tone Loius had used made his words sound less than genuine and Zayn rolled his eyes.

"Right. Thanks for not meaning that," Zayn said, standing up with his nearly full lunch tray.

"Where are you going?" Niall asked.

"No where," Zayn said, walking away without another word or backwards glance. He dumped his food in the trashcan, returned his tray, and was on his way out-he honestly had just planned to go to his next class early and text Liam for a little bit-when he heard Sophia call out his name. When he turned, she was waving him over excitedly.

"Come meet my best friend!" she called. Zayn didn't want to, but since he was going to be staying at the girl's father's penthouse in just a few days, he figured he should be polite.

"Yay!" Sophia said as Zayn approached. She scooted over so that he could take a seat. Zayn didn't know if he was just paranoid or not, but he swore he could feel Louis and Niall staring at him, hurt and angry.

Sophia was oblivious to the sick feeling that had suddenly overcome Zayn.

"Okay! Zayn, this is my best friend, Alice, and Alice, this is Zayn; Liam's friend from when they were younger!"

"The one that's...uh...dating your brother?" one of the other girls who was not Alice asked.

"Yes," Sophia commented quickly, her smile not faltering.

"It's nice to meet you, Zayn," Alice said politely. "I'm glad that you and Cole are coming with us this weekend!"

"Me too," Zayn told her, giving the very best smile he could muster in the moment. 

"That's who your brother has been seeing?!" one of Sophia's male friends asked, gaping at Zayn.

"Yep. Zayn," Sophia reminded him. Then, leaning towards Zayn, she whispered in his ear, "That's Keegan. I thought of hooking you up with him before Cole, but Liam said that he didn't think you two would be a good match."

Zayn had no idea why Liam would have thought that. Keegan reminded him a bit of Liam, actually. They had almost the same color hair, but styled different; Liam's wind-blown and Keegan's spiked, with the help of numerous products. They both appeared to be athletic and had brown eyes, though Liam's were much prettier. Keegan didn't get the dimple underneath his eye when he smiled either, Zayn would later notice. Still, he was attractive, and Zayn would have given him a chance. He shrugged it off, though; not bothered either way.

"What are you saying about me?!" Keegan demanded, shouting louder than necessary, given that he was only one person down from Sophia.

"Why would I waste my breath talking about you?" Sophia returned, smiling innocently and batting her eyelashes at her friend. He flipped her off.

Louis didn't say a word to Zayn in P.E. and so Zayn didn't speak to him either. It upset him, but Louis had been acting ridiculous for quite a long time and so Zayn thought he needed to stew about it for a bit. Surely, he would come around.

Still, once in English class with Niall, Zayn couldn't help but to ask,

"What's up with Louis?"

"Who knows?" Niall replied, rolling his eyes. Good. At least he seemed to think that Louis was going off his rocker as well. "You know how he gets moody sometimes. Harry is really lucky he can't get pregnant. Can you imagine?"

Zayn laughed, though didn't feel much better. Yes, Louis was moody sometimes, but he'd never blatantly ignored him like this before. 

That was the first day that Zayn worried Louis would leave school without waiting for him at the end of the day. He didn't, and Zayn thanked him for waiting. That earned him a look of reproach.

"Why wouldn't I have?" Louis asked. Zayn chose to take that as a rehtorical question and not reply. Whether it was or not, Louis dropped the subject as well. Actually, he didn't say another word to Zayn throughout the whole car ride. 

Things with Louis were still strained the next two days, but Zayn decided to give him the weekend to chill out before trying to talk to him about whatever was bothering him. He was worried about both Louis and their friendship, but he was angry too. He hadn't done anything wrong and Louis had no right to try and make him feel like he had.

Zayn got a repreive from those negative emotions on Saturday. He was too excited about spending the weekend with Liam-and Sophia and Cole-to care about whatever reason Louis thought he had to be angry at him. Harry would more than likely talk some sense into him soon, and things would be fine on Monday. 

The Maliks' doorbell rang ten minutes earlier than Zayn had expected, and he panicked. He had all of his clothes laid out on his bed, cursing his closet for not magically creating something that was appropriate to wear while staying at a rich girl's penthouse in London. Luckily, he heard Trisha answer the door and exchange a few words with someone. Then, foot steps started coming up the stairs and, in the next instant, Liam was outside Zayn's open door, knocking on the frame before allowing himself to enter. 

"Oh, hey," Zayn said, smiling briefly before studying his clothes one last time, attempting to make a final decision.

"Hey," Liam returned. "Not quite packed yet?"

"To be fair, I thought I had ten more minutes."

"I know. I'm not saying anything bad about it. Do you really need all of those clothes, though?"

"No. I just don't like any of them."

"Well, I'm sure we'll go shopping while in London, so how about taking that low-cut red shirt with your black jacket and these jeans-" Liam took a pair from Zayn's bed-"until we can get you something you like better?"

"Did you just tell me to wear the first things you saw? "Zayn asked with a small grin. Liam returned it. 

"No," he said. "Red looks really good on you."

"Thanks, mate."

Zayn threw that outfit, plus a couple more random t-shirts and an extra pair of jeans, into his bag, and then flung the bag over his shoulder.

"Alright," he said. "I'm ready."

After saying a quick goodbye to his family, Zayn followed Liam out to Cole's car. Ever the gentleman, Liam took Zayn's bag from him and put it in the trunk while Zayn hopped in the front seat.

"Hey, cutie," Cole greeted, leaning over to give Zayn a kiss...and then another.

Liam entered the car as Cole and Zayn became tongue tied. He cleared his throat loudly. Cole put up a finger to silence him and went on kissing Zayn for another twenty or so seconds before pulling away, a wide smile on his face. Zayn returned it briefly, wiping his mouth as he turned to face the two in the back.

"Hi, Sophia," he greeted.

"Hey, Zayn," the girl replied, a smile on her face as well. Only Liam wasn't smiling. "How are you?"

"I'm great. How are you?"

"I'm great as well, thanks."

Turning to Liam, Zayn asked,

"And how are you feeling today?"

"Fine," Liam said shortly. Zayn raised an eyebrow.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Of course," he replied. With a nod, Zayn turned around and sat back as Cole pulled out from his driveway and began the long trip to London.

Liam had made them all a playlist for their road trip, filling it with everyone's favorite songs. They all sang at the top of their lungs whenever a song they knew came on-even Zayn, which surprised him. He didn't typically sing in front of people unless it was Liam. Never would he expect to find himself being comfortable belting out tunes with Liam's girlfriend and his own play mate in the car.

Of course, it almost felt like it was only Zayn and Liam together, despite the fact that Cole was driving and Liam was in the backseat.

Eventually, all of their voices tired and Cole turned down the music, making light conversation instead. He held Zayn's hand as he drove and talked. Liam gave a cough, and after glancing in the rear-view mirror to the backseat, panic crossed Cole's face.

"Liam?!" he asked. "Do I need to pull over?!"

"No...," Liam said, sounding confused. "Why?"

"You looked like you were about to spew your guts all over my backseat."

"Oh. No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Sophia asked. Also from the rear-view mirror, Zayn saw her stroking her boyfriend's arm with her thumb.

"Positive. I feel great," Liam told her, giving her a kiss. Sophia smiled and laid her head on his shoulder.

"Now _I_ feel sick," Cole claimed under his breath. Zayn smiled, but the other two ignored him.

Just when the group was starting to get antsy, they finally arrived at their destination. Zayn's mouth nearly dropped open. The word 'penthouse' was fancy in itself, to him, but it had nothing on the actual place. He nearly asked if Alice's dad was a movie star, what with the spacious rooms and artfully placed paintings, sculputres and wall adornments. He wondered what a girl with such a rich father was doing going to their school.

Must have been a messy divorce. 

"As I figured," Alice commented with a sigh, walking over to an envelope laying on the kitchen counter as she gave the 'grand penthouse tour' to the newer guests; Zayn, Cole and, apparently, Liam as well. "Daddy left me apology money."

"He'll succeed in letting you buy his love one day," Sophia said, the corner of her mouth turned up in half a smirk, half a sympathetic smile. 

"Nope," Alice replied, "but that doesn't mean I can't pretend."

Opening the envelope, the girl counted how much had been left for her, her eyes growing wide as she did.

"How much is there?" Sophia questioned.

"Enough to share," Alice told her, trying to not sound as amazed as she'd just looked. "Who wants some shopping money?"

Apparently, it had been a rhetorical question because then Alice made her way around her guests, handing them all an even amount of notes. Zayn and Liam tried to refuse, but she said if they didn't take it, then nobody got it, and due to the amount of eyes glaring holes into their skulls, they finally accepted. 

Of course, it was only fitting to head to the mall after that. The guys and girls went their separate ways, and Liam, Zayn and Cole went a different path completely. It was terrible, because Cole was a good guy and Zayn's current sexual partner, but he wished he would have gone with the other boys, leaving Zayn alone with Liam. 

"Alright, Cole," Liam said, pretending to crack his knuckles. "We have to find Zayn a couple of outfits. He was having quite the wardrobe crisis this morning."

"Oh?" Cole asked, quirking an eyebrow at Zayn, who shrugged.

"It was only a small panic," he assured him.

"Still," Liam said. "We are temporarily rich, so let's go!"

Though they had their own money to shop for their own things, Zayn became the main focus of the other two guys. Both of them picked out things for Zayn to try on and attempted to make him model, but that only turned Zayn into a blushing, embarrassed mess, so finally, they took to peeking their heads in the dressing room and giving their opinions. 

"I haven't disliked anything you've tried on," Liam commented after Zayn's sixth outfit. "Even that awful cardigan thing that Cole picked out looked good on you."

"It wasn't awful, straight boy!" Cole spoke up from a few feet away. Zayn smiled because the cardigan had been pretty awful...and because Liam wasn't straight. 

His back turned to his girlfriend's brother, Liam winked.

"Have you ever thought about modeling, for real?" Liam questioned. 

"Absolutely not," Zayn replied.

"You should," Liam told him. "You don't have to do the runway, just, like, magazines and stuff."

"Uh-huh," Zayn said disbelievingly. Liam rolled his eyes.

"Have you liked anything?" he asked of the clothes.

"A couple things," Zayn said. "That's enough shopping for me now. Let's go find things for you two."

"I'm not getting anything," Liam told him. "I was actually going to give you my money. You need clothes more than I do."

"I'm not taking your money, Liam."

"It will go to waste if you don't. I'm not buying clothes only for them to be huge on me in a couple of months."

Those words put a painful lump in Zayn's throat. He swallowed it down.

"You don't have to get clothes," he said. "You can get some video games, books...whatever."

"Nah," Liam said. "I have enough."

"You barely have any video games."

"Yeah, but I can just steal them from you, right?"

Smiling in response to Liam's grin, Zayn nodded.

"I suppose you can."

"Great. Then we're focusing on getting you a new wardrobe."

"Yeah," Cole piped up. Again, Zayn had almost forgotten that he was present. "I'm quite enjoying watching my hot boyfriend try on the entire mall. That wasn't sarcasm, by the way."

Both Liam and Zayn's eyes widened. Liam mouthed the word, 'boyfriend?' and Zayn shrugged. Something clouded over Liam's eyes.

"Are you ready to go to another store?" he asked, his voice far less chipper than it had been only a moment ago. 

"Sure," Zayn said, trying to read what Liam was thinking on his face, but he couldn't. He wasn't sure why Cole calling Zayn his boyfriend would put him in a bad mood. He'd thought that was what Liam had wanted for them. 

With the help of Cole and Liam, it didn't take the three long to blow through both Zayn and Liam's money from Alice, and then it was Cole's turn to spend his. 

"I need new shoes," Cole commented, slipping his hand into Zayn's as he began to lead the way, presumbly to a shoe store.

"Hey, I'm going to go check on Sophia and the girls," Liam commented from behind them. "You two have fun and I'll catch up to you later."

"Alright, mate," Cole said, waving over his shoulder. "Have fun!"

There was heavy sarcasm laced in those last words, and Liam forced a smile.

"I will. See you."

"Bye, Li," Zayn said. Liam gave a small wave and then turned on his heel, heading the opposite way. Zayn frowned, but Cole tugged on his hand, drawing his attention. Once Zayn was looking at him, the older guy-Zayn's apparent boyfriend-smiled and kissed his lips. 

Cole went through his money quicker than Zayn had gone through his alone, and, at perfect timing, Sophia sent him a text, asking the two of them to meet them in the food court. 

"Hi, lovebirds!" Sophia called with a smile when she saw her brother and Zayn approaching, holding hands. "Where's Liam?"

"He said he was going to check on you," Cole said, not sounding nearly as worried as Zayn instantly felt. Sophia frowned.

"No, I haven't heard a thing from him since he went off with you two."

"He probably found a prettier bird to chat up, then," Cole teased. Sophia slugged him in the shoulder, causing her brother to cackle.

"Shut up," the girl told him. 

"I'll call him," Zayn offered, slipping his hand out of Cole's and pulling out his phone. 

"Yell at him for me!" Sophia yelled as Zayn walked away, heading for somewhere quieter. He smiled, though had no intentions to yell at Liam for anyone or anything.

"Hello?" Liam answered after the third ring.

"Hey!" Zayn said, too cheerily. He couldn't help it. A wave of relief crashed over him at the sound of the other's voice. He didn't know exactly what he thought had happened to him, but he'd been scared, nonetheless. "Where'd you go?"

"Outside," Liam replied. "Got woozy."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Which entrance are you at?"

"The one leading into the food court."

"Perfect. We're at the food court now. I'll be right there."

"You don't have to-"

"I'll be right there."

Dramatically, Zayn hanged up his phone. Sophia and Cole were watching him from the near distance, so Zayn pointed towards the entrance doors and went on his way. He found Liam on the bench, sitting cross-legged. He did look a little paler than he had been earlier, Zayn thought.

When Liam saw Zayn approaching, he gave a small smile and put his legs down, allowing Zayn to sit.

"Hey, are you good?" Zayn asked again, reaching over to feel Liam's forehead. Liam leaned away.

"Yeah, I'm good," he assured his friend. "I wanted to sit, but all the smells in the food court made me feel a little sick, so I came out here. We can go in now, though. Don't want to keep you from your boyfriend for too long."

Zayn laughed.

"That term surprised me just as much as you," he told Liam. "We've never said anything about being boyfriends before."

In a teasing tone, Zayn said, "We're not even Facebook official."

"You shouldn't date someone who won't even claim you on Facebook," Liam commented. Zayn laughed, but the other didn't even crack a smile.

"Let's go in," Liam said, rising to his feet. Sobering, Zayn stood as well, following his mate inside.

"Babe!" Sophia cried when Liam and Zayn found the group and he'd sat by his girlfriend. "You scared me!"

"Sorry," Liam said, giving her a kiss. Immediately, all seemed to be forgiven and forgotten.

After eating, or, in Liam's case, watching everyone eat while taking just one of the pretzel sticks which Zayn had bought, they all left the mall, heading back to Alice's dad's penthouse. 

"It's almost six o' clock," the girl noted when they returned. "That's late enough to start drinking, right?"

Everyone ushered their agreements, and Alice led the way to a room off of the living room, filled with a bar, an electric jukebox, a tv and several small tables, just like a sports bar.

"Ooh, daddy stocked up!" Alice commented, touching the several alcohol bottles that lined the back of the bar. "Keegan, you're the bartender! Come on back!"

Going behind the bar, Keegan put his two hands on the surface and leaned forward, one hip jutted out seductively. 

"Come and place your orders, ladies and gentleman!"

Quickly, everyone lined up, though Liam only got a water, saying he would begin drinking in a few minutes.

Zayn got tipsy quickly, and so it took him longer than it should have to realize that Liam wasn't drinking at all. When he noticed, he gasped.

"Liam!" he exclaimed. It was only the two of them at the table; most of everyone else at the bar doing shots.

"Yes?" Liam asked, one eyebrow quirked as the corners of his mouth turned up slightly.

"You're not drinking!" Zayn noted.

"No," Liam agreed. "I'm not really supposed to with my treatment and everything."

"Oh. Yeah. That makes sense."

Zayn pushed his half finished fourth drink farther from him.

"I'm done," he announced.

"Zayn, you really don't have to quit just because of that."

"It's not only because of that," Zayn lied. "I don't think you want a replay of Cole and Sophia's party, do you?"

"I told you, I don't mind taking care of you," Liam said.

"You're so sweet," Zayn commented, finding it appropriate to lean over and pinch Liam's cheek. Liam gave him a strange look, but laughed.

"You're so drunk."

"I feel bubbly."

Zayn let out another gasp.

"I'll be right back!"

Hopping down from his bar stool, which, amazingly, did not end in tragedy, Zayn made his way to the jukebox, where some newer song that he didn't know was currently playing. Zayn found the song 'Bubbly' byColbie Caillat and chose it. 

It began playing before he reached Liam again.

"I dedicate this song to Vodka," he explained.

"Oh, do you?" Liam asked, still looking highly amused.

"I do," he told him. "And to you."

"And me?!" Liam laughed.

"Yes."

"Isn't this a song a metaphor for an orgasm?"

Zayn shrugged, unsure of whether it was or not, but either way, it could fit.

"It is what it is," he told Liam, who laughed so hard that he snorted. 

"I'm going to tell your boyfriend," he threatened.

"Then I'll tell your girlfriend."

"You'll tell her what? That thinking of me gives you orgasms?"

Zayn hesitated. He could tell Sophia more, and Liam knew it, but, again, he wasn't an awful person. He would never do that.

"You're right," he gave in. "That would probaby be a little awkward."

"Especially since you're dating her brother."

"Yes. Especially because of that."

Liam shook his head, still giggling.

"I'm glad you came along with us this weekend," he said.

"Me too," Zayn said, but the thought of Louis briefly pierced his mind, and he took another drink to ward off the unnecessary guilt he'd felt.

"I thought you were done?" Liam asked.

"I'm just going to finish this one."

"Alright."

Due to everyone's severe intoxication, they all crashed early. As Zayn came to sometime in the wee hours of the morning-it was still dark-he didn't remember falling asleep on the floor by the couch right away, but, slowly, he recalled finding Liam asleep on the couch after he'd exited the bathroom a while ago and then laying down on the floor beside of him, telling him good night and that he loved him. He'd meant the term innocently, but he'd still been glad that Liam was asleep and unable to hear it. 

Liam was no longer on the couch, so Zayn figured he'd woken up and gone to join Sophia, wherever she had passed out. 

Zayn's head was killing him, but he didn't feel too awful, and he made his way to the bathroom in search of pain killers. Someone was already getting sick in there, so Zayn sat outside the door, too dizzy and tired to find another toilet. 

Soon, the toilet flushed and Zayn heard someone-one of the drunks, he'd figured-washing their hands. The light was switched off as Zayn stood, someone quietly opened the door and...

Out stepped Liam. Both he and Zayn jumped upon coming face-to-face with each other. 

"Aw, Li," Zayn whispered, stepping forward and hugging Liam around the waist. Liam hugged him back, tightly. "You okay?" Zayn finally asked.

"I think I have a fever," Liam commented, and he must have, because he actually let Zayn feel his forehead.

"Yeah, you feel hot," Zayn agreed, panic rising in him. Suddenly, he forgot all about his headache and full bladder. "Is there a thermometer somewhere?"

"I brought one," Liam insisted and, with a sigh, "My mum made sure of that."

"Probably a good thing," Zayn said. "Where is it?"

Zayn sat with Liam in the bathroom as Liam took his temperature. When the thermometer beeped, the number read at almost one hundred and one, and Zayn's heart dropped.

"Should we get you to a hospital?"

"No," Liam said. "It's not that high."

"Does anything hurt?"

"My throat, but I just threw up, so..."

"Anything else?"

"No."

"Okay. Did you bring something for a fever?"

"Yeah, I have Ibuprofen."

"Good."

Zayn's head throbbed, reminding him that he'd been about to look for the same thing.

"Do you have enough for me to bum a couple pills?" he asked. Liam smiled.

"Feeling rough?"

"I have a headache, yes."

"Come on," Liam said, standing from his seat on the toilet lid and leading Zayn out by the wrist. 

"Who takes care of who when we're both sick?" Liam asked as he poured them each a glass of water to take their medicine.

"We should probably just lay in bed and cry together under these circumstances," Zayn said. Liam gave a quiet laugh.

"Good plan."

After taking his medicine, Zayn remembered that he also had to pee, so he excused himself to go back to the bathroom. Liam was waiting outside the door for him when he finished.

"Good news," he whispered.

"What's that?" Zayn whispered back.

"I found an empty bed," he said.

"That is the best news," Zayn replied.

"Come on."

Liam led Zayn to a bedroom, decorated fancifully in purple and gray, and the two got in bed, instincitvely huddling close.

The next day, Liam's fever had yet to break all the way and he still felt rough, so he stayed behind while everyone else went to lunch and the cinema; everyone but Zayn, that was.

Many times, Liam had told Zayn that he was fine; that he could go with their friends, but Zayn was having none of it. 

He and Liam ordered their own film to watch on the big screen television with surround sound. Eventually, Liam did get hungry, so Zayn made them popcorn and found a couple of Ginger Ales. They didn't shower until four o' clock in the afternoon, and despite the fact that both felt a little rough, it was a perfect day. 

***

_ "Your cancer is back, isn't it?!" _

_ "No, Zayn," Liam said with a small laugh. "I only have a cold and a small fever. Probably got it from you." _

_ Guilt settled upon Zayn immediately, and Liam rolled his eyes at the frown on his friend's face. _

_ "It's alright," he assured him. "After years of having cancer, I can deal with a cold that will last a week or so." _

_ "You've been sick so much," Zayn said. "You deserve to never be sick again." _

_ "I'll be okay," Liam told the other, laying his head on his shoulder as he began flipping through the channels on his TV. "I get to pick what we watch, though." _

**

It was time to leave as soon as the others returned from the movie. Unlike the drive there, the drive home was quiet because Liam slept the whole time. Cole assured everyone that he was fine with driving again, so Liam and Sophia stayed in the backseat, Liam against the window, snoozing peacefully. Zayn spent too much time watching him from the rear-view mirror. 

Cole stopped for gas when they were about halfway home, and Zayn went inside to use the toilet. They contemplated waking Liam, but Sophia commented that he needed his sleep and they could just pull over again if he woke and needed a toilet. 

When Zayn was finished with his business and went back to the car, Cole and Sophia were already waiting with Sophia in front next to her brother. 

_Okay, then_ , Zayn thought silently to himself, though it would be a lie if he said he wasn't excited about getting to ride in the back with Liam.

Liam startled awake when Zayn closed the car door, rubbing his eyes and looking around, confused.

"Sorry," Zayn apologized.

"Morning, mate," Cole greeted from the front. "Do you need to use the loo before we leave the gas station?"

Liam shook his head, his eyes already growing heavy again. Fumbling with his seat belt, Liam unhooked himself and then laid down across the seat, his head in Zayn's lap. Knowing what to do, Zayn began running his fingers through his hair, both of them enjoying the feeling while they still could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alsooooo, I originally said this was going to be 15 chapters, but I'm making some edits, so it may or may not end up as 16 chapters instead. Hope that's okay :p
> 
> P.S. This chapter was so long that I was almost sober by the end of it XD Woooops


	10. Chapter 10

            Even though Zayn wasn't as close to Liam as he used to be, it was still easy for him to tell when the guy started to draw into himself, which was shortly after the weekend trip to London. He didn't send Zayn a single message during the first few days after, except for answering Zayn's question of if he felt better with a simple 'yes.' Zayn couldn't take it personally, though, because he overheard Sophia making after school plans with her friends every day in English, and when Alayna, one of her mates that had also taken the weekend penthouse 'holiday,' asked why she wasn't seeing Liam for the third conesecutive night in a row, Sophia gave an audible, 'hmph,' flipped her hair over her shoulder and said,

            "I don't know. He's been acting weird. He keeps telling me he's tired and even when I say we can just watch a film or something, he's not interested."

            Like the good friends they were, Sophia's crew gave her their sympathies right away, and Zayn fought not to roll his eyes. This was new to Sophia, he reminded himself. She didn't know that Liam was only making excuses because he was under the impression that she would enjoy herself more without him there. It wasn't her fault that Liam had problems with saying how he really felt, and as for her friends, they were just trying to be supportive. It was nice of them, Zayn supposed. Supportive friends were important to have.

            As for Zayn and Louis, things had gotten better, but there was still an odd distance between them that Zayn didn't like. They exchanged their typical hellos and goodbyes when Louis picked him up and dropped him off, and ocassionally, they would comment politely on something the other said during group conversation, but it wasn't the same as it had been a mere week ago. Their chats didn't flow effortlessly like they used to and, even though Louis still jogged right beside Zayn during warm-ups in P.E., the two were quiet, and Zayn could see the longing in his friend's eyes to sprint ahead, like he would have easily been able to do.

            Zayn absolutely hated it.

            Deciding to feign illness a few minutes before the school day ended, Zayn was dismissed from class and told by Professor Addams to feel better, rest up and that he hoped he would see him tomorrow. Niall was giving Zayn both a strange and worried look, so Zayn gave him the most reassuring smile he could without giving away the fact that he wasn't sick at all, and he hurried from the class, wanting to reach Louis's locker before Louis did.

            He didn't know why he was so nervous as he waited.

            "Um...Hey...," Louis greeted, staring at Zayn curiously when he approached after the last bell had rung to find the other boy standing there.

            "Hey," Zayn said. "We need to talk."

            Zayn could actually see the fight going on inside of Louis as he tried to resist making a snarky remark. He won, because when he spoke, he only asked, simply,      

            "About?"

            "You know things have been weird between us ever since I started hanging out with Liam again. Why?"

            "I don't know what you mean," Louis said absently, beginning to twirl in his combination to his lock.

            "Yes, you do," Zayn insisted, not in the mood to play anymore games. Louis's shoulders rose and fell as he gave a silent sigh.

            "I just don't want you to get hurt again," he muttered.

            "But, Lou, I told you; I know he has a girlfriend. I have a boyfriend. All we're ever going to be is friends and I've finally come to terms with it."

            "Okay..."

            Louis let the subject drop too easily. Zayn raised an eyebrow, though the other couldn't see; too busy pretending to study things in his locker.

            "That's not all, is it?" Zayn asked. Again, Louis sighed; louder, that time.

            "You know that you, Niall and Harry are basically the only true friends I have," he said. "Liam used to be in that group, and he left. Now it's happening with you, too."

            "Lou," Zayn said, softening his voice. He went to squeeze his mate's shoulder, but Louis moved out of his reach, more out of embarrassment that rudeness.

            Zayn continued, "Liam still thinks you're mates. He doesn't realize how what he did felt to us. Either way, though, I'm not going to do that. I'll still be around, whenever you want."

            "Okay."

            "I'm serious," Zayn tried to assure him. "I'm only hanging around the lot of them for Liam...and Cole."

            Zayn thought to add the last part after a brief moment. Thankfully, Louis actually laughed.

            "Aw, mate. You never stop being tragic."     

            "I know," Zayn said with a smile, instead of denying that he was 'tragic' of any sort, as he typically would. While he didn't think he was as bad off as Loius seemed to think he was, he probably didn't have his emotions together as well as he liked to pretend.

            Louis grinned at him, but didn't have a chance to say anymore before Harry approached.

            "Hey, babe," Harry said, pulling his boyfriend in by the hips and kissing him. Louis's smile grew when they broke apart.

            "Hi," he said back. "How was last class?"

            "It was alright. I missed you."

            "I missed you too."

            Not wanting to seem bitter about anything, because he wasn't, Zayn succeeded in fighting off the urge to roll his eyes.

            Only just then seeming to notice the other person present, Harry jolted and gave Zayn a grin as well.

            "Hi, Zayn!"

            "Hey, Harry."

            "Is everyone ready to go then?" Louis asked, hooking one arm around Harry's and one around Zayn's.

            "Actually, I still have to go to my locker," Zayn spoke. "Sorry, I forgot a book in there."

            "Jeez, Malik!" Louis sighed dramatically. "Hurry up! I might leave without you."

            "Uh-huh."

            With another smile, Louis freed his arm from Zayn and walked off with his boyfriend. Zayn hurried to his locker.

            While twisting in his combination, which he barely even had to look at anymore, Zayn's eyes wandered to Liam's old locker. No one else had taken it over yet, leaving the spot where Zayn would typically see his mate standing, empty, and a heaviness took over the boy.

            Harry and Louis didn't know anything about missing each other, Zayn thought. He honestly wasn't angry or bitter about it. They just didn't.

 

            Zayn was a good boy who didn't typically text in school. Or, rather, there was no one he really cared about enough to risk getting his phone taken away for, besides Liam, and Zayn didn't usually message the other boy first, unsure of what he was doing or how he felt.

            The day of Liam's next chemotherapy treatment, Zayn decided to risk it all.

            _How are you holding up?_ he asked in his fourth class, knowing that Liam would be well into his session by then.

            _This is the worst I've felt this time around =[_ , Liam replied, causing Zayn's heart to crumble.

            _Think you'll need anything after school?_ Zayn asked. _Even company?_

_I'll probably just lay in bed and feel sorry for myself, but thanks for asking._

_Of course. Let me know if you change your mind._

_I will =] Now get back to class, bad boy! >:(_

Zayn laughed out loud and hid it as a cough and a loud, obnoxious sniffle. A couple of kids looked over at him. He didn't care.

            _I'm in class ;)_ , he replied once all attention was diverted away from him.

            _Even naughtier! I don't know how to feel about edgy Zayn..._

Sucking in his lips to keep from grinning, Zayn typed,

            _I'm going to have to stop texting you because you keep making me laugh!_

Liam replied to that with only a simple winky face, probably not wanting to risk making Zayn get in trouble.

 

            The rest of the week went about the same for Liam, and it upset Zayn that he was refusing to let him go spend time with him, and not for selfish reasons. He truly thought that if Liam would accept his company, then he could brush both the physical and mental pain off, at least part of the way, for a little bit.

            But Liam knew where to find Zayn if he needed him, which, Zayn told himself over and over, he wouldn't.

            _I lied to my heart 'cause I thought you felt it..._

In his state of semi-consciousness, Zayn felt his body twitch, knowing he should wake up and see where the music was coming from, but his mind was not ready. It was Saturday; very early Saturday, he felt, and he should have been able to sleep in until three hours past his normal time; not being rudely jarred from a peaceful slumber by a painful song that he'd dedicated to Liam...

            ...And that he'd put as Liam's ringtone.

            Bolting upright, Zayn reached for his phone and knocked it to the ground. After cursing softly, he rolled out of bed and felt around his floor blindly in the dark until he reached the device. As soon as he picked it up, he received the notification that he had a missed call.

            After cursing one more time, Zayn unlocked the phone and pressed Liam's contact information, his heart sinking, as he really didn't think he would get an answer, even though he'd just missed Liam's call.

            "Hello?" Liam spoke into the reciever after only the second ring. He was whispering, but audible, and he sounded calm enough. Still, as was his nature, Zayn worried.

            "Hey!" he said. "What's up? Are you okay?"

            "Yeah, I'm fine," Liam replied. "Just...couldn't sleep. Sorry, I know I woke you up."

            "It's totally fine," Zayn assured the other, finally rising off his knees to sit on his bed again. "You can't sleep?"

            "Nope. I finally feel okay but have been sleeping so much the past week that now I'm wired."

            "Well, we can talk until you get tired, and then if you fall asleep on the phone, I won't hang up on you."

            "You're such a gentleman."

            "I know, I know."

            Liam gave a slight laugh, a cough, and then said,

            "I really am sorry, though. I knew as I was calling that I was being selfish. Just because I couldn't sleep doesn't mean I had to interrupt your beauty rest."

            "Aren't you the one that told me I don't need beauty rest?"

            "I did," Liam said. Zayn thought he was smiling. "It's true, too, but you seem to think you do, so I am sorry."

            "Again, it's fine. You say you're feeling better, then?"

            "Yeah, a little bit. If you're not doing anything, and if you want to, you can probably come over tomorrow. Er...later today."

            "I would love to, good sir."

            "That sounds like an exaggeration, but okay; aces."

            "You know it's not; an exaggeration, that is," Zayn told Liam. He didn't reply. Instead, he let out a sigh and changed the subject.

            "Sophia is mad at me."

            "Why's she mad at you?" Zayn asked, feeling his brow furrow as he pulled his knee up to his chest and rested his chin on his knee.

            "Well, I think she's more frustrated," Liam corrected. "I haven't seen her all week, which is for her own good, honestly, but I also had to cancel on the big Easter celebration with her family. I would think she'd rather have me cancel than throw up all over the dinner table while listening to her grand dad talk about his heart murmur, but apparently not."

            Zayn felt like he should laugh. He couldn't.

            "None of that is your fault, Li."

            "I know. She knows. This whole thing is just hard on her."

            "Yeah, but it's hard on you too."

            "She gets that...She just...I don't know."

            Liam sighed again. Zayn did too, quieter.

            "When this isn't so new to her, she'll understand more. She'll know what to do," Zayn tried to assure the other, hoping that his words were true.

            "Yeah...it will be fine."

            "Yes, it will be."

            After a moment of silence, Liam cleared his throat.

            "Anyway, enough about me."

            Finally, Zayn was able to give a small laugh.

            "I like talking about you, though."

            "Too bad. We're done, and talking about you now."

            "Nothing's really going on with me."

            "How are things with the boyfriend?"

            The way Liam said 'boyfriend' was a bit condescending, and Zayn rolled his eyes, though not at his friend. He didn't know why the word had caused that reaction from him, and he didn't care to think about the answer.

            "I don't think we're boyfriends," Zayn said. "He probably just used that term because it was a lot nicer than 'fuck mates.'"

            "Well, you should find out what you are, for sure."

            "Eh, it's not that important."

            "Yeah, it is. 'Fuck mates' means you're still on the market, whereas if he's your boyfriend, you're obviously not."

            "I'm not looking for anyone else anyway," Zayn said. Teasing, he added, "Plus, I like a little mystery."

            "Zayn, that is how people get murdered and thrown off a bridge."

            "That escalated extremely quickly."

            "I'm just looking out for you."

            Shaking his head, Zayn was smiling again.

            "If you thought Cole was a murderer, why did you set me up with him?"

            "I don't think he's a murderer, but a lot of serial killers go a while without being suspected. And it was Sophia's idea to get you two together, not mine."

            "I'll be extra careful then," Zayn teased, "or maybe he should be leery of me."

            Zayn laughed as evilly as he could without waking his family, and sent Liam into a fit of laughter. The noise was strained as he, too, had a family sleeping close by, and Zayn thought it was a lot of him biting his pillow and snorting. His own grin was so wide that it almost hurt.

            "Oh, jeez," Liam breathed once he'd finally gotten a hold of himself. After one last chuckle, he added, "I'm so glad I called you."

            "Me too."

            "I think I will try to sleep now, though, and let you get some sleep too."

            "Would you like to stay on the phone in case you decide you can't sleep still and want to say something?"

            "That's a bit cheesy, isn't it?"

            "No. We're not in a relationship."

            "Good point."

            Putting Liam on speaker and laying his phone on his pillow, Zayn laid down. Immediately, his eyes grew heavy.

            "Goodnight, Li."

            "Goodnight, Z."

            It took a few minutes of Liam tossing, turning, clearing his throat and sighing, but then, finally, Zayn heard his breathing pattern change. After a few minutes, Zayn fell asleep to the sounds of Liam's peaceful breaths.

            When he woke up, Zayn was confused as to why he heard the sound of a fork scraping against a plate so clearly. Wondering if one of his sisters had decided to be extra weird and eat while watching him sleep, he opened his eyes. No sisters were in his room, but his phone was still next to him, and his call from last night still connected. Zayn's heart gave a happy skip.

            "'Morning, Li," Zayn croaked in his not-hot morning voice, but Liam was used to it.

            "Good morning!" Liam greeted chipperly, his mouth obviously full of food.

            "You stayed on the line?"

            "It would have been rude to hang up. Besides, you were talking in your sleep."

            "I was?" Zayn asked, frowning and rubbing his eyes. As far as he knew, he didn't talk in his sleep.

            "Yep," Liam said.

            "What was I saying?"

            "Oh, you know, not much. Just declaring your undying love for me and whatnot."

            "Shut up," Zayn laughed, rolling his eyes. Liam giggled and, Zayn thought, took another bite.

            "What are you eating?" he asked.

            "Waffles."

            "Home made?"

            "Uh-huh."

            Karen made the best waffles; the perfect combination of soft and crunchy with just the right amount of sugar and butter added. Zayn hadn't known that he was so picky about waffles until he'd tried hers and suddenly didn't like any others much.

            "Enjoy them for me," Zayn said.

            "Or you could enjoy them yourself," Liam retorted. "You know she always makes enough food to feed three extra people. Come on over."

            "I just have to shower first," Zayn said, smiling.

            "Well, hurry up!" Liam whined.

            "Or what?"

            "Or I'll throw your waffles away."

            "I'm hanging up and getting in the shower right now."

            "See you, Zayn," Liam said. It sounded like he was smiling.

            "Be there in a few."

 

            "You're too late," Liam, still in his pajamas, said grimly when he opened the door for Zayn. "Your waffles have gone to the wasteland heaven."

            "You wanker!" Zayn cried, fake punching Liam in the cheek. Liam feigned pain, falling sideways into the wall and dramatically sliding down it. It took everything Zayn had to keep up his angry facade.

            "I'm sorry!" Liam said, holding up his hands defensively. "The rules were clear. I had no choice."

            "You get the lady of the house right now and demand that she make me more!"

            "Wait...I have a strange feeling; a magical feeling."

            Rising to his feet, Liam headed off to the kitchen. Zayn followed.

            "I was right!" Liam exclaimed, grandly whisking the towel that was sitting atop a plate of waffles away. "The waffle fairies have delivered more just for you."

            "They better taste exactly like your mum's."

            "I have great hope that they will."

            Liam put three waffles on a plate and stuck them in the microwave for a few seconds. Zayn watched him, smiling. He was still pale and had a fragile look to him, but he was acting like Liam that day. The bad days may have been outnumbering the good recently, but Zayn was grateful that he at least had some good still.

            "Milk? Tea? Coffee?" Liam offered after placing Zayn's plate on the table and giving him the butter, syrup and fruit, should he want any.

            "Surprise me," Zayn said.

            "It's cold in here, so...," Liam trailed off, going to the coffee pot to pour Zayn a drink. It wasn't really cold in the flat, but Zayn wasn't going to say that.

            "It's supposed to be warm outside a bit later," Zayn told Liam after taking one delicious bite of food. "If you're allowed, maybe we can go sit out back on your porch swing."

            Liam nodded.

            "I would like that."

            Karen came into the room while Zayn was eating to express her delight that he was there. Zayn thanked her for the food and, of course, she told him he was welcome to come over and eat anytime.

            When she asked Liam how he was feeling, he assured her that he wasn't going to upchuck her waffles. The woman gave a happy sigh, fluffed both boys' hair and went back to doing whatever she had been doing before. Liam shook his head, looking at Zayn, but he was grinning. Zayn returned it before delving back into his waffles.

 

            "You really don't have anything else to do?" Liam asked Zayn later, as they were sitting on the back porch swing. The two had already watched a film, let Ruth teach them a new card game she'd recently learned from a guy she was seeing, and Liam had showered. Naturally, his mother had made him dry his hair before going outside-it wasn't _that_ warm-and Zayn had been admiring the un-straightened curls when Liam spoke.

            "I'm supposed to go to Cole's sometime," Zayn replied non-chalantly, "but we don't have a set time or anything and I'm not planning on staying long."

            "Oh."

            "I'll probably go over in the afternoon and leave around dinner. I'm sure your mum is cooking, but I can bring you over something else if you want."

            "We'll see. But yeah, you can come back over here afterward if you want."

            "I do. I'll glare at Sophia for you, too."

            Liam laughed, shaking his head.

            "Don't do that."

            "Fine, if you insist."

            "You're not leaving yet, though?"

            "No, not yet."

            "Good," Liam yawned, and laid his head on Zayn's shoulder. Zayn swung the two of them gently for a while.

 

            As usual, Cole was fine with going a couple rounds in bed with Zayn and then letting Zayn leave, and Zayn arrived back at Liam's with the fast food he'd requested in just under two hours. Karen let him in, told him that he could take the food upstairs and he and Liam could eat in his room, and Zayn thanked her before going on his way.

            Liam was asleep when he stepped into the room, but woke almost right away, even though Zayn had been quiet.

            "Sorry," Zayn apologized.

            "'S okay," Liam said, yawning and sitting up. Zayn took his own sandwich out of the bag and handed the rest to Liam, plus his drink.

            "Thank you," Liam told him.

            "You're welcome."

            The two ate in silence for a couple minutes and then Liam glanced over to Zayn. When he didn't remove his eyes, Zayn looked at him curiously.

            "I guess you had fun at Cole's, then?" Liam asked, gently tracing over a spot on his neck where Zayn imagined there was probably a hickey. He hadn't looked in the mirror upon leaving Cole's place, and he was only embarrassed for the fact that Liam's mother had to have seen it.

            "Yeah, it was alright," Zayn said.

            "You're settling for only 'alright' sex now?!" Liam asked, pretending to be apalled. "Why don't you love yourself?"

            "It's usually really good," Zayn assured him. "I just wasn't into it today."

            Liam grimaced, looking disturbed, and Zayn turned red.

            "Sorry," he said.

            "No, it wasn't you. I just had a random wave of nausea, but I'm good."

            Proving his point, Liam plopped a whole chicken nugget into his mouth. Zayn imagined that, between the waffles and the fast food, this was the most Liam had eaten in a while. He wanted to suggest that maybe Liam slow down, but he didn't. More than likely, he would be sick anyway, so he may as well make it worth it.

            "I'm glad you got to have a good day today," Zayn told him.

            "I'm glad I got to spend my good day with you," Liam said, threatening to make Zayn blush again, for different reasons.

 

            Zayn spent the next day with Niall, Harry and Louis, and when he finally arrived home and began looking through what he'd missed on social media that day, he saw that Liam had changed his profile picture from him and Sophia, to just himself. It was an older picture, probably taken soon before Liam had gotten sick, but hadn't been uploaded yet. Zayn wondered why because it was gorgeous.

            An intense feeling in his gut-Zayn wasn't even sure if it was good or bad; maybe a mixture of both-he went to Liam's profile and looked at his details. As he'd felt it would, his relationship status now read 'single.'

            Pulling out his phone, Zayn called his friend.

            "Hello?" Liam answered. It didn't sound as if he was crying, at least in the moment.

            "Hey," Zayn said, rushed. "I just saw on Facebook...Are you okay?"

            "I'm okay," Liam assured him.

            "Do you want to talk about it?"

            "There’s not much to talk about, really. I’m too sick to do much of anything, and worrying about letting her down is only adding to how awful I already feel. It’s not her fault, and it’s not mine, but she needs to be free to go out, have fun and live her life without worrying about not being here for me or if she’s wasting her time on a boy who’s just going to die anyway.”

            Liam’s words stung, but Zayn didn’t feel the true intensity of them yet.

            “Wait…you broke up with her?!” he asked, in true shock over the thought.

            “Don’t sound surprised or anything,” Liam said sarcastically, but he gave a small laugh so that Zayn knew he wasn’t upset with him.

            “No, sorry, it’s just…you were so in love with her. I mean, I’m sure she was just as in love with you, but with-um…Since she’s been having trouble with-…I’m just going to shut up now.”

            Liam laughed again, sounding delighted with how Zayn kept digging himself into a deeper and deeper hole.

            “Yeah, but since she’s a good person, and she does love me, she would never leave me like this, no matter how much she wanted to. She wasn’t happy anymore, and I couldn’t see her like that. I had to end it.”

            “Well, she’s worried, Li, and I know you don't like when people worry about you, but she is...was...your girlfriend, so it’s to be expected. Call her. Talk about it.”

            Zayn didn’t know why he was pushing Liam to get back with Sophia. The selfish part of him was glad they had broken up, but love didn’t have any room to be selfish. Liam was already suffering enough, and he should at least have the love of his life by his side while he was going through everything.

            “She didn’t fight me too hard about the break up,” Liam told him. “I think she was secretly happy. I’m sure part of her was sad too, but she wanted out. She needed out. It’s fine. I’m okay.”

            "Chocolate or ice cream?" Zayn asked.

            "What?"

            "We're having a pity party, of course!" Zayn said. "So...chocolate or ice cream?"

            "How about chocolate ice cream?"

            "You are a genius. Let me see if my mum can take me to the store real quick and I'll bring some over."

            "Actually, if it's okay, I'll get it and take it over there. I need to get out of my flat for a bit."

            "Yeah, that's fine."

            "Cool. Be there soon."

 

            It was clear in Liam's eyes that he'd cried at least a little, but he didn't seem nearly as devastated as Zayn imagined he would be. They ate their ice cream and watched the most recent episode of the zombie show that they'd both happened to miss. After that, Liam insisted that he wanted to work on driving with Zayn. The mere thought of being behind a wheel gave Zayn near-crippling anxiety, but, for Liam, he agreed. Liam drove them to a local park that had a few good sized parking lots and then traded seats with Zayn, who was shaking.

            "We're going to die," Zayn informed him.

            "In a parking lot where there are literally no other cars?"

            "Yes. We are going to die. Any last words?"

            "I do have some last words I'd like to tell you, but since we're not about to die, I'll keep them to myself for now."

            Any other time, that would have intrigued Zayn to no end, but in the moment, Zayn was too nervous to really focus on what Liam was saying.

            "Okay," he sighed, trying to psych himself up. After making sure both he and Liam were buckled up, he placed both hands on the wheel, took a breath, and got the car out of park. He screamed when they rolled, slamming down on the brake. Liam laughed.

            "Press down on the brake when you're switching gears," he informed the other patiently.

            "I knew that," Zayn claimed, because he had. His brain was just muddled.

            "I know," Liam assured him. "Relax, mate. It's just me."

            "Yeah, and you're one of the last people whose death I want to be responsible for!"

            Liam snorted.

            "If I keel over and die in here, be assured it has nothing to do with you. Your foot's on the break, yeah?"

            "Yeah."

            "Okay. Put the car into drive."

            Zayn did.

            "Now, take your foot off the break and give it a little go."

            Zayn did. They both lurched forward.

            "Sorry!" Zayn cried, slamming on the break again.

            "It's fine," Liam said, still speaking so gently. "You barely need to tap the gas at first."

            Zayn tried again. They didn't lurch forward that time.

            "There you go!" Liam praised. "Good job!"

            "Liam, I'm about to go in the grass."

            "Then turn the wheel, goof."

            "Oh. Right."

            Zayn turned the wheel, squealing the tires a little. Another wave of panic coursing through him as he crossed the car path to the next parking lot.

            "Awesome, mate!" Liam said. "Just go around a few times, and then we'll work on parking."

            "Then I can be done?"

            "For today, yes."

            Zayn did his instructed three laps, only going nine miles an hour, and then parked the car in a slot. The car wasn't straight, but it was in the lines, so Liam gave a clap.

            "That was really good!"

            "Right," Zayn snorted.

            "It was," Liam assured him. "Want to stay at the park for a little bit?"

            "Yeah, sure."

            Both boys got out of the car. Liam put on his medical mask and walked close by Zayn's side until they reached a picnic table, where Liam said he wanted to sit for a minute. Zayn knew better than to ask if he was okay.

            Instead of sitting on the bench that was connected to the table, the boys sat on top of the surface, sitting so close that their knees touched as they looked up at the stars, both lost in their own thoughts.

            "Zayn?" Liam asked, finally breaking the silence.

            "Yeah?"

            "I'm sorry that I hadn't been around much until recently."

            "It's alright," Zayn assured the other. "I understand."

            "Wish I did."

            Breaking his gaze upon the stars to look over at Liam (who was arguably more beautiful), Zayn asked,

            "What do you mean?"

            "You were my best mate. I mean...I've always thought of you that way, but when I started dating Sophia, I let her take over my life. When you and me decided to go to that Green Day concert, I wasn't even sure you had the same phone number! It'd been, what; at least a year since I'd called or sent a text. That's so sad."

            "Yeah, but I could have called or texted too."

            "You did for a while, but I was so short with you. That was never my intention, but, in retrospect, I get how it came across. I was just so...distracted. I'm so sorry."

            "It's alright, Liam. Really. You were in love with someone."

            "I guess."

            After a pause, Zayn said,

            "The reunion was worth it, anyway."

            Liam sighed and then shivered.

            "Cold?" Zayn asked.

            "Yeah. Oh, hey, look!"

            Obediently, Zayn looked to where Liam was pointing and saw the last moments of a shooting star.

            "Make a wish," Liam instructed. Closing his eyes, Zayn hummed, pretending he had to think about what he would wish for. When he opened his eyes, Liam was looking at him.

            "Did you make a wish?" he asked.

            "Yeah," Zayn said. "Did you?"

            "Yeah."

            "What was it?"

            "Silly, you know it won't come true if I tell you."

            "Well, when it does come true, will you tell me what it was?"

            "If it comes true, sure."

            Again, Liam shivered, more violently that time.

            "Hey, let's go," Zayn said, starting to worry more than he typically did about the other.

            "Mm-mm," Liam protested, shaking his head and putting a hand on Zayn's thigh to stop him from getting up. Once Zayn had given in and settled back onto the picnic table, Liam pulled him closer. Zayn could feel him shaking from the quickly dropping temperature and knew he wouldn't allow them to stay much longer, but for the moment, he would enjoy this movie moment of cuddling under the stars with a love that he could pretend for a couple minutes was mutual. 

           


	11. Chapter 11

            _"We better have some classes together."_

_"I know! What's the point of going to regular school if not?"_

_Zayn smiled, knowing that Liam was excited for the upcoming Fall, when he would get to join him at school, regardless of if they had any classes together or not, but still appreciating his words anyway._

_"You're not allowed to find better friends at school and ditch me though, okay?" Zayn asked, making sure he sounded like he was teasing even though there was a bit of seriousness in his statement too._

_"I couldn't find someone better than you," Liam said, completely serious. Zayn didn't know how he felt emotoinal so suddenly, but he decided to play off the water in his eyes._

_"You are just the sweetest, Liam!" he exclaimed in a high-pitched voice, dramatically fanning his eyes, like he was trying to dry them (which he was.) Right in the middle of the mall store they were in, Liam laughed loudly, and then snorted._

_"Stop!" he said, still giggling as he punched Zayn lightly in the arm. Zayn laughed, luckily regaining control over his emotions as quickly as he'd almost lost it._

_Sighing, Liam turned back to the clothing rack._

_"I don't know what I like!" he whined. "I haven't had to worry about what I look like for almost three years, knowing that no matter what I wore, I'd still look awful and sickly anyway."_

_"Not true," Zayn said._

_"You know it is."_

_Liam sighed again._

_"You pick my clothes!" he ordered. "You're the fashion guru."_

_Zayn laughed._

_"Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm a fashion guru."_

_"You always look good, though."_

_"Literally all I wear is a t-shirt and jeans every day of my life."_

_"So you're saying there's no hope."_

_"I'm saying I'm pretty sure you could wear a garbage bag and look hot."_

_A lady shopping nearby glanced over at the boys, and Zayn felt his face going red as he turned away, pretending to distract himself with a rack of clothes that were so awful, Zayn wouldn't recommend them for anyone._

_Liam came up behind him and touched his shoulder blade briefly._

_"Let's go to another store," he said, speaking softly. Zayn nodded, following his friend out._

_"What time do we have to meet your mum?" Liam asked as they walked, close together, to wherever Liam's heart was pulled._

_"No specific time," Zayn said. "She only said to text her whenever we're done."_

_"Good," Liam said with a relieved smile. "This is stressful!"_

_"Okay, what styles are you typically drawn to?" Zayn asked. "Do you like the dark, edgy look or the Abercrombie and Fitch and Hollister look?"_

_"Neither!" Liam groaned. "I like your edgy look on **you** , but...it's you, not me. And I'm definitely not an Abercrombie-Hollister person."_

_"Okay," Zayn said. "Follow me."_

_Liam did, and Zayn led him to a store that he felt would be in between his look and the over-priced things the popular kids wore. The clothes had a more 'preppy' look to them while not being exact knock-offs, and some of the items were suitable for stereotypes of all kinds. It was perfect, in his opinion, for someone who just wanted to fit in and be **normal.**_

_His friend seemed to agree._

_"Yes!" Liam said excitedly as he looked around the front of the store. "Yes, I'm feeling this place!"_

_"Good," Zayn said, laughing just a bit. "Pick out some things and we'll have you go try them on, if you don't know what size you need anymore."_

_"I've no idea," Liam said, walking over to a display and grabbing a shirt that he thought might fit. "Help me, Zayn!"_

_So Zayn walked the other side of the store, grabbing things for Liam that he thought he would like in the size Liam had estimated himself at._

_The store employee looked leery when she saw the amount of clothing the boys were carrying to the fitting rooms and explained that Liam could only take in five items at a time, so Zayn sat in one of the chairs, holding the rest of his findings until he was ready for them._

_By the time all was said and done, there wasn't much that Liam had decided not to buy. Zayn asked if he wanted to go to another store, but Liam said no; that his parents would kill him if he spent any more money. Knowing that wasn't true even in the figurative sense, Zayn sent his mom a text, letting her know that they would be in the food court and were ready to go. Trisha replied, saying she and his older sister would be only about thirty minutes more and to buy himself and Liam a snack while they waited._

_As they ate, Zayn couldn't stop staring at Liam. That was a common problem, actually, but no longer did he have to look at him and hope that it wasn't the last day he would spend with him. Sure, accidents happened. Just because Liam didn't have cancer anymore didn't mean that he would live a long life, but Zayn felt that he would. If he could beat that sickness, he could beat anything._

_"Did you boys find anything?" Trisha asked as she and Doniya found the boys a while later, finishing up the last of their slushies._

_"Liam did," Zayn told her._

_"Good! Are you two ready? You can bring your drinks in the car."_

_Nodding, Liam and Zayn stood. Liam picked up his two bags and they followed the girls out._

_"Liam, am I taking you home or to our place?" Trisha asked, buckling her seatbelt after turning her car on._

_"Your place, if that's okay," Liam said from his spot in the middle seat, even though it was only him and Zayn in the back._

_"Of course," the woman said. "You can show me what you bought at the mall!"_

_"Zayn found most of it," Liam told her. "He's much more fashionable than I am."_

_"Of course he is," Doniya murmured from the front. Zayn kicked the back of her seat, and she laughed. Though Liam was the only person Zayn had told of his sexuality, he knew his older sister had suspicions. She'd even asked him before if was gay, but, scared and also not sure if Doniya was serious or trying to be mean, Zayn told her no and made up a story about a girl that he liked in school and who he thought liked him too. He'd been ashamed, since he swore he would never actively lie about it, but he wanted to tell his family on his own terms._

_The brief exchange between her oldest two children seemed to go right over Trisha's head._

_When the four reached the Maliks' place, Liam showed Trisha his new clothes, per her request. The woman told him how nice everything was, embarrassing him, but making him smile as well. After Liam had showed her every single item in his bags, she finally left the room, leaving Zayn and Liam alone. Zayn got up and closed his door behind her; double checking that he'd locked it as well before sitting on his bed next to Liam._

_"Thanks for making me feel pretty," Liam said to his friend with a sheepish grin._

_"You **are** pretty," Zayn told him._

_"You think?"_

_"Come on, you have to know you're hot, mate."_

_Liam shrugged, but Zayn thought he saw the tint of pink touching his cheeks._

_"I'm okay, I guess," he said. Zayn rolled his eyes, but Liam continued before he could argue. "I'll probably be the only second year student whose never kissed anybody before."_

_"To be fair, you got really sick before you were even twelve. Kissing someone wasn't on the top of your priority list."_

_"Yeah, but still."_

_"It can be our little secret if you want," Zayn offered. "If anyone asks, I'll tell them about all the birds you've kissed."_

_Liam laughed, shaking his head. Zayn spoke again._

_"If it makes you feel better, I haven't kissed anyone either."_

_"Really?!" Liam asked, looking genuinely shocked by the fact. Zayn shrugged, embarrassed. **Why had he said anything?**_

**** _"Yeah, well, it's not easy to find another boy my age that likes boys," Zayn defended, "especially when you're the only one who knows I'm gay."_

_"That makes sense," Liam said after thinking it over for a moment. The two were quiet, and Zayn was mentally punching himself in the face, and then Liam cleared his throat._

_"Can I, um...Can I tell you something?"_

_"Duh," Zayn said. "You can tell me anything. You know that."_

_Liam nodded, his mouth twitching nervously as he cleared his throat again._

_"Well...it's just that...I...uh...I think I may like boys too?"_

_Zayn's heart palpitated, causing his head to spin. Surely, he did not just hear what he thought he'd heard. He must be having some kind of a fit._

_"I mean, it's no big deal, right?" Liam asked after Zayn failed to reply. He seemed worried; no, more than that. He was scared. Zayn shook himself._

_"No, no. It's not a big deal at all. I like boys, you doof."_

_"I know," Liam said, smiling nervously. "So...um...I was thinking..."_

_Zayn was staring at Liam, holding his breath. Liam coughed into his fist._

_"Uh...," he began again. "Well, like, if you don't care, I was thinking we could maybe, like, kiss each other? That way we both go into this year having kissed someone and, I don't know...maybe it will be fun?"_

_"Yes," Zayn answered when Liam's last word was barely out of his mouth. He could almost hear his own heartbeat. "Yeah, I mean, we could try."_

_Liam nodded, scooting closer to Zayn, who sucked in a breath._

_"You don't have to," Liam assured him._

_"I want to," Zayn said. "Just...sorry if I'm bad."_

_"You'll probably be better than me. Practice makes perfect right?"_

_Liam laughed nervously and Zayn did the same._

_"Yeah," the latter agreed._

_"Okay," Liam said. Zayn saw his eyes close as he leaned closer, and then he closed his too._

_The first time, Liam missed Zayn’s mouth, kissing underneath his nose instead. Quickly, though, Liam redirected his touch until his lips met Zayn's, and Zayn let out a noise that was somewhere between a gasp and a moan, his joy radiating out of him. He kissed Liam back and was pleased to find that he made a sound of similar nature._

_It took a bit of time before the boys figured out how to get their lips in sync with each other, and excitement coursed through both of them when they did. Liam leaned forward more, his chest pressing into Zayn's until Zayn was forced to lay back. He wrapped his arms around Liam's neck. Liam moved his lips to kiss Zayn's chin before quickly returning to his lips._

_Zayn didn't ever want this moment to end. He'd heard horror stories about peoples' first kisses and so, honestly, he hadn't even been that anxious for the experience._

_He knew then that most people must not have had a first kiss like his. Of course not. Most people didn't get to kiss Liam. In fact, **no one** else had gotten to kiss Liam; only Zayn. _

_It was so perfect, Zayn thought; better than a movie. The two had gone from best friends to falling in love. It had taken a while, but they had been young enough to where that didn't matter. They still had almost their whole lives ahead of them, which they could spend together. They shared first kisses, and Zayn knew there were plenty of more firsts to come. One thing Zayn was certain of at that moment was that all of their firsts would be experienced together. No one else would have Liam like Zayn had him, and vice versa. They wouldn't have to deal with a first heartbreak or have all the wrong people touching them until they finally got it right. Zayn had Liam and Liam had Zayn, just like it was supposed to be._

_Zayn got to live in his dream world for a whole week._

_“You are so hot,” Zayn breathed against Liam’s neck, causing him to shiver, but he didn’t say a word; simply bit down lightly on Zayn’s bottom lip before kissing him again. Zayn moved his hands from Liam’s chest to his hips, massaging his hip bones and eliciting a small moan from Liam that Zayn was quick to catch with his mouth. Briefly, he opened his eyes to check that he’d locked his bedroom door. He had._

_Zayn was buzzing._

_Slowly, Zayn undid Liam’s belt buckle, waiting for a protest or any other sign that he was uncomfortable, but when he didn’t get one, he finished with the belt, sliding it through the other’s buckle loops and throwing the belt onto the floor. Liam sucked on Zayn’s neck as Zayn unsnapped his pants, pulled them down past his hips and started to reach down the band of his boxers._

_And that was when Liam pulled away, staring Zayn in the eyes for a few intimate moments more before he let out a laugh and sat up onto his knees._

_"Okay," he said, "this is weird."_

_“Sorry,” Zayn said. “Yeah, that was probably too fast. I’ll slow down, I promise.”_

_“No, it’s not just that…It’s…us. You’re my best friend, but we’re not…We shouldn’t be doing this.”_

_Just like that, all of Zayn's hopes and plans came crashing down. Somehow, he still forced a smile._

_"Yeah, I guess," he pretended to agree._

_"I mean, you’re gorgeous, obviously, but we're like brothers, right?" Liam asked, trying to act nonchalant, but looking worried. Zayn wished he knew exactly what was going on in Liam’s head, but he didn't ask. For once, he wanted Liam to stop talking, as he felt worse the more he went on._

_"Yeah," Zayn said again, swallowing against the lump in his throat. "Brothers."_

_Zayn was pretty sure that most brothers didn't do the things he and Liam had been doing for a week, but when Liam smiled and laid down next to him, Zayn told himself that it was a purely brotherly love he felt when his friend kissed his shoulder and asked if they could cuddle while they took a nap._

_That night, Zayn came out to Doniya, if only because he'd needed someone to cry to._

***

            Cole broke up with Zayn only a couple days after Liam ended things with Sophia, stating that it was 'just too awkward now'. Zayn believed that, because he'd felt the tension that had settled itself upon the two of them a couple days prior. He was glad that Cole called it off before he’d had to. Still, he feigned enough sadness for Liam to throw him his own pity party, and they ate cupcakes while watching all off the _Avengers_ movies that night.

            After that, Zayn didn't see Liam for another few days. It was his own fault. Though the plan had been for Zayn to start working after graduation, an employment position at a local comic book store opened up and Zayn knew he had to apply. He didn't expect to actually get the job, but he did. His feelings about it were mixed, because whereas he'd really wanted the job, he knew it would be hard to juggle his time between school, work, Liam and his other friends. It would only be for a month, though, and then he would have the summer before starting university. How he would break up his time when that started...Well...He would worry about that later.

            The first Saturday that Zayn spent working was probably the toughest. Now that Liam and Zayn were both single, there would be little else preventing them from spending the day together, just like they used to.

            Luckily, Zayn was let off early the next day-Sunday-and he went straight from work to Liam's place. He didn't call or text in advance, figuring that Liam was home and that he would tell him if didn't desire his company.

            Karen answered the door only seconds after Zayn rung the bell and, though she smiled at the boy, she had bags underneath her red eyes, and the smile on her face lasted only a moment. In turn, Zayn frowned.

            "Hey, Karen. Are you okay?" he asked. Again, the woman attempted a smile that fell flat.

            "Oh, I'm fine, honey," she tried to assure the boy. "It was just a long night for Liam. He's been so sick...I'm not sure why his nausea medicine isn't doing anything this time around."

            "Because he throws it up before it has a chance to kick in," Ruth spoke from somewhere in the near distance. Zayn couldn't see her, but he could hear her.

            At her daughter's words, Karen gave a nervous twitch.

            "Yes, I suppose that is a fair assumption," she muttered, and then gave Zayn one last half-grin. "Anyway, you're more than welcome to come in, honey. Liam always seems to feel better after seeing you."

            Nothing should make Zayn feel even the slightest bit happy at that moment, but Karen's words did, a little bit. He hid it, only giving a brief smile.

            "I hope so," he said. "Should I go on up?"

            "Yes, go on. Oh, how is your job going, by the way?"

            "Oh, really good. Yeah, I like it."

            "Good."

            The woman's smile was almost real that time.

            "Go on up then, if you want. I don't think Liam is asleep."

            "Thank you."

            After waving quickly to Ruth, Zayn hurried up the stairs and to Liam's room. His friend wasn't asleep, but laying on the bed, curled in on himself. He didn't even look up when Zayn entered.

            "Hey," the healthier teen spoke, and Liam jumped, slowly moving his head towards the other's voice. He looked absolutely exhausted, even in the dark, but, still, he managed a grin that was more authentic than his mother's had been.

            "Hey!" he returned. "I didn't expect to see you today."

            "I got off work early," Zayn explained. "I really wanted to come over yesterday, but they had me training literally all day."

            "It's okay," Liam said. "How are you liking it?"

            "I like it," Zayn replied, walking towards Liam's bed. The sick boy scooted over, making room for the other to sit.

            "You should ask if you can sell your own comics at the front or something," Liam suggested, causing Zayn to snort.

            "Yeah, right."

            "I'm serious. They're so good, Zaynie. So many people will like them."

            "I don't think so."

            "I know so."

            "Not going to happen."

            "Make a deal with me?"

            "Depends. What is it?"

            "If I die, you have to send at least one of your comics to a publisher."

            "Liam!" Zayn gasped. "I don't want to talk about that!"

            "I’m not saying I'm going to," Liam told him calmly. "I'm just saying, in case. Please? It will give me inner peace if you say yes."

            "Then I'm definitely not saying yes," Zayn said.

            "What? Why not?"

            "Because if you're not at peace, maybe you won't be able to rest enough to die. Or, in the least, you'll be a ghost, stuck here from unfinished business, and I can still have you around in some way."

            "You're sad," Liam said with a laugh, "but fine. You don't have to promise me, but I still think you should."

            "Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

            Liam gave another small chuckle, but didn't say any more. Zayn changed the subject.

            "Your mum said you were really sick last night."

            "Is that really a surprise?"

            Zayn ignored the question.

            "Can I do anything for you?"

            "Uh-uh."

            Softening his words, Liam laid his head in Zayn's lap, closing his eyes.

            "Unless you want to get your comic books published."

            "Anything but that."

            Liam was quiet. Zayn thought he'd fallen asleep when he said,

            "Fine. There's nothing else."

 

            Liam's hair started falling out the next week, so he shaved it. Zayn was with him when he did it, and though Liam stayed strong, Zayn could tell how much it bothered him. _It's just hair_ , he could have told him, but he didn't; knowing that Liam wasn't upset about having no hair. He was upset that he had no choice about it; that it was another thing the awful disease he had was taking from him, like his energy, appetite, girlfriend and social life.

            After working two consecutive Saturdays, Zayn had one off. Technically, he could have worked the afternoon, as the only reason he was off was so that he could go to graduation rehearsal, but he'd told his boss that he wasn't sure how long it would be and the boss had said to just take the whole day off. Zayn had really enjoyed his first paycheck, but, still, he wasn't going to complain.

            "I can't believe that, after tomorrow, we're done with school forever!" Louis exclaimed, a wide, almost manic, grin on his face, once the rehearsal had ended and all four friends found each other.

            "Not really, babe," Harry told him calmly. "We start university in a couple months."

            "That's different," Louis claimed. "That will be mainly partying and sleeping through classes with a little bit of homework mixed in."

            "Oh, Lou," Niall sighed, petting the top of the other's head.

            "Let's go celebrate!" Louis said.

            "How?" Harry asked.

            "I don't know," Louis answered with a shrug.

            "Let's just go see a film or something," Niall suggested. "Nothing too crazy until tomorrow when we have an actual reason to celebrate."

            "Fine," Louis agreed. "We'll go to the cinema."

            "Can I invite Liam?" Zayn asked. He wanted to spend time with the three, but he couldn't deny that he'd felt a bit of disappointment as soon as Louis had begun talking about going out, since Zayn had been planning to go to Liam's right after rehearsal and spend the rest of the day with him.

            "No," Louis said, at the same time that Harry replied,

            "Of course."

            "I was joking...," Louis uttered when three pairs of eyes fell on him. Zayn narrowed his gaze at him. "I was!" Louis said.

            "Good, cuz I'm calling him," Zayn said, taking out his phone and walking a few feet away from the group.

            Liam agreed to go see a movie with them, which surprised Zayn, but he was, of course, delighted. Louis picked him up, and though Zayn went up to the door to get his mate, he could see his friends' shocked expressions in the car after Liam had stepped out and they saw how different he looked already.

            When the two climbed into the back seat, Louis's voice was a lot gentler speaking to Liam than Zayn had expected it to be.

            "Hey, mate. How's it going?" the driver asked.

            "Oh, fine," Liam said, nervously adjusting the beanie he was wearing on his head, despite the fact that it was fairly warm outside. "How are all of you?"

            The others assured Liam that they were doing well as Louis began driving. Liam told them all he was glad to hear it, and then the conversation was diverted to chat over what they should see. In the end, Liam's choice won.

 

            "That was a lot better than I expected it to be," Niall, the only one who hadn't been thrilled over the final film decision, commented as the friends walked out of the theater.

            "It was really good," Louis agreed. "Did you like it, Liam?"

            "Yeah, I did," Liam answered. "Zayn? Harry?"

            Harry and Zayn said that yes, they had liked the film as well, which seemed to please Liam. He had a small smile on his face all the way to Louis's car, and Louis, to everyone's surprise, instead of climbing right in upon reaching the vehicle, let out a small cry and attached himself to Liam, hugging him around his waist tightly and burying his face into his torso. Liam startled at the contact, but then put his arms around Louis as well.

            "I missed you," Louis admitted, his words muffled, but still comprehensible.

            "I missed you too," Liam said. "I'm sorry."

            One by one, the rest of the group took turns entering the slowly growing group hug, not caring if anyone stared. They stayed that way for a while; Zayn wasn't even able to estimate a time, before Niall suggested they all give Liam air before someone get him sick, and they backed off. All were smiling, and, Zayn thought, had a certain glint in their eyes. Still, no one actively cried, and they all entered the car and began conversation as if nothing had happened.

            From that point on, there was no more separation between Liam and Zayn's other friends. They were all a group again, hanging out whenever they could, usually at Liam's. Zayn didn’t ask Louis what had caused such an abrupt change in his attitude. Deep down, he thought he knew, and even though Zayn was glad that they were all friends again, he hated that the reconciliation had only been brought upon by tragedy. Still, Zayn loved that they were all one group again and that all tension between anyone had died, but he also enjoyed that, sometimes, it was only Liam and him, watching films or playing video games like the old days.

 

            For Karen and Geoff's anniversary, their three children arranged a weekend trip out of town, even booking them a hotel. Of course, that sent their anxiety through the roof; not wanting to leave Liam for any moderately long amount of time. Zayn had been at the house when the children told them of their gift and, sensing their stress, he told them not to worry; that he would take care of Liam. For some reason, that actually seemed to calm them, if only a bit.

            Like Zayn was staying with Liam, Ruth's boyfriend was staying at the house with her. Her boyfriend lived by himself, but, even though Ruth trusted Zayn with Liam, she still felt it a personal responsibility to stay with him the entire weekend. At first, Zayn was disappointed. He would have loved to have the house for just himself and Liam for two days straight, but the more he thought about it, the more he was glad that someone else was there in case something were to go very wrong.

            Besides, Ruth seemed very excited to introduce Zayn to her boyfriend, and later, when Liam was in the bathroom and Cedric, her boyfriend, was ordering a pizza, he discovered why.

            "He's cute, isn't he?" she whispered, loud enough for Zayn to hear, but not so loud as to draw her lover's attention.

            "He is cute," Zayn told her truthfully. He decided not to worry about how she knew he was gay, as he was long past the point of caring who found out, at least amongst family and friends. "Much cuter than the last one; that I saw anyway."

            "So much cuter!" Ruth said, looking extremely pleased that Zayn agreed with her. "You know, he has a cousin, and I've heard he's bi..."

            "Zayn just went through a break-up," a voice behind them spoke; Liam, of course. How he always appeared when Ruth and Zayn were talking about him was a true mystery.

 "I don't think it would be a good idea for him to get involved with someone else right away,” Liam continued.

            Ruth and Zayn exchanged a look with each other and, for some reason, a smile, that was actually damn near a smirk, formed on the woman's face.

            "I don't know," she said. "That should be up to Zayn, shouldn't it?"

            Suddenly, Liam and Ruth were both looking at Zayn; Ruth still with the smirk on her face and Liam with a blank expression, though his lips were in a tight line. 

            "I, um, I would have to think about it," Zayn said, feeling ganged up on even though the siblings were doing nothing of the sort. Ruth laughed.

            "Alright," she said. "Just let me know if you want me to put in a good word for you."

            Zayn assured her that he would, and then the woman left the pair's side, instead going over to her boyfriend, who was just finishing with his order. Still feeling eyes on him, Zayn turned to look at Liam and gave a slight smile, mostly out of nerves, since Liam was still wearing his unreadable expression. The corners of the other's mouth twitched upwards very briefly; almost so fleetingly that Zayn didn't see it.

            "Uh...are you okay?" he asked, taking an involuntary step backwards.

            "Yes," Liam answered. "Did Cedric order the food?"

            "Yeah."

            "Good. I'm hungry."

            Zayn wondered if Liam was really hungry, or had simply wanted to change the subject.

            Seeming to shake himself from whatever funk he was in, Liam finally smiled.

            "Let's go see what the two love birds want to do while we wait for the pizza," he said, and left Zayn's side.

            To Zayn's pleasure, Liam ate a fair amount for dinner and seemed to be in good spirts all night, besides giving Zayn a stare down every now and then. Zayn pretended not to notice, as he didn't want to look at Liam and see that blank expression on his face again.

            When Liam's parents called that night, they insisted on talking to Zayn, claiming that they trusted him to be more truthful on how everyone was doing than their children. Zayn assured them that everyone was doing just fine, and he heard both of them let out a low breath.

            "I think I'm going to adopt a child," Liam commented after Zayn had given him his phone back and he'd said his good nights to his mom and dad.

            "Yeah?" Zayn asked, curious as to what had brought that idea to mind. Liam didn't keep him wondering for long.

            "Yeah," he said. "I don’t know if I could make kids anyway, as my treatment can cause infertility, but I think I’d want to adopt no matter what. Cancer is genetic, so I feel like I would have a high chance of passing this down to a kid. I don't want a kid to go through that, and I don't want to have to go through what my parents are going through."

            "If that's what you want, I think it's a great idea," Zayn told the other, moved by how open and raw Liam was being at the moment.

            "Do you want kids?" Liam asked, laying down on the bed the two were sitting on, but not breaking his gaze from Zayn.

            "I think so," Zayn said. "I'll probably adopt, as well. I know there are other options for same sex couples, but there are so many kids that need homes, so why would I go out of my way just for a biological child when I can give another one a loving family?"

            Liam smiled, seeming just as touched by Zayn's openness as Zayn had been with his.

            "That's a good point too," he said. "How many do you think you would want to adopt?"

            "Just one or two," Zayn answered. "Maybe a girl and a boy; keep things even."

            "I like that," Liam told him. Zayn smiled.

            "Obviously, that's not going to happen for a while," he added.

            "Well, yeah," Liam said with a small laugh. "We should probably have jobs and be moved out and all that. Plus, I should probably be in remission for a few years first."

            Zayn nodded his agreement.

            "I can't wait to be Uncle Zayn to your kids though," he told the other. The smile that had still been on Liam's face faltered.

            "Yeah," he said again, sounding distracted. "Uncle Zayn."

            Zayn touched the other's arm. Liam started and smiled again.

            "I'm tired," he said.

            "Let's go to sleep," Zayn suggested.

            "It's only just after nine."

            "I can sleep whenever."

            "Okay," Liam said, yawning at the perfect time. "If you're sure."

            "I'm sure."

            Zayn got out of the bed only to turn off the light, and then climbed in next to Liam again.

            "I'll see you in the morning," he said.

            "See you in the morning," Liam replied, his voice already groggy. Still, he managed to rest his arm over Zayn's waist and scoot himself closer. Zayn fell asleep playing with the material of Liam's night shirt.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Liam's P.O.V.~ (in case you aren't going to read my notes :p)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Important!!!*** Sooooo, I'm currently in the hospital (I'm okay!!!), but I wanted to post something anyway. This is actually one of the chapters that I am re-writing, but due to my current state, it's only about half done. I hate missing updates, though, so I've decided to post this half, and then I'll post the next half as soon as I finish it (hopefully before Thursday so you can get two updates next week, but we'll see.) Sorry about this! ALSO!!! This chapter is from Liam's P.O.V. (Thanks Lady_Valentina_Stark for the idea...don't know why I didn't think of it myself, but it's really changing the last portion of the story, in a good way! I owe you!!!) Like with Zayn, Liam's flashbacks are in italics. (There's only one in this part, but there will be one or two more in the next part.)
> 
> Lastly, if you left me a comment on my last chapter, I have read it and I appreciate it so much! I promise to reply to all of my comments soon! Thanks to everyone for the support, and I hope you enjoy this half-chapter!

            “Are you sure that you’re good to drive all the way to London, Liam?”

            “Yes, mum, I’m fine,” Liam said, trying not to sound impatient. His mother had good reason to worry. Not only was her extremely sick-possibly dying-son driving nearly four hours to a big, highly populated and germ-filled city, but he was staying the night there, away from her constant eye. She wouldn’t be able to come in at least twice a night and make sure he was still breathing, and if Liam were to have to be hospitalized, it would take her hours to get to his side. Anything could happen in those few hours, they both knew. Liam held faith, though, that no matter how much the universe sometimes seemed to despise him, that it wouldn’t take him tonight. There were some nights where he thought he would be fine if he fell asleep and never woke again. It didn’t happen often; only on the nights following the worst of days, but today was going to be wonderful. He could feel it.

            “I can always drive the both of you,” Karen offered. “I’ll get a different room at the hotel.”

            “I’ll be okay,” Liam assured her again. “I’ll be with Zayn.”

            In reality, the both of them knew that there was not much Zayn could do if fate decided to change the game, but his presence always made Karen feel better. It made Liam feel better, too.

            “Promise to call me if either of you need anything?” Karen asked, her forehead wrinkled in concern. Liam hated when she did that. It made her look older, and Liam tried to ignore the fact that, each time he’d been sick, it seemed to take years off of his parents’ life as well as his own.

            “I promise,” he told her, his voice softer as he pulled her into a hug. He didn’t miss the subtle sniffle that she gave, but her eyes were dry when she let go of him moments later.

            “Alright,” she said, more to herself than to Liam. “Have fun! Send me pictures!”

            “I will,” Liam promised, slinging the backpack filled with the belongings he needed for the trip over his shoulder. He despised how heavy it felt. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

            “I love you, Liam!”

            “I love you too, mum.”

            Liam made it to Zayn’s in record time. He hadn’t meant to speed, but he was so fueled on excitement and adrenaline that he didn’t even notice he was going faster. He must have been, though, because he shaved more than five minutes off of his travel time.

            _Calm down, Liam_ , the boy thought to himself, nearly shaking his head at how pathetic he was. He tried to tell himself that he was merely excited because he rarely got out of the house, but deep down, or maybe even not so deeply, he knew that wasn’t entirely true.

            Before getting out of his car, Liam pulled down his sun visor and opened the mirror, shuddering at his reflection. He was too pale, his eyes rimmed with red. His lips and skin were dry, no matter how much he moisturized, and his beanie didn’t very well hide the fact that he had no hair.

            Sighing, Liam closed the mirror, telling himself that those mirrors in the sunlight were quite harsh anyway. The teenager put his sun visor back up and exited the car, walking quickly, though not too quickly, to the front door of his best friend’s house.

            He had been expecting Zayn’s mom or one of his sisters to answer, like they usually did, so when it was Zayn who opened the door, Liam internally jolted, his heart giving a brief palpitation. He clasped his hands together behind him to stop them from shaking, suddenly feeling all of the things he thought he was too sick and tired to feel anymore. The absence of those feelings-the increased heart rate, muddled brain, the electricity coursing through his body and, of course, the butterflies-had been one of the other reasons he’d had to break up with Sophia. If he couldn’t feel those things for her anymore, he couldn’t feel them for anyone.           

            Except, apparently, Zayn.

            “Hey, mate!” Zayn greeted, and Liam nearly cringed. In his opinion, Zayn used the term ‘mate’ way too much with him, as if he could feel that Liam felt things he shouldn’t for him and was trying to remind them that they were only friends; _brothers_ , even.

            “Hey,” Liam returned, smiling around all of the conflicting emotions he had. He was used to doing that, though, as every time he was around Zayn, he found it hard to tell whether he was more happy, sad, regretful or maybe even in love.

            “Feeling alright?” Zayn asked.

            “Yeah,” Liam promised. “I’m good.”

            “Good! You can come in. I just remembered that I left my phone charger upstairs, but as soon as I grab that, I’ll be ready.”

            “Okay. Take your time. I’m a bit early,” Liam said, stepping inside.

            “It won’t take long,” Zayn assured him, and then turned to hurry up the stairs. Liam watched him go, his eyes traveling all the way down Zayn’s backside.

            “Hello, Liam!” another voice greeted, and Liam jumped, whipping his entire body around to face a smiling Doniya, who was sitting on the couch a few feet away. Liam swallowed, his face turning hot.

            “Hey,” he said. “I didn’t see you there.”

            The woman’s grin grew, but she ignored the statement.

            “Are you excited for the show?”

            “Yeah.”

            Liam was more excited simply about having Zayn to himself for an entire day, but he of course wasn’t going to tell the other’s sister that.

            “I heard they’re really good live,” Doniya said.

            “They sound like it from the videos I’ve seen,” Liam replied. Then, footsteps drew his attention away and he turned again to see Zayn coming down the stairs, skipping every other step in his haste to get down.

            “Okay,” he said with a smile, brushing by Liam to throw his charger into the overnight bag he had laying by the couch before throwing the bag over his shoulder. “I’m ready.”

            “Have fun, you two! Be safe!” Doniya called, giving a lazy wave from her seat. They both thanked her and said goodbye, and then they left, Zayn holding the door open for Liam to exit first. Liam thought about opening his car door for him in return, but then realized that would probably be weird, so he popped the trunk and got in the driver’s seat while he waited for Zayn to put away his bag and climb in the passenger seat.

            As Zayn plopped down, shutting the door behind him, he gave Liam one of those smiles that he loved, but couldn’t look at too long. Liam smiled back and then turned his focus out of the front window.

            “Are you ready?” he asked, pressing down on his brake and putting his vehicle into drive.

            “Definitely,” Zayn said. “Thanks for driving. One day, I promise I’ll have my license.”

            “It’s really no problem,” Liam assured him, not mentioning that he liked driving Zayn around. He would drive Zayn anywhere he wanted to go, probably.

            Liam continued,

            “I edited our playlist and took Cole and Sophia’s songs off of it.”

            Zayn gave a small laugh.

            “Good,” he said. “We have better taste in music anyway.”

            “Yes, we do,” Liam agreed, smiling as he backed out of Zayn’s driveway. “If you want to plug the iPod in, it’s in my glove box.”

            Unlike the drive to their first concert together those few months ago, Zayn didn’t hesitate to start singing along loudly with Liam. Zayn was such an effortlessly good singer, just like he was a natural artist, and Liam often wondered what it would be like to be born with that kind of talent. He was a decent singer, he guessed, but that was just about the only thing he could do even sort of well. Of course, Zayn didn’t seem to realize just how gifted he was with his vocal cords or his drawing abilities, so maybe Liam had talents that he was unaware of too, but he didn’t think so. It didn’t make him sad or jealous, though. Instead, it only added to the awe he felt for his best friend.

            The pair stopped for lunch about an hour outside of London, and even though Liam was hungry, he didn’t eat much. These days, he was never sure how he would react to food, and the last thing he wanted to do was have to pull over and throw up on the side of the road.

            “You’re still holding up alright?” Zayn asked when he saw that the only thing Liam had ordered was a small basket of chips.

            “Yeah,” Liam said to Zayn with an authentic smile. Typically, his smiles were forced while assuring someone that he was okay because usually he wasn’t, but he was okay then; more than okay, even. Even if he hadn’t been, it was always hard for him not to smile with Zayn around anyway.

            “We’ve got plenty of time before the show, so if you need to chill here for a bit, we can,” Zayn added, just in case.

            “Thanks, but I’m good,” Liam said. Zayn gave him a half smile, the worry evident on his face. Liam wondered what Zayn would do if he leaned across the table and kissed it off, but he didn’t. Instead, he cleared his throat and pushed the basket of chips a bit farther away from him.

            “You can finish those,” he told his friend. “I’m going to the loo.”

            Belatedly, Liam realized that would do nothing to ease Zayn’s nerves, but he hurried off. Luckily, the bathroom was empty. Liam didn’t need to use the toilet, as he was far too starved and dehydrated to actually find that task necessary very often, but he did need to pull himself together.

            _Zayn is my best mate_ , he reminded himself, pacing back and forth like a lunatic in the bathroom, ashamed of himself. Yes, Zayn had been his first real crush. After Zayn had told Liam that he was gay, Liam spent much time reassuring him that he didn’t think of him any differently. That was a lie. It wasn’t that he viewed him in a worse way, or even a better way for that matter. It was just that, instead of lying in bed, watching a movie with Zayn while Liam got lost in the film, Liam was hyper-aware of his best friend next to him. There wasn’t a laugh that went unnoticed (and Liam didn’t remember being quite so fond of his laugh before), nor was there a gasp, sigh or yawn that Liam didn’t catch, except for when he fell asleep, but even then, Zayn was in his dreams.

            Occasionally, Liam would wonder what Zayn’s reaction would be if he told him that he _like_ liked him, but the thought alone was enough to embarrass him. Zayn was nice, and Liam finally accepted that they were actual friends and that Zayn didn’t only hang out with him from sympathy, but Liam had nothing to offer him otherwise. His disease had diminished his appearance, along with his energy. He couldn’t take Zayn anywhere. They wouldn’t be able to go to those dumb school dances together. In fact, Zayn may have had a boyfriend at school already. Liam never asked. He didn’t want to know. Things were safer for the both of them if Liam kept his mouth shut.

            For nearly two whole years, Liam remained quiet. He never even hinted at his true feelings for Zayn, and even though he sometimes laughed too loudly at his jokes or cuddled too close during movies, Zayn didn’t seem to notice or be bothered.

            Then, once Liam had finally gone into remission, gained some weight and regained most of his hair and a little bit of confidence, he couldn’t keep it to himself anymore. The conversation between him and Zayn went just as smoothly in real life as it had in Liam’s head the multiple times he rehearsed it alone; his plan on how to find out if Zayn was seeing anybody and if he would ever be interested in Liam.

            Their first kiss wasn’t flawless by any means, but it wasn’t awkward. From there on, they just got better, and each time the two kissed, Liam’s feelings for Zayn deepened a little bit more.

Unfortunately, so did his fear. What if things escalated further and then crashed and burned? They were almost at the point of no return, where the pair would either get a happy ending, or have a falling out and never speak to each other again. Liam couldn’t have that. He couldn’t lose his best friend. So he made up a lie; said that Zayn was like a brother to him, and if Zayn had disagreed, Liam probably would have taken it right back and let Zayn have his way with him, but that wasn’t how it went. For a brief moment, Liam thought he saw something close to hurt on Zayn’s face at the term, but then, relief washed over him as he agreed,

            _“Yeah. Brothers.”_

 

When Liam exited the bathroom, he looked over to the table and saw Zayn quickly turn his head. Smiling to himself, Liam went and sat back down.

            “Hey,” Zayn said, trying to sound casual as he took a bite from one of his chips. Liam could tell it was killing him to not ask if he was okay, but he refrained.

            “Hey,” Liam returned. Zayn said,

            “I paid already, so we can leave anytime.”

            “You weren’t supposed to do that,” Liam scolded, looking down the bridge of his nose at Zayn, who smiled innocently.

            “Well, you refuse to take money for my half of the hotel, so…”

            “That’s because my parents paid for the trip,” Liam explained. “It’s an early birthday present, probably in case I don’t make it to my actual birthday.”

            Zayn winced, and Liam immediately regretted the words that came out of his mouth.

            “Sorry. Bad joke.”

            “I’m ready if you are,” Zayn said, and Liam knew he wasn’t upset _with him_ ; just upset, but he still felt bad. Knowing he would probably put himself further into the hole he was in if he tried to fix it, Liam simply nodded and slid out of his side of the booth. Zayn followed, and the walk to the car was a long and painfully silent one, but, luckily, Zayn smiled once they were buckled in and then asked,

            “So, how much longer do we have?”

 

            Liam’s parents went way overboard with the hotel; so much so that Liam was almost embarrassed. Upon arriving and immediately having their bags taken by a bell boy, and the car valet parked, Liam expected Zayn to crack another joke about him being spoiled, but he didn’t. Perhaps he was seeing that Liam’s ‘bad joke’ from earlier had some truth to it.

            “I half expected there to be a hot tub,” Zayn commented once the two entered their room. The lobby to the place had been fancy enough to have a fish tank, so, honestly, Liam wouldn’t have been surprised if Zayn had been right, but he wasn’t.

            “My parents were slacking,” Liam joked, and Zayn smiled.

            “Totally,” he said. “This place is a mere step up from a roach-and-bed-bug infested motel.”

            Liam laughed, but any reply he might have thought to give was interrupted by a yawn. After blinking the subsequent moisture in his eyes away, he saw that Zayn was looking at him, his head tilted and a half smile on his face.

            “Nap time?” he guessed.

            “No,” Liam said, despite the fact that a nap sounded like one of the best things in the world. “We’re on a mini-vacation. There’s no time for naps!”

            Zayn rolled his eyes, but not in a rude way; just in that way he always did when he thought Liam was ‘silly.’

            “Come on, mate,” he said. “I’m going to crash at this concert if we don’t.”

            “Oh, you’re the one that really needs a nap then?”

            “Yeah. Watching you drive took a lot out of me.”

            It was Liam’s turn to roll his eyes, but another yawn overtook him.

            “Fine,” he agreed begrudgingly. “For you, we will nap.”

            Giving a triumphant grin, Zayn hopped on the bed farthest from the door and kicked his shoes off. Liam’s parents had booked them a room with two beds, no doubt thinking they would be more comfortable that way, but they were wrong, at least on their son’s end. Still, it would probably be weird of Liam to climb in bed with Zayn when there was a free one only a few feet away, so Liam claimed the closer bed, sitting on the edge as he took his own shoes off and then climbing underneath the covers. He was starting to hate summer, as everyone blasted their air conditioning, and Liam just couldn’t tolerate it. They’d been in the room for less than five minutes and Liam was already chilled.

            Seeming to read his mind, Zayn asked,

            “Do you want me to turn the air off?”

            “No,” Liam said. “You’ll burn up. I have blankets.”

            Zayn gave Liam an unreadable look. It wasn’t often that Liam didn’t have an idea of what was going on in the other’s head, but sometimes, Zayn was a mystery.

            “If you’re sure,” he said after a moment. Liam nodded.

            “See you soon, Zaynie.”

            “See you, Li-Li.”

            Liam closed his eyes, and even though he was exhausted, his brain wouldn’t let him relax. Being in the same room as Zayn, but so far away, felt wrong, like whenever they’d been with Cole and Sophia and it was Cole’s hand that Zayn was holding; Cole’s lips he was kissing…When it was Cole who he’d been laying with in bed.

            The images that were playing out behind Liam’s eyes were less than pleasant, and so he opened them, hoping to make them stop. When he did, he saw Zayn’s eyes quickly shut, and then, seeming to know he’d been busted, Zayn gave a loud, exaggerated snore. Liam laughed.

            “Uh-huh. Very believable. Creeper.”

            “Hm? What?” Zayn asked, opening one eye and stretching, as if he’d been asleep.

            “I know you think I’m the equivalent of Sleeping Beauty, but I’m trying to rest,” Liam teased.

            “It’s not my fault!” Zayn insisted. “I can’t sleep when I’m over here all warm and snugly and you look like you might freeze to death!”

            “There is a possibility that might happen, actually,” Liam said. Zayn gave a sigh, talking slowly when he spoke again, as if he were deliberating.

            “I suppose, if it will save your life, you can join me over here.”

            “You sure?” Liam asked sarcastically. “I don’t want to put you out or anything.”

            “I’m a selfless person, Liam.”

            “I see. There’s only one problem.”

            “What’s that?”

            “I’ve already begun to freeze. I can’t move.”

            Again, Zayn sighed.

            “I have to do everything around here,” he muttered, but got out of bed to join Liam anyway. After getting underneath the sheets with him, Zayn scooted close, one arm draped over Liam’s side and the other hand on his chest. For a moment, Zayn’s eyes flickered closed, but then he opened them again, looking straight up at Liam through sinfully long and dark eyelashes.

            _Those_ feelings were ones that Liam really hadn’t thought he could feel in his sickly state, and he swallowed in what he hoped was a subtle manner.

            “Warmer?” Zayn asked, and, yeah, Liam realized then that he was pretty warm.

            “Getting there,” he said, rolling over before things got awkward. Luckily, Zayn didn’t seem to nice his predicament, and he pulled Liam closer so that his crotch was pressed against Liam’s back. That, paired with Zayn’s breath on the back of his neck, didn’t help matters, but, fortunately, sleep quickly won over everything else.

            When Liam woke, he was sweating, though he wasn’t particularly hot. Zayn was asleep, one arm still draped over Liam, so the ill teenager snaked himself gently away and went to the bathroom. A wave of nausea settled itself in him as soon as he stood, but he swallowed it down. When he felt a little less like he would projectile vomit the moment he opened his mouth, he would take an anti-nausea pill; his third of the day.

            After washing up, Liam was able to take his medicine. The best thing about it was that if Liam could refrain from getting sick for about ten minutes after taking it, it would have kicked in enough to allow him to function for a few hours.

Through the sheer power of will, he managed to keep it down and exited the bathroom once moving didn’t make him want to lose everything. He was glad to find that Zayn was still asleep and unaware of his recent misery. Of all the people who insisted on fussing over Liam, he liked being taken care of by Zayn the most, but that day was different. For just one more day, Liam wanted to pretend that he wasn’t sick the best that he could; act like this awful disease wasn’t hurting his loved ones emotionally just as much as it was hurting him physically. He wanted to look in Zayn’s eyes and not see a trace of worry.

***

            _“Mum, am I ever going to go home?”_

_Liam didn’t typically ask his mother questions like that, knowing it would upset her. Even at the age of twelve, Liam had trained himself to hide his fear, and even most of the physical pain he endured. It hadn’t been easy, and, at the beginning, there had certainly been days where Liam couldn’t stop crying and asking his mom questions she couldn’t answer, like why this was happening to him, how long he had, and if dying hurt. Quickly, though, Liam realized that, even though he hadn’t really expected her to know those answers, she expected it from herself. Liam had always hated seeing his mom cry, and so after a few months, he’d started merely asking his diary those questions instead._

_As he knew she would, Karen had to blink away tears, but she managed to force a smile as she took Liam’s hand in her gloved one. Scooting her chair closer to her son’s hospital bed, she said,_

_“I think you will, baby.”_

_Liam knew that she truly had no idea, but her assurance made him feel better anyway._

_“Zayn can come see me as soon as my fever goes down, right?”_

_“He sure can.”_

_“Good,” Liam said. “Mum, I don’t want to never see him again.”_

_Maybe that was silly of Liam. After all, if he was dead, he wouldn’t know that he wasn’t ever going to see Zayn again. Nonetheless, the thought terrified him._

_Thanks to many counseling sessions, Liam had finally come to terms with leaving his family. He had their goodbye letters written and hidden in a box inside of his closet, labeled, ‘only open if I’m not here anymore.’ Every night, Liam made sure to tell his mother, father and both of his sisters that he loved them so that he could sleep peacefully and know that, if something were to happen during the night, they would always know his true feelings._

_He couldn’t do that with Zayn; not yet and maybe not ever. How was he supposed to be okay with saying goodbye to his best friend; the one person who loved Liam even though he didn’t have to? Zayn didn’t have any blood connection to Liam. There was no moral obligation for him to love or care for him. He was simply a boy who had probably been forced by his mother to hang out with him one day, but, somehow, something about Liam had made Zayn want to stick around._

_Now, Liam wanted to stick around too; not that he ever actually wanted to die (though sometimes he was more okay with it than others.) He’d accepted the possibility of death, but every time he was around Zayn, his feelings started to change more and more. Selfishly, he didn’t want Zayn to find another best friend._

_“Aw, baby,” Karen cooed, and Liam almost cringed. True, he was pretty helpless at the moment, but he wasn’t a baby. “You’ll see Zayn again. I promise.”_

_She must have been fairly certain of her words if she made a promise of them, Liam thought, but still, she didn’t truly know. The boy smiled at her anyway, and turned his head so that she would think he was going to sleep. He needed just a bit of silence, but he wouldn’t allow himself to rest yet, fearing that if his eyes closed for longer than a blink, they would never open again and the only place he would ever see Zayn again was in his final dream._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's not the full chapter! I'll post again as soon as I can! (No later than next Thursday/Friday depending where you are)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of Liam's P.O.V.! Thank you all for being so nice and supportive last week <3 It's very appreciated and makes me so happy. 
> 
> Also, sorry this wasn't posted early like I wanted :(

            Zayn still had about twenty minutes to sleep, and now that his medicine had kicked in, Liam was actually hungry, so he decided to make a quick trip downstairs. He’d seen a bakery in the hotel, as well as a restaurant, but the restaurant had looked like a place rich people went to and that only served things such as caviar and avocado soup. It wasn’t often that Liam wanted to eat, so when he did, healthy rich-people food was the last thing he would consume.

            Liam knew he should put his medical mask and gloves on before going to the lobby, but he didn’t. He already didn’t fit into this place, so he couldn’t imagine the stares he would get if he looked like…Well…a cancer patient.

            The bakery turned out to be for rich people too; everything priced twice as much as it should have been and given fancy names and descriptions when, really, the ‘Devils Food Deluxe Brownie’ was just a plain chocolate brownie with a few chocolate chips and the ‘Decadent Cinnamon Swirls’ were mere cinnamon rolls. Still, it was sugar, and it was hard to go wrong with sugar, in Liam’s book, so he decided he could splurge just this once on ridiculously named desserts.

            Still not too fond of chocolate after he made the mistake of eating it, in cake form, the day after his first chemotherapy session, Liam bought one of the cinnamon rolls for himself and took the brownie for Zayn. 

            As Liam waited for the elevator to come down and pick him back up, he couldn’t help but to take his sweet out of the bag and try a bite. His taste buds exploded with pure pleasure, and he almost moaned out loud. Luckily, he refrained, and the elevator doors dinged open, revealing Zayn. Liam’s body reacted quicker than his mind did, and he was wondering why his hands suddenly felt clammy and his heart had skipped a beat when he realized who he was facing.

            “Oh, hey!” Zayn said, smiling as he stepped off of the elevator. “I was looking for you.”

            He must have been really worried, Liam noted, because his shirt was wrinkled and his hair stood up every which way. Typically, Zayn wouldn’t think to leave the confines of his room like that. Liam smiled, enjoying the vision.

            “I was hungry,” he explained. “I got you something, too.”

            Still holding his cinnamon roll, Liam handed over the bag and Zayn looked inside, sucking in a breath when he saw his brownie.

            “Amazing!” he said in a sing-song tone. “You’re the best!”

            “I know,” Liam assured him. The elevator doors had closed, and the car had gone back up, so Liam pressed the button again and waited, he and Zayn munching on their treats while they did. Liam was full once his was about half gone, but Zayn had eaten his entire brownie before the boys were even back in their room.

            “That was delicious. Thank you,” he said, tossing the tissue paper that his dessert had been wrapped in away. Liam put the remainder of his cinnamon roll back in the bag and set it on the desk, saving it for later.

            “You’re welcome,” he told Zayn.

            “I guess we should be getting ready, huh?” Zayn asked.

            “Yeah,” Liam said.

            Getting into his luggage, Zayn pulled out a whole new outfit and told Liam that he was going to change. As Liam began his search for something to wear, a yell coming from the bathroom area made him jump.

            “Zayn?!” he asked, dropping his clothes and hurrying over to where the sound came from. He found Zayn standing in front of the vanity mirror, running his fingers all through his hair and looking horrified.

            “I went downstairs like this?!” he asked. Liam laughed.

            “Yep,” he said, not mentioning that Zayn hadn’t gotten any farther than the elevators. “Everyone was probably wondering what this homeless boy was doing walking these halls.”

            “Not nice,” Zayn said, glaring at Liam’s reflection in the mirror.

            “You’re a cute homeless-looking boy, though,” he said.

            “Well you’re a cute rude boy, but does that make you feel any better about it?”

            “Yes,” Liam replied, stepping forward and leaning down behind Zayn so that he could rest his chin on his shoulder. Zayn turned his head and glared, but he wasn’t able to keep up the façade long, and then he smiled.

            “You can never just let me be in a bad mood,” he said.

            “Frowning causes wrinkles,” Liam said.

            “So does smiling.”

            “Yes, but those wrinkles look better.”

            “If you say so.”

            “I do.”

            Liam wondered if he would live to see himself with wrinkles, but quickly pushed the thoughts from his mind. _You’re not sick today,_ he reminded himself.

            “Go fix your hair, grumpy,” he said to Zayn, standing up straight and taking a step back. Instead of going into the bathroom, like Zayn had been headed to, he turned around and then he took a step forward, putting his arms around Liam’s neck.

            “I’m not grumpy,” he said. “Today has been amazing so far.”

            “All we did was drive here and nap.”

            “ _And_ ate delicious desserts.”

            “True, we did do that.”

            Letting his arms fall back down to his sides, Zayn gave Liam one last grin before saying,

            “Alright. We’re going to be late. Get changed…unless you were planning on wearing that.”

            Liam had been planning to wear his current outfit-a band t-shirt with plain blue jeans-but he’d brought extra clothes just in case, so he told Zayn that of course that wasn’t what he was going to wear, and then he hurried to change clothes.

 

            The boys took a taxi to the show, knowing Liam would probably be exhausted afterward. They made the driver stop and let them get something to eat, but were told that eating in the cab was unacceptable, so as soon as they got to the venue, they stood in the middle of the parking lot, quickly eating their sandwiches. Liam only managed to take a few bites, but he truly thought it was mere excitement making him lose his appetite then. He really didn’t get out enough.

            Finally, once they finished eating, Liam and Zayn got in line. They only had about ten minutes before the doors opened, so they were nearly at the tail end of it, but, given they had assigned seats, Liam guessed it didn’t really matter.

            “At least we don’t look too eager,” Zayn joked. Liam smiled. Then, the man standing directly behind Liam coughed and, his eyes widening, Zayn hurried to pull Liam in front of him.

            “I think it’s time for these,” the healthier teen commented, taking two medical masks from his pocket. Liam groaned.

            “I thought you forgot those!”

            “What kind of best friend would I be then?” Zayn asked.

            “The _best_ best kind,” Liam said.

            “Well, I guess I’ll just have to settle for being the best then.”

            Liam sighed, but surrendered, taking one of the masks from Zayn’s hand. In an act of support, Zayn had brought one along for himself, and he put it on without waiting for Liam to do so.

            “If anyone asks, you’re the sick one,” Liam said as he put his own mask on his face.

            “Okay,” Zayn agreed.

            “Actually, never mind,” Liam said with a shake of his head. “I don’t want to think about you being sick.”

            Zayn gave Liam’s hand a gentle squeeze. He’d agreed to not make Liam wear his gloves so that he could take pictures, only upon making sure that they had plenty of sanitizer available.

            The guy behind them coughed again, and Zayn looked like he wanted to murder him. Liam laughed, shaking his head another time. It was kind of hot when Zayn was protective.

            Liam was already winded by the time he and Zayn found their seats, and he went to buy a caffeinated beverage halfway into the first opening act. To his surprise, it truly helped, and he didn’t collapse in his seat until all of the band members were backstage after their final song.

            “All good?” Zayn asked, keeping his voice nonchalant, even though that damn _worry_ was back in his eyes.

            “All good,” Liam assured him, looking away. After a moment of silence (at least amongst the two of them), a thought occurred to Liam.

            “Oh!” he said, sitting up straight and taking his phone from his pocket. “We need a selfie!”

            Liam didn’t bother taking his mask off. He wanted to capture Zayn and all of his selfless love. Zayn looked surprised, but he left his mask on as well, leaning into Liam so that their shoulders were touching. When Liam took the picture, he knew Zayn was smiling just by the way his eyes were shining. Right away, he uploaded it to every social media account he had, captioning it, ‘this guy is the _best_ best <3.’

 

            It seemed to take forever before the second band came onstage, and then it was even longer for the main band. Liam had been almost asleep in his chair when the lights dimmed and screams erupted throughout the venue. He jumped, sitting up, looking around…and removing his mask to wipe drool from his face. Apparently, he’d been more out of it than he thought.

            “It’s time,” Zayn told Liam, and, again, Liam knew he was smiling even though he couldn’t see his mouth. Liam returned the grin, rubbing his eyes with the back of his wrists before standing up. Zayn put a hand on his back until he was steadied, and then began clapping along with the rest of the audience. He didn’t say anything when Liam slipped his dirtied mask into his back pocket and, soon, Zayn took his off as well.

            While the two had enjoyed their first concert together, they had spent most of their time standing there and listening to the music without really participating. Occasionally, Liam would sing along, but stop quickly when he noticed that Zayn wasn’t singing with him.

During that second concert, both of them were singing at the top of their lungs, cheering as loud as they could, and swaying to the music, purposely bumping into each other and then grinning like they’d been sly. Liam wondered if Zayn was becoming more comfortable with himself, or if he was simply comfortable around Liam again. It made him sad that there was a time Zayn _didn’t_ feel like he could let loose and be himself around him, but for the time being, he wouldn’t dwell.

            Everything changed during the song _Fix You_. As soon as the opening notes played, Zayn grew quiet, his eyes traveling from the stage to Liam. Liam glanced at him and grinned, then looked away to get his phone and take a video, but when he still felt eyes on him a good way through the first verse, he looked back at Zayn. Suddenly, his face had grown solemn; his eyes darker. Liam frowned, giving his friend a questioning look, but instead of saying anything, Zayn’s shoulders moved up and down in an inaudible sigh, and he leaned against Liam’s arm; the one that wasn’t holding the phone. For a moment, Liam stood completely still, wondering why Zayn’s mood had changed so quickly, but then the line hit him; _When you lose something you can’t replace_ …

            Liam understood.

            Ending the video, Liam put his phone back into his pocket and pulled Zayn in by the hips. Zayn turned his head so that his nose was buried into Liam’s chest; his eyes closed. He didn’t need to see. He just needed to feel. Or maybe not feel. Liam wasn’t sure, but he knew he had to comfort his best friend, so he rubbed his back, tickled his neck-which did elicit a few giggles-and kissed the top of his head, just once, and, luckily, Zayn’s sadness seemed to wear off right as the next song began to play.

***

            _“Hello, Karen! Liam, how are you?”_

_“I’m fine, thanks,” Liam said politely to Zayn’s mom, who gave him a wide smile. Liam knew that smile. **Every** adult gave him that sad, yet too-wide smile. _

_“Zayn is in his room,” Trisha told him. “It’s up the stairs and then the second door on the right. Would you like me to walk you up there?”_

_“No, I think I’ve got it. Thanks.”_

_Excitement coursed through Liam as he climbed the stairs, looking around. He’d been hanging out with Zayn for seven months, but had never seen his house before. His mother claimed to know the germs of her own house and how to kill them, but she didn’t trust anyone to keep a sterile enough environment for her sick son. Finally, after much begging, she agreed to let Liam go to Zayn’s, just for an hour or so._

_Zayn’s bedroom door was closed, music playing loudly from inside, and so Liam knocked louder. Almost instantly, the music was turned off and Liam heard footsteps coming closer to the door until it was flung open, revealing a smiling Zayn._

_“Hi, Liam!” he greeted. “Come on in!”_

_Liam did, observing  the green-painted room with various movie, music and game posters hanged up on the walls._

_“I just cleaned my room today,” Zayn assured him. “You shouldn’t get sick.”_

_“I’m okay,” Liam said, stepping curiously towards the open book on Zayn’s desk. It turned out to be a sketchbook, with a super-villain looking man drawn out. The character had horns, triangle eyes and a circle mouth. A speech bubble was coming from him, though no words had been written yet._

_“Is this your comic?!” Liam asked. Zayn sucked in an audible breath and then ran over to quickly shut the book, a pink tint to his cheeks._

_“I know I’m not very good,” he said. “I **like** to draw and write, but it’s just a hobby. I actually suck at it.”_

_“That was really good, though,” Liam told him, honestly. He’d only seen a single page, but it definitely didn’t look like it had been drawn by a twelve-almost-thirteen._

_“Thanks, but you don’t have to lie,” Zayn said._

_“I’m not lying,” Liam promised. “Can I read one of your comics? Please, please, please, please, please?!”_

_Zayn looked hesitant, but finally, he said,_

_“Fine, but you can’t laugh when it’s bad.”_

_“I won’t laugh, but it won’t be bad,” Liam said. Zayn gave him a disbelieving glance, but went into his closet and searched through a box until he found a completed work._

_“This is the best one I’ve written, I guess,” he commented with an awkward shrug as he handed his masterpiece over to Liam, who took it over to Zayn’s bed and spent the next fifteen minutes reading. Meanwhile, Zayn paced the room nervously._

_“I love this,” Liam commented._

_“Thanks,” Zayn said with a laugh._

_“I do!” Liam said._

_“Really?”_

_“Yeah! Is there a second part?”_

_“Not yet, but I could write one, I guess.”_

_“I think you should.”_

_Seeming to be settling down a little, Zayn took a seat by Liam’s feet._

_“Maybe,” he said, looking embarrassed by the words he was about to speak, “if you like it so much, I can make you your own series.”_

***

 

Zayn walked behind Liam on the way out of the venue, keeping one hand on his waist and the other tightly around his skinny arm. Liam was exhausted, so much so that he felt drunk, and he would have kept falling sideways into people and walls if it hadn’t been for Zayn redirecting him.

            Since he was smart, Zayn had sent out a request for a taxi as the band started their encore performance, so they were already being waited on when they stepped outside. The hot night air made Liam whimper.

            “We’ll be at the hotel again soon,” Zayn assured him, and then led him to the taxi and helped him in.

            “Is he drunk?” the taxi driver asked in disdain as Zayn climbed into the other side of the backseat.

            “No, he’s not drunk,” the teenager replied, sounding offended at the question. It didn’t bother Liam, but he was already half asleep against the cool window.

            “I’m not gonna call the cops or nothin’,” the driver spoke again. “Just…There are puke bags back there. Please use them.”

            “He’s fine,” Zayn snapped.

            “I’m fine,” Liam agreed, and then dozed off.

 

            When he woke, Liam was on Zayn’s back, being carried into the hotel. He didn’t know how he managed that one, and decided he would ask later. Typically, he would insist that Zayn put him down because he could walk, but he honestly wasn’t sure he could at the moment, so he stayed silent. When they got into the room and Zayn laid his friend carefully on the bed, he was clearly shocked to find that his eyes were open, but his surprised expression quickly turned into a smile.

            “Hey, party boy. You alright?”

            “Yeah,” Liam said, his voice a mere croak. Honestly, besides being groggy, he probably didn’t feel as bad as he looked or sounded.

            “Let me get you some water, okay?” Zayn asked. Liam knew it was a rhetorical question, but he nodded anyway, and Zayn went off, returning a minute later with a bottle of water. He unscrewed the cap for Liam and held it to his lips. Liam lifted his head just enough to take a few gulps before collapsing back down with a relieved sigh. Zayn put the water bottle onto the nightstand beside Liam, and then took both of their shoes off.

            “Do you want me to get you into something more comfortable?” he asked.

            “I’ll get up and change in a minute,” Liam said. His voice was better, head was beginning to clear and he didn’t feel as if the life had suddenly been drained out of him anymore.

            Besides, he didn’t trust his body to allow Zayn to undress him, no matter how tired he was.

            “I’m going to change,” Zayn said. “I’ll be right back.”

            He went to the other side of the room, where his bag was set, and began to get into his sleep clothes, with his back to Liam. Liam watched him for a moment, and then turned his attention to the ceiling. When Zayn returned to the bed after changing and washing up, Liam forced himself to get up and change too. He knew Zayn was watching him, but probably only to make sure he was alright.

            “I had a great time tonight,” Zayn said, leaning over Liam as the ill boy laid down, once his pajamas were on and his teeth were brushed, so that he could turn off the lamp.

            “I did, too,” Liam said. With the room bathed in darkness, Zayn settled himself back down before asking,

            “Hey, Li?”

            “Yeah?”

            “I know today was a fun day, and we probably shouldn’t talk about serious things, but do you have a bucket list?”

            “A bucket list?” Liam asked, only to buy himself time. Before Zayn could answer, he said, “No. Not really.”

            “Oh.”

            They were quiet. The silence lasted for an odd amount of time, and though Liam didn’t think Zayn had fallen asleep, he decided to ask.

            “I’m awake,” Zayn replied. “Just thinking.”

            “Thinking about what?”

            “I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”

            “Oh.”

            Liam wasn’t sure how much he believed that, but he supposed it could be true. He often had a hard time knowing exactly what he was thinking or feeling these days, too. Only in some areas, though.

            “I have a question,” Liam stated.

            “Okay?” Zayn urged.

            “Are you seeing anyone? Or almost seeing anyone?”

            “No,” Zayn said, giving a small laugh, for some reason. “Why?”

            “Well…because…I was thinking…”

            Liam paused, having a déjà vu moment. It made him smile.

            “You were thinking…?” Zayn prodded.

            “Sophia is the last person I kissed,” Liam explained. “I kind of don’t want to die when the last person I was any kind of intimate with won’t even come to my funeral.”

            “I think she’d come to your funeral.”

            “I don’t know.”

            Liam paused before continuing.

            “If I did have a bucket list,” he said, speaking slowly, “I think that kissing you again would be at the top of it.”

            Zayn was silent. Liam didn’t even think he was breathing, but, then again, Liam wasn’t quite sure he was breathing himself. Finally, Zayn said,

            “Liam, what do you think a brotherly relationship is like?”

            Liam laughed, more out of nerves than anything.

            “Maybe we’re not like brothers. Maybe we’re like cousins.”

            “Cousins still don’t typically do that…”

            “We’re like the cousins you see in those films that are missing teeth and have flies swarming around their bodies. Except we’re cuter and cleaner.”

            “Are you delirious?” Zayn asked with a laugh. Liam wasn’t sure if he should be offended or not, but he decided to act like he wasn’t.

            “No,” he said. “I’m just…rambling. Never mind. Good night, Zaynie.”

            Liam closed his eyes, silently cursing himself out. Why had he opened his mouth? Why did he think anything like that would be possible with him and Zayn? Why was his life filled with so many whys?

            Though it felt like a while later, Liam knew it only had to be a few seconds before a pair of lips on his sent a jolt of electricity through him. He opened his eyes briefly, verifying that Zayn was kissing him, and then he shut them again, his lips quickly becoming in synch with the other’s.

            Their first kiss had been sweet for the simple fact of what it was, but this, Liam thought, was probably the best they’d had so far. Of course, both of them had been practicing over the years, and unfortunately, not with each other.

            The kiss went on for longer than Liam would have anticipated, Zayn nipping his bottom lip gently with his teeth and then Liam slowly searching for Zayn’s tongue with his own. When they did break apart, it was only to breathe, but reality seemed to dawn on them, and they looked at each other. It was dark, but Liam thought he saw the fear that he knew was on his face reflected on Zayn’s.

            “Good?” Liam asked, not sure what exactly he was talking about.

            “Good,” Zayn said, sounding a bit breathless. “Everything is so, so good.”

            Liam giggled, somehow finding it possible to move closer to Zayn.

            “Shit, your feet are cold,” Zayn said, rubbing Liam’s hand, probably to check its temperature as well. Apparently, he felt that Liam’s hands were cold too, because he kept them in his own.

            “I’m always cold,” Liam sighed. His voice was turning croak-y again.

            “I guess I’ll have to get you an electric blanket for an early birthday present.”

            “Mm…sounds so good. You do a good job of warming me up, though.”

            “Hm. Maybe I’ll just have to stay over more often then.”

            “Yes. That.”

            Zayn sniffed in amusement and then kissed Liam’s forehead.

            “Goodnight, Li.”

            “‘Night, Z.”

            “Wake me up if you need anything.”

            “Yeah. You too.”

            “I will.”

            Liam could no longer keep his eyes open, and he felt his muscles relax. Zayn let go of Liam’s hand briefly to put his own over the other’s heart, but after feeling it beat a few times, he returned to massaging Liam’s fingers.

 

            It was two in the morning when Liam woke up, nauseous. He took a few deep breaths, swallowed a pill and waited the mandatory ten minutes before trying to go back to sleep. He couldn’t, so instead, he quietly unzipped his luggage, took out a notebook and pen, and sat down to write Zayn’s letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, obviously, this is going to be longer than the original 15 chapters I planned on. I'll let you know as soon as I can how many exactly it will be! Thank you all again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I think it's obvious how much I HATE being late for updates (let alone missing one completely), but real life made it literally impossible to post until now, so here is your very, very late chapter! I'M SO SORRY!!!

            When Zayn started to wake, he expected to be greeted by Liam with a, ‘hey, mate,’ or, ‘morning, brother,’ or, apparently, ‘sleep well, cousin?’

            For that reason, he hesitated before opening his eyes. He wasn’t ready to have the memories from last night tarnished; didn’t know how well he was going to handle his heart breaking another time. It was going to happen, and he knew that, but, unfortunately, that didn’t make it any easier to face. Even as he and Liam had been kissing last night, Zayn tried to tell himself not to enjoy it; not to even think about it, because Liam would change his mind again. Liam had been tired, maybe even to the point of slight delirium, so his request meant nothing.

            As hard as Zayn was telling himself that, he’d still enjoyed the kiss. He hadn’t wanted it to end and was quite disappointed when they were forced to break for air and then reality dawned upon them, freezing them both in fear. Zayn didn’t know what Liam was afraid of. Perhaps he knew that Zayn had enjoyed it too much, but Zayn was afraid for his own heart. He’d held his breath, waiting for Liam to take it back somehow or make a joke of it, but he hadn’t. Liam was the first to speak, but all he said was,

            “Good?”

            “Good,” Zayn had said, finally taking a breath. “Everything is so, so good.”

            Zayn couldn’t recall when he’d last slept that well, but now that it was morning, his anxiety was kicking in.

            Upon realizing that the room was silent except for a couple of Liam-snores here and there, Zayn peeked open one eye. When he saw that Liam was lying next to him, eyes shut, he opened the other and smiled, taking in the site before him.

            Liam was on his back, one arm resting across Zayn’s thigh and the other on his own forehead. He would snore and turn his head every now and then, meaning that he was either stuffed up or in a deep sleep. Zayn hoped for the latter.

            With a cough, Liam woke, and Zayn held his breath, waiting for the inevitable heartbreak. Surprisingly, it didn’t come.

            “‘Morning,” Liam croaked, rubbing his eyes with the hand that had been draped across his forehead while leaving the other on Zayn’s thigh.

            “Good morning,” Zayn returned. “You alright? You sound a bit stuffy.”

            “Is that your polite way of telling me that I was snoring?” Liam questioned.

            “Well…yeah…you were…”

            “Sorry about that.”

            “It’s alright. That’s not what woke me up.”

            Liam gave a tiny half-smile and sighed, rubbing his forehead and yawning before speaking again.

            “What time is it?”

            “Uh…good question,” Zayn said, and given that Liam was the one closer to the clock, he could just as easily have checked, but Zayn hoisted himself onto one arm and looked over Liam’s body to the nightstand.

            “Only just after eight,” Zayn said, surprised it was even that late.

            “Shit,” Liam sighed. “I’ve been asleep for, like, three hours.”

            “You didn’t go to sleep until five o’ clock in the morning?!”

            Liam looked to Zayn, a guilty expression on his face.          

            “Well, I fell asleep, but then I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep again.”

            “You could have woken me up.”

            Liam shrugged the best he could while laying down.

            “You looked peaceful.”

            Zayn sighed and shook his head. He was smiling, and he wanted to hold Liam’s hand or give him some other kind of reassuring physical contact, but he was afraid Liam would flinch away if he did. So far, everything was going way too smoothly.

            “Are you hungry?” Zayn asked. “I can go get us something from downstairs if you want.”

            “Yeah,” Liam agreed. “That would be good, if you want to.”

            After using the toilet, splashing his face with water, fixing his hair and spraying himself with some body spray (so as not to appear _too_ homeless), Zayn ventured down to find the bakery that Liam had gone to yesterday. He passed free waffles on the way, though, and no one could really go wrong with free waffles.

            Liam was in the bathroom when Zayn returned, and a cough from inside made him pause, but the cough was only followed by another sniffle, so Zayn calmly set the food down on the desk and waited for Liam to come out.

            “Waffles! You know me so well!” Liam said with a smile once he saw what Zayn had gotten for breakfast.

            “Of course I do,” Zayn replied, grinning as well. Liam leaned down to kiss the other boy on the forehead, then took his plate to the bed, humming while he ate.

 

Zayn almost let out an inaudible sigh as he held the door for Liam, allowing him to exit the room first, once check-out time rolled around. He didn’t want to leave. He enjoyed feeling like he and Liam were alone together with all the time in the world, even if he knew deep down that it wasn’t true.

            “Would your mum hunt me down and murder me if I kidnapped you and kept you in London with me?” Zayn asked.

            “She would be upset, but she wouldn’t murder you,” Liam said. “She loves you. Besides, you don’t have to go as far as kidnapping. I’m sure a compelling argument could change my mind about going home pretty quickly.”

            Zayn smiled, tempted to test the theory, but then he shook his head.

            “We should go home,” he stated, though it sounded more like a question. The cheeky grin that had been on Liam’s face faltered a little bit.

            “Yeah,” he agreed. “We probably should.”

 

            Once Liam’s car had been pulled around for them, the boys were on their way back. As soon as he was behind the wheel, Liam let out a wide yawn.

            “Are you going to be alright to drive?” Zayn asked.

            “Yeah,” Liam said, wiping the moisture from his eyes. “I’ll probably have to stop for caffeine soon, but I’m good. Want to turn on the music?”

            Zayn did, if only because he thought it would keep Liam awake. It was very telling, he thought, that Liam wasn’t singing along with the radio.

            An uneasiness settled in Zayn. Already, reality was starting to hit too hard.

            It took only forty minutes before Liam had to make a caffeine stop. Again, while they were sitting inside of one of the many surrounding Starbucks shops, Zayn asked if he was absolutely _sure_ he could make it home. Liam said,

            “I’m sure.”

            A pause, and then,

            “I guess I could always _say_ that I’m too tired to make the drive home today and that we had to stop somewhere else for the night.”

            The sudden, ornery grin on Liam’s face made Zayn’s heart rate spike. Fuck, he loved this man.

            “I’ve got nothing to do tomorrow, so…,” Zayn said, trailing off and shrugging so that Liam would know the choice was his. Looking quite pleased with himself, Liam started to get his phone out, but slipped it back into his pocket before he had finished unlocking it.

            “My mum is going to be loaded with comments, questions and concerns, so I’ll wait until we find a place to stay tonight.”

            “I’m on it,” Zayn said, taking out his own phone and connecting to the wifi.

            “Hold on,” Liam said, reaching over the table to touch Zayn’s wrist briefly. “I just remembered something important.”

            “What’s that?” Zayn asked.

            “We have to pay for a hotel.”

            Zayn let out a small laugh.

            “Of course the spoiled rich kid forgets that things actually cost money,” he teased. Liam smiled. Zayn continued, “It’s fine. I have a job now, remember?”

            “Yeah, but I’m sure you have other things you can spend your money on.”

            “Liam,” Zayn said flatly, looking directly into the other’s eyes, his heart fluttering as he did so.

            “Yes?” Liam prodded, making Zayn realize he’d been in the middle of saying something. It took him a moment to remember what.

            “This is for your health,” he finished, turning back to his phone.

            “Right,” Liam said, a smile in his voice. “For my health.”

            Zayn booked the first affordable hotel room he could find that didn’t appear to be infested by vermin, and, taking their coffee (Zayn) and tea (Liam) to go, the two went on their way, full of excitement once again.

            “It’s nothing fancy,” Zayn said as they pulled into the parking lot. No one was waiting to park their car or take their bags this time.

            “You haven’t had the job very long, so I’ll forgive you this time,” Liam said, “but next time, I expect the bath tub to be filled with diamonds.”

 

            After checking in and taking their stuff to the bedroom, Liam stepped outside to call his mom. He was gone for quite a while and when he returned, Zayn muted the TV and sat up, not having to verbally ask how it went. Liam rolled his eyes.

            “It took a while to convince her not to drive here with my dad and take us home themselves,” he began, “but everything’s good, at least until she has a panic attack and calls back.”

            “Don’t be too hard on her,” Zayn said gently. “To be fair, I don’t like when I don’t know exactly how you are, either.”

            Liam started to smile, but stopped himself and rolled his eyes.

            “Oi,” he said, and then changed the subject, “So what do you want to do today?”

            “It’s up to you,” Zayn said. “If all you want to do is stay in the room and rest, that’s cool.”

            “No,” Liam said with a shake of the head. “We are not staying in the room.”

            “Okay. Any suggestions then?”

            “Yes, actually. I don’t know if you saw, but we passed a carnival just a few blocks away from here…”

            “I saw,” Zayn said, suddenly regretting letting Liam pick their activity for the day, “but do you think a carnival is the best idea? They have to be, like, some of the germiest places ever.”

            “Maybe,” Liam agreed, “but I promise to wear my mask and gloves, and then let fate decide what happens.”

            “I’m not sure how much I believe in fate,” Zayn muttered, rubbing a hand across his forehead briefly. He was torn; caught between wanting to let Liam do what he wanted and have fun, or make sure he was as safe as could be.

            “I do,” Liam said, “or at least I have to pretend to. It helps me cope.”

            In order to keep the mood from getting too dark, Liam smiled and clapped his hands together, speaking in a cheery voice.

            “Now come on! We’re going to the carnival!”

            Zayn gave in, because of course he did, but at least Liam stayed true to his word and wore his mask and gloves. Like at the concert, Zayn decked himself out too, though he knew by the looks on peoples’ faces when they saw Liam that no one was fooled as to who was sick and who wasn’t. Zayn got a bit offended for his friend because, yeah, there was something clearly going on with him, but he was still gorgeous and still _human_. They didn’t need to look at him as if he were a delicate and foreign creature.

            Liam spent the whole time at the fair playing games, and Zayn was relieved. Knowing of his hatred for rides, Liam teased Zayn by telling him that he was going to force him on one before the end of the day, but Zayn didn’t panic too much, knowing that Liam probably couldn’t handle them at a time like that either.

            “Damn it, I am awful at these!” Liam exclaimed after his third failed attempt to win himself a goldfish. “Zaynie, you do it. You always win me things.”

            “I’ve only ever won you stuffed animals,” Zayn said. “This is a lot of pressure.”

            “Don’t feel any pressure,” Liam said. “I’ll only hate you for a short time if you lose.”

            Zayn smiled, knowing Liam was joking, and paid the worker his dues in order to play the game.

He wasn’t at all confident in his abilities, so he thanked his motivation to make Liam happy for the reason he won.

            “Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay!” Liam exclaimed, doing a little dance, as soon as Zayn threw the winning ring onto the bottle. Zayn grinned, noting silently how much better Liam seemed to feel that day. He wanted to keep this moment in his head forever.

            “Pick your fish,” the unenthusiastic carnival employee said, but his monotone voice and expressionless face did nothing to hinder Liam’s excitement, and he bounced over to where the fish were kept, stroking his chin as he pondered.

            “That one,” he finally said, pointing to the fish in the very right corner. The man handed the fish bowl over to Zayn, who held it still as Liam said hello to his new pet.

            “What’s his name?” Zayn asked his friend, who thought for only a moment before saying,

            “Jason.”

            Zayn snorted.

            “Great name,” he said.

            “I know,” Liam replied.

            After that, Zayn and Liam left, seeing as how they had to find a store and purchase a bigger tank for Jason, as well as some fish food.

            “How are we going to get him home?” Liam asked upon arriving at the hotel again and getting his fish situated on the desk.

            “We’ll just have to dump out enough water so that he won’t splash out and then wing it, I guess. Hopefully he doesn’t get car sick.”

            Liam smiled at Zayn’s joke, then sat down in the desk chair to watch Jason, his gloved hands folded in his lap. He was smiling at first, but slowly, the grin started to fade and Liam’s eyes glazed over. Zayn gave him a moment before asking,

            “You alright?”

            Instead of shaking himself out of his funk, smiling and assuring Zayn that he was fine, Liam said,

            “It’s kind of weird to think that Jason might outlive me.”

            The words physically hurt Zayn, but he made sure not to show it.

            “No offense to Jason, but I hope not,” he said, taking a couple steps closer to Liam. The sick boy stared at his fish, a pensive expression on his face, before glancing over his shoulder and smiling at Zayn.

            “Take custody of him if he does, though?”

            “Sure thing.”

            Liam took off his gloves and then his mask, tossing them in the rubbish bin beside the desk. He rose to his feet.

            “Nap?” he asked. Zayn agreed.

            Liam washed his hands while Zayn drew the curtains closed, making the room almost as dark as if it were night time. Then he sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Liam to return, and when he did, Zayn saw that he’d gotten into sweatpants. He’d really come prepared for the trip. Zayn, meanwhile, was going to have to re-wear an outfit for the ride home the next day, but he didn’t mind.

            First sitting on the edge of the bed beside Zayn, Liam stared at his friend’s face long enough to make Zayn uncomfortable. He laughed.

            “Do you need something?” he asked. Liam shook his head once, then cupped Zayn’s face in both of his hands and brought the two of them closer together until he could kiss his lips. Zayn’s eyes fluttered shut and his lips fell into synch with Liam’s immediately.

            _Alright_ , Zayn thought to himself, his heart hammering hard, _Last night could have been an experiment. This goes beyond._

Of course, Zayn and Liam had gone a whole week of being ‘friends with benefits’ before Liam decided that they were brothers, but Zayn decided not to ponder that at the moment.

            Breaking the kiss, Liam balled Zayn’s shirt up in his fist and laid on his back, pulling Zayn on top of him. The position was awkward for only a moment before Zayn straddled him, and his pale face turning a bit flushed, Liam began to kiss Zayn again, squeezing his hips and biceps every now and then.

            Zayn truly felt as if they were mere seconds away from Liam undressing him when Liam broke their contact, his hands falling to his sides. He didn’t make Zayn get off of him, though.

            “I’m not Cole,” he said. “I’m not trying to play with your emotions or use you.”

            “…Okay…,” Zayn replied, not sure where Liam was going with this, but anxious all the same.

            Liam sighed.

            “I wrote you a letter,” he said.

            “Aw, that’s sweet,” Zayn told him with a smile. Liam didn’t return it. He was still looking at Zayn but his eyes were glazed over, as if his mind was somewhere else. Zayn asked,

            “When do I get to read it?”

            “Not until I die.”

            Zayn sucked in a breath.

            “Alright, I guess I don’t want to read it, actually.”

            Liam blinked and returned to Zayn, offering a small smile.

            “Hopefully you won’t have to read it,” he said. “Hopefully I’ll be able to tell you everything that I wrote in person, but just in case, I want you to know that the letter will be in the big purple box in my closet.”

            “If you want to tell me in person, why don’t you just tell me now?” Zayn asked. He didn’t realize he was frowning until Liam reached up and massaged the area between his eyebrows.

            “It’s not the right time,” he finally said. “If I get better, I’ll tell you. If I don’t make it, you’ll have the letter.”

            “This is going to be slowly killing me on the inside, you know that, right?”

            Liam laughed, leaning up to place another kiss on Zayn’s lips. Zayn wanted to ask what their kisses meant; what they were, but he had a feeling Liam’s letter contained the answers to those questions and, clearly, he wasn’t ready to talk about them at the moment.

            _Not trying to play with my emotions, my arse,_ Zayn thought, but he couldn’t even be mad because Liam had probably been telling the truth. Messing with Zayn’s heart and mind probably wasn’t his goal, even if he was doing a great job of it. Besides, if it meant that Zayn could pretend even sometimes that they would have a happily ever after together, he was okay with it.

 

            Zayn knew those two days had gone too smoothly.

            After arriving back from their mini-vacation, Zayn had to work five consecutive days. He was working nearly full-time hours since school was over, which meant that by the time he got off, Liam would be about to go to sleep.

The first day back, Zayn stopped by Liam’s in the morning before heading into the shop, but his friend slept too late the other days of the week. Zayn made sure to text him multiple times throughout his shifts, and Liam always assured him that he was fine and that he would see Zayn soon.

            Thinking that they had gone past the point of lying about their well-being to each other, Zayn was caught off-guard when Ruth called him that Saturday morning, informing him that Liam had been taken to the hospital late the previous night. Apparently, he’d had a fever since Wednesday and it hit a high of one-oh-four-point-two before he was taken in. Zayn was off that day, so as soon as he got the call, he was on his way to the hospital. Of course, whether he was scheduled to work or not wouldn’t have mattered. He would have called off and gone straight to the hospital anyway because Liam would always come first.

            Zayn had to gear up before going into Liam’s room, but he knew that procedure well and he washed his hands and put on the necessary clothing quickly. Liam was awake when he entered, and the changes to his appearance that had occurred just within the past few days were astonishing. Though always pale, Liam then looked to be the literal color of a sheet, and the black under his eyes was so intense that it almost looked like make-up. Somehow, he was even skinner than before.

            As soon as he saw him, Zayn let out a cry, which he hoped was inaudible, but he had no such luck.

            With a small, sleepy smile, Liam weakly motioned Zayn towards him.

            “C’mere. ‘M okay,” he slurred, as if he were drunk. He probably was on more pain killers than Zayn liked to think about.

            “You didn’t tell me you were sick,” Zayn said, sitting down into the empty chair beside Liam’s bed. His family was at the hospital, but had left the room when Zayn announced he was coming to give the two some privacy.

            “Been sick,” Liam said.

            “You know what I mean, Li.”

            “Sorry,” Liam said, and coughed. “Didn’t want you to worry.”

            “I’m always worried, and it makes me worry more when I don’t know if I can believe you when you tell me you’re okay.”

            “Sorry,” Liam said again with a sigh. Zayn bit the insides of his cheeks and swallowed a couple of times to make sure he wouldn’t break down crying; at least yet.

            “What are the doctors saying?” he asked, regretting it right away. He didn’t want to know, but he didn’t take the question back because he still _needed_ to know.

            “Have to up my treatment whenever my fever goes down. We’ll see how ‘goes,” Liam said. Zayn swallowed again and took Liam’s hand.

            “You’ve got this,” he said.

            “We’ll see,” Liam repeated.

 

            Zayn wasn’t allowed to stay long, as the doctors said Liam needed his rest. In a way, he was relieved, which made him feel terrible, but he’d never before looked at Liam and felt so much like he was watching him die.

            “I’m sorry,” he said to Karen as they walked to her car. The rest of Liam’s family had gone home already, and Karen was taking Zayn home while Liam slept.

            “You’ve got nothing to apologize for, honey,” Karen said, her tone implying that she thought Zayn was crazy for even thinking such a way.

            “I didn’t make him wear his gloves at the show,” Zayn admitted, “and when we stayed that extra night in London, I took him to a carnival.”

            “I know, and I thank you for that, Zayn.”

            Zayn frowned, wondering if the woman was being sarcastic, but he was fairly good at detecting sarcasm and he wasn’t gathering any in her words.

            “Why are you thanking me?” he asked. “That’s probably the reason he got so sick!”

            “It’s not,” Karen said. “His fever has nothing to do with a cold or any other virus. His treatment is trying-and failing-to kill off his cancer, which makes his temperature spike, and at the same time, his good cells are being destroyed. This was going to happen anyway, and if those moments were the last he got to spend as a somewhat normal teenage boy, then I know he’s happy.”

            Somehow, Karen didn’t start crying. Zayn thought that maybe she physically couldn’t cry anymore yet, but, having fought off his emotion for the duration of his visit to his friend, Zayn couldn’t stop from tearing up, and a stray tear drop rolled down his cheek. Karen just happened to glance over at him then, and she put her arm around his waist.

            “We’ll all be okay,” she tried to assure him. “Somehow, we’ll all be okay.”

            _Maybe all of us except Liam,_ Zayn thought, and he didn’t know how he would ever be okay if Liam wasn’t, but he kept that thought to himself.

 

            Though Zayn was informed that Liam’s fever had disappeared by that night, he was kept in the hospital for a few days to make sure it didn’t return so that he could receiver another, high-dosage treatment. In that time, Zayn wasn’t allowed to visit, per the doctor’s orders, so he talked to Liam on the phone every night and, somehow, always managed not to cry until they said good night.

            Nicola called Zayn the night of Liam’s treatment and, unlike Karen, she didn’t sugarcoat anything. Liam hadn’t handled the treatment well at all, and his sister wasn’t counting on him ever leaving the hospital. Together, she and Zayn cried on the phone, and while it had embarrassed him before to cry in front of Liam’s siblings, as he’d felt that he had no right to be just as miserable as them, he no longer cared. He loved Liam; in a much different way than his family, yes, but he loved him, and he thought they knew that.

            The day after his call from Nicola, Zayn received a visit from Ruth. He heard the doorbell ring, but didn’t even flinch. It was after noon, but he’d yet to even rise from his bed. What was the point? He had no obligations to attend to that day and no motivation to do anything anyway.

            Zayn knew Ruth’s voice, but he supposed he never expected to hear it in his own house, because he couldn’t quite place who the voice was coming from as it floated upstairs, paired with his mother’s. Seconds later, he heard footsteps coming up the stairs and figured it must have been one of his sisters’ friends, which was why he jumped when there was a knock on his door.

            “Wuzzit?” he asked, sitting up quickly. He couldn’t explain why his heart was pounding abnormally. Surely, the knock hadn’t startled him _that_ much.

            “Zayn? It’s Ruth,” the woman said, and it was then that Zayn was nearly convinced that his racing heart dropped down to his stomach. He jumped out of bed, almost feeling dizzy as he ran to the door and flung it open. Only mild relief came over him when he saw that Ruth’s eyes were dry, and she gave him the tiniest of smiles.

            “Liam,” Zayn croaked; the only word or name on his mind.

            “He’s fine,” Ruth said, and then amended, “Well, he’s stable…I guess. He’s…He’s not doing any worse.”

            With a small sigh, Ruth held out a folded piece of paper with Zayn’s name scrawled across it.

            “I have something for you, from Liam.”

            “The letter,” Zayn said, his voice barley above a whisper.

            “Oh, you know about it?” Ruth asked, looking surprised.

            “Yeah. He told me that he wrote me one, but to not read it unless he…erm…unless he’s not around.”

            “Oh, yeah,” Ruth said, waving her hand nonchalantly. “I was going through his things and found letters for all of us marked in a box that said not to open unless he’s gone, but I thought that was bullshit, so here you go.”

            She shook the letter a little, stubbornly insisting Zayn take it. He did, but said,

            “I don’t know…He really doesn’t want me to read it yet.”

            “You need to,” Ruth said.

            “Have you read it?” Zayn asked.

            “Yep,” she said, unapologetically. “Do what you want, Zayn, but I think you’ll regret not reading it before something happens to him.”

            Zayn chewed on his lip, thinking. Ruth watched him, and then must have decided that wasn’t helping.

            “I’ll leave you alone,” she said. “I know you don’t want to go against Liam’s wishes, but my brother, even though I love him, can be a proper idiot at times, and waiting until he’s gone for you to know how he feels isn’t going to help either of you.”

            With that, she turned on her heel and walked away. Even after she’d descended the stairs, Zayn stood, staring at the letter with his door wide open. There was a battle going on in his head. Ruth was right; Zayn didn’t want to betray Liam by going against his wishes, but she was also right about something else. Liam _was_ a proper idiot at times, and the thought of her admitting it finally made Zayn smile just a little. Stepping back, Zayn closed his door and moved to his bed. He flipped the letter over and back again multiple times, took a deep breath, and slowly opened it, his fingers shaking.

            _Zayn,_

_If you’re reading this, I owe you an apology. Actually, I owe you an apology anyway, about many different things, but I’d like to start by saying that I’m sorry I didn’t make it. I know you would hate for me to say that. Everyone always tells me not to apologize because I can’t help this, and that’s true, but since my cancer can’t talk, I guess I have to do the talking for it, and I’d like to think it would apologize. Anyway…_

_I really wanted to tell you all of this in person. I should have told you a long time ago, but I was scared. That’s going to sound cheesy and melodramatic, but it’s true. Falling in love with someone is wonderful, but it’s terrifying too, especially when it’s your best mate. Truly, I think you love me too, and I’m sorry if I’m wrong about that. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking. But part of me truly feels like, if things didn’t end like this, we could have had something great together. Don’t get me wrong, we already did have a wonderful thing, and I hope you know that your friendship meant and still means everything to me, but I like to think we could be more. Or, you know, could have been more._

_Anyway, all I’m trying to say with all this rambling is that I love you; not as a brother or a weird cousin, but as a best friend, a lover and beyond. I’m in love with you, and I have been for a while. Like I said, the reason I didn’t tell you before is because I was scared. Not only did I have to face the fear of you not sharing these feelings, but I had to think about if we did try to take things further and they fell apart. I never would have been able to deal with losing you, which I know is ironic, since I pulled so far away from you for a bit. But this ending-leaving you by losing my battle-was my biggest fear of all. Deep down, I guess I always felt that I would get sick again and I knew that, without a distraction, I wouldn’t be able to keep my feelings from you for long, so I pretended to fall in love with someone else. Now, I like to think I’m not a completely terrible person, because I did love her and care for her, but it was different than the way it was with you. The thought of her not being in my life was sad, but not completely devastating like it was with you, and so I kept this distance between us; leaving just enough space so that neither of us would feel as if we lost too much if something happened to me. It sounds dumb now, writing it, but my intentions were good._

_Finally, I realized that I couldn’t completely lie to myself anymore. Seeing you in the hallways at school, or in class, and not being able to go up and have a full conversation with you was painful. Seeing your name in the contacts of my phone, but feeling as if I couldn’t send even the simplest of messages was hard. Lastly (and this makes me the biggest hypocrite, assuming that you did feel the same way about me as I do about you), watching you be with other people hurt way more than it should have, considering I told you that we were brothers._

_I knew I was sick when I started really talking to you again. I’m not sure how, but I did, and I guess that makes me selfish, but I’ve come to realize that I am a pretty selfish person. If I’d had more time, maybe I could have worked on that and changed it, but, again, all I can do now is say that I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things between us to progress this much, though. I just wanted my best mate back. I guess I forgot how intense my feelings for you were whenever you were around. And that’s why I’m writing this letter._

_Obviously, nothing can change what happened now. I hope this letter doesn’t hurt you because that isn’t my intention at all. My intention was never to hurt you, even though I recognize that I probably did. For the last time, I’m sorry. You deserve all the best things in life, Zaynie, and I hope there’s an afterlife in which I can see you get them. Thank you for loving me, in whatever way you did, and for making the worst years of my life worth going through. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I-_            

 

            Zayn stopped reading. Out of all the things he’d expected to feel while reading Liam’s letter, anger was not one of them, but there he was; angry. He couldn’t say which part of the letter had made him angry. Maybe it was the situation, or maybe it was everything, but there was no denying the indignation he felt towards Liam.

            With still-shaking hands, Zayn picked up his phone, paused and then slid it in his pocket. A phone call would not do. He needed to see Liam face-to-face.

            “Mum, I need to get to the hospital,” Zayn said after hurrying down the stairs. He hadn’t even bothered to change out of his sweats or fix his hair. “It’s an emergency.”

            Zayn didn’t know how he expected to get into Liam’s hospital room when the doctors weren’t letting anyone but family see him, but, luckily, it didn’t turn out to be an issue. Geoff was leaving the intensive care unit as Zayn was arriving, and though he seemed shocked to see him at first, he quickly gave a smile; or at least the closest thing to a smile that anyone in Liam’s family seemed able to manage during that time in their lives.

            “Oh, you got here quickly!” Geoff commented, and Zayn frowned, confused and, yes, worried. Maybe he was angry at Liam, but that didn’t change any of his other feelings for the boy. “I didn’t even think Karen called you yet.”

            “Um, she, uh…I don’t think she did,” Zayn said. “I decided to just come try my luck. I, uh…really wanted to see Liam.”

            “Well, go on in,” Geoff allowed. “He is allowed to have one friend visit today, and he of course wanted it to be you.”

            Zayn nodded; belatedly remembered to smile.

            “Thanks,” he said, and headed inside. His mother was in the parking garage, waiting patiently in her car, though she told Zayn to take all the time he needed.

            When Liam saw Zayn approaching, his face lit up. There was even a brief sparkle in his tired eyes, and Zayn wanted to let go of the anger, hold Liam’s hand and calmly tell him that he loved him too, but he couldn’t.

            “What the hell, Liam?” he asked instead. The smile was wiped instantly from Liam’s face.

            “What?” he asked, furrowing his brow.

            “Your letter,” Zayn said flatly. Liam’s eyes widened and he looked scared for a moment before anger took over his face as well.

            “You read my letter?” he asked.

            “I wasn’t going to, but Ruth found it, read it and told me I would want to know what you wrote before something happened to you. She was right.”

            “Was she? Because you don’t seem to like what was inside.”

            Liam still looked angry, but he looked sad too. Zayn swallowed, but, still, he couldn’t calm himself quite yet.

            “Because it was so unnecessary!” he exclaimed, keeping his voice just low enough to not get himself thrown from the hospital. “What do you mean you only _think_ that I may be in love with you?! How could you not know?! And, more importantly, how could you be so scared to think that I would _ever_ let things fall apart to the point where I would leave your life?! Do you not know me?!”

            “Shit happens, Zayn!” Liam returned, wincing as he sat up straight. Gently, Zayn pushed him back into the pillows, but then crossed his arms. Liam continued,

            “I didn’t say that all of my feelings were logical, but that didn’t change the fact that I felt them. At the time, I thought I was doing what was best, and apparently it wasn’t, but I can’t change it now.”

            “You know what? I’m not even angry about the past,” Zayn said, only then realizing that himself. “Why were you making me wait until you either died or made a full recovery to tell me this?! If you want to be with me, then why aren’t you?! Were you telling the truth in the letter, or did you realize that I was completely, stupidly in love with you and thought this would make things easier once I lost you?!”

            Liam didn’t reply for a good few seconds. All of the anger melted off of his face, and his expression was one of pure pain-physical and emotional. Finally, he asked,

            “You think being in love with me is stupid?”

            Zayn was so caught up in his own emotions that he didn’t realize where Liam’s question had come from at first. When he backtracked his last words, he sighed, shaking his head and wiping a hand over his face.

            “No,” he said, his tone softer than it had been throughout his visit. “I didn’t mean that being in love with you is stupid. I just mean it’s stupid on my part that no matter what, I can’t get over you.”

            Liam nodded, as if he understood, when Zayn wasn’t sure he truly did. Then, he answered Zayn’s questions.

            “By the way, I wasn’t lying. Everything I said in the letter is true and I really did want to tell you in person, but not when I’m like this because we can’t really be together right now. I’ll probably spend most of the rest of my life in a hospital, but if, by some miracle, I get better, it will be a long time. I want to take you places and do things with you. I want to find a flat, move in together and fall asleep next to you every night, but I can’t, and I didn’t want you holding on to the hope that one day it might happen when the likelihood is so small.”

            Zayn was shaking again, and when he opened his mouth to speak, he realized that he’d started crying. Already, he wasn’t angry at Liam-he doubted he could ever be angry at Liam for too long-but he was still furious at the situation, and sad; so, so sad.

            “None of that is what being together is about,” he said, his voice thick. Liam was biting his lip and looked like he was on the verge of tears as well. “Yeah, it would be nice, and maybe we’d get to do it one day, but all I’ve wanted since we were fucking thirteen was to be able to call you my boyfriend and tell you I love you all of the time.”

            “But hearing you say that makes this harder!” Liam whined, looking up to the ceiling and blinking rapidly. He was putting in a good fight against his emotions. Zayn realized he’d likely had a lot of practice with that. It was probably the only way he could stay sane.

             “I’m sorry,” Zayn said, and meant it. His legs weak, he sunk onto the chair closest to him and scooted over so that he was nearly on top of Liam’s bed. He took the other’s hand. “I hope you know that I always want to make things easier on you, but I can’t let you go on thinking there’s any chance that I don’t love you just as much or more, as you love me.”

            “You can’t love me more. It’s not possible,” Liam said, looking back at Zayn and giving him a shaky smile.

            “I wouldn’t be so sure,” Zayn said, grinning back, briefly. “Liam?”

            “Hm?”

            “I love you. I’m _in_ love with you. I don’t care if we spend all of our time together in a hospital. I don’t care if I only ever get to touch you through layers of clothing, and it doesn’t matter to me whether I have you for a day, week, month, year or fifty-plus years before you’re gone.”

            After a pause, Zayn amended,

            “Well, it _does_ matter because I want you for the longest time possible, but even if it’s all over tomorrow, I want you today.”

            Liam sniffled, but then he coughed, so Zayn wasn’t sure whether it was more to do with emotion or his illness. He winced, and then he said,

            “You want this?”

            “Well, personally, I want your cancer to fucking burn to death, but I want you, so, yeah. Yeah, I do want everything just like this, if that’s how it has to be.”

            Liam smiled and, finally, let go of just one single tear.

            “You’re mean! You made me cry!” he said.

            “Payback,” Zayn teased. Liam shook his head, and then sobered up and sighed.

            “Please, Liam,” Zayn said.

            “I love you. I just want what’s best for you,” Liam told him.

            “Okay, well, you’re it.”

            After yet another sniffle, Liam asked,

            “If it gets too much, do you promise to leave? I swear I won’t hold it against you.”

            “Okay, I promise,” Zayn said with a roll of his eyes. “It’s not going to happen, but I promise, nonetheless.”

            “What do you think it would have been like if I’d never put an end to us last time? Where do you think we would be?”

            “I don’t know,” Zayn said, “but it doesn’t matter because we’re together now…right?”

            Liam studied Zayn, squeezed his hand as tight as he could and then, finally, nodded.

            “Yeah,” he said. “I love you. I want to kiss you.”

            Zayn blew a kiss. Liam smiled, but rolled his eyes.

            “Thanks,” he said sarcastically.

            “Any time, sugar.”

            “Oh god!”

            “What?”

            “Just because we’re, like, a couple now doesn’t mean you can call me gross things like, ‘sugar!’”

            “Oh, sorry, snookum!”

            “Ew! No!”

            “Sweetie pie?”

            Liam giggled.

            “No!”

            “Baby doll?”

            “Definitely not!”

            “Honey bun?”

            “N-”

            Liam cut himself off; tilted his head.

            “Actually, I kind of like honey bun.”

            “You like honey bun, but not sugar?”

            Liam shrugged. Zayn laughed.

            “Alright. Whatever you want, honey bun.”

            Zayn kissed his own gloved hand through his mask, then placed it to Liam’s arm. Liam looked at the spot for a while and then said,

            “I really am sorry, Zayn; for everything.”

            “Hey, you already apologized quite enough in your letter,” Zayn said. “No more, okay? I’m sorry too, that I came in here so angry, but it was just…a lot. I’m not mad at you, though, and I don’t blame you for anything or hold anything against you. Fresh start; clean slate and all that, okay?”

            “Okay,” Liam agreed hesitantly.

            “Okay,” Zayn said defiantly.

            “You’re really amazing,” Liam said softly. He leaned his head against his pillow, suddenly looking completely worn out, and Zayn began to stroke the back of his hand.

            “Right back at you, honey bun.”

            “You know, that actually gets worse the more you say it.”

            “Too bad. It’s staying.”

            “Fine,” Liam said with a tired laugh. “I love you too, duckie.”

            “Duckie?!”

            Liam’s eyes fluttered closed, and Zayn thought he’d fallen asleep (he even checked his monitor to make sure his vitals were still strong), but then he opened them again, his voice slurred as he admitted,

            “I really don’t know what I’m saying anymore.”

            Zayn laughed.

            “We’ll work on nicknames later. Get some sleep, Li.”

            “Okay, but Zaynie?”

            “Yeah?”

            “If I’m not up before you leave, wake me up so I can give you my Facebook login stuff.”

            “Why?”

            “So you can accept your relationship request,” he said. “You deserve someone who will make you Facebook official, you know.”

            “I know,” Zayn said with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No flashback this time! Sorry! Also, I really want to make it up to you all for missing a week, so if anyone is interested, you can leave a request for timestamps/flashbacks from younger Zayn and Liam, which I will write and post after the very last chapter (assuming I get any.) As long as the flashback goes along with the story (and doesn't happen in the next few chapters before the story ends), I will be happy to write anything you guys want to read :) (Okay, I'm going to say almost anything because that just seems safer, haha.) If you have a request, you can simply leave it in the comments or message me on my nearly dead [tumblr](https://it-hurts-doesnt-it.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Aaaaanyway, I'm really sorry again for my brief period of being M.I.A. I really hope it doesn't happen again! Thank you all for everything, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only excuse I have this time is that I broke up with my fiance, so anything that has to do with love makes me gag a little atm ;) But it's four in the morning and I can't sleep, so here you go!

            “Mum, I have a confession.”

            “Yes, Liam? What is it?” Karen asked, shooting an amused glance to Zayn.

            Three days after becoming ‘Facebook official,’ Liam was still in the hospital and under heavy medication to help with the aches and pains from his new dosage of treatment. That meant that he was either asleep or appearing drunk and high most of the time, but it was better than seeing him suffer. In fact, Zayn wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Liam smile quite so much, and Liam told Zayn it was because they were boyfriends. Zayn knew it was because of the medicine, but it was nice to think that maybe he could make Liam feel at least a bit better.

            “I love Zayn,” Liam told his mom, whose smile grew.

            “I know you do, baby.”

            “No, mum, I _really_ love Zayn.”

            “You’re sweet,” Karen said, winking at Zayn before stroking her son’s cheek. Liam gave her a disgusted look and huffed, clearly annoyed that she wasn’t understanding what he was trying to tell her. Zayn wasn’t going to interfere until asked, though. He’d had his coming out, and now it was Liam’s turn. Honestly, Zayn wished he’d been under the influence of something or another while he was admitting his sexuality, but it couldn’t have been easy for Liam, all the same, so Zayn subtly stroked his boyfriend’s leg underneath the blanket and waited.

            Ruth, of course, knew that Liam wasn’t completely straight, as she’d taken it upon herself to read his letter to Zayn, and later that evening a few nights ago, she’d called Zayn to ask how it went when he’d visited Liam in the hospital. When he told her, there had been a distant gasp, and for a moment, Zayn panicked, but it had turned out to only be Nicola. Naturally, Ruth had told her older sister what Liam had written in his letter, and Zayn felt bad that Liam had been outed like that, but the way the two ladies cheered and said things such as, _“Finally! We’ve been waiting for this to happen!”_ made Zayn’s heart warm.

            Other people were much less unaffected by it. Once the news broke on social media, the ‘wow’ reaction dominated any others, and all of Liam’s popular friends (if they could be called such, as Zayn didn’t think they’d bothered to check on him since Liam and Sophia broke up) blew up the comments section with questions. Zayn didn’t read too many of them. The couple he did look at were pleasant enough, but he knew he was bound to find some hateful ones, and he didn’t want that. Though he was comfortable with himself now, he was human, and people were hurtful. Besides, Zayn had always been much more protective over Liam than himself, and he knew that if anyone said anything against his boyfriend, he would probably get himself into trouble.

            Besides, by the number of times Louis was responding to peoples’ comments, Zayn thought he was taking care of any negativity for him.

            The night after, Zayn received a text from Sophia, using Cole’s phone. Anxiety filled him as soon as he read the words, _Hey, Zayn, it’s Sophia,_ but he took a breath and continued reading anyway.

            _I can’t say that I wasn’t shocked to see that you and Liam are together now,_ she’d said. _At first, I wanted to be angry, but I can’t, because I’ve seen the way you are with him, whether he’s sick or not. And I’ve seen the way he is with you. Not that I think he was ever unfaithful. I’m not sure if he knew his true feelings for you or not, but with the way he always talked about you, even when you weren’t around much…I should have known._

_I’m sorry if this is awkward for you. Basically, I’m just trying to say congratulations, I guess. You’re a stronger person than I am, and I hope that he gets better and you two can have a happily ever after. You both deserve it._

_P.S. I’m deleting your number from my brother’s phone, for your sake, so don’t reply. Good luck with everything! =]_

            Zayn’s heart was still beating a little too fast and his hands were clammy as he finished reading her text, but he was smiling. Somehow, he hadn’t even considered what Sophia and Cole’s reactions to the news would be, but he was glad that at least one of them could handle it with maturity.

            “Mum!” Liam groaned. “You don’ understand!”

            “I do, baby, I do,” Karen insisted, giggling and rubbing Liam’s shoulder. He sighed, sat up straighter; putting all of his effort into getting his point across.

            “Zayn is my boyfriend and if I get better, we’re going to move in together and get married and adopt two kids!”

            It was all Zayn could do to not let even a small laugh out, mostly from shock, but Karen no longer looked amused. She was frowning; not in a disapproving way, but confused. Liam sighed again.

            “Now you hate me,” he said.

            “No, no, Liam. I don’t hate you! How could you say that? You should know I could never hate you. I’m just…”

            She glanced to Zayn.”

            “…Trying to make sense of it all. Zayn…?”

            “Yes?”

            “Were you aware of all of this?”

            “Um, well, I was aware that we were boyfriends and that we want to move in together one day. We hadn’t really discussed getting married or having kids yet, but-”

            “We did talk about kids,” Liam insisted. “We both said we wanted to adopt two.”

            Thinking back, Zayn realized that he was right. They’d had the ‘children’ discussion, but Zayn had never connected adopting kids to adopting them with _Liam_. His heart fluttered happily.

            “Oh…okay, dear…,” Karen said. “I’m…That’s great!”

            “You’re upset,” Liam accused.

            “I’m not,” the woman insisted, patting his hand. “I am…surprised, but I love you, and I love Zayn, and as long as you two are both happy and have…um…thought everything through-”

            “We have,” Zayn assured her. Karen didn’t look convinced, but she forced a smile and said,

            “That’s good then. Yes…I’m happy for you!”

            “She doesn’t like me anymore,” Liam told Zayn when his mother left a few minutes later to get some coffee.

            “She loves you,” Zayn said. “It’s a lot for any parent to take in, and she has so much going on already, but she loves you.”

            One corner of Liam’s mouth turned upward, and Zayn blew him a kiss.

            “You okay?” Zayn asked, and that time, he wasn’t talking about Liam’s cancer.

            “‘M okay,” Liam told him, and Zayn believed him. His boyfriend’s strength would never cease to amaze him.

            The last person Liam really had to ‘come out’ to was his dad. Again, Zayn was with him, holding his hand, and Liam had a determined look on his pale, exhausted face.

            “Dad,” he began, speaking slowly to assure that his words were as clear as he could make them.

            “Son,” Geoff returned.

            “I am bi,” Liam stated matter-of-factly.

            “You’re what?” Geoff asked, raising one confused eyebrow.

            “Bi,” Liam repeated.

            “You kids and your lingo these days,” Geoff commented. Liam rolled his eyes.

            “Bi _sexual_ , dad. Like, I like boys! Well, I like Zayn. I love Zayn. I’m Zaynsexual, dad.”

            Zayn couldn’t help but to snort, and Geoff smiled as well.

            “Oh, yeah, I know,” he said. “Your mother told me.”

            “Damn, you people,” Liam sighed, and Zayn thought he would have been grounded for at least a week if he spoke about his family in such a way, but Geoff simply laughed and patted Liam’s shoulder. Liam gave his best effort to look annoyed, but he couldn’t stop his facial muscles from relaxing and his eyes drooped closed as he leaned his head into his dad, falling asleep almost instantly. Once Geoff and Zayn were positive that he was out for good, Geoff gently positioned Liam so that both of them were more comfortable, then sat on the edge of the bed and looked to Zayn sitting in a nearby chair.

            “You are aware of the state of his condition, Zayn?” he asked, concerned.

            “Yeah,” Zayn said. “I’m aware.”

            “I’m not sure how serious you two are about…all of this. I don’t know if he admitted feelings for you and you were guilted into saying you shared them-”

            “No,” Zayn interrupted. He felt rude, but he didn’t want that theory swimming around in anyone’s head. “I’m in love with him, Geoff.”

            Geoff’s shoulders slumped, but Zayn didn’t take it personally. He didn’t think it was the fact that Liam and Zayn were two boys in love that bothered him. Surely, his concerns went much deeper than that.

            “I don’t know where this came from,” Geoff finally spoke, his voice weaker than Zayn had ever heard. Never before had Zayn seen him cry. He’d seen the rest of Liam’s family break down, but never Geoff, and he knew that as soon as the man gave any indication of crying, he would lose it himself.

            Geoff continued,

            “It doesn’t run in my family or anything.”

            Zayn knew that ‘it’ was the cancer, and he wondered if Geoff purposely avoided saying the word like he did, whenever possible.

            “It’s not fair,” Zayn said, and typically, an adult would have felt the need to get on a high horse and point out that life isn’t fair, but Geoff simply squeezed Zayn’s shoulder and said,

            “No. It’s not.”

 

            Luckily, Nicola was wrong. Liam got to leave the hospital after being in there nine days. He wanted Zayn there the day he got to go home, and even though the nurses advised against it, the Paynes insisted he be there if that was what they both wished.

            “I can walk,” Liam insisted stubbornly as Zayn pushed him out of the building in a wheelchair. Not that Zayn was particularly weak, but he didn’t like how easy it was to do.

            “We know,” he assured Liam, leaning over the chair to kiss him on the cheek. He almost panicked, realizing that was the first time the couple had shown any PDA around any of their families, but Karen wasn’t phased, and the girls were smiling. Zayn hoped he’d made Liam smile, too.

            By the expression on Liam’s face when he stood from the wheelchair to get in the car, he’d greatly underestimated how weak he truly was. He’d been making trips to the bathroom by himself, but other than that, it had been over a week since his body had gotten any kind of physical activity. Then, of course, was the fact that he was still fairly heavily medicated.

            Zayn held the wheelchair still while Nicola took her brother’s hand to help him get steady on his feet. Liam’s sisters had driven separately, and Geoff had gone to pull the car for Liam around, so Liam only had a couple steps to make, but Zayn swore he looked paler by the time he collapsed inside of the vehicle. As soon as Zayn got in on the other side, Liam patted the spot in the middle, silently asking Zayn to sit there. Naturally, he obliged. Sighing, Liam laid his head gently on top of Zayn’s, and Zayn began to gently massage the other’s thigh.

            Looking at the two in the rear-view mirror, Karen’s expression was unreadable for a moment, but then she smiled.

            It would be three weeks before Liam would leave the house again, even to sit outside. Zayn found himself practically living with the Paynes, as he was over there nearly every moment which he wasn’t at work. He didn’t mean for it to start out that way. He would wake up early every day so that he could spend some time with his boyfriend before heading into the shop, even if he was only lying next to him while he slept, and then go back over after work. It didn’t take long for that schedule to catch up with Zayn and, along with the constant worrying, he found himself wearing out quickly.

            “You look so tired,” Liam commented on his fourth day out of the hospital.

            “Rude,” Zayn teased, even though he wasn’t quite sure that he’d been fully awake before Liam spoke to him.

            “I didn’t mean it like that,” Liam assured him. “You’ve barely had both eyes open the whole time you’ve been over. You know that you don’t have to come over _every_ day? Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing you, but you need to keep yourself healthy.”

            “I’m okay,” Zayn said, the corners of his mouth twitching up in what should have been a smile. Liam scanned his boyfriend’s face, his expression unreadable, before kissing Zayn on the cheek and then laying down, closer.

            “Go to sleep,” he said, and then kissed Zayn’s neck as well.

            “I wanna talk to you,” Zayn insisted, his eyes closing for a few seconds too long. He opened them wide.

            “There will be time to talk,” Liam said. “I promise.”

            Zayn wanted to insist again that he was fine and begin a conversation about the first topic that came to his mind, but Liam began massaging Zayn’s thigh and before he could open his mouth again, he was asleep.

            From then on, it became routine. Zayn would visit Liam after work and ‘accidentally’ fall asleep next to him, knowing that no one would wake him up to take him home. After a few days, he even began bringing overnight items to Liam’s house so that he wouldn’t have to rush home for anything the next morning.

            Still, when Zayn realized how much of the Payne’s food he’d been eating and bought them groceries, Karen had told him he was sweet, but to never do that again.

            _Please come home for dinner tonight_ , Zayn’s mother text him. It had been at least five days since Zayn had been at his parents’ house, and though he missed them, the message still set a feeling of dread within him. After trying to come up with any excuse not to go, Liam told him to just ‘go have fun’ with his family and promised to see him later.

            “Mum, a stranger just walked through the front door!” Waliyha called as Zayn let himself enter that evening. He glared at his sister, who was standing at the top of the stairs with a slight smirk on her face, and his mom ran out of the kitchen, hurrying towards him and hugging him like he’d been gone for months instead of a mere few days.

            “Hey, mum,” Zayn said, patting the woman on the back before returning her hug.

            “Hello, Zayn!” she returned softly, pulling away and giving her son a smile. “How are you? How’s Liam?”

            “I’m fine. Liam’s…fine, I guess.”

            “Good,” the woman said, rubbing Zayn’s shoulders for a moment before dropping her hands back by her side and giving a content sigh. “Dinner’s almost ready!”

            Zayn felt terrible that, all throughout their meal, all he wanted was for it to be over so he could go back to Liam’s place. He hoped it wasn’t obvious that he was eating at nearly twice his usual pace, but it must have been, because his dad joked,

            “Are they starving you over there?”

            “No,” Zayn said with a laugh. It was an embarrassed laugh, but maybe they wouldn’t pick up on that. “This is just…really good.”

            “I’m glad you like it,” Trisha said.

            “Are you staying here tonight?” Yaser, Zayn’s dad, asked. Suddenly, Zayn felt everyone’s eyes boring into him and took a bite to give himself another moment.

            “Um…,” he finally spoke up once he’d swallowed his food. “Well, I’m off work tomorrow, so I’ll probably go stay the night with Liam.”

            “I think this transcends ‘spending the night’ now,” Doniya commented.

            “Are you sleeping alright over there?” Trisha asked.

            “Yes, mum,” Zayn said, barely resisting the temptation to roll his eyes.

            “I just worry when I can’t keep an eye on you myself, Zayn.”

            “I’m seventeen,” Zayn stated, as if the woman didn’t know. “Besides, I’m going to move out soon anyway.”

            “When did this come up?” Yaser questioned.

            “I’m seventeen,” Zayn reminded them.

            “I’m still at home,” Doniya commented, sounding offended, probably since she was a tad older than Zayn.

            “Yeah, but you don’t have a boyfriend that you want to move in with,” Zayn said. Suddenly, it was almost comical how quiet and still his family became; all of their eyes focused intently on him.

            “What?” he asked, becoming rather annoyed. Part of him wished he’d never gone home for dinner.

            “You have a boyfriend?” Trisha asked, and Zayn almost made a snarky remark about how that proved she never listened because he _told_ her that he was dating Liam, but then he realized that he actually hadn’t said a word about it. None of his family were attached to his social media accounts, and his whole relationship with Liam felt so natural and right that he hadn’t had any need to say much else about it.

            “Yeah,” Zayn said, setting his fork down and straightening up. He was playing with his jeans nervously, but kept his voice and facial expression confident. “Liam’s my boyfriend now.”

            A slight smirk appeared on his older sister’s face, but the rest of his family remained stoic.

            “Zayn…,” Yaser finally said, a cautious tone to his voice.

            “What?” Zayn asked again, dreadfully.

            “I’m not sure any of that is a good idea.”

            “Why not?!”

            “Liam is very sick, Zayn.”

            “Obviously!”

            “Don’t you think he should focus on getting himself better before he has a romantic relationship with anyone?”

            “Whether he gets better or not isn’t up to him anymore,” Zayn said, swallowing hard and blinking a few times quickly before continuing. “He might never get better. There might not be another opportunity for us.”

            “But, son, it’s already going to be painful enough if something does happen to him. Why would you want to make that worse on yourself?”

            “It can’t get worse!” Zayn exclaimed, unsure of why he felt so offended. “Whether I call him my boyfriend or not, I love him, and losing him is going to be the worst thing I ever have to go through!”

            “I still think you’re making it worse than it has to be,” Yaser commented. Trisha must have seen the rage that was filling up her son, because her stoic expression turned to one of panic and she said,

            “Your father isn’t wording what he wants to say well, darling. All we mean is that you two have so much else to focus on. Why would you want a relationship right now?”

            “Because I love him,” Zayn repeated flatly. “And now I’m leaving. Thanks for dinner. See you soon, I guess. Goodbye.”

            Both of his parents said his name as Zayn got up and started walking out, but he ignored them, making a beeline for the door before he either started crying or hitting things.        

            He was surprised he managed to not hit _his sister_ when she extended her leg, tripping him as he tried to pass her. Though he didn’t fall to the floor, he stumbled and made enough time for Yaser to catch up and grab his arm.

            “Ow!” Zayn said, even though it hadn’t hurt at all. His hope was that his exclamation of pain would be enough for his father to instinctively let him go, but all the man did was give Zayn a look that read as, ‘are you serious?’

            “I’m barely touching you,” the adult said calmly. “Son, you really need to think all of this out.”

            “I have!”

            “Alright. You’re in a relationship with Liam, and that’s fine. Honestly, I don’t think we could hope for a better boyfriend for you. But do you really think Liam can move in with you?”

            “Of course,” Zayn said, almost melting at the fact that his father admitted that Liam was the best one for him, but then remembering that he was angry.

            “He needs constant care,” Yaser continued patiently.

            “I know. I can do that,” Zayn said.

            “What about when you’re at work? You can’t cut your hours once you move out. The bills will be never-ending.”

            “I know! I’m not dumb! I’m sure his parents or one of his sisters or someone will take care of him when I’m not there.”

            “You don’t think it would be easier for him to just stay at home?”

            “No.”

            Part of Zayn wanted to admit that maybe it would be technically easier, but he wouldn’t. Moving out would make him happier, and Liam too, he thought, and wasn’t that what was really important?

            “I don’t think you’re understanding how much care he needs…”

            “Yes, I am! I’ve been his best mate forever! I’ve been there when he’s delirious from his fevers, when he can’t eat or keep anything down, and when he can barely get out of bed to go to the toilet! Everyone’s always told me how mature I am, so why doesn’t anybody trust me now?”

            “He’s got two months to live, Zayn!” Yaser exclaimed, frustrated. The girls all sucked in a collective breath.

            “Yaser!” Trisha scolded. Her husband let go of their son’s arm and turned to her, throwing his hands up in the air in defeat.

            “Nothing else is getting through to him, Trisha!” he said, going back to the table to sit next to her, seeming to know that Zayn was frozen in place.

            “You don’t know that,” the boy accused, crossing his arms in the hopes that would keep his heart from falling apart.

            “Baby, come here; let’s go sit down,” Trisha said, standing up and beginning to move towards her son.

            “No!” Zayn said, backing up into the wall. “I’m going back to Liam’s!”

            Looking to his dad, he asked,

            “How could you say something like that?!”

            “Zayn,” Trisha sighed, still standing with one hand resting on the table. She looked just as defeated as Zayn was starting to feel. “The doctors are telling them to still hope for a miracle, but that if they had to take a guess, they would give Liam another couple of months until…”

            She trailed off. Zayn was glad.

            “You’re lying,” he said, his entire body starting to shake. “Liam would have told me that.”

            “His family hasn’t told him,” Trisha explained.

            “What?! That’s awful!”

            “No, it’s not, Zayn. They’re afraid that if they tell him, he’ll give up entirely and spend his remaining time depressed and scared of what’s coming. Wouldn’t you rather fall asleep and go peacefully next to the person you love?”

            Zayn wasn’t sure if she added the last part to try to make him feel better or to hurt him more, honestly. In a strange way, it did both. He felt himself crossing his arms tighter and leaning forward a little from the emotional pain that was so strong, it was also physically hurting.

            “I think you need to sit down,” Trisha said, her worry evident.

            “No!” Zayn exclaimed again, even though he wouldn’t be surprised if he either passed out or got sick. “Take me back to Liam’s now.”

            “That’s not how you talk to your mother, Zayn,” Yaser scolded, but Trisha put her hand on her husband’s arm, silencing him.

            “Don’t you want to sit down and talk about this first?” she asked her son patiently.

            “No! Take me back to Liam’s or I’m walking!”

            Zayn knew that getting a cab would be faster than walking, but he wouldn’t be able to simply stand there and wait for the ride to come.

            “Okay,” Trisha gave in. “Let me get my keys.”

            The car ride was silent. Zayn was still shaking and his eyes and throat were burning from the tears he was somehow successfully fighting off.

            As soon as Trisha parked the car, Zayn was out and headed up the Payne’s driveway without a word. Geoff tried to greet him cheerfully when he opened the door, but Zayn said a quick hello and then squeezed by the man, running up the stairs to Liam. The clock was ticking.

            “Hey!” Liam greeted with a smile, his voice slightly hoarse, when Zayn barged into his room. He was sitting, propped up in bed, with juice beside him and the television playing some show that Zayn thought he knew but couldn’t take the time to register at the moment. Just then, he lost his fight against his tears and he closed the door before climbing on top of the bed with Liam.

            “What’s wrong?” his boyfriend asked, a frown on his face as he turned his weak body to face Zayn.

            “I just missed you,” Zayn said, wrapping his arms around Liam’s neck and doing his best to smile. The effort sent a faster river of tears streaming down his face. Liam did his best to wipe them away, and his forehead creased with worry.

            “You’re shaking,” he stated. “What happened?”

            “Nothing. I don’t know,” Zayn lied, simply because he couldn’t put his feelings into words. Liam accepted the answer, though, and he brushed a light kiss against Zayn’s lips before lying next to him and beginning to play with his hair.

            “I love you,” Liam said.

            “I love you,” Zayn returned, turning to his side so that he could curl in on himself. Liam pulled him closer and didn’t say anything as he let his boyfriend cry. He simply played with his hair, rubbed his back and placed gentle kisses onto the top of his head, and Zayn didn’t think anything had ever been more bittersweet.

 

            Though Zayn didn’t want to leave Liam the next day for any reason, he knew he had to get on top of things.

            It was amazing that anyone leased him an apartment when he’d entered with such a pale face and red, puffy eyes; not to mention the fact that he was so young. Or perhaps they had thought his situation was worse-no, not worse, but _different_ than it was and took pity, because when Zayn returned to Liam’s that afternoon, he had the lease to his first apartment tucked safely under his arm.

            Liam opened the door for Zayn when he returned, and Zayn’s heart did a happy dance over the fact that Liam felt well enough to get out of bed and venture downstairs.

            “Hey!” Liam said, his face lighting up when he saw Zayn. He pulled him in lightly and then leaned down to kiss him, and Zayn made a happy, ‘hm,’ noise against the other’s lips.

            “Did you get everything done that you had to do?” Liam asked when they broke apart.

            “Yeah,” Zayn said. “It’s been a good day?”

            “It’s been a great day!” Liam said, and then, “It’s even better now that you’re here, of course.”

            He winked, and then, finally, closed the door behind Zayn.

            “Niall, Louis and Harry are here,” he said, and it was only then that Zayn noticed his friends sitting on the couch. Simultaneously, the three waved, and Zayn returned it.

            “We’re playing Cards Against Humanity, but we just started this round, so we’ll start over,” Niall said.

            “Okay, cool,” Zayn told him with a quick smile. “I’m going to run upstairs, but I’ll be right back down.”

            He gave Liam another kiss and then bolted up to his bedroom. After securely placing the lease agreement in Liam’s desk so no one would enter and accidentally see it, Zayn took a few calming breaths-he hadn’t even realized how high his anxiety had been until that moment-and then went back downstairs to join his boyfriend and their friends.

            Even though Zayn was having fun and he knew that Liam was happy to have so much company, part of Zayn couldn’t wait for it to just be him and Liam, alone together. It was nothing personal, of course, but he could barely keep from telling Liam exactly what he’d done that day, and he wanted to talk about it with just him before anyone else knew.

            Finally, after a couple of hours, Niall, Louis and Harry left to go to dinner. They invited Liam and Zayn along, but Liam said he didn’t feel good enough for that yet, and Zayn, naturally, chose to stay with Liam.

            Karen was making chicken and dumplings that night, and normally Zayn would offer to help, but he hadn’t had Liam to himself all day except for a few minutes that morning, so while she cooked, Liam and Zayn sat in the backyard on the swing. After obsessively checking that the windows were closed and no one could hear them, Zayn took Liam’s hand and smiled nervously.

            “Uh-oh,” Liam said. “What’s that look for?”

            Zayn gave a slight laugh.

            “Nothing bad,” he promised. “I was just wondering…will you move in with me, Liam?”

            “I told you I will, when the time is right.”

            “Um…well…will the time be right in two weeks?”

            Liam frowned, confused, and opened and closed his mouth a few times, but words seemed to be failing him. Zayn continued,

            “I got approved for an apartment today and I move in two weeks. I would really love it if you came too.”

            Liam’s eyes widened, and suddenly, Zayn’s hands turned clammy, but then Liam smiled, albeit sadly.

            “I can’t pay my half of the rent,” he pointed out.

            “I’ve got it taken care of,” Zayn said. “It’s not a fancy apartment, Li. It’s definitely not the place you deserve, but it’s all I could do for now. I know that you know things are up in the air, and I want us to live together, at least for a bit.”

            “It’s not fair that you would be taking care of everything,” Liam said after a moment’s hesitation. Zayn sighed.

            “If you don’t want to move in with me, just tell me and I can handle it. Otherwise, there aren’t any other excuses that will change my mind.”

            “I want to live with you,” Liam said right away.

            “Good,” Zayn replied. “We move in on the fifth.”

            Neither Zayn nor Liam’s families were very happy over their decision to move out together, but in the end, both realized that the boys were basically grown, and it was their choice. Zayn did feel bad when moving day came and Karen cried while letting Liam go, but nothing could hinder his excitement, and Liam’s eyes were sparkling as he drove the two of them to their first place together.

            “We’re a little farther away from where I work now,” Zayn said, “so maybe, on the days you feel alright, you can work on driving with me.”

            Liam looked over at Zayn, a wide smile on his face.

            “Yeah!” he agreed enthusiastically. “Yeah, we’ll do that.”

            Zayn grew nervous as Liam pulled into the apartment complex. Each time he saw it, it looked a little smaller dirtier. He cleared his throat.

            “Sorry that it’s not much,” he spoke awkwardly. Liam shot him a glance.

            “You’re joking, right?” he asked.

            “Um…no…,” Zayn said, pointing to the parking area closest to their building. Liam pulled in.

            “Zaynie, you’re renting this all on your own so that you and I have somewhere to live together. It has a roof, electricity and running water, right?”

            “Well, yeah…”

            “Then it’s perfect.”

            After putting the car in park, Liam leaned across the seat and kissed Zayn.

            “I love you,” he said.

            “I love you,” Zayn returned.

            Upon entering the apartment and seeing Liam’s face light up, Zayn supposed that it was a bit better of a place than he’d originally given it credit for. No, it wasn’t in a great part of town and the appliances were a bit outdated, but it was homey enough.

            “I got a two bedroom,” Zayn said as Liam began to look around. “That way, when I’m sick, I can stay in the spare room.”

            “You’re not staying in the spare room when you’re sick,” Liam said, giving Zayn a disapproving look for even thinking such a thing.

            “Yes, I am,” Zayn insisted.

            “We’ll talk about that if the time comes,” Liam allowed, and then, “Ooh, Zaynie, look at the lighting in this bathroom! It’s great! I almost look like a member of the living!”

 

            As disapproving as they were over the boys moving away, their families came over to help them move stuff in that evening. They didn’t have much; just pieces of furniture from their bedrooms and cheap necessities that Zayn had bought at the store the night before. Thanks to Harry’s mom getting a new couch, they did have a couch to put in front of their small TV. But, even though there was too much apartment space and not enough furniture, Zayn started to realize that he loved the place, even if it was only because Liam kept saying how nice it was. 

            “Hey, Zayn?” Liam asked later that night as the two lay quietly in bed. Since it had been such a busy day, Zayn had expected to lay down and fall right to sleep, but he’d been lying there for at least fifteen minutes and was nowhere in the vicinity of rest. Apparently, Liam was in the same boat.

            “Yeah?” Zayn asked, rolling over to face his boyfriend. For some reason, Liam looked nervous.

            “Are you...satisfied in our relationship?” Liam questioned, and Zayn frowned.

            “Well, yeah, Liam. We just moved in together, so I’d say I’m pretty satisfied.”

            “No, I mean…”

            Liam sighed and squeezed the spot in between his eyes before he looked back to Zayn, keeping his eyes downcast, and continued.

            “You and Cole had sex, like, all the time, and I never have enough energy to do anything other than light make-out sessions.”

            “Liam!” Zayn groaned. “Stop worrying about how things were with Cole. He didn’t mean anything to me, and that’s why we had so much sex. There was nothing else to base the relationship on. It’s so much deeper with you; so much _better_.”

            “But I don’t feel like I make you feel good…”

            “Of course you do.”

            “But…physically.”

            “I’m great, babes,” Zayn assured the other, patting his hip in what was supposed to be a comforting manner, but Liam didn’t look very comforted by it. “Don’t worry.”

            Finally looking into Zayn’s eyes, Liam chewed on his lip for a moment and then asked,

            “Do you want a blow job?”

            Zayn’s eyes widened as he felt a combination of shock, curiosity and nervousness at the question.

            “Like…now?” he asked.

            “Yeah, if you want,” Liam offered.

            “Have you ever…eh…well…Have you ever sucked a dick before?” Zayn asked.

            “No,” Liam admitted. “I’ve never done anything with any boy except for you. If you give me some instruction, though, I’m sure I can do it…”

            “Yeah, I’m sure you can,” Zayn said, not mentioning that it probably wouldn't take a lot to get turned on and then get off by Liam, “but I just don’t know if you’ll like it.”

            “I want to try!” Liam insisted stubbornly. Zayn studied the other’s face, looking for any sign of uncertainty, but he didn’t see any.

            “You’re sure?” he asked anyway. Liam nodded, eager.

            “You might really have to tell me what to do, though,” he admitted, embarrassed. “I haven’t done this before and…well…I’ve never had it done to me, so…”

            “That’s so sad,” Zayn said quietly. Liam laughed, but before he could reply, Zayn asked,

            “Do you want me to show you how it’s done first?”

            Liam quirked up his eyebrows, looking intrigued, yet reluctant.

            “But what if I can’t…You know…Because of the medicines I’m on and stuff…”

            “Then I’ll stop, no questions asked and no feelings hurt.”

            “Okay…”

            “You can tell me no,” Zayn made sure to say. Liam shook his head.

            “No. I mean, yeah. I want you to, if you want to.”

            “You realize this goes way beyond the realm of brotherhood, right?” Zayn asked.

            “Shut up!” Liam laughed, hitting Zayn lightly in the chest after the boy had propped himself on one arm to lean over him.

            “I’m just saying!” Zayn said, fighting off a smile. “Once we do this, there’s no going back.”

            “Shut up and undress me.”

            “Wow. That was hot,” Zayn said, and he meant it, so after giving Liam a kiss on the lips and then sucking a decent hickey onto the side of his neck, he lifted the other’s shirt off of him. After placing yet another kiss on his boyfriend’s chest and then his stomach, Zayn took off the pants.

            “You sure you’re good?” Zayn verified one more time, stroking Liam’s upper thigh to get things started. Liam nodded.

            “I’m not a virgin, you know.”

            “Are you trying to make me jealous?”

            With a smile, Liam said,

            “Maybe.”

            Zayn mock-glared, then kissed Liam again, more passionately than before. Liam’s breath hitched in his throat as Zayn moved his hand higher, and Zayn smirked against the other’s lips. _Take that, chemo._

Once Zayn had fondled around a bit, making sure that Liam was good and ready, he left a trail of kisses downward. He didn’t ask Liam verbally if he was alright with it; just gave him a look, but Liam read it correctly and nodded, stroking Zayn’s jawline before Zayn went down on him.

            Regretfully, Zayn and Liam missed the opportunity to lose their virginities to each other, but Zayn was glad he was able to experience one of Liam’s firsts with him, and he was sure that there were plenty of things he hadn’t done yet either.

            “And that’s all there is to it,” Zayn had said once Liam was finished and he’d taken a drink of water.

            “I’m really sorry,” Liam said, looking embarrassed that he hadn’t warned Zayn in time for him to remove his mouth from him.

            “What for?” Zayn asked rhetorically, because then he said, “It’s all good, babe. Did you like that?”

            “Well, yeah. Was that not obvious?”

            Zayn laughed.

            “You look tired,” he said then.

            “But it’s my turn to do it for you,” Liam said.

            “Alright, but you don’t have to.”

            “I want to, especially if I can make you feel like _that_.”

            Again, Zayn laughed.

            “Okay. I’ll try to warn you when to get off, though.”

            “I’m sorry!”

            “Hey, I didn’t mean anything by it, babes,” Zayn said, running his thumb along one of Liam’s cheekbones. “I just don’t want to…overwhelm you on your first time. Besides, when you can’t tolerate eating something as delicious as chocolate, I don’t think swallowing cum would be the best thing for you.”

            “You swallowed it?!” Liam asked, his eyes widening to show his impression. Zayn couldn’t help but to feel a bit of pride.

            “Well, yeah,” he said, like there was no other option.

            “You’re so hot,” Liam said, and then kissed Zayn. They stayed lip-locked for a good minute before Liam pulled away after a gentle bite to Zayn’s bottom lip.

            “Okay,” he said. “Don’t be afraid to tell me if I’m doing something wrong, or what I should be doing instead.”

            “I’m sure you’ll be a natural,” Zayn said, and he’d been half joking, but it turned out to be true. Liam must have paid very good attention during Zayn’s example blow job on him, and with how attuned to Zayn’s body he was, he needed very minimal instruction, which was good, since all the noises Zayn could manage were moans and whimpers.

            “Okay, babe,” he said as a warning when he knew he was just about done. Liam kept on going.

            “L-Li,” Zayn gasped, and Liam looked up, showing that he heard Zayn, but that he wasn’t going to stop, and, yeah, that was pretty much the hottest thing ever.

            “Hey, I warned you!” Zayn defended as Liam coughed and choked after Zayn couldn’t hold off any longer.

            “I know,” Liam said through a cough. Zayn handed him his water. Liam took a few long drinks and then smiled.

            “Honestly, it didn’t taste as bad as I thought it would.”

            “You’re a strong man,” Zayn told him. “High five?”

            Liam raised an eyebrow, looking strangely at the hand that Zayn was holding up for him.

            “Who high fives after blow jobs?” he asked.

            “Me,” Zayn replied, even though that was the first time he had ever done such a thing. With a laugh, Liam gave in.

            “Nice work, then, partner,” Liam said, leaning over Zayn to kiss him before collapsing down beside him.

            “Do you think we should change the sheets?” Zayn asked.

            “I don’t think we really made a mess, to be honest…”

            “Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” Zayn sighed, snuggling close. Liam snorted, wrapping his arms around Zayn’s body.

            “Okay, Zaynie,” he said disbelievingly.

            “You are,” Zayn assured him. “I love you.”

            “I love you too,” Liam said, his voice fading more by the second. Zayn knew that a lot of that had to do with the fact that he was tired, but some of it was caused by something else, and he couldn’t help but to smirk, just a little.

            “Good night,” Liam added when he was on the brink of unconsciousness. Zayn thought that he was asleep before he’d even had a chance to say good night back.

            Suddenly, all of the emotions that Zayn had been too busy to feel throughout the day came flooding up. He was happy, of course. He and his love had moved in together; finally having somewhere they could call their own and truly be alone with one another. Still, it was much more bittersweet than Zayn had even imagined. He’d spent the last couple of weeks telling himself that it would probably only be temporary. If the doctors were right, Liam had less than two months, and though he thought he’d come to terms with that, he was wrong. Being with Liam, in no matter what way that was, felt right. Not one to believe much in fate, Zayn couldn’t stop thinking that with him was how he was supposed to spend his life. Why would the universe give him something so great only to take it away?

            But Zayn couldn’t think about any of that for long. He was not one to cry after sexual activities.

            So he saved his tears for the shower the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack-luster smut scene. If you've ever read anything else of mine, you know that I can't physically bring myself to write proper smut, and if you haven't...I apologize. I'm very boring. 
> 
> Also, I read all of your comments on my previous chapter and will reply later, when it's not four in the morning XD But, of course, I appreciate them and they all made me smile :)
> 
> Obviously, I probably won't be able to update by Thursday again, but I'll have the next chapter up as soon as I can. Thank you all for being patient :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! So, my hiatus was not supposed to last this long, but life happens, I guess! Anyway, I'm back now, and I apologize for keeping you waiting!

            Two months came, and two months went. They weren’t easy by any means, but, by the end of it, Liam was still there, and that was all that mattered to Zayn. He’d spent most of the nights finding it difficult to fall asleep; fearing that, if he did, he would wake up and Liam would no longer be with him. That was why, every morning, he woke with a start and bolted upright, immediately checking on Liam to make sure he was breathing, and letting out a sigh of relief when he found that he was.

            Some nights had been spent in the hospital. Due to Liam’s increased dosage of chemo, he was more prone to fevers than ever before, and those fevers were stubborn. Zayn tried to keep them under control himself by making sure Liam took his medicine every specified number of hours, on the dot, and putting him in a cool bath when it rose too high, but Liam usually ended up in the hospital anyway, leaving Zayn feeling more helpless than ever. He tried not to let it show, but the sad looks Liam gave him made it clear that he wasn’t doing a great job of hiding his feelings. That would result in Zayn becoming angry with himself, because Liam was the one who was physically suffering, and he barely ever shed a tear. In fact, the most Zayn had seen him cry over the past couple of months was when Zayn came down with a nasty case of strep throat and stayed with his mother, keeping the germs as far away from Liam as he could.

            “I miss you,” Liam had told him over the phone, and it was obvious that he was crying.

            “I miss you too,” Zayn said, not caring that it felt like his throat was bleeding whenever he talked. Trying to lighten the mood, he said, “I think your mum is happy that I’m sick, so she can have you to herself for a couple of days.”

            Karen saw her son nearly every day, as she stayed with him whenever Zayn was at work, but Zayn knew it wasn’t the same.

Liam was quiet, perhaps trying to come up with a reply to his boyfriend’s joke, but when he couldn’t, he simply said,

            “I want to take care of you.”

            “I know, babe, but I’m okay. I’ll see you in three days.”

            “That’s so long.”

            “Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that, yeah?” Zayn said, doing his best to make his boyfriend stop crying. He had every reason to cry, of course, but it broke Zayn’s heart.

            “My heart can’t grow any fonder of you,” Liam said. Zayn bit his lip, fighting off emotion because that wasn’t what either of them needed now.

            “I love you,” Zayn said. “Have fun with your mum.”

            “Okay,” Liam sighed. “I love you too.”

            Liam sent Zayn texts at least four times a day during the next few days, asking how he was, and even when Zayn’s medicine had yet to start making him feel better, he wouldn’t tell Liam so. Maybe it made him a bit hypocritical, because he hated when Liam blatantly lied and said he was okay when he wasn’t, but their circumstances were too different for Zayn to care much. Compared to what Liam had to go through every day, Zayn had no room to complain.

            Liam picked up Zayn as soon as Zayn had told him that he was awake on the day that he was finally returning to him. Trisha opened the door for him, and though he exchanged pleasant greetings with her, he was looking over her head, searching for Zayn and smiling when he saw him sitting on the couch. Zayn smiled back and rose to his feet.

            “Should you have driven here?” he questioned, taking Liam’s hand and pulling him into the house before wrapping his arms around his middle. Liam pulled Zayn tight to him.

            “I don’t know,” he replied, running his fingernails up and down Zayn’s back. “That’s why I thought you could drive home.”

            Zayn pulled back just enough to glare at his boyfriend.

            “I’m still recovering from a terrible illness and you’re already torturing me?”

            Liam laughed and rolled his eyes.

            “You don’t have to,” he assured him, “but we’ve been driving around parking lots for more than a month now and you haven’t killed us yet, so I have faith in you.”

            “That makes one of us,” Zayn muttered.

            “There was, like, nobody on the road while I was driving here, so you’ll be okay.”

            “There was _nobody_ on the road, or there was _like, nobody_ on the road? There’s a difference, babe.”

            Liam grinned.

            “There was, like, nobody,” he repeated. “So, there were maybe two people.”

            “You should have told me you were suicidal. We can get you help,” Zayn muttered, pulling away from Liam to put on his shoes.

            “I’m not suicidal,” Liam said. “I just like the adrenaline rush.”

            Zayn glared again, and Liam’s grin grew.

            “Be careful; both of you,” Trisha said, giving the boys a hug and kiss on the head (or, in Liam’s case, his beanie.)

            “I’ll let you know if we make it home alive,” Zayn promised.

            “You really don’t _have_ to do this,” Liam assured Zayn when he climbed into the driver-side seat and put on his seatbelt with shaking hands.

            “Don’t tell me that,” Zayn said. “Tell me I have to; that I have no choice.”

            “You know I would never make you do something that you don’t want to do,” Liam said, playing with the back of Zayn’s hair comfortingly for a moment.

            “I’ve got this,” Zayn said, though it sounded more like a question.

            “You’ve got this,” Liam said confidently.

            The drive home wasn’t perfect. Zayn hit the breaks a little too hard and screeched the tires a couple of times. His turns were a little too wide, but they both made it home alive, and he gave a long sigh of relief once he’d parked and turned the car off; leaning back against the seat, exhausted.

            “You did great!” Liam said, stroking Zayn’s shoulder and then leaning across the seat to kiss him on the forehead. Zayn had set a rule in place that they weren’t allowed to kiss on the lips until he was done with his antibiotic, and he was glad that Liam was cooperating with it, because in the moment, he wanted nothing more than to lock lips with Liam and take him to the bedroom.

            “I did okay,” Zayn amended. Liam shook his head.

            “Nope. Great.”

            “I can’t feel my legs.”

            Liam laughed, shaking his head once.

            “Do I need to carry you in?”

            “Maybe,” Zayn said, but immediately after, exited the car so Liam wouldn’t try.

            Liam wasn’t completely convinced that Zayn felt alright that day, even though he did, and so the two spent the day cuddled on the couch, watching movies and sipping on grape juice. Many of their days together went like that, but Zayn didn’t mind. As long as Liam was there, he didn’t care what they were doing.

            At the beginning of October, the couple received some good news. Liam’s tests showed less cancer cells than his previous test had. The only reason Zayn didn’t consider that to be great news was because the higher dosage of chemotherapy that made that happen seemed to be killing Liam as quickly as the cancer was. It had taken everything Liam had just to get up and go to the doctor that afternoon, and Zayn hadn’t missed the way his eyes had rolled back in his head once or twice during their time in the waiting room.

            The doctors didn’t see that. According to his test results, Liam was improving, and so the doctors were all smiles as they told him their confidence that after two or three more chemo sessions, he had a good chance of being cancer-free. 

            Liam was silent all the way back to the car. He was biting his lip, and not looking much like someone who was just told his battle with cancer could be coming to an end.

            “You good?” Zayn asked as he put the car into reverse. He’d been driving a lot recently, practicing with his dad when Liam was too sick to go with him, and he was slowly getting more comfortable behind the wheel, but he had a long way to go. When possible, Liam still drove them to their destinations. It hadn’t been possible that day.

            “I don’t know if I can do it, Zaynie,” Liam said. Zayn put the car back into park.              

            “Do what, love?” Zayn asked, afraid of the answer. Liam refused to make eye contact with him, but Zayn could still tell that he was fighting off tears.

            “All of these treatments. I’m so tired and I feel awful. I don’t really feel alive anymore.”

            Zayn swallowed hard. Now was one of the times when he had to be strong.

            “I know it’s hard,” he said, “but there’s a happy ending in sight.”

            “Maybe,” Liam retorted. “They could be wrong.”

            Zayn took a moment, picking his words carefully. He knew that, even though he witnessed it every day, he couldn’t really understand what all Liam was going through. He didn’t know what it truly felt like to be as sick as he was. When Zayn had been sick and took medicine, he felt better. Liam’s treatment made him feel even worse. If Liam wanted to give up, Zayn wouldn’t blame him, but that was the last thing that he wanted, especially now that the end was looking more promising than ever before.

            “I’ll support you in whatever you choose to do,” Zayn said, hating the words, even if they were true. “But I know you’re stronger than you feel right now. Maybe do at least one more treatment and see how you feel?”

            Liam didn’t want to. That much was glaringly obvious. The look he gave Zayn was almost one of betrayal, but then he sighed, looking up to the roof of the car and resting his head against the headrest.

            “Fine,” he said. “One more, but if it gets worse, I just can’t anymore.”

            “Alright, love,” Zayn said softly, briefly touching Liam’s knee. “It’s alright…”

            When the pair arrived home, Liam asked Zayn to call his mother and tell her the news, but to leave out the part where he may only do one more treatment. Zayn did, of course, and, in the meantime, Liam went to their bedroom and shut the door. Even though it was hard, Zayn knew better than to try to ask if he was okay. If the door was closed, Liam didn’t want contact with anyone.

            After getting off the phone with Karen, who was, naturally, ecstatic (Zayn thought he faked his own excitement fairly well), Liam still hadn’t come out of the room or opened the door. Needing a distraction, Zayn took his sketchbook from the spare bedroom and gathered some drawing utensils. Then, he sat on the floor of the living room and stared at a blank page for a good amount of time. It had been a while since he’d drawn anything. Part of that reason was that he didn’t have much time, but inspiration didn’t easily come to him anymore either.

            Eventually, Zayn stopped thinking and let his hands do the work; making lines on the paper until they started to form something. Soon, Liam came out from the bedroom, nearly tip-toeing over when he saw Zayn working, and quietly sitting down in front of him. Zayn finished the shape he was on, then looked up and smiled. Liam returned it the best he could.

            “Are you making a comic book character or just drawing?” he asked.

            “Just drawing, I think,” Zayn said.

            “I really like him,” Liam said, about the monstrous creature Zayn drew.

            “Thanks,” the other said with a shrug. He set the sketchbook down on the ground next to him.

            “I’m a little hungry,” Zayn said. “Are you hungry yet?”

            “A little,” Liam admitted.

            “What would you like?”

            “Your choice.”

            Zayn decided to make some scrambled eggs for the two to share. As he cooked, Liam sat at their small, two-person table, scrolling through his phone. Soon, he let out a sigh.

            “What are you doing, Zaynie?” he asked. Zayn could hear him lock his phone.

            “Huh?” Zayn questioned.

            “All of our friends are off at university, having fun and working towards their life goals. You should be off with them.”

            “Nah,” Zayn said. “I’m perfectly content here.”

            “You would have gone if it wasn’t for me.”

            “Maybe,” Zayn said, glad that he was busy making the food, and so he had an excuse not to look Liam in the eye. He sounded sad, so Zayn didn’t want to think about what he would see on his face. “I only would have gone because it was expected of me, though. I really don’t know what I want to do besides be with you. There’s still time to figure the rest out.”

            “You’re going to resent me one day.”

            “Liam,” Zayn snapped, turning out of reflex and narrowing his eyes at his boyfriend. Zayn had been right; he looked sad; sad and guilty. “Don’t ever think that. I’m never going to resent you. You didn’t ask me to stay.”

            “Yeah, but I’m sure you feel pressured.”

            “No, I don’t. I never once even considered wanting to go off to school. That’s not what I want out of life right now. I’m perfectly happy here.”

            “What are you going to do, either when I’m gone or get better?”

            “I honestly don’t know, Li. I’ll figure it out when I have to, but why would I think about that when I’m happy now?”

            “Maybe you’re only happy because you won’t think about how much better things could be.”

            Zayn sighed, turning around to shut the stove off and then facing Liam again.

            “Nothing is better than being with you. I’ve got years ahead of me, probably, but who knows how long I have with you? Let me just have this time, okay? Because if something happens to you, then these are the best moments of my life.”

            Liam bit the insides of his cheeks, looking down. It was scary how skinny his face looked.

            Putting their food on two separate plates, Zayn carried the food to the table, poured them both some juice and then sat down. Liam had yet to say a word, but he reached across the table and took Zayn’s hands in one of his own, using the other to mindlessly poke at his food. Finally, still looking at his plate, he asked,

            “Are you mad at me?”

            “No. Why would I be mad at you?”

             “I don’t know. You sounded kind of mad.”

            “I’m not mad, Li. I’m sad and frustrated with _the situation_ , but not you.”

            Liam nodded and took a small bite of egg. He did his best to keep his grimace hidden and Zayn somehow succeeded in not throwing his own plate against the wall.

 

            Liam slept off his bad mood that night, or at least remembered how to pretend, and, the next day, he took Zayn to look for Halloween costumes.

            “Are you going to be Batman again?” Zayn asked, half teasing, but expecting the answer to be yes. Liam gave a small laugh and shook his head.

            “No,” he said. “I think it’s time for something different.”

            “Like what?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “May I make a suggestion?”

            “Yes, of course.”

            “How about Lex Luthor?”

            As Zayn tugged on Liam’s beanie, not hard enough to pull it off, Liam glared and gently batted his hand away. Smoothing his hat back into place, he said,

            “That was rude.”

            It was Zayn’s turn to laugh.

            “You’d make it hot,” he insisted.

            “Rude.”

            Zayn rolled his eyes, knowing that Liam wasn’t actually offended.

            “I don’t know what I’m being either,” he said.

            “Aladdin,” Liam answered right away. Zayn narrowed his eyes.

            “Really?” he said flatly.

             “You would make a great Aladdin.”

            “And why is that, Liam?”

            Knowing that Zayn was only giving him a hard time for the fun of it, Liam shoved him playfully.

            “Hey, it’s not my fault that I had an unnatural obsession with Aladdin when I was little and now I have the perfect boyfriend to roleplay it with.”

            “So you’re only dating me because I remind you of Aladdin,” Zayn accused. “The truth comes out.”

            “It had to some time,” Liam said, and then leaned forward and kissed Zayn. His expression afterward was, at first, scared, but then it turned to one of anger. Zayn didn’t have to ask to know that someone behind him had seen them and was giving them a less-than-approving look.

            “What?” Liam asked the person, and Zayn looked just in time to see a middle-aged heterosexual couple turn quickly away. Liam gazed at the back of them for a moment before looking to Zayn and smiling.

            “You okay?” Zayn asked quietly. While he’d grown as used to the judgments and hatred as one possibly could, all of this was new for Liam.

            “I’m okay,” Liam said, and it sounded like he meant it. “Honestly, it was kind of nice to be stared at for something besides the fact that I look like a member of the walking dead.”

            “You don’t look like a member of the walking dead,” Zayn disagreed. “You look like Lex Luthor.”

            “I’ll be Lex if you be Aladdin,” Liam compromised.

            “Deal,” Zayn said, and they began their search.

 

            Louis, Harry and Niall came back home for Halloween so that they could celebrate with their two best friends. Niall brought a girl with him. Her name was Cindy, which was perfect, as she and Niall dressed up as Cinderella and Prince Charming. Zayn thought that was absolutely disgusting, but he kept it to himself.

            Since most of them weren’t old enough to buy drinks at bars yet, the friends pre-partied at Zayn and Liam’s place with the alcohol that Doniya had bought them. Since Liam couldn’t drink, Zayn had bought the two of them sparkling champagne. Liam told Zayn that he wouldn’t care at all if he chose to have a ‘real’ drink, but Zayn told Liam honestly that he wanted to remember their holidays together. He didn’t have to add that that was especially true since he didn’t know how many they would have.

            Once Louis and Harry (dressed as Thing 1 and Thing 2, thanks to losing a bet to Niall) and Niall and Cindy were properly intoxicated, the group headed out. Zayn would have been more than okay with staying inside and watching horror movies, but even when he’d just hinted at it, his friends had shut the idea down with force.

            First, of course, was the fact that Zayn was worried about Liam. Lex Luthor didn’t wear a medical mask or gloves, which meant that Liam had vetoed gearing up that night. Secondly, though, was the fact that Zayn was way out of his comfort zone with his own costume. When he’d agreed to be Aladdin, he forgot just how much skin he would have to show. Zayn didn’t have body image issues, but he didn’t feel nearly ripped enough to be showing so much off. The smile on Liam’s face when he first saw Zayn in his costume showed that he disagreed, but of course he did. Zayn was his boyfriend. It was basically his duty to get excited over any amount of skin he showed.

            “I was wrong,” Liam had whispered in Zayn’s ear, so that their friends wouldn’t hear. After nipping the lobe of the same ear, he added, “You don’t look like Aladdin. You’re way hotter.”

            “Well, I hope so, considering I’m not an animated character from the nineties.”

            “Hey, don’t shame my kink.”

            Liam kissed Zayn, but the intimate moment was ruined by someone pounding loudly on the door, causing both of them to jump.

            “Boys! Come on!” Louis’s slightly slurred voice called. “I want to go!”

            Zayn rolled his eyes, which caused Liam to smile.

            “We’re coming, your highness!” he called back to their friend.

            “Bitch, that’s right! Bow down!” Louis said.

            “Oh, Louis,” Zayn sighed, moving around Liam to open the door. Having been leaning on it, Louis almost fell into the room, but Zayn steadied him. With a wide grin, Louis said,

            “I know, I know; you just missed me so much!”

            “Only not at all,” Zayn teased.

            “Lies,” Louis accused.

            “Believe whatever you want. Now get it moving, Thing Two. Weren’t you the one just begging to go?”

            “Actually, Thing One wanted me to make sure you two weren’t having sex.”

            Louis narrowed his unsteady eyes.

            “ _Were_ you having sex?”

            “So what if we were?” Liam asked. Louis shrugged.

            “Then at least you wouldn’t have had a pregnancy scare like Prince Charming and Cinderella!”

            “What?!” Zayn asked, his voice a little too loud. Louis giggled.

            “That’s a story for another time! Come, boys!”

            Louis bounced outside, where the others were waiting, looking much like Thing Two while he did. Liam and Zayn looked at each other and shook their heads. Words were not needed. Then, Liam took Zayn’s hand and headed out, locking the door behind them.

            Liam was the designated driver for the night, and he warned that if anyone got sick in his car, they would be stranded on the side of the road. That, naturally, caused Louis to make exaggerated retching noises until he nearly did cause himself to get sick. When Liam pulled the car over and insisted Louis get out, he did, but proceeded to sit on the ground and cry. In a form of protest, Harry got out with him, standing by his boyfriend’s side with his arms crossed defiantly.

            “Get in the car, you idiots!” Liam said after the rest of the group watched in amusement for a bit and, of course, took many pictures. “Jeez, what has university done to you lot?”

            “And you thought I would choose them over you,” Zayn teased his boyfriend, patting his cheek lightly as the Things got back into the car.

            The rest of the night went as smoothly as could be expected. They all received compliments on their costumes, but Zayn thought that Liam was given the most. Some people were amazed, thinking he shaved his head simply for Halloween and Liam, of course, wasn’t going to tell them otherwise.

            While an Aladdin kink was understandable to Zayn, there was a man at the second pub they visited who apparently had a Thing Two kink, because he watched Louis the whole night, always somehow ending up close to where the group was located. To Zayn, it was creepy, but Louis used it to his advantage and, with Harry’s permission, flirted with the guy just enough to get the whole group free drinks. When the man questioned why Louis and Harry’s costumes coordinated, Harry told him that they were brothers, making Niall laugh so hard that alcohol came out of his nose. It was then that he insisted he was dying, and Liam took him outside to help him settle down. Cindy was the soberest of the group, besides Zayn and Liam, of course, and Zayn took that as an opportunity to secretly interrogate her and find out if she was suitable for one of his best friends. It was almost immediately clear that she was.

            After using the guy for one last free drink, Louis told the group they had to bolt while the man-Todd-was in the bathroom. Harry’s method of doing this was to slide along the walls like a spy, while Louis’s was to throw his hands up in the air and run out screaming.

            No one was surprised when those two fell asleep in the car on the way back to Zayn and Liam’s.

            “Do you lot need us to stay out here with you?” Liam asked their friends as he helped them set up sleeping arrangements in their living room.

            “We’ll be fine,” Cindy assured him with a grateful smile as she settled herself onto the couch. (Like gentlemen, the boys had insisted that she be the one to take the sofa.) “I’m pretty much sober now, but I’ll come get one of you if someone needs something.”

            “Alright,” Liam said, going behind Zayn and snaking his arms around his waist. Zayn smiled as Liam pressed a kiss into the side of his neck.

            “See, Cindy?” Niall spoke. “I told you they were fucking adorable and that Liam has to be half blind for not seeing it before.”

            “Shut it,” Liam said, tightening his hold on Zayn. “I’m sure all the chemo has destroyed some brain cells.”

            Niall and Cindy laughed, causing Harry to snort and sit up to look around before shrugging and laying down again.

            “On that note, I guess we’ll go to bed,” Zayn said. “First, you two are good?”

            “Perfect,” Niall said. “Night, Lex. Night, Aladdin.”

            “Night, Cinderella and Prince Charming,” Liam said. Taking Zayn’s hand, he led him to bed.

            As soon as they were in the room with the door locked, Zayn kicked off his shoes and began to remove his costume, but Liam touched his wrist, halting him.

            “Leave it on for a minute?” he asked, leaning forward to press a heated kiss to Zayn’s lips. “I’ll take it off for you.”

            That was the first night that the two did more than blow jobs, and though it seemed to take all the energy Liam had left, he sighed in content after Zayn finished cleaning everything up.

            “I can die fulfilled now, no pun intended.”

            “You’re gross,” Zayn said with a laugh, “and no, you can’t, because you love me, and you haven’t fulfilled me yet.”

            “Next time,” Liam promised, pulling Zayn closer and kissing the top of his head.

 

            Time after Halloween went much too fast. Liam’s next treatment was that next week. The mornings before those appointments were always quieter than normal, as both boys were anxious for how much the treatment would affect Liam and for how long, but that morning was different. Though they didn’t say it, the fact that this could be Liam’s last round of chemotherapy was terrifying. Zayn wanted to have hope that Liam wouldn’t get that sick, or, even better, that one more round would be enough to destroy the rest of the cancer cells forever, but hope was hard to come by once it came down to the wire.

            Zayn had woken before Liam that day, feeling very sick himself. He knew it was only from nerves, but that didn’t help him to feel any better, and he was still laying there, practicing his own quiet, deep breathing when Liam opened his eyes.

            “‘Morning,” he’d croaked, attempting to smile, but barely succeeding at all.

            “Good morning,” Zayn said, his voice shaking. Normally, Liam would have asked if Zayn was okay, but he didn’t have to then. Of course Zayn wasn’t okay, and Liam knew exactly why. Liam touched his boyfriend’s hand briefly and asked,

            “Do you know what time it is?”

            “Definitely time for us to get up and get ready,” Zayn answered. He probably should have woken Liam up five minutes ago, but he felt partially paralyzed. “Do you want food?”

            Just the thought of food made Zayn want to gag, so he was a little grateful when Liam didn’t want anything to eat. Zayn let Liam lay there while he showered, and when Liam found out that Zayn was also skipping breakfast, all he could do was give him a kiss. Oddly, the kiss almost felt apologetic to Zayn.

            Liam had told Karen that he wanted Zayn to be the one who went to his treatment with him, but once they got to the hospital, Liam told Zayn that he wanted to do this on his own. Zayn wasn’t happy about it, which he let Liam know, but Liam said that he needed the time to think, so Zayn stayed in the car for the whole two hours. He probably looked odd, sitting in his car, parked in the parking garage, with his darkest sunglasses on his face, but with nothing to do for two hours but to think himself…Well…Zayn didn’t know it was possible for a pair of eyes to make that many tears.

            Mere minutes before Liam returned, Zayn finally managed to stop crying and seemed to almost slip into a trance. He was awake, but his body was limp, and his open eyes weren’t registering any of his surroundings. When someone knocked on the passenger side window, Zayn nearly jumped out of his skin.

            “Sorry,” Liam said, after Zayn had realized it was only him and unlocked the door. “Were you asleep?”

            “No, I wasn’t,” Zayn said, his voice halfway hoarse. Liam gave him a strange, worried look, but Zayn spoke before he could be questioned.

            “How was it?” he asked.

            “Terrible,” Liam said. “But I threw up right before I got to the parking garage, so I might make it home.”

            “No worries,” Zayn said, reaching into the backseat for the bucket he’d thrown in there earlier and setting it on Liam’s lap.

            “My hero,” Liam commented.

            “Don’t mention it,” Zayn told him.

            As soon as they reached their apartment, Liam went straight to the bedroom and locked the door. The sound of the lock clicking physically hurt Zayn, even though he knew it was nothing personal. Liam needed a bit of time alone. Like he’d said, he had a lot to think about.

            Or maybe he’d already made his decision and was avoiding talking about it to Zayn.

            To pass the time and avoid having a complete panic attack, Zayn continued working on the drawing he’d started over a month ago. The more he worked on it, the more the monster seemed to look like a comic book character, and if he were in a better state of mind, Zayn was sure a whole new series would be popping up in his head, but he found it hard to think much when every noise Liam made from the bedroom caused his heart to freeze.

            Twice, Liam had to come out from the bedroom to get sick, and both times, he locked himself in the bathroom instead of allowing Zayn to come in and comfort him, like he usually did. Zayn waited outside the bathroom door, but Liam didn’t say anything more than the necessary assurances that he was fine, and he refused to come out until Zayn had walked away. Zayn knew his feelings shouldn’t be hurt, but they were, and it was making him angry. In turn, the anger made him feel guilty, which caused him to become sad, and before he really knew what he was doing, Zayn had downed a half a bottle of whiskey that was left over from Halloween. Feeling slightly better after that, he attempted to continue his drawing, but, no matter how talented Liam claimed he was, Zayn couldn’t make art while drunk and when he messed up the cape the villain was supposed to be wearing, he let out a frustrated yell and ripped the page from his sketchbook, tearing it to pieces all whilst being sure to loudly tell the sorry excuse for a creation how stupid it was.

            “Whoa, whoa, hey!”

            If Zayn knew that tearing about his awful drawing was all it took to get Liam to come out from the bedroom, he would have done it a long time ago.

            “Z, what are you doing?”

            Zayn felt Liam’s hands gently touch his wrists and he dropped the remaining bit of paper that he had yet to rip apart. Looking around at the floor, Zayn would have guessed that there were at least a hundred little pieces scattered around, but his vision was blurry, so it was hard to tell.

            “Zayn,” Liam said when his boyfriend still hadn’t said a word. Honestly, Zayn had barely registered that Liam had been talking to him at all. It was all white noise in his head.

            “Hm?” Zayn hummed, pulling away from Liam and standing, only to stumble backwards onto the couch. He could see Liam, who was still kneeling on the floor, frowning at him.

            “Are you drunk?” he asked.

            “Maybe,” Zayn said. “So what?”

            Liam rose to his feet, shaking his head, which only infuriated Zayn more.

            “Don’t shake your head at me!” he said, defiantly (or maybe childishly, but it felt defiant in the moment) crossing his arms.

            “I’m just worried about you,” Liam said, taking a seat next to his boyfriend on the couch. Zayn snorted, though nothing about any of this was funny.

            “What are you worried about me for?!”

            “I don’t like when you’re upset.”

            “Well, tell me, Liam; how am I supposed to feel right now?!”

            “I don’t know,” Liam admitted, rubbing Zayn’s shoulder weakly.

            “Why are you doing this?” Zayn asked.

            “Doing what?”

            “Pulling away!”

            “I’m not.”

            “Yes, you are! I read about how people with terminal illnesses sometimes push people away when they think it’s about to end because they think it will be easier to let go that way.”

            “Well, Zaynie, it sounds like you know the answer to your question, then.”

            “But it’s bullshit!”

            “Zayn, can we not talk about this when you’re drunk?”

            “No! We’re talking about this now!”

            Liam sighed.

            “Fine,” he said. “I need to know that you’ll be okay when I’m not here all the time, Z. Or when I’m not here at all.”

            “Of course I won’t fucking be okay,” Zayn said matter-of-factly.

            “You’ll have to be, eventually,” Liam said, almost sounding like he was pleading. Zayn gaped at him.

            “You don’t get it at all, do you?!” he asked. “ _You’re_ the one that gets to leave! I know you’re miserable now, but when you’re gone, it’s over for you! We’re the ones that are going to have to live the rest of our lives without you!”

            “I know that,” Liam said, keeping his calm demeanor. Zayn let out another frustrated scream, making Liam jump. Tugging at his hair, Zayn continued,

            “Do you not care what’s happening to you?! Why are you always so calm?! Why do you act like you don’t have a single care if you live or die?! Did you, like, completely turn off your emotions or something?!”

            Liam didn’t answer; simply kept staring at Zayn with that sad, but mostly blank, facial expression. Zayn thought he could literally feel his sanity cracking.

            “For fuck’s sake, Liam! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

            “Okay,” Liam said, which wasn’t a reply. He rose to his feet and continued, “I’m going to leave you to that until we can talk about this rationally.”

            “You mean when I’m sober and I can pretend everything is butterflies and rainbows, like you do?”

            Liam started to shake his head, but stopped himself.

            “Get some rest, Z,” he said, squeezing the other’s hand. “Let me know when you’re feeling better.”

            Zayn glared at the back of Liam as he walked away and only started crying when he heard the bedroom door shut. Fortunately, he didn’t think Liam locked it that time, and part of Zayn was tempted to run in there and apologize immediately, but he was still angry and was also starting to feel sick, so instead, he laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling until he fell asleep.

            It was dark outside when Zayn woke up. He sat up quickly, his heart racing. His head hurt a bit, and he knew it would be a while before he wanted anything to eat, but besides that, he felt okay.

            “Liam?” he slurred as he stood up. His boyfriend didn’t answer, and when Zayn rushed to the bedroom, he found him asleep with the light on; laying on his stomach with Zayn’s pillow wrapped tightly in his arms. Tiptoeing to the bed, Zayn laid his hand gently on Liam’s forehead, knowing that Liam’s fevers were typically worse right after chemo. So far, he didn’t feel abnormally warm.

            Though the touch was soft, Liam’s eyes fluttered open at the contact and he half smiled as he rubbed his bloodshot eyes.

            “Hi,” he said.

            “Hey,” Zayn returned.

            “I don’t like fighting,” Liam said.

            “I don’t, either,” Zayn agreed.

            “I’m sorry,” Liam apologized.

            “You didn’t do anything,” Zayn replied.

            “I left you on the couch, drunk and upset.”

            “Yeah, but I was being an arse.”

            “No, you were just upset.”

            “Yes, but I was still being an arse.”

            “Can we save the rest of the conversation for tomorrow, though?” Liam asked. “My head hurts so bad and I just want to sleep.”

            “Okay,” Zayn said. Liam patted the spot on the bed next to him.

            “Lay with me?”

            Zayn did, once Liam slid his pillow back to its place. It was only a few mere seconds before Liam was asleep again, with one arm draped across Zayn’s waist, but it would be a long while before Zayn was able to sleep again himself.

            Their conversation never continued the next day, or the day after that. Zayn was afraid to bring anything up, thinking it would cause another fight, though the silent tension between the two might have been just as bad. Besides saying good morning or good night, or sharing brief exchanges over mundane topics while eating dinner, Liam and Zayn didn’t really talk at all. Then, three days after their initial fight, Liam finally decided to bring it up again.

            “Hey, babe,” he spoke, sounding nervous as he sat next to Zayn on the couch. He had his laptop in his hands, and Zayn muted the TV he’d been watching, offering a small smile when Liam lowered himself down onto the couch, keeping his laptop turned away from Zayn.

            “What’s up?” Zayn asked, sounding more suspicious than he’d meant to.

            “Oh, not much,” Liam said, tapping his foot on the ground once, nervously. “I just, um, I wanted to show you this art school I found that looks really nice.”

            “What for?” Zayn asked, already hating where this was headed. Liam shrugged.

            “Just in case you decide to go to art school when…You know…whenever.”

            “I don’t know if I want to go to art school.”

            “I know,” Liam said. “I’m just looking into options for you.”

            “What about options for yourself?”

            “Zayn…”

            “What?”

            “Don’t do this.”

            “I’m not doing anything, Liam! You’re the one trying to force me to move on before anything even happens to you!”

            “I’m not trying to force you to move on! I’m only trying to help you get prepared for all possibilities and maybe get some things situated so that you have a plan, no matter what our outcome is.”

            “Do you honestly think the first thing I’m going to want to do if something happens to you is jump on a train to art school?”

            “I never said you would go right away,” Liam said. “Wouldn’t it be nice to know some options, though?”

            “Okay, so what about you?” Zayn returned.

            “What do you mean?”

            “Let’s say you get better. Where are you going to go to school? What are you going to study?”

            “I don’t want to think about that.”

            “Of course not, because you’d rather give up and let yourself die!”

            Liam studied Zayn. The nothingness he showed on his face was making Zayn’s anger start to boil again, but his rage wasn’t ignited until Liam said,

            “Maybe you should go to therapy.”

            “Oh, wow, thanks, babe!” Zayn replied, sarcasm dripping from his words.

            “There’s nothing wrong with it!” Liam said. “I’ve had to go, and all of my family has gone. I think my mum might have gone again, to be honest. It might help you if you have a professional to talk about all of this with.”

            “Do I have your therapist to thank for shutting off your emotions and turning you into a robot?”

            “You really don’t think I have emotions?” Liam asked, one eyebrow quirked.

            “Every now and then, I think I see a spark of feeling come out of you, but usually, no. I think you’ve learned-probably from your fancy therapist-how to turn everything off, and I may not have a degree, but that doesn’t seem healthy to me.”

            “Everyone deals with things differently.”

            “Yes, but the problem is, darling, that I don’t think you’re dealing with this at all.”

            “I’m doing what I have to,” Liam said, “and I’m trying to help you do what you should because, when I die, the world isn’t going to stop for you, _darling_ , no matter how much it feels like it.”  

            “You’re so cold!” Zayn exclaimed. “Why do you insist on pushing me away?!”

            “I’m not doing the pushing anymore, Z,” Liam said. “Now it’s you who’s pulling, and if that’s what you have to do, fine. But don’t attack my way of coping in the process, please, okay?”

            “You’re just going to walk away again?” Zayn asked rhetorically when Liam stood and began heading back to the bedroom, which he practically lived in.

            “Is there anything you want to talk about that we can do so without jumping down each other’s throats right now?” Liam asked patiently, turning his body just enough so that he could see Zayn.

            “No,” the other admitted after taking a moment to think.

            “I didn’t think so,” Liam said, and shut and locked the bedroom door.

            Two hours and nearly four drinks later (Doniya had bought them _a lot_ of alcohol), Zayn was pounding on the door.

            “Liam!” he called. “Li! Let me in! It’s my bedroom too!”

            “It’s unlocked,” Liam called, his voice weak. Trying the knob, Zayn saw that the door was, in fact, unlocked, and he stumbled inside, hitting himself in the knee with the door during the process.

            “Ouch. Shit,” he hissed, limping over to the bed and collapsing down onto it.

            “You’re going to become an alcoholic, then,” Liam said, mostly to himself. “Great.”

            “I am not going to be an alcoholic!” Zayn insisted, smacking Liam lightly on the shoulder for accusing him of such things. “You’re so cold!”

            “So you’ve said.”

            “But I still love you,” Zayn told him, beginning to snuggle up to his boyfriend, but Liam pulled away.

            “Please…not right now.”

            “I’m not trying to get anything going,” Zayn said.

            “I just…I don’t want to be touched right now.”

            “Is it because I drank?”

            “No. Don’t take it personally. I’m just…I just want to sleep.”

            “My boyfriend doesn’t want me to touch him. How can I not take that personally?”

            “Because it’s not personal! You’re not the problem. Just go to sleep.”

            “I’m not tired.”

            “Then let me go to sleep, yeah?”

            “You’re always asleep!” Zayn cried, slapping his hand onto the mattress beside him. “And we never talk, and we start these arguments but then we drop them because you know that you would have to feel something if they went on, and I’ll be damned if you let that happen!”

            “Please not this again,” Liam sighed, more to himself than to Zayn. “We’ll talk tomorrow, okay? I promise. Tomorrow, we’ll sort everything out, but for now, can you please leave me alone?”

            Those words were like a slap in the face, leaving Zayn hurt and angry.

            “Fine,” he said, climbing ungracefully out of bed. “I’ll leave you alone, but you’re going to regret this if there isn’t a tomorrow.”

            “No, I won’t,” Liam said flatly. “I’ll be dead. I won’t feel anything, but I guess that’s not much different than how I am now, huh?”

            Zayn knew that he wouldn’t have been able to reply to that without screaming at Liam, so instead, he marched out of their bedroom and to the spare. Realizing belatedly that they had no furniture in there and Zayn’s pillow was still on their bed, he retrieved one from the couch and decided to go without a blanket. Somehow, he managed to fall asleep on the floor, even if it was a fitful slumber.

            It felt like only minutes later that Zayn was awoken by what sounded like shattering glass, but when he bolted up, he felt mostly sober, so it must have been longer than he thought.

            Even though he was a bit dizzy and nauseous, and his head hurt, Zayn ran out of the room. The light above the sink in the kitchen was on, so, making an educated guess that Liam was in there (and being frightened that he didn’t actually see or hear him), Zayn made a beeline for that room. He saw the broken glass on the floor first, but then he saw Liam, sitting against the refrigerator with his knees up and his eyes closed while he squeezed the spot in between his eyebrows. Barely paying attention to where there was broken glass, Zayn ran over to him and sank down to his knees, putting his hands on his boyfriend’s thigh.

            “Hey, Li,” he said, his words jumbled together in his panic. “What happened? Are you alright?”

            “I’m good,” Liam said, still not opening his eyes. His voice sounded as if he were still sleeping. “I jus’ came out to get a drink of water and got dizzy.”

            “Do I need to call an ambulance?” Zayn asked.

            “No, no,” Liam assured him, his words coming out a little quicker than they had been. “‘M okay. Jus’ need water.”

            Rising to his feet, Zayn got another cup out from the cabinet and filled it with water. Then, he kneeled by Liam’s side again, holding it to his lips while he drank. It seemed Liam was having a hard time keeping his eyes open, and Zayn was just about to call for an ambulance, despite his protests, when Liam sniffled and pulled Zayn closer to him. Quickly setting the cup on the floor, Zayn wrapped his arms around Liam’s middle. Liam sniffled again, then his breathing became jagged, and the teardrop that fell on Zayn’s hand wasn’t his own.

            “Liam,” Zayn spoke softly, though he truly didn’t know what to say. That was okay, though, because after taking a deep, shaky breath, Liam said,

            “I don’t want to die.”

            “There’s nothing saying that you’re going to for sure,” Zayn reminded him. “At least not soon.”

            “I’m scared.”

            Zayn bit his lip and tightened his hold around Liam’s waist, but he refused to look up at his face yet. If Liam saw how affected Zayn was by his words, he may stop sharing them.

            “I wish I could make you feel better, baby,” Zayn said uselessly.

            “I want to keep fighting this,” Liam continued, “but not knowing the outcome is the most terrifying part. At least if I stop treatments, I know what’s coming.”

            Zayn’s own breath caught in his throat and he began to play with the fabric of Liam’s shirt. He didn’t know to say, and feared if he kept spewing useless words, Liam would shut down, but, fortunately, Liam kept on after a couple moments of silence.

            “I’m sorry that I’ve been acting so different,” he said. “I do still have emotions-too many of them-but I know how hard all of this is on you and I’m just trying to make it easier. Everything has been about me for so long, but, like you said, you’re the one that may have to go on without me. And I want to see you go to university, if that’s what you choose, and start your career. As much as I love this apartment, I’d love to see you get out of it and live in a place of your dreams, but I might not be able to see any of that, and talking about it kind of makes it real for me. Mostly, though, I want to see you thinking about it and making plans because you deserve to think about yourself sometimes. You’re always, _always_ here for me, and I appreciate it, love, I do, but it also drives me crazy because I _am_ a big part of your life, but I’m not your whole life, and sometimes I think you forget that.”

            “You’re my whole life right now,” Zayn said-squeaked, more like.

            “I shouldn’t be,” Liam said, not sounding argumentative or anything of the sort. “I’m sick, and that sucks, but you’re not. Your life should be more than working and cleaning up after your ill boyfriend. I’m not saying that you have to make any big changes or plans right now, but I want to see you happy and excited over something again. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you really smile, Zaynie, and I know it’s not my fault, but I hate that I don’t know how to change it.”

            “I’ve smiled,” Zayn countered. “I’ve been happy.”

            “Not really. You’ve been _hesitantly_ happy, and it’s always gone in an instant. You’re tired; I think just about as tired as I am, and I feel just as stuck as you do in helping.”

            “It’s just a challenge,” Zayn said, “but it’s a challenge very worth facing, no matter how it ends up.”

            Liam let out a ‘hm,’ and began rubbing Zayn’s shoulder. Zayn was beginning to hurt, laying awkwardly against Liam on the kitchen floor, but he didn’t dare move a muscle. Sad as it was, he hadn’t felt so close to Liam in a while.

            “If I get better,” Liam said, speaking slowly, “then I don’t know where I would go to university, but it would be somewhere close to you; close enough to see each other every weekend and have a date night at least once a week.”

            “That would be lovely,” Zayn said, smiling-and, naturally, tearing up-at the thought.

            “I think I would study psychology,” Liam said, which surprised Zayn until he added, “That way, I could help kids like me and families like mine.”

            “You’d be great at it,” Zayn assured him.

            “It would take me a while to get through school, so we’d have to get married before I graduate, but once I get out and have a good job, we could adopt our first kid.”

            “You would make the best dad,” Zayn said, beaming at the thought. When Liam didn’t reply, Zayn cleared his throat and added,

            “I guess, in another year or so, I’ll take some drawing classes or whatnot and try to make something of my comics. If that doesn’t work out, maybe I’ll teach.”

            “You would make a marvelous teacher, but I don’t know why your comics wouldn’t work out,” Liam said. “They’re fantastic.”

            “You might be a bit biased.”

            “Maybe, but just a bit. They’re still great.”

            Instead of saying anything to that, Zayn continued,

            “And I’d like a dog someday, in a two-story flat if you’re with me so that it’s just big enough to not be crowded when we add our two or three kids to the mix. If you’re somewhere else, then I’ll probably just find a nicer apartment. Maybe a penthouse if my fantastic comics do _really_ well.”

            Liam laughed, seeming grateful that Zayn was at least attempting to be humorous. Then he added, in a serious tone,

            “You know that I want you to have a family someday, even if it’s not with me, right?”

            “I wouldn’t want to start a family with anyone else,” Zayn told him. Liam hesitated for only a moment.

            “Okay, but if you _were_ to find someone else, I don’t want you to feel guilty or whatever if you want to be serious with him and have him as a permanent part of your life.”

            “Liam, if I find someone that makes me feel even half of the things you do, I will consider it, but I really don’t think that would happen, and that’s okay. Having you for however long I do will give me enough love to last for a lifetime.”

            Sighing, Liam kissed Zayn on top of the head and said,

            “Your heart might think that, but I’m not sure your dick would agree.”

            Zayn laughed out loud-truly laughed, to the point where he hiccupped-and Liam giggled, proud of himself.

            “Okay, Liam,” Zayn said, “if I’m ever not with you, I’ll be sure to go out and have meaningless sex so my dick can at least be happy.”

            “That’s not what I meant!” Liam said, still giggling. The two sighed at the same time, and then Zayn asked,

            “How are you feeling? Still dizzy?”

            “No. I think I can go to bed now.”

            Zayn stood, helping Liam up along the way, and then he put him on his back.

            “Z, I can walk,” Liam insisted.

            “Yes, but I can also carry you,” Zayn said. Liam sighed, but didn’t argue.

            After Zayn had laid Liam in bed and kissed him on the forehead, Liam grabbed his arm lightly and asked,

            “Sleep in here for the rest of the night?”

            Zayn nodded.

            “Let me clean up the kitchen and I’ll be right in.”

            “I’m sorry that I broke the glass.”

            “I’m not worried about that.”

            “But you work so hard and you bought pretty much everything in this apartment, besides our free couch, and I just…broke it.”

            Zayn kissed Liam on the forehead, quieting him.

            “I’ll be right back.”

            It didn’t take long for Zayn to clean up the kitchen, and when he returned, Liam was still awake, waiting for him. As soon as he saw Zayn, he patted the spot on the bed next to him and when Zayn laid down, Liam pulled him closer.

            “I’m going to do one more treatment,” he said quietly, and then kissed the back of Zayn’s neck.

            “Good,” Zayn said. “I’m really trying to be supportive, babe, but I’m not ready for you to leave me yet.”

            “Me, neither,” Liam whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I PROMISE that things will start looking up very soon (and there will be another flashback or two.) I just needed one more super angsty chapter ;) I'm not sure when the next update will be up, but it will DEFINITELY be a lot quicker than this one. I apologize again, and hopefully this was somewhat worth the wait! I hope you're all doing well! (I really hope this chapter wasn't a mess!)


	17. Chapter 17

            “Now, Zayn, I’m curious; how do you think this first session went?”

            “It was okay,” Zayn said, giving an awkward shrug. The therapist sitting in front of him-a woman, probably in her thirties, with long blonde hair that was curled at the ends and dark brown eyes that almost reminded Zayn of Liam’s-gave him a slight smile.

            “Good,” she said. “I hope you choose to come back next week.”

            “Yeah,” Zayn answered noncommittally, rising to his feet as the woman did. “Thanks, Dr. Matthews.”

            “Of course, Zayn. It was a pleasure meeting you.”

            Zayn returned the sentiment and then bolted out of the room. After checking out at the front desk and scheduling another appointment for the same time next week-he could always cancel it if he wished-he went down to his car, which he was now licensed to drive alone. Doing so still made him nervous. The first time he’d driven alone, he had to pull over and have a full-blown panic attack, but he knew he may not always be able to rely on Liam or anyone else to drive him around for the rest of his life, and calling a cab was becoming more and more inconvenient.

            “Hi, Zayn,” Karen greeted in a whisper when Zayn walked through the door of his and Liam’s apartment. She had stayed with Liam while Zayn went to his first therapy session, and by the looks of it, Liam needed her. He was currently asleep on the couch, with his head in his mom’s lap. Sweat was pouring down his face and his beanie was on the floor, which was possibly the biggest sign that he didn’t feel well.

            “Hi,” Zayn said distractedly, closing the door quietly. He only had to take a couple steps closer to Liam in order to hear him struggling to breathe out his nose. “He needs to go to the doctor.”

            “I know,” Karen said. “He wanted to wait for you to get home. His temperature is a bit over one hundred and two.”

            Zayn bit his lip, ice seeming to settle in his chest. Liam had been battling a cold for just more than a week, but it only seemed to be growing worse as time went on.

            Leaning forward, Zayn placed a gentle kiss on Liam’s forehead, and when that didn’t bring him to, he stroked his cheek. Liam turned his head and snorted, but his eyes remained closed.

            “Babe,” Zayn spoke quietly but firmly.

            “Hm?” Liam hummed, only mildly conscious.

            “I’m home. You need to go to the doctor.”

            “Mm.”

            “Liam, come on.”

            But Liam was already asleep again, mild snores coming from him as he angled his head to a better breathing position. Zayn sighed, looking at Karen, who decided to save Zayn and be the mean one.

            “Liam, come on,” she said, just as firmly and a little less quietly than Zayn had.  

            “Don’t want to,” he whined, sounding much less than his eighteen years.

            “I don’t care,” Karen replied simply. “Now, do you want me to carry you, or are you going to walk?”

            “Zayn can carry me,” Liam said, opening his glazed-over eyes and giving his boyfriend a weak smile.

            “Whatever you wish, good sir,” Zayn replied. Karen rose to her feet and, after a little bit of maneuvering, Zayn picked Liam up, holding him bridle-style while Liam had his skinny arms wrapped around Zayn’s neck.

            “Is this how you would carry me through the doorway on our wedding night if we got married?” Liam asked. Not mentioning the fact that he didn’t like how Liam had phrased the question, making it sound like it was something that was for sure never going to happen, Zayn said,

            “You know it.”

            “Right before throwing me on the bed?”

            “Liam, I am still here,” Karen reminded her son.

            “I know,” the sick teenager assured her. “But life is short, mum; probably especially mine, and I only have a limited time to say everything I want to.”

            Liam was trying to be humorous, and while Zayn knew that, neither he nor Karen found his remark funny, and the woman sucked in her cheeks.

            The ride to the doctor’s office was quiet.

            As Zayn had feared, Liam was diagnosed with bronchitis and admitted to the hospital. After driving the two there and making sure that Liam got situated in a bed, Karen ran back to the boys’ apartment to get him an overnight bag. All of them knew that he would probably be in there for more than one night, but while the day was still early, they decided that they could remain hopeful.

            “I’m sorry,” Liam said, coughing into his hospital gown once he and Zayn were finally given some privacy. “I know you don’t want me to say that, but I just had to.”

            “It’s not your fault, Li,” Zayn said.

            “I know.”

            “You said sorry in your letter. I don’t need to hear it again.”

            “I needed to say it again.”

            Zayn sighed. Liam asked,

            “How did your counseling session go?”

            “It was alright,” Zayn said. “I’m still not prepared to lose you, though, so don’t go getting any big ideas.”

            Liam laughed; coughed.

            “Maybe in another couple of sessions.”

            “That would be two weeks. I assure you, I won’t be ready then either.”

            Liam smiled sadly while shaking his head.

            “You break my heart,” he told his boyfriend.

            “Yeah, well…,” Zayn said, and then trailed off, knowing that Liam didn’t need to be told that his own heart was broken as well.

            “An eye for an eye,” Liam said. “A heart for a heart.”

            Zayn raised an eyebrow and then felt Liam’s forehead.

            “A heart for a heart? Are you going delirious?”

            “No,” Liam said with a slight laugh that took his breath away. “I’m just tired.”

            “Get some rest,” Zayn said, sitting back in his chair and getting comfortable. Liam stuck out his bottom lip, but his eyelids were already drooping, and in less than a minute, he was asleep. Zayn watched him, taking in every detail he could of his pale, but beautiful face. Realistically, he knew he would never forget it, but he wanted every inch of Liam so burned into his brain that thinking of him was like looking at a photograph.

            When Karen returned, she looked much more worn out than when she had left. She’d been strong in front of the boys, but her red and slightly puffy eyes were signs that she had fallen apart in the car at least a little, and that was okay. Zayn stood to hug her as soon as she entered, and both of them barely refrained from crying.

            “I’ll set his bag here,” Karen said, placing it on the ground by his nightstand. “Are you planning on staying the night??”

            “Yes,” Zayn answered right away.

            “I thought you would,” the woman said. “I put a couple outfits in there for you as well, and your toothbrush, I believe, unless Liam has two.”

            “Nope,” Zayn said. “Thanks, Karen.”

            Though he’d known from the start that he would be staying with Liam all night, he hadn’t even thought to ask his boyfriend’s mother to grab some things for him as well. He rarely thought about himself at all anymore, and he found it amazing that Karen could consider him while her son was so bad off.

            “Of course, sweetie,” Karen replied to Zayn. “I won’t stay, but do you need anything before I leave?”

            Zayn told her that he was fine and promised to call with any and all updates. After giving her another hug and assuring her that he would give Liam her love once he woke, the two said goodbye and Zayn settled back into his chair, his eyes closing as well, but his brain never shutting off.

 

            “You know you can leave the room. I’m not that bad off.”

            “I’m fine,” Zayn assured Liam, wondering if he looked as haggard as he felt.

            “All you ate yesterday was a few bites from the food I couldn’t finish,” Liam stated flatly. “You need to eat.”

            Zayn hesitated. He almost told Liam that he wasn’t hungry, but that would have been a lie. He was starving; physically weak from eating only peanut butter crackers and jello the previous afternoon and evening. He could ask someone to bring him food when they visited, of course, but it was only eight in the morning. No one would be coming until after lunch, at least, and Zayn wasn’t quite sure he could wait that long.

            “I promise, I’ll be here when you get back,” Liam said. “Go get something to eat. You look like you’re going to pass out.”

            “Okay,” Zayn said, his reluctance clear in his voice. Liam offered the best smile he could.

            “Maybe get some fresh air, too,” he suggested.

            “Now you’re just trying to get rid of me,” Zayn teased.

            “For your own good, yes,” Liam said. “Seriously, Z, take all the time you need. Nothing is going to happen to me while you’re gone.”

            “Alright,” Zayn sighed, squeezing Liam’s hand as he stood from his chair. The effort made him a little dizzy, so he must have been worse off than he thought. “I’ll be back, though.”

            “See you soon.”

            “I love you.”

            “And I love you.”

            Zayn took his wallet out of Liam’s backpack, blew him a kiss and then ventured off to the cafeteria, where he got a sandwich and some crisps. Oddly, he wasn’t able to eat nearly as much as he thought he should have been.

            After eating, Zayn tried to obey Liam and go outside for some fresh air, but he was only able to stay out all of sixty seconds before he felt a panic attack coming on and had to go back inside. He cringed as he caught a glimpse of himself in a mirror on the way back to Liam’s room, though his messy hair, oily skin and black-rimmed eyes only bothered him because he always tried to stay strong for Liam, and who he saw in that mirror didn’t look strong at all.

            “Feel better?” Liam asked when Zayn re-entered his room.

            “Yeah, I’m fine,” Zayn fibbed, waving a hand in the air. His boyfriend narrowed his eyes and Zayn continued,

            “I think I’m going to get a quick shower, though.”

            “Good idea,” Liam agreed, and Zayn gaped at him, pretending to be offended.

            “Rude! Are you saying I smell?”

            “I can’t smell anything right now,” Liam pointed out, “but you look like you smell.”

            “That’s even worse!” Zayn said with a laugh.

            “No, now you know that I truly love you because only the deepest of affections could allow someone to be that brutally honest.”

            “Sure,” Zayn said with a laugh. “But fine; I get it. I’m going.”

            “Good,” Liam said as Zayn dug his remaining spare outfit from Liam’s backpack. As he did, his boyfriend added, “I have to tell you something when you get out, though.”

            Liam’s voice didn’t give anything away, but Zayn immediately felt his stomach drop. A feeling of dread overwhelmed him, and he suddenly became dizzy again as he straightened.

            “Just tell me now,” he said, lowering himself into the closest chair, his clothes folded into a ball on his lap. Liam was giving his best poker face as he shook his head.       

            “No, go shower first,” Liam insisted. “It will make you feel better.”

            “It’s bad news,” Zayn concluded, more to himself than to Liam.

            “It’s…”

            Liam trailed off and gave a sigh that was interrupted by a cough before stating flatly,

            “The doctor said I won’t be able to handle another round of chemo right now,” Liam said. “The closest time he thinks I’ll be good with is February.”

            “Do we have that long?” Zayn asked, his voice suddenly hoarse. Liam gave him a sympathetic look that nearly made Zayn cringe and said,

            “I think we should celebrate Christmas early, just to be safe.”

            There was ringing in Zayn’s ears. The room started to change colors. His chest felt tight. Behind the ringing, Liam’s words echoed; _just to be safe_. Surely, that was the nicest way that Liam could say that it was over. There was no more hope. Zayn was going to lose him.

            “Z?” Liam prodded. “We don’t have to celebrate Christmas…”

            There it was; proof that Liam wasn’t expecting to be around on December twenty-fifth, which was less than a month away.

            “I need to go shower,” Zayn said. His voice didn’t sound like his own. He rose to his feet, the room spinning around him, but, somehow, he didn’t fall.

            “Babe, come here,” Liam asked. Zayn thought he looked sad, but his face was too swimmy to tell.

            “I’m fine,” Zayn blatantly lied. Realizing he’d dropped the clothes he was holding, Zayn leaned down to pick them up and lost his balance. Luckily, he was close enough to Liam’s bed that the boy was able to grab onto his arm and lower him to the mattress. Before Zayn knew it, he was curled next to Liam’s side, Liam’s arms around him tight. Zayn hadn’t felt that kind of physical strength from Liam in a long time, and he suddenly remembered the old theory that terminally ill patients got a bit better right before passing away.

            The sound that came from deep inside of him barely sounded human.

            “Sh, hey, it’s okay,” Liam said, kissing the top of Zayn’s head, and Zayn almost asked why he would say that when nothing would be okay again, but then he recalled Liam saying he felt just as helpless as Zayn, so he probably had nothing else to offer. Besides, Zayn probably couldn’t have gotten any words out if he’d tried. In turn, Liam remained quiet; only continuing to hold Zayn and kiss him all over until he was too tired to cry anymore. When he looked up, Zayn was shocked to find that Liam’s eyes were rimmed with red as well.

            “I’m sorry,” Zayn said, his voice thick. Liam wiped a lingering tear from his boyfriend’s face and said,

            “Me, too.”

            Soon, Zayn went to take his shower, and he almost screamed when he came out of the bathroom to find Liam laying still with his eyes closed, but when a nasty cough came from him, Zayn sighed in relief.

            As much as he never wanted to leave Liam’s side again until he was forced to, Zayn gave him some time alone with his family once they arrived. Again, he went outside, and was a bit alarmed when he realized he could barely feel the cold.

            Sitting down on a bench, not caring that it had snowed and his pants were going to be soaked, Zayn took out his phone and called his mom. The tears started again as soon as she said ‘hello,’ the words Zayn had to tell her causing him physical pain.

 

            Two days later, Liam was released from the hospital. Zayn had to work the day after he came home and, though Karen had planned to come over and stay with Liam, Liam insisted that he needed some time alone. That scared everyone, but the main goal was to make Liam as happy and comfortable as they could for their remaining time with him, so Zayn left Liam with a kiss on the forehead and a promise that he would be home after only a few hours. At least it was a short day for him at the shop.

            Naturally, Zayn found it hard to concentrate at work. Luckily, his boss was understanding enough to not yell at him when he left his phone sitting right out by the register and hurried to check it every time he thought he heard it.

            Finally, one o’ clock rolled around and Zayn was off the clock. He sped home, finding it ironic that less than a couple months ago, he had a panic attack every time he was behind a wheel, and now he was speeding down back roads like he was on _The Fast and the Furious._

            When Zayn entered the house, he froze before he even closed the door. There was a Christmas tree in the corner, fully lit and decorated. The couple didn’t even own a tree, to Zayn’s knowledge. Christmas-scented candles were lit and set anywhere there was a surface, and holiday music was playing from the small stereo that he and Liam had.

            “Oh, hey, babe,” Liam greeted as he came out from the spare bedroom with his arms full of presents. He placed the packages under the tree and then straightened, gasping for breath, but smiling.

            “Hey…,” Zayn said, finally remembering to close the door.

            “Take a couple of steps forward, yeah?” Liam asked.

            “Why…?” Zayn replied, doing as he was told anyway.

            “Because,” Liam said, walking to Zayn, who stopped where he was. “Now you’re under the mistletoe.”

            Zayn began to look up, but Liam cupped his face in his cold hands and leaned forward to place a firm kiss on his lips. Zayn managed to smile a bit as Liam pulled away.

            “Happy Christmas?” Zayn said, his voice forming more of a question than a statement.

            “Happy Christmas,” Liam replied.

            “I didn’t know we were celebrating today,” Zayn said. “I have your presents at my mum’s house.”

            “That’s okay,” Liam assured him. “I’ll open them on Christmas.”

            Zayn didn’t comment, though Liam’s words didn’t make him feel any better, like he thought they should. He’d already made it clear that he didn’t expect to be around on Christmas.

            “When did we get a tree?” Zayn asked as Liam took his hand and led him to the couch.

            “Today,” Liam admitted.

            “And how did you get all of this done in the few hours I was at work?”

            “I had little helper elves,” Liam said. Zayn raised an eyebrow and his boyfriend explained,

            “Louis, Harry, Niall and Cindy came for a visit. They wanted to do an early Christmas with us too.”

            “Oh, are they still here?” Zayn asked, looking around as if his friends would magically appear in front of him.

            “No,” Liam said. “We decided that we’ll celebrate when it’s closer to Christmas.”

            “Okay…”

            Liam smiled.

            “I haven’t had time to do much shopping for anyone yet, but I have a couple of things for you, and I want you to open…”

            Liam dragged out the word ‘open’ as he searched for a specific present, and then he held it up.

            “…this one first!”

            “Okay…”

            Liam laughed, sitting down beside Zayn with the present and patting a piece of his boyfriend’s hair back into place.

            “You look so confused, love,” he said.

            “I am, a bit,” Zayn admitted, accepting the gift that Liam handed to him. All Liam offered in reply to that was a smile; one that made his eyes crinkle up, so, even though he was confused and a bit worried, Zayn couldn’t help but to smile too as he undid the bow. After doing that and ripping the paper off, Zayn found a box and, upon opening that, saw a stack of papers which were also tied off with a bow. With shaking fingers, Zayn pulled apart the ribbon and looked over the sheets. There were words and abbreviations that Zayn didn’t understand, along with numbers that he couldn’t even begin to fathom the meaning of.

            “What is this?” he asked, his voice shaking nearly as bad as his hands had been.

            “My most recent medical records,” Liam replied.

            “Okay, but…I don’t understand…”

            “I had a doctor appointment today-” Liam began, but Zayn interrupted with,

            “You did?”

            “Yeah.”

             “You didn’t tell me that.”

            “I know. Anyway, I had a doctor appointment today to discuss the results from the tests they did on me in the hospital, and I expected this to be the time that he gave me a range on how long I had left to live.”

            “And?” Zayn asked, his body threatening to make him cry, just like that.

            “They have no idea,” Liam told him.

            “Oh,” Zayn said, looking down. He wanted to rip the papers in his hands to shreds; suddenly furious at Liam’s body for failing to keep him healthy like it was supposed to.

            Just before he lost it and had a full mental break down, Liam put one hand on top of Zayn’s and said,

            “Baby, they don’t know how long I’m going to live because the cancer is gone.”

            Just like when Liam had told Zayn in not so many words that there was no more hope, Zayn’s entire body froze. There was a whirring sound in his ears and the room around him changed; almost seemed unreal. When he looked up from the papers to Liam, his boyfriend actually had the audacity to laugh at him. Zayn barely felt his touch when he kissed his cheek.

            “Are you okay?” Liam asked.

            “Did you say…,” Zayn started, and then stopped, shaking his head. That couldn’t have been what Liam said. Only that morning, his friends had apparently come back from university to celebrate Christmas with their friend, who wouldn’t be around by the time the real holiday rolled around.

            “Yes, I said that the cancer is gone,” Liam said, answering Zayn’s unfinished question. “They were just as shocked as you over it, and they’re going to do another test to be positive, but I’m pretty sure they’re right. I can feel it. I’m okay.”

            “Holy shit,” Zayn breathed, and Liam laughed again, stroking the back of his neck gently, but, again, Zayn barely felt it.

            “I know,” Liam said. “Obviously, I won’t be normal for a while. My immune system is shot, and my body has a lot of recovering to do from the chemotherapy, but the worst is over.”

            “I’m going to pass out,” Zayn stated, so, with a smile, Liam helped him lay down on the couch, putting his own frail body on top of Zayn’s and kissing his lips.

            “Everything’s okay,” Liam assured him again, and, with a random burst of energy, Zayn threw his arms around Liam’s neck and attacked every inch of his face with his lips. Liam giggled through the kisses, but pulled Zayn back to him every time he tried to break away.

Finally, when they broke apart, both of them winded, Liam collapsed on top of him. Zayn ran his fingernails up and down Liam’s back, his own body shaking. He told himself not to get too excited. They were running another test and, knowing their luck, the results could come back showing that the cancer wasn’t actually gone at all. But Liam didn’t think so and, deep down, neither did Zayn.

            “This is the best not-Christmas ever,” Zayn said, unable to make his voice any louder than a whisper. “I don’t need anything else, ever.”

            “Oh, okay,” Liam said. “I’ll just take your presents back and save the money for all of the years to come.”

            “All of the years to come,” Zayn repeated and then, as he’d known he would eventually, he started to cry.

            “Please tell me those are happy tears,” Liam said, trying to wipe them away, but unable to keep up with the flow.

            “Duh!” Zayn said. “What else would they be?”

            “Sad tears that now you have to put up with me for an undetermined amount of time.”

            “Oh, shut up,” Zayn said, managing to laugh. Liam kissed him again.

            “I love you so fucking much,” Zayn said. “I can’t wait to marry you and adopt kids and get old and wrinkled together…”

            “Whoa, slow down,” Liam said. “I was just re-given a chance at life; don’t age me yet.”

            “Yeah, you’re right,” Zayn admitted. “We’ll start with ‘I can’t wait to marry you.’”

            “There we go. This wasn’t an official proposal though, was it?”

            “Of course not.”

            “Well, just know, that if you’re the one to ask me, I’ll say yes. Always.”

            “Noted,” Zayn said, and kissed Liam again. Even though he now knew that their clock wasn’t ticking quite so fast, he still didn’t feel as if he could kiss Liam enough. No amount of time together would ever be enough, but he would accept whatever they got together and would never take even a millisecond for granted. After all, he didn’t think he could take anything for granted when he was living in his wildest dream.

 

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess the good part about it taking me forever to update now is that this chapter fell at perfect timing ;) That wasn't intentional, though, I promise :p
> 
> I'm thinking there will be 2 more chapters, plus the extra chapter full of flashbacks. There will be another flashback or two in the next part, though! I know I haven't had one in a while.
> 
> Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates, and happy holidays to all of you! I hope you're having a great December! :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Liam's P.O.V. again! Also, this chapter skips a bit into the future, but there will be some flashbacks of the times in between the last chapter and this chapter when I post the extra flashback part :)

            _“Hey, baby, how are you feeling?”_

_“I’m okay, mum,” Liam lied, although he did feel a bit better than he had all day, now that his mother was home from work. As she sat on his bed, the boy turned his body so that his head was in her lap. She felt his forehead and then, upon determining that he was fever-free, gave a sigh of relief._

_“Your sister said you didn’t eat much today.”_

_“That’s why I feel okay,” Liam said, and even though he didn’t feel okay, he would have felt much worse if he’d attempted to put anymore than a few sips of soup into his system._

_“Tomorrow will be the third day since your treatment,” Karen told him soothingly. “You should start feeling better.”_

_“I know.”_

_“And then, if you feel alright this weekend, we have someone coming over to hang out with you for a little bit!”_

_Liam looked up at his mom, one thinning eyebrow raised._

_“Who?” he asked._

_“His name is Zayn,” Karen answered. “He’s the son of one of my co-workers; Trisha.”_

_Liam had heard Trisha’s name mentioned a couple times before, but he hadn’t known that the women were close enough to see each other outside of work._

_“He’s not going to want to hang out with me,” Liam scoffed._

_“Sure he will,” Karen disagreed. “Trisha already asked him, and he said he would love to meet you.”_

_“I doubt that,” Liam said. “Once he sees that I’m sick, he’ll be out.”_

_“He already knows.”_

_“Does everyone at your work know that I’m sick?!”_

_“Sweetie, I miss a lot of work for your appointments and such. They had to know.”_

_Liam sighed and looked away. Karen rubbed his back._

_“You don’t have to meet Zayn if you don’t want to,” the mother said. “I just thought it would be nice to make a new friend.”_

_“He’d be my only friend,” Liam said, as he hadn’t heard from any of his other ‘mates’ for more than three weeks now. “And he’s not going to want to be friends. His mum is probably forcing him to come over.”_

_“Oh, Liam; no she’s not,” Karen sighed. “They’re planning on coming over on Saturday. We’ll just see how you feel then.”_

_Nervous was how Liam felt on Saturday; and ashamed, because he also felt excited. It had been way too long since he’d had company from someone around his age, much less a boy. He loved his older sisters, and they were doing the best they could with him, but the things he chose to do bored them and whatever they chose to do didn’t appeal to Liam at all._

_At least Liam hadn’t woken up feeling sick that day. He felt tired and weak, as always, but, for him, this was a good day. Still, he didn’t want to push it by eating more than toast for breakfast, so he was sitting on the couch, drinking his third cup of grape juice, when the doorbell rang._

_“I’ve got it!” Karen called throughout the house, though it was only her and Liam home, and she knew that Liam wouldn’t have gotten up to answer the door. He heard her greet their guests and took a deep breath. He knew it was pointless to worry. He’d already concluded that this would be the only time he would see Zayn because, no matter how much he might like him or they had in common, nobody wanted to be friends with a sick-and-possibly-dying boy who usually couldn’t even leave the house._

_It wasn’t long before Karen led Trisha and Zayn to the living room, where Liam was lounging across the couch, but when he saw them, he sat up, putting on his best smile and attempting to look as healthy as he could. Already, he was intimidated by Zayn, who was good looking enough to be one of the popular kids, or even one of the bullies, where he used to go to school at. Though Zayn didn’t truly give any indication that he was judging Liam, he felt like he was; though his therapist had taught him that the bad things he ‘knew’ people thought about him were more than likely only in his head._

_“Liam, this is my lovely co-worker, Trisha, and her son, Zayn,” Karen announced, both the woman and the boy giving small smiles and waves._

_“Hi,” Liam said, setting his cup down onto a coaster. Then he remembered that he promised his mother he would at least wear his medical mask while Zayn was there, knowing that she would never forgive herself if he ended up sick from this meeting, and he pulled one out from his pocket._

_Karen asked Zayn if he wanted anything to drink, and he politely declined, so after assuring that Liam was all set as well, Karen and Trisha went off to the kitchen to talk. Zayn simply stood there, watching his mother walk away and then bouncing on his feet awkwardly as he looked back to Liam._

_“You can come sit,” Liam offered, patting the spot on the couch next to him. His heart was hammering. “I’m not contagious.”_

_“I know,” Zayn said, moving forward to sit on the couch. He folded his hands and put them in his lap as he continued to gaze at Liam, and Liam stared back. Then, Liam cleared his throat._

_“So, what do you want to do?” he asked. “We can watch television or a film, or play video games or board games or…Well, that’s basically it because I can’t go outside. Sorry.”_

_“You don’t have to be sorry,” Zayn said, and he sounded sincere, but Liam couldn’t help but to feel as if the boy was dreading this day already. “What films do you have?”_

_“Um, I have a lot of superhero movies, like…um… **Batman** and **Spiderman** and **Green Lantern-”**_

**** _“ **Green Lantern** is my favorite,” Zayn spoke, perking up a bit. “Want to watch that one?”_

_“Yeah, I really like that movie too,” Liam said, and got off the couch to grab the movie. He didn’t miss the way Zayn was watching him nervously, and he smiled at him once Liam had the film in and sat back down._

_Liam made it through most of the movie without nearly falling asleep, which was a miracle, but he still grew angry at himself when, towards the end, it was hard to keep his eyes open. So far, he and Zayn had been having a good time, he thought. They talked a bit throughout the film, and Zayn had moved closer and relaxed as time passed._

_After Liam had fallen asleep for a few minutes-he didn’t think it had been long, but it was long enough to have a short, strange dream-he woke himself with a groan and smacked himself in the face just to make sure he was good and conscious. Doing so knocked his medical mask askew, and he ripped it off, frustrated._

_“Sorry,” he said to Zayn, who was looking at him with an unreadable expression. “You’re probably so bored. I don’t know why our mums would insist on doing this to you.”_

_“What do you mean?” Zayn asked rhetorically, and then he said, “I’m having fun.”_

_Liam gave him a disbelieving look, but Zayn didn’t back down._

_“Honest,” he said. “Do you think it would be cool if I came back over tomorrow?”_

_Liam felt his eyes widen, partly in surprise and partly in disbelief. Zayn couldn’t be serious. He had to either be joking, or he simply felt bad for Liam and was trying to be nice. Either he would come back over tomorrow and that would be the last Liam saw of him, or he would call later and make some excuse as to why he had to back out._

_Zayn didn’t, though. He came over the next day as soon as Liam called to tell him he was awake, and the way he smiled at Liam when he first saw him made Liam’s insides do a little happy dance. That day, he almost forgot that he was sick._

***

            “I can’t believe you’re _the_ Liam that’s dating _the_ Zayn Malik.”

            Liam laughed, amused by the look of amazement on the face of his dorm mate’s friend.

            “He’s pretty amazing, I know,” he said.

It was weird to Liam; this newfound ‘fame.’

It had been almost a year since Liam had given Zayn the news that he was cancer-free. For that same Christmas, Liam had given Zayn another gift. He’d known that it was a risk.

            At this time last year, Liam had been fully expecting to die. Any and all hope that he would recover from his terrible illness and live a long, happy life with his incredible boyfriend had gone. It had been clear that Zayn didn’t want to think of a future without Liam, and that scared Liam more than anything. Though he knew that Zayn would probably pull himself together eventually and become everything that Liam knew he could be, he hated the thought of Zayn being stuck living in that small apartment alone and working at that comic book store, too lost in his grief to do anything about it. So he’d taken it upon himself to send a copy of one of Zayn’s comics to a publisher. Naturally, he’d chosen the one that he’d made for Liam so long ago, where Liam was a rich, fashionable super hero who, with the power of his purple diamond ring, could shoot out enough radiation beams; the only known weakness to the main villain in the town, Mister Luke, and his army. It hadn’t taken a genius to figure out the parallels in the story, but it was still good, in Liam’s opinion.

            Surprisingly, Liam heard back from the publisher quickly. Liam had written a note to him, admitting that he wasn’t Zayn, but explaining the situation. He hadn’t done it for sympathy or attention. It had simply felt like the right thing to do.

            When the publisher wrote Liam back, he thanked him for the submission and wished both him and Zayn the best. Then he told Liam that he’d recently lost a cousin to the horrible illness that Liam was fighting and asked if he and Zayn would be interested in working together to form a charity. This meant that he would publish Zayn’s work, though most of the profits would go towards the leukemia charity that he was dreaming of.

            Zayn was angry when he first found out what Liam had done. Or, at least he pretended to be angry, but Liam thought that Zayn was fighting off every other emotion and that claiming to be mad was his way of not allowing Liam to see how happy he was that somebody besides him had seen his work and thought it should be published, even if only for a charity.

            Liam had all the faith in the world in Zayn, but his comic still blew up more than anyone had expected. Of course, it wasn’t like Zayn was famous worldwide or anything, but he quickly made a name for himself in the comic scene; enough to where people were stopping by where he worked so he could sign their copies of his book.

            Naturally, since the main character in Zayn’s comic was based off Liam, most people knew his name too. Less people knew his face than knew Zayn’s, which was perfectly fine. Liam hadn’t done anything to deserve the recognition (even if Zayn disagreed because he ‘was the inspiration and the story wouldn’t have happened without him), and in Liam’s opinion, Zayn had the better face anyway.

            “I’m sorry,” Liam’s university dorm mate, Gordon, said, smiling apologetically. “I know I said I wouldn’t make a big deal about this to any of my geeky mates, but we were talking about how your boyfriend’s second comic comes out tonight and it just kinda slipped.”

            “Hey, you made it through almost the entire semester,” Liam said, and then teased, “I guess I won’t be too mad.”

            “So…do you have a copy of the new comic that I can read a little early?” Leona, Gordon’s friend, asked. Liam wasn’t sure if she was serious or joking-maybe both-but he answered, honestly,

            “Sorry, I don’t. Zayn says he’s not that big of a deal or whatever, but I still don’t like carrying his stuff around in case something happens to it. I refuse to be the reason for a leak.”

            “Understandable,” Leona sighed.

            “You’ve read it, though, right?” Gordon asked. Liam nodded and the other two made sounds of jealousy.

            “Better than the first?” Leona questioned.

            “Everything Zayn does is amazing,” Liam answered, or refused to answer.

            “Disgusting,” Gordon said.

            “Disgustingly cute,” Leona commented. Liam laughed.

            “I think I’m adorable,” he said, then, after checking his watch, rose to his feet. “Anyway, sorry to cut this short, but I’ve got a train to catch.”

            “He’s surprising Zayn at his comic release party,” Gordon explained to his friend, who clutched her heart and let out a high-pitched sound of adoration. Gordon rubbed his ear while Liam laughed again.

            “Hey,” he said, “Zayn is going to come pick me up at the end of this term, so if you’d like to stop by and help Gordon pack…”

            “I’ll be there,” Leona said.

 

            Liam’s heart was palpitating as he double…tripe…quadruple-checked his overnight bag.

  _Underpants, check…Ring, check…Toothbrush, check…Socks, check…Ring, check…Change of clothes, check…Phone charger, check…Ring, check…_

A ‘ding’ alerted Liam that his phone went off, and he pulled the mobile out of his back pocket to see a message from Niall’s girlfriend in their group chat-minus Zayn.

            _Have fun tonight! I know everything will go perfectly,_ the message read. Before Liam could properly thank her, Louis said,

            _Yeah, have fun…Even though I’m mad that you’re getting engaged before me._

 _Thanks, Cindy_ , Liam typed first and then, to Louis, _If he says yes._

 _Oi, shut up, you oaf!_ , Niall said, and Liam laughed, feeling a bit better, if only for a minute.

            _Harry’s being suspiciously silent… ;),_ Cindy said, to which Harry sent a gif of Mr. Bean quickly shoving chicken into his mouth.

Liam laughed, told them all he would talk to them later, and put his phone back in his pocket. After checking his bag for a fifth time, Gordon drove him to the train station (Liam hadn’t signed up for that term in time to get a parking permit for his car.) Gordon offered to stay with him while he waited for his ride, but Liam politely declined.

            By the time he sat down to wait for his train, Liam was winded. His heart was palpitating again.

            He hadn’t been sitting long when his phone went off. That time, it was a call from Zayn, and Liam felt the wide grin that formed on his face when his saw his love’s name shining up at him.

            “Hello, gorgeous!” he answered cheerily, to which Zayn pleasantly replied,

            “I’m gonna throw up. Like, I’m gonna projectile vomit all over everyone in the first four-ish rows of this thing.”

            “Ew,” Liam said lightly. “Try not to eat anything too chunky for dinner then, at least.”

            “Liam,” Zayn whined, dragging out his boyfriend’s name in the adorable way he always did when Liam was ruthlessly teasing him. Liam let out a small laugh.

            “Well, Zaynie, I would tell you that you’re going to be fine, but you’re not going to believe me anyway.”

            “How will puking on my fans be fine?”

            “You’re not going to puke.”

            “Yes, I am.”

            “I don’t think you will, but if you’re that worried about it, then I have some anti-vomiting medication still in the medicine cabinet.”

            “You do?!”

            “Yes.”

            Zayn let out a sigh of relief.

            “You’re my hero.”

            “I know, I know.”

            Zayn let out another sigh and was quiet for a moment. Then, he said, his voice much softer,

            “I wish you could be here.”

            “I know, love,” Liam said, trying to sound apologetic while beaming. “I’m there in spirit.”

            “Fuck that.”

            Liam snorted.

            “Well, okay then.”

            “I’m sorry. I’m stressed.”

            “I know you are.”

            “Seriously, it’s okay, though. Good luck studying. I know your Monday test is huge.”

            “Yeah, the timing is really shit.”

            “Yeah,” Zayn sighed yet again. Then,

            “Where are you? It’s really loud. And why are you out of breath?”

            “I’m at the gym,” Liam answered quickly, proud of himself for how fast that lie came to him. “I thought doing a bit of a work out would help me relax a little so I can properly study.”

            “Okay, but take it easy, yeah?”

            “Always.”

            “Will you be up late tonight?”

            “Yes. I want you to call me as soon as you’re done with your party.”

            “Good. I was planning on it.”

            “Okay. I have to go, babe, but I love you so, so much! You’re going to smash it tonight!”

            “Yeah…,” Zayn said disbelievingly. He didn’t give Liam a chance to reassure him, though.

“I love you,” he continued, “and I’ll say hi to the fans for you.”

            “Do that before you puke on them, please.”

            “Ha-ha. Aren’t you funny?” Zayn asked sarcastically, but Liam agreed,

            “I am.”

            Though he noticeably tried not to, Zayn laughed.

            “Alright,” he said then. “I’ll let you go.”

            “I’ll talk to you soon,” Liam promised. “I love you.”

            “I love you too. And, fuck, I miss you.”

            “Miss you more,” Liam said.

            “Impossible.”

            “If you say so.”

            “I do.”

            After another round of goodbyes, the boys disconnected. A wave of emotion passed over Liam, but he fought it off. He would see Zayn soon. And yeah, for the time being, he felt guilty that he was leading Zayn to believe that the gym and his stupid English test on Monday were more important than him, but it would be worth it once the night was over.

 

            That train ride was the most painful ride to anywhere in his whole life (which was really saying something, Liam thought), but, finally, he reached his destination and hopped off to meet his mother, who was picking him up and taking him to her place until he left to surprise Zayn.

            “Hi, baby!” Karen greeted tearfully as soon as Liam was within hearing distance and then, as soon as he was within touching distance, she pulled him into a hug.

            “Hey, mum,” Liam said, and if he were anyone else, they probably would have rolled their eyes or been embarrassed, but not Liam. His mom was a strong woman. He didn’t know how many other mothers could take letting go of their children so many times-twice when Liam was sick, then when he moved out and, lastly, when he left for a university nearly four hours away. He couldn’t fault her if she was a little overbearing and clingy when she did get to see him.

            “How are you?” Karen asked. “Feeling okay?”

            “Yeah, mum, I feel great, but can we talk in the car? I’m freezing my balls off.”

            Liam and his mom spent the first couple of minutes in the car talking about university and what was new at home. Karen and Trisha had joined a book club together, apparently, and after laughing at her just a little, Liam let his mom tell him all about the most recent book they’d read.

            “Now,” Karen said, once she had finished with her summary and recommended Liam read the book over holiday break, “are you nervous for tonight?”

            “Yes, thanks for reminding me,” Liam said, like he could have forgotten.

            “You’re going to be fine,” Karen said, taking her turn to laugh at her son. “You know he’s going to say yes.”

            “I know,” Liam told her, and he did. He didn’t worry that Zayn would say no, but his concern was that Zayn would say yes no matter what; no matter if marrying Liam wasn’t what was best for him in the moment, or if the proposal wasn’t everything he’d dreamed it would be.

            “But, um…dear?” Karen spoke, trying to sound as sweet as she could.

            “Yes?” Liam asked hesitantly.

            “You’re not wearing _that_ to do it in, are you?”

            “Yes, mum; I’m going to show up to my boyfriend’s comic release party and propose to him in a ripped-up _Batman_ shirt and joggers,” Liam said sarcastically, and maybe even a little defensively.

            “I’m just making sure, sweetheart,” Karen said, and paused before asking, “What _are_ you planning on wearing?”

            “Actually,” Liam said, and sighed. “I need your help with that. All of my nicer things are still at the apartment and obviously I don’t want to risk stopping by there, so…will you come to the mall with me?”

            Immediately, Liam saw his mother’s eyes widen in delight, and she assured him that she would love to help, right as soon as they picked up his sisters.

            Two hours after they arrived at the mall, they finally left with bags full of clothes for Liam, though they had chosen one specific outfit for that night. It was a dark red button-up with nice black jeans, and Liam felt that it was a bit much for the setting they were to be in, but Nicola said that if he didn’t wear it, the entire night would fall apart, and Liam knew that was ridiculous, but he wasn’t going to test the claim anyway.

 

            Liam was shaking as he entered the hotel where Zayn’s party was being held. He got backstage using the pass that Zayn’s publisher had sent him, and quickly discovered that he was, in fact, overdressed when he saw Zayn in the distance wearing a plain black sweater and jeans with holes in the knees.

Zayn didn’t see Liam right away. He was busy looking at a paper that some important looking woman with a walkie talkie was holding while she talked quickly into his ear. Zayn was pulling at his lip, showing that his anxiety was on the rise, so, even though whatever the lady was saying probably was important, Liam decided to go save his boyfriend.

            He was so wrapped up in whatever was happening with that damn piece of paper that Zayn didn’t even look up until the woman trailed off (after looking Liam up and down) and lowered the paper. Zayn looked at her, then followed her gaze to Liam, and his mouth dropped open he saw who she was looking at.

            “Liam!” he cried, his voice almost an octave higher than normal, and he launched himself at his boyfriend, who caught him and pulled him up so that his legs were around his waist.

            “Hi, my love,” Liam said after Zayn had pressed a hard kiss to his lips.

            “You’re here!” Zayn said in that same pitch.

            “Or am I?” Liam replied with a wink.

            “Actually, right now, I wouldn’t be surprised if my mind had to create the image of you to prevent me from going crazy,” Zayn told him.

            “You okay?” Liam asked, tilting his head in concern.

            “I’m okay,” Zayn assured him, and then, after a smile and a kiss said, “I’m great.”

            Liam returned the smile and helped Zayn back to his feet, angry that he couldn’t support his boyfriend’s weight for longer than that. Zayn wasn’t even heavy, damn it.

            Turning around, Zayn saw that the woman with the paper had left, but he shrugged it off and then turned back to Liam.

            “How did you get here? And when?”

            “By train a few hours ago.”

            “And you didn’t tell me you were coming why…?!”

            “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

            Zayn narrowed his eyes, but could only keep his stern façade for a short period of time before he smiled.

            “You’re so romantic,” he said.

            “I try.”

            Zayn obviously had important things to do, so Liam simply followed him around like a lost puppy, but he didn’t mind. Zayn held his hand whenever possible, and he would every now and then glance at Liam and _fucking giggle_ , so Liam felt as if the night was going well so far.

            Before the signing, Zayn was doing a short question-and-answer segment with the fans and, naturally, he wanted to introduce Liam to everyone before it was over. Liam could only have been happier if Zayn had been able to introduce him as his fiancé instead of boyfriend, but the timing hadn’t yet been right to ask.

            As nervous as Zayn was, he talked effortlessly with the fans, never tripping over his words or stuttering. He smiled, and he talked with his hands, and he was just so damn happy that Liam almost wanted to cry.

            After the question-and-answer was over, there was a quick break so that everyone could get refreshments, and Zayn stuffed pretzels in his mouth like a starving animal, which he pretty much was, since he’d been too nervous to eat dinner.

            Per Zayn’s request, Liam sat next to him at the signing, and even though both of them were having fun, Liam could tell that Zayn was just as relieved as he was when it was over.

            “I’m tired,” Zayn said after the last fan had walked out.

            “Too tired to grab some dinner?” Liam asked.

            “No,” Zayn said. “Not too tired for that.”

            “Good, cuz I’m starving,” Liam said. The corners of Zayn’s mouth turned upwards, only for an instant.

            “Me, too,” he said.

            “Do you want to go somewhere or order room service?” Liam asked. Zayn raised a questioning eyebrow.

            “Room service?”

            “Yeah,” Liam said with a smile. “We’re staying here tonight. I booked us a room.”

            Zayn smiled, but Liam could still tell he was confused. He went on,

            “Did I mention that I got a small job just off campus?”

            “No!” Zayn exclaimed. “Where at?”

            “The gym.”

            “Naturally.”

            Before Liam said anything, Zayn answered his original question.

            “We can just order room service, if that’s okay with you.”

            “Of course.”

            “Oh, but Liam?”

            “Yeah?”

            “Did you happen to bring me a toothbrush or…anything?”

            “Yes. Our bags are in the room already.”

            Zayn smiled and leaned over to kiss him.

            “You’re so amazing.”

            Liam smiled, but his stomach growled. Zayn laughed and patted it.

            “Alright, point taken. Let’s go feed you.”

 

            As Zayn and Liam sat in their hotel bed, in their pajamas, eating greasy hotel room service food, sipping the champagne Liam had bought, and watching some cheesy romantic comedy on television, both kept letting out small sighs of content. This was exactly how Liam could spend his life.

            “What?” Zayn asked, once he finally caught Liam staring at him after a good fifteen seconds or so.

            “I love you,” Liam said.

            “And I love you,” Zayn returned.

            “I’m sorry that I let you think I would miss your release to study for a stupid test.”

            “I hope you know that I understood, though.”

            “Yeah, I know, and that’s just another thing that makes you so wonderful.”

            Zayn smiled. Liam took a subtle breath and went on.

            “I couldn’t miss this, though,” he said. “I couldn’t just not be there for you when you needed me again. Sometimes I feel like all our relationship has been is you waiting for me; waiting for me to get better, then waiting on me to come around and admit I love you, then waiting for me to get better again…Waiting on me to come home for short weekends from university…You’re always waiting on me.”

            “You’re worth it,” Zayn said. “I would wait for you forever.”

            “I know, but I don’t want you to; not on everything, at least.”

            Zayn tilted his head, looking as if he wanted to say something, but not sure what. Liam saved him the struggle.

            “I want to marry you, Zayn,” he said, “and soon. You’ve already proven to me that you’re here through sickness, now will you be here with me in health too? For the rest of our long lives?”

            Like earlier, when Liam had surprised him merely with his presence, Zayn gaped. After a few moments, he blinked rapidly, his mouth moving up and down comically, and then he asked,

            “Are you proposing to me?”

            “Um…That’s what that was supposed to be, yeah, but I realize that wasn’t very eloquently put. It sounded a lot better in my head, but I’m so nervous and you deserve the best, so-”

            Zayn interrupted Liam, putting their lips together and his tongue in Liam’s mouth. Liam let out a small noise of surprise, but that quickly changed to a sound of pleasure, and the two kissed until Liam had to break for air.

“I have the best,” Zayn said. With a winded smile, Liam asked,

            “Is that a yes?”

            “That’s what that was supposed to be, yeah,” Zayn laughed. Liam laughed too, gasped for air, and then pulled two thin silver bands from the pocket of his pajama pants.

            “They aren’t much,” he said, “but I figured we can have them banded together with our wedding rings once we get them.”

            “They’re gorgeous,” Zayn said, studying the small green diamond in the center of his.

            “Mine’s purple,” Liam spoke, showing Zayn his own ring.

            “Like in my comic,” Zayn said with a smile.

            “Exactly.”

            It was Liam’s turn to kiss Zayn.

            “Thanks for waiting on me, Zaynie,” he told him, resting his head on top of Zayn’s.

            “Thanks for coming around and being better than I even imagined you would be, Li,” Zayn returned.

            Simultaneously, both men sighed, holding out their hands in unison to study their engagement rings, smiles on their faces.

***

            _“Okay, Zayn; on a scale of one to ten, how hot do you think I would be if I had hair?”_

_“Liam, I’m not rating you!” Zayn laughed, looking at his friend like he was insane._

_“No, I **know** that I don’t look good right now, but just try to picture a healthy me…Would you think I was hot?”_

_“I already think you’re hot, Liam.”_

_“Right,” Liam said with a snort._

_“Bald men can be hot! Look at Vin Diesel!”_

_“Ew, he’s old!”_

_“Yeah, but a lot of people think he’s hot.”_

_“Do you?”_

_“I don’t know. He’s old.”_

_Liam laughed. With a yawn, he laid down on his pillow and Zayn took his spot next to him._

_“I am serious, though,” he told Liam, his voice indicating that he was telling the truth. “There’s something different about you, Li, and I don’t mean that you’re sick. There’s something great about you, and Natalie Portman or Emma Watson would be lucky to have you.”_

_Again, Liam laughed._

_“Thanks, Zaynie,” he said. “And Vin Diesel would be lucky to have you too, but you’re way out of his league.”_

_“Thanks, Liam,” Zayn said. “And you promise this won’t change anything between us, now that you know I’m gay?”_

_“No. Why would it?” Liam asked. Zayn just blinked, a metaphorical shadow crossing over his face. It hurt Liam’s chest._

_“You’re a great person, Z,” Liam told him. “There’s something really special about you, too. I hope someday you find a man that shows that to you.”_

***

            “Li?” Zayn whispered, not wanting to wake Liam up if he’d fallen asleep, but, luckily, he hadn’t.

            “Hm?” he questioned, rolling over to face his fiancé, though he could barely see him in the dark.

            “I love you,” Zayn said.

            “I love you,” Liam replied.

            “And you helped me love and accept myself,” Zayn told him. “Just thought you should know that.”

            It was Liam’s turn to fish-mouth, but once he decided that there was nothing he could say that would truly express how that made him feel, he settled on kissing Zayn before pulling him close and holding him tighter than he ever had before. In that moment, for the first time, Liam realized what it meant when two became one.

           

           

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more main chapter!!!! :(


	19. Chapter 19

            “Baba, what are you doing?”

            Zayn smiled as he heard the ‘whisper’ of his five-year-old daughter from behind him. He turned his head to smile over his shoulder before pushing the muffin pan into the oven and shutting the door.

            “I’m making breakfast for daddy,” he told the girl as he adjusted the timing on the oven. The girl gasped.

            “It’s his birthday today!” she said, still attempting to whisper, though her excitement gave her tone a squeaky element that had Zayn laughing and hushing her gently.

            “It is,” he said. “I have cinnamon muffins in the oven. In a little bit, do you want to help me make omelets?”

            “Okay!”

            “Great! Thank you.”

            Smiling at his daughter, Zayn leaned down to pick her up. She laid her head on his shoulder. He asked,

            “What are you doing up this early anyway, Rosie?”

            “I don’t know,” she replied, yawning extra-dramatically.

            “Do you want me to tuck you back into bed?”

            “No. I want to help you make omelets!”

            “Oh, okay.”

            Zayn knew the girl would be tired, but at least it was Saturday. She could take a nap later, and if they were lucky, Zayn and Liam would be able to get her eight-year-old brother to entertain himself for a bit so that they could have a little birthday celebration of their own before Liam’s dinner with friends and family that night.

            The couple adopted Max and Rosie three years ago, when Max was five and Rosie just two. They were biological siblings who had lost their parents in a tragic car accident. At the time, Liam had been nearing twenty-seven and Zayn was halfway through twenty-six. Liam had graduated with his Doctorate degree in psychology nearly two years ago and was working as a counselor for children and families. Grief counseling was his specialty, and that was where he met Max.

            The child had been in foster care at the time, but was struggling with both the adjustment and the fear that he would eventually be separated from his little sister.

            So Liam and Zayn adopted both.

            Neither man would ever say that they were meant to have the two children because that would imply that the horrible accident their parents were in was meant to happen as well. No one should ever have to go through a loss like that at such a young age.

            But they would say that it was fate that brought the children into their lives after the fact. Of course, it was never perfect. Max acted out for the first half a year that the couple had them, and Rosie would spend the first three months crying herself to sleep and then crying when she woke up, too because she ‘wanted to go home.’

Still, they all got through it together, as a family, and after a few months, Rosie accepted them as her fathers. Eventually, Max would too, and those were the proudest moments of Liam and Zayn’s lives.

Zayn cuddled with Rosie on the couch until the alarm he’d set went off, signaling that it was time to start making the omelets. Though he loved every part of being a dad, even the not-so-glamorous ones, he greatly enjoyed the quiet, one-on-one moments he rarely got with the children. With Rosie curled onto his lap, her ear right next to his heartbeat while she traced the several tattoos on his hands and arms, Zayn could physically feel the love pouring out of himself and, just as greatly, feel it pouring from her back to him.

            The same happened with Max when Zayn worked on his artwork with him. Like his baba, Max was interested in art and said that one day, he would help Zayn write a best-selling comic. Zayn believed him.

Soon, the timer went off. Zayn hadn’t been ready to move just yet, but Rosie jumped up, throwing her arms up in the air as she exclaimed, as quietly as she could,

            “Omelet time!”

            The girl truly did her best to not wake the entire flat up, but once she got to the part where she cracked the egg, she couldn’t control her emotions anymore, and she squealed in delight as the insides of the egg flopped partly into the bowl, but mostly on her hand.

            “Why is she being so loud?” Max whined as he entered the kitchen less than a minute later, rubbing his eyes and frowning.

            “We’re making omelets for daddy!” Rosie explained. Max sighed.

            “You don’t have to be so loud about it.”

            “Sorry!” Rosie said, her smile unfaltering. Moving forward to rub Max on the head, Zayn said,

            “Yeah, sorry, kid.”

            “It’s okay,” Max said begrudgingly. Zayn asked,

            “Do you know if your dad is awake?”

            “I don’t think so,” he said.

            “Good,” Zayn replied. “He’s grumpier than you when he gets woken up!”

            Max stuck out his tongue and Zayn laughed. Then, the boy asked,

            “Do you need help with anything?”

 

            “Happy birthday, daddy!”

            Liam snorted and sat up quickly, running a nervous hand through his hair and then attempting to wipe drool from his mouth, but only succeeding in smearing it all over his chin.

            Zayn truly loved this man.

            “Wuz happening?” Liam slurred, looking around the room before focusing his bleary eyes on his family.

            “We made you breakfast,” Zayn explained.

            “Because it’s your birthday!” Rosie added.

            “Oh,” Liam said, more successfully wiping his drool onto his shirt.

            Giving his husband a kiss on the forehead, Zayn placed the tray of food on his lap and then sat next to him.

            “Aren’t you lot going to eat?” Liam asked. “I feel weird with you all just staring at me while I chow down.”

            “Yeah, I’m going to bring our food up in a minute,” Zayn said. “I just wanted to admire my handsome thirty-year-old for a minute.”

            “Thirty,” Liam whispered, mainly to himself. Louder, he said, “God, I’m old.”

            “A little bit,” Zayn teased and then said, “Isn’t it wonderful?”

            “Much better than the alternative,” Liam said, smiling at Zayn before taking a bite of his food.

            All these years later, Zayn still spent a lot of time staring at Liam, trying to figure out how he got so lucky. At thirty, he looked better than ever (though Zayn said that every year), and even though he wished he could say he’d all but forgotten what it had been like when Liam was sick, Zayn couldn’t.

            There were no longer any outward signs of the Liam that almost lost his life. Liam was tan now-Zayn teased almost as tan as him-and muscular. His brown eyes were dark and rich; his soft lips red and plump. He had the prettiest light brown hair that Zayn had ever seen, and a full, white smile. If one didn’t know Liam, they would probably never guess that he’d been anything except extraordinarily healthy. But, even though he’d been cancer-free for eleven-and-a-half years, Zayn remembered those days like they were yesterday. Still, he found that to be a good thing. It was a reminder to do what he swore to himself he would never do anyway; take Liam for granted.

            Still, it was scary every time Liam got sicker than normal. His immune system had never been strong, he said, and sometimes, things as simple as a mild stomach bug or just a cold hit him harder than even Rosie. Most of the time, Zayn knew it was irrational to be as afraid as he was, but he couldn’t help it, and each time Liam recovered or when his yearly test result came back negative, it felt like he was given a new chance at life all over again.

            When Max started complaining that he was hungry only a moment later, Zayn brought their breakfasts upstairs as well. He knew it was going to be a disaster and that they would probably have to get their bed sheets dry cleaned afterward, but it was worth it.

            Rosie fell asleep again just a short while after breakfast, so while Max went to get his shower, Zayn gave Liam his first of many rounds of birthday sex.

            “At least I’m not too old to still do that,” Liam commented after both had finished-Zayn a little too loudly-and Zayn collapsed on top of his husband’s body.

            “I think your penis grows stronger every year,” Zayn replied breathlessly, and Liam laughed, running his short finger nails up and down Zayn’s bare back.

            “Super penis,” he commented. “I can see your next comic already.”

            “A porn comic would be interesting,” Zayn allowed, and Liam snorted.

            “I love you,” he said.

            “I love you,” Zayn returned.

            “Is the door locked?”

            “Yeah, of course.”

            “Alright,” Liam said. “I’m gonna give you a few and then we’re going again.”

            Zayn groaned, pretending like he was being put out by the request, but when Liam smacked his naked bottom, he sucked in a breath and moved his head so that he could bite and suck his husband’s neck.

            “Don’t need a few,” he whispered after he’d succeeded in making Liam moan twice.

            “I can tell,” he said, and rolled over, pinning Zayn’s arms behind his head.

            Zayn fell asleep after their second round (in his defense, he had woken up early to make breakfast), but, even in his sleep, he could distantly hear Liam playing with Max, and Rosie too once she woke up. He could also hear himself letting out content moans of pure happiness, and he pulled Liam’s pillow closer to his face, melting into the mattress more.

            “There’s my sleepy head!” Liam said with a smile when Zayn finally woke a little over an hour later and joined the other three on the couch. Both of the kids were curled up close to Liam, watching television, so Zayn sat by Max. Liam stretched his arm out to what Zayn thought had to be a painfully long length in order to squeeze his shoulder before returning to his comfortable position. Zayn smiled to himself, but then grinned wider when he saw that Liam was still watching him and smiling as well.

            After eighteen years of knowing each other, thirteen years of being together, nine-and-a-half years of marriage and three years of fatherhood, Zayn was glad that nothing between the two had really changed.

Liam’s birthday was a bigger celebration than most, for obvious reasons. Though he told them that it had been years so they shouldn’t make a big deal over it anymore, everyone still did. Zayn took Liam out to dinner along with their families, and most of their friends joined too.

            As usual, Liam’s parents were the first to make it to the restaurant that night, and Karen ran over to hug her son as soon as she saw them coming. She usually had to fight off her emotions, but this year was worse, probably because of the hallmark age Liam was turning. Zayn couldn’t even imagine worrying that your kid wouldn’t make it to thirty from the age he was twelve, so even though Liam sighed like he thought his mother was being ridiculous, Zayn understood.

            The waiter bustled around to make sure everyone had drinks as more and more people piled in. Finally, the last two couples arrived; Harry and Louis and Niall and Cindy. Niall entered first, holding the hands of his two children; Brooke and Bridget. Brooke was the oldest at six while Bridget was three. As Brooke ran up to give her ‘uncles’ Zayn and Liam a hug, Louis and Cindy entered, both out of breath; Louis from carrying the car seat holding his and Harry’s five-week-old son and Cindy from carrying seven-month-along twins in her womb. (They’d been trying one more time for a boy, but now that they were being given two more girls, Niall swore he was going to get a vasectomy.) Harry was following behind the two, touching their backs lightly in support.

            “Jeez, Lou,” Liam laughed as his friend collapsed in the nearest empty seat; two down from Liam. “I can see why Cindy is out of breath, but what’s wrong with you? Maybe you need to hit the gym with me some more.”

            “Shut up,” Louis threatened, glaring at Liam in a way that suggested he may not let him live to see thirty-one. “Harry and I should have done what you two did and adopt an older kid. This having a newborn stuff is hard.”

            Liam laughed, not completely unsympathetically, and then looked down into the car seat at the baby boy who was just opening his eyes.

            “Hi, Ethan!” he cooed, smiling and waving to draw the baby’s attention. To Louis and Harry, he asked, “Can I hold him?”

            Louis and Harry told him he could, and Liam gently took the infant from his car seat, shushing him softly as he fussed. Then, standing, Liam told Ethan he was going to go show him off to his parents, and Louis and Harry smiled at Zayn as Liam walked off with the baby.

            “Maybe you two _should_ adopt a baby,” Louis suggested, and Zayn simply laughed; not informing him yet that they had been recently looking into doing just that. It wasn’t that Max and Rosie weren’t enough, because both men would be happy if they were the only two children they ever had, but they had more than enough love and money for another, so why not?

            They probably weren’t going to adopt a baby straight from birth like Louis and Harry, they’d decided. There was nothing wrong with that method, of course, but Zayn and Liam decided they would find a baby that was in the system; a baby from a rougher background than most, that was less likely to be adopted out.

            Liam returned with Ethan after a few minutes, informing his fathers that he needed a fresh diaper. When Louis whimpered, Harry laughed and kissed his cheek; rubbing his husband’s back as he rose to his feet.

            “I’ll get it, love,” he said, and Louis gave a grateful smile.

            “You’re the best,” he told Harry.

            “I know,” Harry informed him.

            Once everyone was served their dinner, the kids all finally sat, though Niall had to tell Brooke twice to slow down eating before she made herself sick.

            “I think, soon, we’ll have to start doing celebrations in a park or something,” Liam commented after telling the frazzled restaurant staff how much he appreciated what they were doing.

            “Yeah, that would probably be best,” Zayn agreed as Doniya’s youngest daughter slid off her chair, knocking her mother’s cup full of tea onto the ground.

            “Goodness, Jalaa; what have you been drinking?” Liam called across the table.

            “Um, um, lemonade,” the four-year-old answered as she pulled herself back into her chair. Nicola’s nine-year-old son, Sam, laughed loudly.

            “She just fell completely off her chair! She’s such a klutz!” he exclaimed loudly.

            “Shut up!” Jalaa shouted, and the mothers hurried to quietly scold their children for their wrongdoings.

            “Yeah, we’re definitely going to a park next year,” Zayn agreed.

            “We have to tip at least thirty-five percent,” Liam said.

            “Maybe forty.”

            “Fourty-five?”

            Zayn nodded in agreement. Liam smiled and leaned over to give him a kiss.

            “Today has been perfect, though, as usual,” he said. “Thank you.”

            “Of course, love,” Zayn said. “Happy birthday.”

            After dinner, Trisha brought out the huge cake she made for Liam. Much to the birthday boy’s horror, everyone insisted that he wear a party hat while they sing to him and lit his candles; all thirty of them.

            “I take back what I said,” Liam told Zayn. “This is a terrible day.”

            “At least you look super cute!” Zayn said with a huge grin, snapping a picture of Liam quickly on his phone.

            It took Liam several huffs to get his candles all blown out (it would have taken more if it wasn’t for Rosie helping), and by the time all of them had been extinguished, the man was out of breath.

            “You talk about _me_ needing to go to the gym,” Louis huffed, looking smug.

            “You alright, babe?” Zayn asked, rubbing Liam’s back. He received a smile in return.

            “Yeah,” he said. “I’m just too old for this.”

            “Right,” Zayn laughed.

            “What did you wish for, baby bro?!” Ruth asked from across the table.

            “I’m thirty,” Liam said. “I don’t think you can call me that anymore.”

            “I can and I will,” the woman insisted.

            “I didn’t wish for anything,” Liam answered her question.

            “What?!” she shrieked. “Did you forget the birthday cake candle etiquette?!”

            “No,” Liam said. “There’s just nothing I can wish for. I have everything I want and need.”

            The entirety of the group ‘awed,’ causing Liam to turn a slight shade of pink and excuse himself to go to the restroom. Zayn found someone to watch over their children and went after him.

            “Good,” Liam commented from the open stall when Zayn entered. Grabbing his husband’s wrist, Liam pulled him into the stall with him, locking the door and smirking. “I was hoping you would follow.”

            “Li,” Zayn laughed as his husband began to suck a bruise into his neck. “There are kids here. We really shouldn’t…”

            “We won’t,” Liam assured him. “Some heavy making out won’t too do much harm, though.”

 

            Soon, the kids all grew tired and it was time to shut the party down, much to the restaurant’s joy, Zayn was sure. He and Liam helped to clean up as much as they could, left a nice, big tip and then began to say their goodbyes.

            “Me and Max want to stay with nanny and pops!” Rosie said before her fathers could lead her out.

            “They said we could,” Max added when Liam and Zayn looked at him to see if he’d been consulted over the matter. Then, Liam glanced at his mother, who smiled sheepishly.

            “I may have hinted around it,” she said.

            “We didn’t even bring any of your things,” Liam told the kids. Karen said,

            “We have enough stuff at our place for them for one night.”

            Liam raised his eyebrows, studying the face of his children to make sure they really wanted to go. Upon deciding that they did, he said,

            “Alright, but we’re coming to get you before lunch tomorrow. We’re going out to eat and then to the cinema, remember?”

            “Yeah! Okay!” Rosie said, jumping up and down and hugging Karen around the waist. The older woman fixed the child’s hair and then said,

            “Go say goodbye to daada and daadi,” she said, and the children ran off to hug Zayn’s parents.

            “I knew it had been too long since you’d stolen my children,” Liam said.

            “Way too long,” Karen agreed.

 

            “It’s quiet,” Zayn commented in the car as he drove himself and Liam home.

            “I know,” Liam said, ruffling the back of Zayn’s hair. “I kind of like it, but it’s kind of weird, too.”

            “I’m sure it won’t be quiet once we get home,” Zayn said lightly, and Liam laid his hand high up on Zayn’s thigh, wordlessly assuring him that it wouldn’t be.

 

            “Alright, if you get everything ready, I’ll be right there,” Zayn said as the two entered their bedroom and kicked off their shoes. “I’ve got to pee first.”

            “Sexy,” Liam said. Zayn wiggled his eyebrows, taking off his shirt and throwing it onto the floor as he made his way into the bathroom.

            It didn’t take him long, but Liam was missing from the bedroom when he finished. His clothes were there, laying right beside the hamper, but there was no Liam. Figuring he’d decided that he needed to use the toilet too and that perhaps it had been an emergency, Zayn stripped down to his underwear and got the lube from their bathroom, setting it on his nightstand.

            When five minutes passed and there still hadn’t been a sign from Liam, Zayn decided to go check on him. He wasn’t in either of the main bathrooms upstairs, though, so Zayn went downstairs, deciding that Liam had to have been in the kitchen.

            A twinkling of light from the backyard caught his eye as he passed the back doors, and Zayn looked out to see their party lights by the pool lit up. Smiling, he went outside.

            “That was the longest pee in the history of pees,” Liam commented as Zayn made his way over. When Zayn got closer, he saw that Liam hadn’t even bothered to put on swimming trunks.

            “I was waiting for you,” Zayn said. “Thought you went to the bathroom too.”

            “Nope,” Liam said, backstroking (and exposing quite a bit of himself as he did so) to reach the other side of the pool and grab two wine glasses. Then he made his way to Zayn’s side of the pool and held one out for him.

            “I feel like we’re twenty-five again,” Zayn said as he sat on the edge and dangled his feet in. Liam took a sip of his wine.

            “What do you mean?” he asked. “I am twenty-five.”

            “Oh, uh-huh, okay,” Zayn said with a laugh. Maybe Liam was taking turning thirty a little harder than he’d thought.

            After taking another sip of his beverage, Liam hummed in content and kissed Zayn’s leg.

            “You’re so perfect,” he sighed, and, though he’d yet to take a single drink of his alcohol, Zayn’s body warmed.

He wasn’t perfect, and Liam knew that. They’d been together so long and had seen each other at their best and their worst. Liam had witnessed several of Zayn’s anxiety attacks; the full-blown ones, and saw how he sometimes made himself physically sick with worry over dumb things. He’d seen Zayn get plastered and pass out on the floor of the hotel they stayed at for their honeymoon on the second night there (and somehow didn’t grow angry when Zayn had spent most of the third day of their honeymoon throwing up because of it.) He’d been there when Zayn cried, feeling like a failure because his second comic series took longer to kick off than his first had. And he’d walked in on Zayn having a complete meltdown just three weeks after they adopted their children because he didn’t feel like he was an adequate father and thought the kids would never love him.

            Liam definitely had to know by now that Zayn wasn’t perfect, but he found him perfect for him, and that was what he meant. Still, the fact that he thought to say things like that after such a long relationship got to Zayn sometimes, and he was glad it was too dark for Liam to see the emotion that welled in his eyes for only a moment.

            “Promise we’ll still be like this; even when we’re forty?” Zayn asked.

            “Like what?” Liam asked, getting closer to Zayn as the slightly younger man wrapped his legs around his waist.

            “Just…like this.”

            “Nothing’s ever going to change,” Liam promised. “As long as you love me when I’m fat and wrinkled and gray, then we’re golden, Zaynie.”

            Zayn laughed.

            “You know I’m going to age too,” he pointed out. “I’ll be fat and wrinkled and gray along with you.”

            “No,” Liam said. “Your face has barely changed since we turned twenty and I don’t think you have the potential to ever be fat. And you will rock gray hair.”

            “Well,” Zayn said. “I’ll still think you’re pretty damn sexy.”

            “Ear hair and all?”

            “Ear hair and all.”

            Liam smiled, kissed Zayn’s leg again and then pulled him into the pool. Zayn kept his legs wrapped around Liam’s middle while Liam held onto him with one arm, using the other arm for drinking. Finally, Zayn took a sip of his beverage too, then sighed in happiness and looked up at the sky. There were so many stars out that it lit the sky enough for almost the entire backyard to be visible, along with the help of a few party lights.

            When Zayn gasped, Liam followed his gaze upward.

            “What?” he asked, but then gasped too as he saw what Zayn did; the shooting star. They both watched it go, then looked at each other and grinned.

            “Do you remember when we were teenagers; it was when I was sick, and we weren’t dating yet, but we were at the park and made a wish on that shooting star?”

            “Yeah,” Zayn said. “I remember.”

            “I told you I would tell you if it came true.”

            “Does that mean it didn’t come true?”

            “No, it did,” Liam said. “You were it. I wished for you to fall in love with me too.”

            “Well, that was silly,” Zayn said, and took a drink. He finished, “I was already in love with you.”

            Liam smiled; kissed Zayn’s neck.

            “What did you wish for?” he asked.

            “I can’t tell you,” he said.

            “Has it not come true yet?”

            “No, it has. I just don’t want to jinx it.”

            “Hm.”

            Liam took a drink.

            “I think I know what it was anyway,” he said.

            “Even if you guess, I won’t tell you.”

            Liam kissed him. Zayn kissed back. The two went on until Liam almost dropped Zayn into the water and he gasped.

            “Sorry,” Liam said with a laugh as he secured Zayn around his waist again.

            “Just making sure,” Zayn said, “but are we going to have pool sex after this?”

            “That was my plan, yeah,” Liam admitted.

            “Good,” Zayn said, “because it’s getting hard to, uh…not get hard when I’m basically sitting on your dick.”

            “Yeah, it’s getting hard to not get hard when you’re basically sitting on my dick too,” Liam agreed.

            The two chugged the rest of their drinks, threw their glasses (at least one of them most definitely broke) and got down to business.

***

            “Hey, Niall! Happy birthday!”

            “Hey, mates! Thanks!” Niall said, knowing he was on speaker phone with Zayn as well as Liam. “I was just about to call you two, actually! I got the best birthday present ever!”

            “What is it?” Zayn asked.

            “Twins!” Niall said, his voice nearly a shriek. Zayn and Liam gasped.

            “Seriously?!” Liam asked.

            “Yeah!”

            “But it’s a bit early, isn’t it?” Zayn questioned. “Is everyone okay?”

            “It’s a few weeks early, but yeah, they’re all good; Cindy, Caroline and Connor.”

            “Congratulations!” Liam said, beaming, but then frowning. “Caroline and Connor?”

            “Yeah. The twins.”

            “Oh. Those are…great names!”

            Niall laughed, not fooled.

            “Connor is a boy’s name, I know,” he said. “That’s why I’m extra glad he’s a boy!”

            Again, Zayn and Liam simultaneously gasped.

            “No way!” Zayn said.

            “Yeah!” Niall said, laughing with pure glee. “Turns out he’s been hiding his pecker all along!”

            Zayn and Liam laughed, Zayn’s heart filling with an almost overwhelming happiness for his friend.

            “Does this mean your not getting snipped?” Liam asked. Niall, who had still been giggling happily, immediately became silent. When he spoke again, his voice was stony.

            “Oh, no, I am most definitely still getting snipped. No more babies are coming from this guy, no sir.”

            Zayn smiled while Liam snorted.

            “You have a beautiful family,” Liam said.

            “Thank you,” Niall replied, his voice cheery again. “I have to go call Harry and Louis! Talk to you two soon?”

            “Yeah, of course. I know you and Cindy will need time, but just let us know when we can visit the twins!” Liam told him.

            “I will,” Niall said. “It won’t be too long. Cindy and I need to meet Bennett when you get custody of him in a couple weeks. Hey, how old did you say he’ll be, again?”

            “Seven weeks,” Zayn said.

            “Seven weeks,” Niall repeated. “Alright, Cindy and I will make sure to get the kids started in school early, so they can be in the same class with him and Ethan.”

            “Ugh, don’t even talk about school yet!” Liam groaned. “It’s only the beginning of this year and Max already doesn’t want to go!”

            “Can’t say I blame the kid,” Niall said. “I’ll talk to you two soon.”

            “Alright,” Zayn said. “Congratulations again. Tell Cindy we’re thinking of her.”

            Niall assured him that he would and the three hung up. Zayn was still smiling at his phone after a minute when he felt eyes on him. Turning his head, he saw Liam shamelessly staring at him.

            “What do you want?” Zayn asked teasingly, puckering his lips as he did so.

            “Nothing,” Liam answered. “I just really love you.”

            “I just really love you, too.”

            “I know,” Liam sighed happily, and then pulled Zayn closer, keeping him tight against his body until Rosie started yelling from the kitchen that she was hungry. Liam laughed, pulling away.

            “It’s my turn to cook lunch, isn’t it?”

            “Yeah,” Zayn said, “but I’ll help.”

            “You’re amazing, Mr. Malik-Payne,” Liam said, kissing his husband on the forehead.

            “You’re pretty cool yourself,” Zayn offered.

            “Cool?”

            “Cool.”

            “Okay, cool.”

            The two laughed and then walked to the kitchen, preparing to make lunch for their family; the best family they could have ever asked for.

***

            _“What would you do if you could live forever?”_

_Liam raised an eyebrow at Zayn._

_“Zaynie, right now, I’m just trying to make it to fourteen.”_

_“I know,” Zayn said. “It’s just a silly question.”_

_Liam hesitated and then tapped his chin, looking up as he thought._

_“Hm…,” he hummed, stalling. Then, looking back at Zayn, he said,_

_“If I could live forever, I would first try to figure out **why** I could live forever.”_

_“Why would that be important?” Zayn asked._

_“Because,” Liam said, offering the other boy a small smile, “if I figured out why I could live forever, then maybe I could give you that ability too, and I could spend eternity with my best friend.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaahhh, I hate ending fics :( Haha. But there is still the flashback chapter to come! I'm not sure when it will be up, but I'll try to get it out fairly quickly. If you have any flashbacks you would like to see that you didn't leave before, I would still love to hear them :) Thank you all for the incredible support <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully no one cares that I resurrected Sophiam for this. I promise she won't be with Liam at the end XD
> 
> This fic has been completed, so I'm going to be posting a new chapter every Thursday (or Friday, depending on where you are), and assuming that no one burns me at the stake for writing it. Again, I mean no disrespect. This was simply therapeutic for me in what I was dealing with at the time. Thank you for reading!


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